Balcony Jokes
72 balcony jokes and hilarious balcony puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about balcony that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud with these hilarious balcony jokes! From raina balconies and manhole covers to staircases and rooftops, these gags will have you in stitches. Whether you're lazing on your balcony or need a good chortle, don't miss these jokes.
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Funniest Balcony Short Jokes
Short balcony jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The balcony humour may include short patio jokes also.
- My mom wrote this joke: What's the difference between a sweet potato fresh out of the oven and a pig thrown off a balcony? One is a heated yam and the other is a yeeted ham
- I told my gay friend I could turn fruits into vegetables... He said "prove it."
So I pushed him off the balcony. - I was walking around the city when i saw a man in a turban shaking his carpet on his balcony. I shouted at him: "What's wrong, it isn't starting?"
- ...Then Juliet looked down from her balcony and said, "Its over Romeo,
I have the high ground" - I was walking down the street, when I glanced up and saw this arab guy on the balcony furiously shaking a rug.. So I yelled out to him, "what's the matter, Omar? Won't it start?"
- I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan dude He was standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?" - I told the police I just witnessed a man jump from an apartment balcony. "What floor?" they asked.
"He's on the ground floor," I replied. - If you want to understand who loves you more, your wife or your dog, lock them both on the balcony After three hours unlock them and see who's happier to see you
- Odessa. A Jewish Mother stands on the balcony and shouts: – Arkasha! Home!
The son shouts back:
– Am I cold?
– No! You're hungry! - Little Johnny goes to his mother and asks"mom did you say my baby brother is an angel?" -Yes, he is
+Then why didn't he fly when I threw him out from the balcony?
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Balcony One Liners
Which balcony one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with balcony? I can suggest the ones about porch and rooftop.
- [Juliet looking down from balcony] "It's over Romeo, I have the high ground"
- How do you get an emo off your balcony? You encourage them
- My daughter asked for a Frozen blanket So last night she slept on the balcony
- My neighbor tried to charge me $20 to watch the eclipse from his balcony Daylight robbery
- What happened to the dead KGB agent? Nothing. He just fell off the balcony.
- CNN: "Chess grandmaster, 20, dies in parkour balcony fall" Shoulda castled earlier.
- Why did the Mexican throw his girlfriend over the balcony? Tequila
- A tour group fell off a 90 foot balcony, but nobody was hurt. Everyone did die, though.
- A man once told me he could turn fruits into vegetables He then threw me off the balcony.
- What is more fun than throwing a baby off a balcony? Catching it with a pitchfork.
- What do you the balcony seats at the theater? The Wilkes Booth.
- Know how I upset my balcony? I couldn't make it to the bathroom.
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Balcony Jokes
What funny jokes about balcony you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean loft jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make balcony pranks.
An afternoon q**...
Mr. and Mrs. Johnson knew that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "q**..." with their 8-year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities. As his parents put their plan into operation, he began his commentary:
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted.
"An ambulance just drove by!"
"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.
"Matt Brown is riding a new bike!"
"Looks like the Sanders are moving!"
"Jason Smith is on his skate board!"
"Mr. and Mrs. Cooper are having noontime s**...!!"
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed. Dad cautiously called out, "How do you know they're having s**...?"
"Because Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony eating a Popsicle."
So last night I fell off my balcony...
Instead of falling and getting really badly hurt, I kinda just floated down to the ground... landing without a scratch.
The news spread fast and everyone was wondering how that happened. I was later asked to explain the whole event, but I couldn't. I guess I just didn't get the whole gravity of the situation.
Two blondes in NY are sitting on a balcony at night
Two blondes are sitting on a balcony at night staring at the stars and moon. One of them asks the other, "what do you think is further, the moon or Florida?" The other responds, "hello?!?! Can you see Florida from here?!?!"
In a theater
A man is stretched out on his back across four seats in a theater. The usher comes down and says, Mister, you will have to get out of those four seats. You are only entitled to one.
The man only grunts and does not move. The manager comes down and says to the man, Mister, you will have to get up. All you are entitled to is one seat. The man grunts and does not move.
Finally a policeman is called in. He walks down the aisle and says to the man who is still on the four seats, Get out of those seats!
The man grunts, and policeman says, Okay, wise guy, where are you from? The man moans and says, The balcony.
So three guys arrive at the Pearly Gates...
St. Peter says "Guys, we're almost at our limit for the day, so... you three tell me your stories, and the best one can go through."
So the first guy says "Well, I thought my wife was cheating on me, so I doubled back home on the way to work. My wife was sitting in bed with the covers around her, so I took a look around. I ended up finding a guy hanging from the balcony, so I pushed him off. He fell off, but landed in a tree, so I grabbed our refrigerator and threw it down at him, but just after the deck collapsed and I died."
The second guy says: "So, some lady called me to come fix her deck, so I showed up to fix it. Unfortunately, I slipped, and started hanging from the deck, but then some crazy guy came over, pushed me off and threw a refrigerator at me!"
The third guy says: "So there I was, hiding in a refrigerator..."
Wife sings and husband gets out!
Wife: Why do you go out in the balcony, when I start singing.
Husband: Because the people would think I am beating you!!
A man lives on the 15th floor of an apartment.
One rainy Saturday afternoon he walks out onto his balcony and sticks his hand out over the edge to see if it's raining or not, and a glass eye falls into his hand. He looks up, and there is a gorgeous woman standing on the balcony above him, who apologises and says she was just leaning out to check the rain and her glass eye fell out. She asks him to bring it up the stairs to her, which he does immediately. To say thanks, she kisses him on the mouth. Mildly surprised, he asks, "Do you do that to every guy you meet?"
And she replies, "Only the ones that catch my eye."
A man is dancing with a woman in a ballroom. (Soviet Joke)
He suddenly ran out to the balcony. When he came back, he was drenched.
His dancing partner asked him, "Are you wet because of the rain?"
"No," He replied, "It was the wind."
Wife: Why do you go out in the balcony, when I start singing.
Sister : Why do you go out in the balcony, when I start singing.
Brother : Because the people would think I am F**king you.
Tommy's parents wanted to have s**.......
So his dad asked him to stand in the balcony and tell What's happening outside. Tommy started
Tommy : Sam is having his breakfast
Lil is starting her car
Kids are playing in the park
Mark is opening his garage
Mike's parents are having s**...
Dad : What! How do you know that!
Tommy : He is also standing in the balcony!
What's the difference between a bag of c**... and a toddler?
Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of c**... fall off a balcony.
It's an overcast afternoon, so Jimmy sticks his hand out the window to see if it's raining...
As he does he's surprised when a glass eye lands in his open palm. Curious, he looks up and sees an attractive woman looking down from the balcony above.
"Um, is this yours?" he asks, holding up the optic.
"Yes, thank you!" she replies. "I'm Linda, can you bring it up for me?"
When Jim arrives, Linda asks if he'd like to stay for dinner. During the evening one thing leads to another and they end up having a passionate night together.
"That was wonderful" says Jim, "tell me, do you do this often?"
"No" Linda replies, "only if someone catches my eye..."
Pope came to the balcony and said "Love All"
People were ecstatic. then he threw a tennis ball in the crowd and said 15-love
guy just got out of prison
And he's talking about his first night there with a buddy. He was assigned a cell on the third tier balcony, with a 300 lb muscle head. So he says his new cell mate gave him an ultimatum: have s**..., or jump off the blacony.
His buddy then asks, "so did you jump? "
He answers, "just a little at first"
I run a s**... hotline.
A guy called me once, told me I had 60 seconds to convince him not to jump off his balcony on the 41st floor.
He must've confused me with the *anti*-s**... hotline.
A husband was sipping his whiskey...
while sitting in the balcony with his wife and he says,
"I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you."
Wife asks, "Is that you, or the whisky talking?"
Husband replies, "It's me..... talking to the whisky...
An usher saw a man sprawled across 3 seats in the theater
"Excuse me, sir, you can't sit across three seats"
The man only faintly mumbled and shifted a bit.
"Excuse me, SIR, you can't sit like this!"
Another faint mumble.
Grabbing his arm, the usher inquired "Sir, where did you come from thinking you can act this way?!"
"The balcony"
"Don't jump!"
One day, a man decided he'd had enough of his life, and went to the balcony of the 30th floor of his office building. He stepped onto the ledge and shouted "I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna jump!"
A physics professor passing by heard the commotion and looked up. He shouted back to the man "Don't do it! Don't jump! You've got so much potential!"
A New Yorker visits a Texan
The Texan shows the New Yorker around his place. "Howd'ya like it?", he asks.
"It's not bad", answers the New Yorker, "but I'll be honest, I expected you Texans to have larger places. The living room's too small, the master bedroom is small too, there is only one bathroom, and there isn't even a balcony."
"Hold your horses!" says the Texan. "We haven't even gotten outta the elevator yet!"
A man sees his neighbour across the street, on his balcony.
He says, Hey, when is your birthday?
His neighbour replies with May 17th, why?
The man responds with I'll buy you curtains for your birthday so I don't have to see you have s**... with your wife!
His neighbour then says, When is your birthday, because I'll buy you some glasses. Maybe then you'll be able to see who the wife is!
My friend was about to jump off of the balcony of my sixth floor apartment. I yelled Don't do it!...
... You have too much potential.
What did the Brazilian goose on the balcony say to the squirrel passing by?
I don't know, I don't speak porch of geese
A blonde, brunette and redhead are in a skyscraper
Suddenly, a fire starts and the three of them are trapped on a balcony. The firemen show up and hold out a canopy for the girls to jump onto. The brunette jumps and the firemen miss her with the canopy. They apologize and encourage the other two girls to jump. The redhead jumps and the firemen miss her as well. The firemen apologize again and ensure the blonde they will catch her. She says, "I'm not s**..., put it on the ground and I'll jump."
A man goes to an asylum and asks
How do you admit your patients? The psychiatrist says Well, we fill a bathtub full of water then give them a spoon, a cup and a bucket then we tell them to empty the bathtub . The man replies I see, so the sane person would take the bucket , and the psychiatrist replies No, the sane person will pull the drain plug. Would you like your room to have a balcony sir?
A drunk guy falls down from the 2nd floor balcony.
People around gathers to ask him what happened!
He replied," I don't know!! I also came just now"!!
A tourist walks down the sidewalk in Italy
He stops and looks up at a man drying his clothes on a balcony.
"What's up!?" the man on the balcony asks
"Europe" the man replies.
Lifetime Investment
This morning I heard someone shouting loudly on a megaphone outside my window. Saying "If you invest $15.00 just once, you can sit and eat for the rest of your life".
I went out onto the balcony with curiosity and saw the idiot, he was selling chairs..
Police are looking for a woman caught on video in Toronto throwing a chair off her high rise balcony...
If they catch her, she'll probably get the chair.
A man is talking to a psychiatrist
Man: "So what are the conditions to get admitted to your psychiatric ward?"
Psychiatrist: "We fill up a bath tub with water and put a spoon, a cup and a bucket next to it. Then we tell the person to empty it."
Man: "Ah, and a normal person would take the bucket, right?"
Psychiatrist: "A normal person would pull out the stopper. Do you want your room with or without balcony?"
A man to a psychiatrist:
How do you select who should be admitted to your facility? The psychiatrist replies: We fill a bathtub with water and give the person a spoon, a cup and a bucket. Then we ask that person to empty the bathtub. The man smiles: Ah, I understand, if you are sane you would take the bucket. The Psychiatrist replies: No, a sane guy pulls the plug. Do you want a room with or without a balcony?
What do you call a guy who jumps off the 3rd floor balcony into the pool and misses?
An ambulance
What's the difference between Obama and Trump?
When Obama appears on the White House balcony people shout "Yes we can! Yes we can!"
When Trump appears on the White House balcony people shout: "Jump! Jump! Jump!"
I tried to make a joke about the time I dropped my baby off a tenth floor balcony.
But it fell flat.
Woman is standing on the balcony rails
She is ready to jump as her husband is standing next to her. She says
-Im a sick of this world and you
The kids are horrible and do not let me sleep
I live in a horrible flat and everything is broken
I don't have any money for myself
And God d**... stop pushing me Carl!
(I again believe this might have been already seen by more people than*(edit thanks to @apocalypse) I would like to)
At a frat party, a young man fell off the balcony and tragically passed away
His physics professor came to give a eulogy. He said He was such a brilliant student. Right at the end of his life, he had so much potential.
A guy in a tall building walks into a bar and sees a drunk man.
The drunk man comes to the balcony and jumps off. A few moments later, the man comes back, perfectly fine.
Later, the man gets drunk and jumps off again. He comes back again perfectly fine.
The guy watching asks "Wow, how did you do that?"
The man responds "Anything can happen when you drink enough."
Later, the guy gets drunk, jumps off, and falls to his death.
The man comes back and says "Why didn't he survive?"
The bartender responds "Oh come on, Superman. You're an absolute d**... when you're drunk."
What's the difference between a microwaved sweet potato and a ham thrown off a balcony?
One is a heated yam and the other is a yeeted ham
My wife keeps blaming me for making inanimate objects mad
My wife keeps blaming me for making inanimate objects mad.
"Quit p**... off the roof. Quit p**... off the balcony. Quit p**... off the diving board."
One day in August, Julius Caesar was standing on the balcony in his palace, watching the leaves drop silently from the trees.
He was witnessing….The Fall of the Roman Empire.
