Balcony Jokes

Following is our collection of rooftop humor and hoop one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Balcony puns for adults, dirty stairwell jokes or clean back gags for kids.

There is an abundance of upstairs jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 53 funniest jokes on balcony. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any apartment witze you can hear about balcony.

The Best jokes about Balcony

I told my gay friend I could turn fruits into vegetables...

He said "prove it."

So I pushed him off the balcony.

I was walking around the city when i saw a man in a turban shaking his carpet on his balcony.

I shouted at him: "What's wrong, it isn't starting?"

...Then Juliet looked down from her balcony and said,

"Its over Romeo,

I have the high ground"

Two blondes in NY are sitting on a balcony at night

Two blondes are sitting on a balcony at night staring at the stars and moon. One of them asks the other, "what do you think is further, the moon or Florida?" The other responds, "hello?!?! Can you see Florida from here?!?!"

A man lives on the 15th floor of an apartment.

One rainy Saturday afternoon he walks out onto his balcony and sticks his hand out over the edge to see if it's raining or not, and a glass eye falls into his hand. He looks up, and there is a gorgeous woman standing on the balcony above him, who apologises and says she was just leaning out to check the rain and her glass eye fell out. She asks him to bring it up the stairs to her, which he does immediately. To say thanks, she kisses him on the mouth. Mildly surprised, he asks, "Do you do that to every guy you meet?"

And she replies, "Only the ones that catch my eye."


In a theater

A man is stretched out on his back across four seats in a theater. The usher comes down and says, Mister, you will have to get out of those four seats. You are only entitled to one.

The man only grunts and does not move. The manager comes down and says to the man, Mister, you will have to get up. All you are entitled to is one seat. The man grunts and does not move.

Finally a policeman is called in. He walks down the aisle and says to the man who is still on the four seats, Get out of those seats!

The man grunts, and policeman says, Okay, wise guy, where are you from? The man moans and says, The balcony.

"Don't jump!"

One day, a man decided he'd had enough of his life, and went to the balcony of the 30th floor of his office building. He stepped onto the ledge and shouted "I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna jump!"

A physics professor passing by heard the commotion and looked up. He shouted back to the man "Don't do it! Don't jump! You've got so much potential!"

Little Jimmy parents want to have some sexy times...

But their house are just a one room apartment, so they tell Jimmy to go out to the balcony, look at the street and tell them what he sees.

I see people are in a hurry, it must because a rain is coming up - says Jimmy.

Uh, yeah, what else do you see ? - asks the father

Well, I see the polices are chasing a thieft, he runs into the far alley and gets caught there. - Jimmy continues his observation.

Ahhh, yessss, Excellent Jimmy, do you see anything else ?

Well, Jane parents are having sex

What, how do you know ? - the father asks.

I see Jane is standing at the balcony and watch the street too.

Bill's mom and dad want to have their own private time...

Bill's mom and dad want to have sex but their son is always around.They come up with an idea and ask Bill to go to balcony and report everything happening in the neighborhood.

They start to have sex while Bill reports.

"Miss Humphrey is going to office."

"Daniel is working at his garden."

"and umm..Mr.Bob is painting his window."

"Dave's mom and dad are having sex."

Bill's mom and dad stop right away and his dad asks from the bedroom,"How do you know that?"

Bill says,"Dave is on the balcony."

A couple wants to have a quickie...

...but their son is in the house. So they tell him to go out on the balcony and tell them what's going on in the neighborhood while they do their thing. He proceeds to the balcony and begins reporting what he sees.
"Looks like the Jeffersons got a new dog." he said.
"Oh! And the Alans are moving out." he exclaimed.
"Look at that. Looks like the Johnsons are having sex."
The couple stops dead.
"How do you know the Johnsons are making love?" said the boys father.
After a short pause he replies,
"Becase their kid is out on the balcony."

So last night I fell off my balcony...

Instead of falling and getting really badly hurt, I kinda just floated down to the ground... landing without a scratch.

The news spread fast and everyone was wondering how that happened. I was later asked to explain the whole event, but I couldn't. I guess I just didn't get the whole gravity of the situation.


I was walking down the street, when I glanced up and saw this arab guy on the balcony furiously shaking a rug..

So I yelled out to him, "what's the matter, Omar? Won't it start?"

A man goes to an asylum and asks

How do you admit your patients? The psychiatrist says Well, we fill a bathtub full of water then give them a spoon, a cup and a bucket then we tell them to empty the bathtub . The man replies I see, so the sane person would take the bucket , and the psychiatrist replies No, the sane person will pull the drain plug. Would you like your room to have a balcony sir?

A couple wants to have sex but their son is in the house.

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie " with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities...

"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted.He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.

"An ambulance just drove by!"

"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.

"Matt's riding a new bike!"

"Looks like the Sanders are moving!"

"Jason is on his skate board!"

After a few moments he announced... "The Coopers are having sex.
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed.

Dad cautiously called out..."How do you know they're having sex?"
"Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle."

Bill,Marla and innocent son

Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 10-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot,"he said.
"An ambulance just drove by."
A few moments passed.
"Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out.
"Matt`s riding a new bike and the Coopers are having sex."
Mom and dad shot up in bed.
"How do you know that?" the startled father asked.
"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.

I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan dude

He was standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.

I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"

I run a suicide hotline.

A guy called me once, told me I had 60 seconds to convince him not to jump off his balcony on the 41st floor.

He must've confused me with the *anti*-suicide hotline.

Sunday Afternoon quickie :D

Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 10-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities. The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot,"he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed. "Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out. "Matt`s riding a new bike and the Coopers are having sex." Mom and dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked. "Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.

So a man is sitting at a swanky bar on the penthouse of a luxurious skyscraper...

When he turns to the guy next to him and says "You know, way up this high, the air pressure is such that you could jump off the balcony and the wind would push you back up!"
The other man is incredulous, and asks the man to jump and prove it. To this the man says sure, and without hesitation heads over to the balcony and jumps off. Sure enough, a few feet down, he suddenly changes direction and swoops back up on to the balcony.
The man is impressed. "I gotta try this!" he says and leaps off the balcony. He goes straight down, and splats on the pavement below.
The bartender turns to the first man and says "Superman, you sure are a mean drunk."


Clever kid.

A couple wants some private time, but their flat is small and they can't guarantee that their young son won't be able to hear them. In the end they come up with a plan- every time they want to make love they tell their son to stand out on the balcony and describe everything he sees (this way they get warning when he's about to come back in). So one evening the kid stands on the balcony and says "It's dark and the stars are out. I can see orion! A lot of the flats have their lights on. There's a man walking his dog, the Johnsons are having sex..."
The couple leap out of bed "what?! How can you tell that the Johnsons are having sex?"
"I can see little Timmy Johnson standing out on their balcony."

How do you get an emo off your balcony?

You encourage them

The Quickie

Bob and Jen decided to have a little Sunday afternoon quickie but had to figure out what to do with their 10-year-old son since they lived in a small apartment. They cleverly thought to send him out on the balcony and have him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed.

"Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out. "Matt`s riding a new bike and the Coopers are having sex."

Mom and dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked.

"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.

An usher saw a man sprawled across 3 seats in the theater

"Excuse me, sir, you can't sit across three seats"

The man only faintly mumbled and shifted a bit.

"Excuse me, SIR, you can't sit like this!"

Another faint mumble.

Grabbing his arm, the usher inquired "Sir, where did you come from thinking you can act this way?!"

"The balcony"

I'm sorry your mother in law is dead

I'm sorry your mother in law is dead he says..how did it happen?

Well it was very unfortunate..she tried to stand up but got dizzy and caught the curtains and ripped them.

oh, thats how she died

no, from the thrust she hit the 65' inch tv and fell on the crystal table.

so, thats how she died

no, fragments hit her and fell on the balcony doors, smashing them and destroying the balcony furniture

well then she died

no. i shot the bitch. she destroyed my whole house

A man and his wife didn't want their young son Timmy to know they were having a quickie...

...so they told him to go out on the balcony and give them a blow-by-blow account of the neighborhood comings and goings.

so Timmy goes out and begins reciting, "The Johnsons got a new car, there's a police car over at the Shaws' place, Jason Mitchell is sneaking out of his house, and the Ledfords are having sex."

The parents are shocked. "Timmy!" the mom cried, "how on Earth do you know they're having sex?"

Timmy rolls his eyes and replies, "Their kid's out on the balcony too."

A husband was sipping his whiskey...

while sitting in the balcony with his wife and he says,

"I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you."

Wife asks, "Is that you, or the whisky talking?"

Husband replies, "It's me..... talking to the whisky...

My daughter asked for a Frozen blanket

So last night she slept on the balcony

It's an overcast afternoon, so Jimmy sticks his hand out the window to see if it's raining...

As he does he's surprised when a glass eye lands in his open palm. Curious, he looks up and sees an attractive woman looking down from the balcony above.
"Um, is this yours?" he asks, holding up the optic.
"Yes, thank you!" she replies. "I'm Linda, can you bring it up for me?"
When Jim arrives, Linda asks if he'd like to stay for dinner. During the evening one thing leads to another and they end up having a passionate night together.
"That was wonderful" says Jim, "tell me, do you do this often?"
"No" Linda replies, "only if someone catches my eye..."

Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 10-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot,"he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed. "Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out. "Matt is riding a new bike and the Coopers are having sex." Mom and dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked. "Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.

Afternoon Sex

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie" with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighbourhood activities.
There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:
"An ambulance just drove by!"
"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.
"Matt's riding a new bike!"
"Looks like the Sanders are moving!"
"Jason is on his skate board!"
After a few moments he announced, "The Coopers are having sex!!"
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed. Dad cautiously called out,
"How do you know they're having sex?"
"Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle."

My neighbor tried to charge me $20 to watch the eclipse from his balcony

Daylight robbery

A New Yorker visits a Texan

The Texan shows the New Yorker around his place. "Howd'ya like it?", he asks.

"It's not bad", answers the New Yorker, "but I'll be honest, I expected you Texans to have larger places. The living room's too small, the master bedroom is small too, there is only one bathroom, and there isn't even a balcony."

"Hold your horses!" says the Texan. "We haven't even gotten outta the elevator yet!"

guy just got out of prison

And he's talking about his first night there with a buddy. He was assigned a cell on the third tier balcony, with a 300 lb muscle head. So he says his new cell mate gave him an ultimatum: have sex, or jump off the blacony.

His buddy then asks, "so did you jump? "

He answers, "just a little at first"

A man to a psychiatrist:

How do you select who should be admitted to your facility? The psychiatrist replies: We fill a bathtub with water and give the person a spoon, a cup and a bucket. Then we ask that person to empty the bathtub. The man smiles: Ah, I understand, if you are sane you would take the bucket. The Psychiatrist replies: No, a sane guy pulls the plug. Do you want a room with or without a balcony?

Brad and Stephanie decided..

..that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 10-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and ask him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.

"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said.

"An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed.

"Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out.

"Matt's riding a new bike and the Coopers are having sex."

Mom and dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled dad asked. "Their son Charlie is standing out on the balcony too," replied the boy.

A man sees his neighbour across the street, on his balcony.

He says, Hey, when is your birthday?

His neighbour replies with May 17th, why?

The man responds with I'll buy you curtains for your birthday so I don't have to see you have sex with your wife!

His neighbour then says, When is your birthday, because I'll buy you some glasses. Maybe then you'll be able to see who the wife is!

Clever 8-year olds

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie" with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities...

"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted.

He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:

"An ambulance just drove by!"

"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.

"Matt's riding a new bike!"

"Looks like the Sanders are moving!"

"Jason is on his skate board!"

After a few moments he announced...

"The Coopers are having sex!"

Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed.

Dad cautiously called out...

"How do you know they're having sex?"

"Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle."

Heaven

Three guys are at the gates of heaven. The angel Gabriel tells them that he has to know how they died before he lets them in. The first guy says "I came home to my apartment on the 4th floor to find that I had been robbed! I was looking around to see if the thief left any signs, and check out the damage, and I saw someone outside the balcony hanging for their life. Thinking they were the thief, I smashed their fingers with a hammer and they fell. Miraculously, they survived. So I pushed my refrigerator off the balcony and it fell on top of them and killed them. Realizing what I had done, I had a heart attack and died. Gabriel says "Well, you obviously were in shock, and you clearly were remorseful, so I'll let you in." The second guy says "I was doing pull-ups on my 5th floor balcony railing when I slipped underneath the rail and fell. Luckily I managed to grab onto the 4th floor railing and was hanging on for dear life when this crazy guy ran up and started pounding at my fingers with a hammer. I fell to the street below, but miraculously I survived. The last thing I saw was him pushing his fridge off the balcony, and it fell on me and killed me." Gabriel says "Although you were reckless, it wasn't your intent, so go on in." The third guy says "I was robbing this guys apartment, and heard him unlocking the door, so I jumped into the fridge."

An afternoon quickie

Mr. and Mrs. Johnson knew that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie" with their 8-year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities. As his parents put their plan into operation, he began his commentary:

"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted.
"An ambulance just drove by!"
"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.
"Matt Brown is riding a new bike!"
"Looks like the Sanders are moving!"
"Jason Smith is on his skate board!"
"Mr. and Mrs. Cooper are having noontime sex!!"

Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed. Dad cautiously called out, "How do you know they're having sex?"

"Because Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony eating a Popsicle."

If you want to understand who loves you more, your wife or your dog, lock them both on the balcony

After three hours unlock them and see who's happier to see you

What happened to the dead KGB agent?

Nothing. He just fell off the balcony.

My friend was about to jump off of the balcony of my sixth floor apartment. I yelled Don't do it!...

... You have too much potential.

What did the Brazilian goose on the balcony say to the squirrel passing by?

I don't know, I don't speak porch of geese

Tommy's parents wanted to have sex....

So his dad asked him to stand in the balcony and tell What's happening outside. Tommy started
Tommy : Sam is having his breakfast
Lil is starting her car
Kids are playing in the park
Mark is opening his garage
Mike's parents are having sex
Dad : What! How do you know that!
Tommy : He is also standing in the balcony!

What do you call a guy who jumps off the 3rd floor balcony into the pool and misses?

An ambulance

So three guys arrive at the Pearly Gates...

St. Peter says "Guys, we're almost at our limit for the day, so... you three tell me your stories, and the best one can go through."

So the first guy says "Well, I thought my wife was cheating on me, so I doubled back home on the way to work. My wife was sitting in bed with the covers around her, so I took a look around. I ended up finding a guy hanging from the balcony, so I pushed him off. He fell off, but landed in a tree, so I grabbed our refrigerator and threw it down at him, but just after the deck collapsed and I died."

The second guy says: "So, some lady called me to come fix her deck, so I showed up to fix it. Unfortunately, I slipped, and started hanging from the deck, but then some crazy guy came over, pushed me off and threw a refrigerator at me!"

The third guy says: "So there I was, hiding in a refrigerator..."

A blonde, brunette and redhead are in a skyscraper

Suddenly, a fire starts and the three of them are trapped on a balcony. The firemen show up and hold out a canopy for the girls to jump onto. The brunette jumps and the firemen miss her with the canopy. They apologize and encourage the other two girls to jump. The redhead jumps and the firemen miss her as well. The firemen apologize again and ensure the blonde they will catch her. She says, "I'm not stupid, put it on the ground and I'll jump."

CNN: "Chess grandmaster, 20, dies in parkour balcony fall"

Shoulda castled earlier.

Lifetime Investment

This morning I heard someone shouting loudly on a megaphone outside my window. Saying "If you invest $15.00 just once, you can sit and eat for the rest of your life".

I went out onto the balcony with curiosity and saw the idiot, he was selling chairs..

A man is dancing with a woman in a ballroom. (Soviet Joke)

He suddenly ran out to the balcony. When he came back, he was drenched.
His dancing partner asked him, "Are you wet because of the rain?"
"No," He replied, "It was the wind."

Afternoon Sex when you have kids......

Afternoon Sex

Love what kids come up with...they know so much they are not
given credit for.

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie with
their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on
the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all
the neighborhood activities...


- "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he
shouted.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into
operation:
- "An ambulance just drove by!"
- "Looks like the Anderson s have company," he called out.
- "Matt's riding a new bike!"
- "Looks like the Sanders are moving!"
- "Jason is on his skate board!"

After a few moments he announced...
- "The Coopers are having sex."

Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed.

Dad cautiously called out..."How do you know they're
having sex?"

Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a
Popsicle."

A man is talking to a psychiatrist

Man: "So what are the conditions to get admitted to your psychiatric ward?"

Psychiatrist: "We fill up a bath tub with water and put a spoon, a cup and a bucket next to it. Then we tell the person to empty it."

Man: "Ah, and a normal person would take the bucket, right?"

Psychiatrist: "A normal person would pull out the stopper. Do you want your room with or without balcony?"

Wife: Why do you go out in the balcony, when I start singing.

Sister : Why do you go out in the balcony, when I start singing.

Brother : Because the people would think I am F**king you.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes