Balance Jokes
156 balance jokes and hilarious balance puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about balance that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the balance between work life and play with some of the funniest balance-related jokes. Get ready to laugh as we look into balance sheet, balance beam, balance druid, New Balance, Pistorius, Chex and consciousness jokes. Read on for more funny balance stories that will have you rolling on the floor with laughter.
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Funniest Balance Short Jokes
Short balance jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The balance humour may include short amount jokes also.
- I was at the atm when an old lady came up to me and asked to check her balance... So I pushed her over.
- I lost my job at the bank on the first day... ...a lady asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over
- Saw a man standing on one leg at an ATM I asked him what he was doing and he said he was checking his balance.
- Courtesy of my 7 year old - What happens if you don't eat a balanced diet? You will tip over
- I'm going through a divorce at the moment, and my soon to be ex-wife said she is going to make sure my bank balance is going to be $0. That's nice of her, paying off all my debt.
- Bad news. I got fired from my job at the bank today. I mean, it was an easy mistake... An elderly woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
- I was at the bank going to withdraw money from my account when the clerk told me I had an outstanding balance I told her thank you I did gymnastics as a kid.
- My bank has a new feature where they'll text you your bank balance. I think it's pretty cool. I just don't think they should end the text with "LOL", though.
- I'm not one to brag about my financial skills, but my credit card company calls me almost every day to tell me my balance is outstanding.
- Mama always said Work until your bank account looks like a phone number. Well I did it! Bank balance: 9.11!
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Balance One Liners
Which balance one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with balance? I can suggest the ones about adjust and debit.
- What does a cannibal call a gymnast? A well balanced breakfast.
- A customer asked me to check their balance. ...so I pushed them over and they fell.
- I shoved a woman at the bank I work at She asked me to check her balance
- Thanos would make a great accountant The books would always be balanced.
- Why can't a broke man do acrobatics? His balance is terrible
- What do you call a stack of pancakes? A balanced breakfast
- How did the juggler become so rich? He knew how to balance his checkbook.
- What were the founding father's favorite cereals? Chex and Balance
- Why did the gymnast's account get sent to collections? She had an outstanding balance.
- On my first day as a bank teller, a woman told me to check her balance.. So I pushed her
- How does Thanos keep in shape? With a balanced diet.
- I asked the banker to check my balance. He pushed me.
- What does a tight-rope walker eat for breakfast? A Balanced Diet!
- Whenever I drink the first thing it affects is my balance Just look at my bank account.
- Was at the ATM withdrawing money, then a robber tried to rob my balance I fell.
New Balance Jokes
Here is a list of funny new balance jokes and even better new balance puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My new bank is very uplifting... I'm $1,000 in debt, but they said my balance is *outstanding*!
- Why did the dad put the credit card statement on his feet? Because it said 'new balance' on it.
- What's an auditor's favorite brand of shoe? New Balance
- Chase releases new feature option to have your balance text to you daily I just wish they didn't add "lol" at the end of it.
- What is Thanos' favorite sneaker brand? New Balance.
- What do you get when you get a new shoe? A New Balance
Balance Sheet Jokes
Here is a list of funny balance sheet jokes and even better balance sheet puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Today an old lady at the bank asked me to check her balance So I pulled up her account and gave her a sheet of paper with her account information on it
- How does the balance sheet of a bank look like as of today? On the left side there's nothing right and on the right side there's nothing left...
- Balance sheet worries of both the accountant and ballerina
Work Life Balance Jokes
Here is a list of funny work life balance jokes and even better work life balance puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Ask a counseling student how to reduce stress, they'll discuss mindfulness, work-life balance, etc. Ask an engineering student, they'll ask back, "Normal or Shear?"
- Did you hear the one about the suicidal kamikaze pilot? Talk about work-life balance
Balance Beam Jokes
Here is a list of funny balance beam jokes and even better balance beam puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I could win an Olympic gold medal If the women's gymnastic balance beam was a male competition too, I could win the gold medal. I've been mastering a 4 inch wood beam since I was a little kid
Uplifting Balance Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about balance you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean budget jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make balance pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Personally, I don't believe in bros before h**..., or h**... before bros. There needs to be a balance.
A homie-h**...-stasis, if you will.
I'm not trying to say that the customer service in my bank is bad...
But when i went in the other day, and asked the clerk to check my balance... she leaned over and pushed me.
I saw a guy at an ATM with no arms, and a peg leg
He asked if I would help him check his balance... so I pushed him over
An officer pulls up at the scene of an accident
where a car has driven through a field, killed several livestock and crashed into a barn. He decides to interview Steve who is struggling to keep his balance and is being propped up by Karen.
"Been out for a few have we mate?" asks the officer.
"Shuure ave mate" grins Steve.
"I realise you are very drunk sir," states the officer, "but that is absolutely no excuse to let your wife drive you home!"
Fourth Grade Logic
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic.
"Here is the situation," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
A girl raised her hand and asked,
"To draw out all his savings?"
Watch out for the black ice outside of the bank.
It'll rob you of your balance.
Last night I was drunk and walking back home with gf. I tripped into an ATM and told her I was just checking my balance
My credit card company is super nice, they really help boost my self esteem...
They always tell me I have an outstanding balance!
My bank is really proud of me.
They keep calling to tell me I have an outstanding balance.
The bank called today to let me know I had an overdraft balance that was still outstanding
I said thanks, that's really nice of you to say so
Why did broke man fall over?
He ran out of balance
Did you hear about that poor gymnast's bank account?
Her balance was outstanding.
I think my bank is trying to get me to become a gymnast.
They keep sending me letters about my outstanding balance.
Someone from the bank keeps calling to tell me that my overdraft balance is still outstanding
I don't answer anymore, I hate flattery.
A builder came up to me.
He said, "Do you know how to make a fruit stand?"
"Yes," I said. "You just have to balance it on a flat surface."
When you see Trump on your screen, don't try to normalize him.
You'll only screw up you TV's color balance.
Why the banker never goes to a neurologist?
Because he always has a good balance!
I'm a bank teller and some old lady asked for help checking her balance
... So I pushed her over
What did the gymnast and the grad student have in common?
The both had an outstanding balance.
What does my Uncle and my account balance have in common?
I cry whenever I see them.
They say you should work until your bank account looks like a phone number. I checked my balance and realized, if that was true, I could retire!
I have $9.11 in my account.
I'll have you know I'm in a great financial situation.
Even my credit card company says my balance is outstanding!
Just as there is a balance of good and evil....
There's a Friday for every Monday.
Have a great week :)
"Sir, your balance is outstanding."
I know my balance is outstanding, I've been skateboarding for years, but I fail to see how that's going to help me pay back this debt!
I can't understand why my credit card keeps getting declined
Every time I log into my account online it says I have an outstanding balance.
Why did the accountant fall down!
He lost his balance.
If I had a dime for every time I bragged about my bank balance
I'd have 10 cents.
So it turns out I have a great balance on my credit card...
....you know how I know? I logged in to my account and it said outstanding balance.
I rode my unicycle to the bank today. They told me I have outstanding balance.
I'm not exactly sure how to take it.
Why did the bill collector go after the gymnast?
Because he had outstanding balance
My bank account balance is a palindrome.
$0.00
How many CNN panellists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
2 - one to screw in the bulb, and one to unscrew it and smash it on the floor in the interest of balance.
By far the best black friday deal of 2017...
My bank account, with a 100% balance discount.
Finally found out why dairy cows lose their balance so easily
They lactose
Why didn't the Jedi return his weight scale?
He wanted to keep the balance.
What did the Loan Officer say to the Tightrope Walker after he gave him a loan?
You have an outstanding balance
What happened when I lost my balance on Paris's most famous landmark?
Eiffel
What is sadder than my bank balance?
My bitcoin balance :(
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why were there never any 3k monitors?
Because w**... were over pronounced, and color balance was no good.
Did you hear about Tom Hiddleston's secret audition to be in the next Marvel movie? Apparently he dropped his voice an octave to throw the casting director off balance...
He was auditioning as a low key, low-key, Loki.
My girlfriend said she had a surprise for me. . .
She pulled me aside and told me that she got a letter from the bank and that our balance was outstanding.
I went into the bank earlier to check my balance
Got some funny looks standing on one leg with my arms outstretched
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Whattya call a half black, half Irish guy trying to get his body into balance?
h**... O'Stasis
I'm so broke, I went to check my account balance at the ATM...
And it printed me out a coupon for Ramen Noodles
How did the psychic balance work and family?
By finding a happy medium
Why does Anakin always move in a URM? (Uniform rectilinear motion)
Because he brought balance to the force.
I like how avengers infinity war has perfect balance
[Thor gains his vision back but scarlet witch loses hers](#s)
Why did the board outvote the chairman with vertigo?
Because the balance of power had shifted away from the person who had lost his power of balance.
I went into the bank this afternoon...
...and asked to withdraw £50 from my account. The cashier asked me if I wanted to check my balance so I stood on one leg but fell over.
I was going to buy a seesaw
But I didn't have enough balance.
My parents told me to work until my bank balance looked like a phone number
I'm happy to say that I've achieved my goal, and am retiring with $911.
Kathleen Kennedy: The force is female.
Me: That explains why it's constanly out of balance.
Got a compliment from my bank today.
I have an outstanding balance.
Jesus and Moses are at a lake in heaven
They both want to see if their powers still work
so moses splits the lake, walks right through, and says "alright jesus, now you try it"
So jesus tries to walk atop the waters but winks right through, and swims to the other side.
"What happened?" Moses asks, "Did you lose balance or something?"
"Well last time I didn't have holes in my feet"
Why does milk have a hard time keeping its balance?
Because it lactose
Balanced diet...
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
—Alex Levine
(Both a quote and a chuckle.)
I fell out of my chair at the bank the other day,
My banker said, "that's odd, your balance is usually outstanding."
What did the hockey player say after testing his opponent's balance?
Just checking.
It is called BALANCE!
Some days you eat salads and go to the gym, some days you eat cupcakes and refuse to put on pants. it is called BALANCE
How good's your balance?
Im interested to hear about it.
What's a balanced diet?
One big ice cream in each hand!
I went to the bank today and stood in front of an ATM on one leg.
A person behind me asked what I was doing.
I said, "Checking my balance."
I got fired from my job at a bank today
Some elderly lady asked me to check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
