Bald Head Jokes
58 bald head jokes and hilarious bald head puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bald head that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Bald Head Short Jokes
Short bald head jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bald head humour may include short bald jokes also.
- If I ever start to go bald I'll get a rabbit tattooed onto my head..
From a distance it would look like a hare - I once knew a bald guy who liked to draw rabbits on his head but from a distance they looked like hares
- A man walks up his bald friend, rubs his head and says "smooth. Just like my wife's behind." The friend reaches up, rubs his head and replies "My gosh. You're right."
- My girlfriend introduced our new baby to my friends. "Look at those chubby cheeks and bald head," they said.
I said, "Thanks, but we're here to talk about the baby." - A bald man... a bald man decides to take a shower, he enters the bathroom, slips due to water on the ground, falls on his head, slips again.
- What do you call it when a person shaves their head bald to blend in with cancer patients?... Chemoflage
- My dads solution to being bald "Draw bunnies on your head, from a distance they look like hares"
- I have the first signs of baldness, a friend said to me that my head it's like the house of a rich man... two car entrances in the front and a pool in the backyard.
- I took my dog to the vet because he was losing hair on his head. Apparently he's got male patting baldness.
- When I saw an old friend from school, he asked why I was bald. I replied "cancer." "Cancer?"
"Yeah I asked the barber if he could shave my head, and he 'I sure cancer!'"
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Bald Head One Liners
Which bald head one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bald head? I can suggest the ones about balding hair and bald man.
- A bald guy slipped in the shower Fell on his head and slipped again.
- I can't tell if I'm going bald... or if it's all in my head.
- Why did the bald man put a rabbit on his head? Cause it looked like hare from a distance.
- What do you call lice that lives in a bald man's head? Homeless
- What is it that no man wants but no man wants to lose? A bald head.
- If you put Proactive on bald eagles Will their white heads disappear?
- How do bald people wash their head? They use air conditioner.
- What is six inches long has a bald head and drives every woman crazy? 100$ bill
- Bald guy: "I'm not going bald I'm just getting more head."
- Chuck Norris can braid a bald head.
- People say that I'm balding... But I'm really just getting more head.
- What do you call a head louse on a bald man? Homeless.
- Why are all celebrities with skin head so successful? Because fortune favors the bald
- A balding person in denial is probably like maybe it's all in my head.
- BALD FLEAS Q; What do you call two fleas on top of a bald head?
A: Homeless.
Charming Humor Bald Head Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about bald head you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bald people jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bald head pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are s**....
Dandruff in the Elevator
A blonde and a brunette get into an elevator and punch in two of the highest floors. They do not know each other, so they stay to themselves.
About halfway up to their respective floors, a balding gentleman enters the elevator with them, with some of the most atrocious dandruff either of the women had even seen gracing the shoulders of his suit. He didn't seem to notice, but they were practically revolted for the trip.
His floor came up quickly and as the door shut from his exit, the brunette looked up to the blond and commented That man needs to get some Head and Shoulders.
The blonde got really confused before asking,
Wait, how do you give shoulders?
Photo Album
A young boy was looking through
the family album and asked his
mother, "Is this you on the beach?
Mother says "Yes, it is"
Son asks "Who's this guy with you with all the
muscles and curly hair?"
"That's your father."
"Then who's that old bald-headed
fat man who lives with us now?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Paraprosdokians
* Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
* The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
* Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
* If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
* We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
* War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
* Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
* To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
* I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
* In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' I put'DOCTOR'.
* Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are s**....
* You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
* I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
* To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
* Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
* You're never too old to learn something s**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A barber, a bald man and an absent-minded professor take a journey together...
They have to camp overnight, and so decide to take turns watching the luggage. When it's the barber's turn, he gets bored, so amuses himself by shaving the head of the professor. When the professor is woken up for his shift, he feels his head, and says "How s**... is that barber? He's woken up the bald man instead of me.
I saw this joke on the Wikipedia article for "joke." It's interesting how, even though this joke is from the third or fourth century, it's still humorous today.
A joke my dad told me many years ago when I was young.
Me: Dad, why are some guys bald in the front and some on the back of their heads?
Dad: They're caused by different things. You see, people who are bald on their foreheads are thinkers. And people who are bald on the back of their heads means that they're really smart.
Me: What about those guys who are bald in both sides?
Dad: It means: they think that they're smart.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A barber, a bald guy and a professor go for a night camp in a jungle.
They decide to guard one by one during the night. Barber's turn comes first. Others sleep.
While guarding, he gets bored and amuses himself by shaving the professor's head.
Then professor's turn comes. He touches and feels his bald head and thinks, "Idiot barber has woken up the bald guy by mistake".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Doctor, doctor, there's a hairless military strategist on my head!
Ah yes, looks like male Patton baldness.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An idiot, a barber, and a bald man go on a journey...
At some point in the journey, they decide to set up camp for the night, so they agree to stay awake in four hour shifts to guard their stuff. The barber, having the first shift, gets bored and so ends up shaving the idiot's head. When his shift ends, he wakes up the idiot, who has the second shift. As he's coming to, the idiot rubs his head and finds he has no hair. "That barber is a right m**...!" he exclaims, "He's got it all wrong and woken the bald man instead of me!"
(this joke from the Philogelos, is over a thousand years old
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bald people struggle with improv,
They can't seem to come up with anything off the top of their head.
Two Bald Eagles
A bald eagle decides to stop by a small lake to get a drink. As he's drinking another bald eagle lands next to him.
He looks at the eagle and notices a tulip, a rose, and a rabbit's foot on top of his head.
"What's with the stuff on your head?", the eagle asks.
"Oh this?", he points to his head with his wing, "I'm trying hare in plants."
Did you know that if you pull all the hair out from your head and arrange them in a single file..
..you'll end up getting bald.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three babies were in the w**... talking amongst themselves about their future
They get on the topic of what they want to be when they are born and grow up.
The first baby says: "when I get older, I want to be a molder of young minds! A teacher is what I'm aiming for."
The second baby says: "when I'm a adult, I want to heal and save people! I'll be a doctor."
The third baby thinks for a second and says: "I want to be a boxer".
The other two babies look at him in confusion and ask why.
"Because when I get out, I want to beat up the bald headed man who keeps spitting on me!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the difference between a prince, a bald headed man, a monkey and an orphan?
The first is an heir apparent, the second has no apparent hair, the third has hairy parent and the last has nary a parent.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two cannibals meet one day.
The first cannibal says, You know, I just can't seem to get a tender m**.... I've baked them, I've roasted them, I've stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried every sort of marinade. Just can't seem to get them tender.
The second cannibal asks, What kind of m**... do you use?
The first replies, You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around their waist and they're sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads.
Ah, ha! the second cannibal replies, No wonder… those are friars!
I was talking to a lovely young lady and things seemed to be going really well.
Then she said "There's something I want to get out of the way right now," and she reached up and took a wig off her head, and it turned out she was as bald as a new-laid egg.
"Alopecia," she said. "It's a condition that causes hair to fall out."
"Oh," I said. "...Just on your head, or from anywhere else as well?"
"Well," she dimpled, "there's only one way to find out."
"Of course!" I said, and took out my phone. "Hey, Google..."
So if a man who is bald on the forehead is said to be smart, and a man who is bald on the top of his head is said to have been thinking too much, what do you call a man who is bald on the forehead AND the top of his head?
He thinks he's smart.
A bald magician pulled a rabbit out of a hat. Then he put the rabbit right on top of his head and gently lowered the hat down over the rabbit until the rabbit was completely covered. After a couple seconds of wearing the hat, the magician quickly lifted the hat back up, and presto!
there wasn't a hare on his head
