Baking Cake Jokes

A woman was nagging her husband to cut the grass, to which the husband answered, "What do I look like to you? A landscaper?!" Next time the sink was dripping, she asked him again, "Honey, can you fix the faucet?" The husband replied, "What do I look like to you? A Plumber?!" Two days later, a light bulb went out and she begged him again, "Honey, can you change the light bulb?" His reply was, "What am I? An electrician?!" A few days later, the husband comes home from work to find that the lawn is cut, the faucet is fixed, the light bulb is changed. Very surprised, he says, "Honey, what happened here?" The wife replies, "You know our new next door neighbor? He came over and fixed everything." The husband says, "Honey, how did you pay him?!" "Oh, you know," the wife says, "he told me that I could either bake him a cake or have s**... with him." Somewhat relieved the husband asks, "Whew, so what kind of a cake did you bake for him?" The wife replies, "Who do you think I am? Betty Crocker?!"

One day, little Suzie and her mom are walking down a beach when they see a couple having s**.

... Little Suzie asks her mother, "What are they doing?" And her mother replies, "They're baking a cake" so that she doesn't have to explain s**... to little Suzie.
Later that day, after mom has tucked little Suzie into bed, little Suzie's dad comes home. Mom and dad decide to have s**... on the couch.
The next morning, little Suzie goes up to mom and asks, "Mommy, were you and daddy baking a cake last night?"
Mom replies, "Yes we were, Suzie. How did you know?"
Suzie replies, "Cause I saw some icing on the couch."

A newlywed couple moves into their new house.

One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?"
The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?"
A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?"
He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?"
Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard.
The wife finds a leak in the roof.
She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?"
He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?"
The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed.
So is the plumbing. So is the car.
He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls.
Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband.
"What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"

I Peed A Bee-Bee

So this mom was baking a cake for her youngest son and as she was taking the batter across the room to show her husband, she accidently bumped the gun cabinet and a box of bee-bees fell into the mix. Frantically the mother got a strainer and got out as many bee-bees as she could. Deciding that she got all of them she baked the cake and got it ready for the guests. After the party she hadn't heard any complaints so she was sure she had got all of them. A couple hours later her youngest son comes running out saying,"momma momma momma, guess what i did?"
"what?" says the mother
"i peed a bee-bee!"
the mother thinking quick says, "oh thats natural son" and she shoos him away.
A little later her middle son comes up and says, "momma momma momma, guess what i did?"
"what?" says the mother
"i peed a bee-bee!"
"oh thats natural son" and she shoos him away
a couple hours later her oldest son comes out saying, "momma momma momma, guess what i did?!"
"i know i know, you peed a bee-bee, thats natural son" says the mom
"No!!! I was jacking off in the garage and I shot the dog!!!"

Parents caught.

One night a little boy walks in on his parents having s**....
In the morning the little boy asks his mom what she and dad were doing last night.
She responds, "Oh! Uh...your father and I...uh....we were baking a cake..."
The little boy says, "Hmmm, thats strange but, ok!"
The next morning at breakfast the little boy asks his mom,
"Mom, were you and dad baking a cake again last night?"
Surprised, she says, "How did you know?"
The little boy responds, "Because this morning I found frosting on the couch and licked it off!"

What do i look like?

A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"

Fixer-Upper

A newlywed couple moves into their new house.
One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?"
The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?"
A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?"
He says, "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?"
Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?"
He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?"
The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says.
"Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband.
"What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"

Shot the dog

A mother has three children, two girls and a boy. The boy has a BB gun and when he shot and broke a window the mother took the BB's and put them over the fridge. The children's hard of seeing grandmother lived with them and when she was cooking one day she accidentally baked the BB's into a cake, witch the children ate. Later one of the girls ran up to her mother crying and said "MOM MOM! I peed out a BB!" Then the other girl also came running up crying "MOM MOM! I peed out a BB!" The boy then came running up saying "MOM MOM!" The mother interrupted saying "Let me guess, you peed out a BB?" "NO!" He said "I was out behind the shed jerking off and I shot the dog."

"What do I look like?"

A man comes home from work and is greeted by his wife.
"Honey, my car got a flat, can you fix it for me?"
"What do I look like", He asks "The michelin tire guy? Get me a beer." And goes and watches TV/
The next day his wife greets him again after work.
"Honey, the dishwasher is on the fritz. Can you take a look at it?" She asks.
"What do I look like? The Maytag repair guy?" He asks roughly. "Get me a beer." And goes to watch TV.
The third day the man comes home and his wife greets him.
"Honey, it's the greatest thing. John from next door came over and fixed the dishwasher AND my flat tire. All I had to do was bake him a cake or sleep with him." She tells him.
"Oh, what kind of cake did you bake?" The husband asks.
The wife replies, "What do I look like, Betty Crocker?"

Baking a cake

One night a wife and her husband were having s**... on the living room couch and the next morning their 8 year old son asked his mom "what were you and dad doing last night? I heard a lot of noise." His mom, completely dumbfounded, answered "uuumm your dad and I were baking a cake."
A few nights later the wife and husband have s**... on the couch once again. The next morning the son walks up to the mom with a smile on his face and says "you and dad were baking a cake last night weren't you?" The mom asked "how did you know?" The son answered "because I licked the frosting off the couch."

Oh, Timmy.

Timmy walks in on his mom and dad having s**... on the couch.
"Timmy! What are you doing up?" the mom says.
"I heard a noise. What are you and daddy doing?"
The dad, trying to think of something says, "We're..uhhh..baking a cake, Timmy. Now go back to sleep, son."
A few days later at the dinner table, Timmy asks his dad, "Daddy, were you and mommy baking a cake on the couch again last night?"
"Well, um...yes actually Timmy. Did you hear us again?"
"No, but I ate some of the icing that you dropped on the couch."

A mother is walking through the park with her daughter...

when the mother spots two people having s**... on a nearby bench. she tries to hide it from her daughter, but still she notices.
"mommy, what are those people doing?"
the mother thinks for a second.
"they're baking a cake, sweetheart."
the next day, the mother and daughter go to the zoo, where they happen to see two monkeys similarly going at it.
"mommy, are they baking a cake too?"
"yes sweetheart. let' go look at the crocodiles instead!"
the next morning, the little girl comes downstairs and sits next to her mother.
"mommy, did you and daddy bake a cake last night?"
"well, why do you ask?"
"I licked the frosting off the couch."

A woman was baking a cake...

When she heard the oven timer go off, she turned to her daughter, and asked her to check to see if the cake was done.
"I don't know how to check," the girl replied.
"Well," said the mother, "you take the cake out of the oven, and stick a knife in the center. If the knife comes out clean, that means the cake is done. Otherwise, put it back in the oven for another five minutes or so."
"Ok," said the girl, who promptly headed to the kitchen.
A few minutes later, the daughter returned. "Did the knife come out clean?" asked the mother.
"Oh, yes!" replied the daughter. "In fact, it came out *so* clean, I stuck all the other dirty silverware in it, too!"

Mother and a young daughter go to the zoo.

One fine day, both mother and her 7 yr old daughter go to the zoo. The daughter sees monkeys having s**... and asks her mom "What is going on!?" The mother replies "honey, they are just baking a cake". Then the mother takes the daughter to the park and she sees a couple having s**... behind a tree. The daughter asks again "What is going on??" The mother says "oh honey, they are just baking a cake".
The next morning, the innocent girl asks her mother Mom, "were you and dad baking a cake last night in the living room?" The mom is shocked and asks "How did you know?" The daughter replies "I tasted the frosting on the sofa".
Ba-dum yiss.

Baking Cakes

A mother and her young daughter were walking through the park one day when they came across 2 dogs having s**.... The daughter asks her mom, "what are they doing?" the mom not wanting to explain s**... to her young daughter just says "oh they're making cakes"
Further on they come across 2 rabbits having s**..., again the daughter asks her mum what they are doing and again the mum goes "oh they're just making cakes."
further on the daughter says, "you and daddy were making cakes on the sofa last night weren't you?" the mom, horrified, asks "did you see us?" and the daughter replies "no, but I licked the whipped cream off the sofa afterwards"