Bakery Jokes

Following is our collection of ciabatta humor and cakes one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Bakery puns for adults, dirty doughnut jokes or clean bake gags for kids.

There is an abundance of bakeries jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 56 funniest jokes on bakery. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any baker witze you can hear about bakery.

The Best jokes about Bakery

Two lesbians named Rachel walk in to a bakery...

To buy a cake for their upcoming wedding. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage that he won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."


(posted before but I felt it was an appropriate time for it to rerun.)

I used to work in a bakery, didn't really enjoy it and the pay wasn't great...

I just kneaded the dough


I'm sorry, I'll leave now...

Peyton Manning is opening a bakery.

As a special promotion, he's giving away turnovers.

Two magicians walk into a bakery

The first palms 3 donuts. He then snidely challenges the other magician to perform a trick of equal benefit. The second magician then calls the baker and asks for 3 donuts if he'd like to see a magic trick. The baker does his part and provides the donuts. The magician then eats the donuts and exclaims "Ta-Dah." The bakery is angered and asks "Well what's the magic trick?" The second magician replies "Look in my friend's pocket."

I tried to start an online bakery.

But I accidentally deleted all my cookies.


A man walks into a bakery...

So a man walks into a bakery with a fish under his arm. When he gets in there, the baker greets him and asks him how he could help the man.

"Do you sell fish cakes?", the man asks the baker.

"No, of course we don't!" the baker replies.

"But it's his birthday!"

What do you call a bakery staffed entirely by men?

A pastryarchy.

I've just fallen through the roof of a French bakery...

Now I'm in a world of pain.

A North Korean man frequently sneaks to the South Korean capital to gamble for bakery goods for his family.

He is the seoul breadwinner

Did you hear about the fire at the bakery?

No one was hurt but business is toast.

My Buddies bakery burnt down last night....

His business is toast.


If a guy with Red Hair works at a Bakery, does that make him a GingerBread Man?

I ask this because I'm baked at the moment..

Matthew McConaughey walks into a bakery...

Matthew: "Can I get three loaves of bread please?"

Baker: "What type do you want sir?"

Matthew: "All rye, all rye, all rye."

A guy walks into a bakery

He buys bread, and the baker asks if he'd like his bread bagged in paper or plastic. The guy replies, "Baguette however you want".

Remember: YouTube is a private company that can do whatever it wants.

It's not like it's a bakery or something.

If you know an Arab, you don't have to steal...

A Jew and an Arab go into a bakery.

The Arab steals three pastries and puts them in his pocket.
He says to the Jew, "See how good I am? The owner didn't see anything."

The Jew says to the Arab, "That's typical of you dishonest Arabs. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."

He goes to the owner of the bakery and says, "Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick."

Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry. The Jew swallows it and asks for another one.

The owner gives him another one. Then the Jew asks for a third pastry and eats that, too.

The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, "What did you do with the pastries?"

The Jew replies, "Look in the Arab's pocket....."

A guy starts his first day at a bakery...

The boss says, "We're a healthy, whole-food bakery, so we put vegetables in every type of bread that we make." He shows the new guy to the back room, where there are rows of file cabinets with pictures of vegetables on them.

"Here's where we keep the carrot dough," the boss says, opening a file drawer with a picture of a carrot on it. "And here's the zucchini dough."

"But what's this one with the picture of Kevin Spacey on it?" The new guy asks.

"Oh," the boss responds, "That's the pea dough file."

I once went to an all you can eat bakery in France.

It was a painful experience.

My friend's bakery burned down last night

Now his business is toast


Is the bakery hiring?

Cause I think I'll knead a little bit of dough to get by.

I got a job at a bakery

Because I really kneaded the dough

What did Anakin order from the Italian bakery?

Only one cannoli.

I whispered to my kids, "Have you all heard about the top secret bakery?"

They all looked at me blankly, so I replied, "I didn't think so, it's on a knead to dough basis."

How do they package bread at the bakery?

They baguette.

A Jew and Arab walk into a bakery...

The Arab immediately steals 3 pastries and puts them in his pocket.

He says to the Jew, "See how good I am? The owner didn't see a thing." The Jew says to the Arab, "That's typical of you Arabs. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."

He goes to the owner of the bakery and says, "Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick."

Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry. The Jew swallows it and asks for another one. The owner gives him another one. Then the Jew swallows that one and asks for a third pastry and eats that, too.

The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, "So what did you do with the pastries?"

The Jew replies, "Look in the Arab's back pocket....."

What do you call a bakery that only sells bagels and donuts?

Hole foods

A Jew and an Arab go into a bakery...

The Arab immediately steals three pastries and puts them in his pocket.

He says to the Jew, "See how good I am? The owner didn't see a thing."
The Jew says to the Arab, "That's typical of you Arabs. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."

He goes to the owner of the bakery and says, "Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick."

Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry. The Jew swallows it and asks for another one.
The owner gives him another one. Then the Jew swallows that one and asks for a third pastry and eats that, too.

The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, "So what did you do with the pastries?"

The Jew replies, "Look in the Arab's back pocket....."

A Jew and an Arab walk into a bakery.

Once inside the Arab grabs three pastries and swiftly stashes them in his pocket. He then looks at the Jew with a prideful smile and says "See how sly I am?"
The Jew, being determined to crush the Arab's pride, walks up to the baker and says "If you give me a pastry I will show you a magic trick." The baker's curiosity got the best of him and he agreed.
The Jew ate the pastry and then asked for another. The Jew ate the second one and asked for a third. After the Jew ate the third one the baker's patience began to run low. The baker asked "Okay, so where are the pastries?"

The Jew smiled and answered "Look in the Arabs back pocket."

Quickly after robbing my bakery, a man got a severe headache

Serves him right. It's not his grain, it's migraine

I decided to start working at a bakery...

I knead the dough.

What do you call a redhead who works at a bakery?

A ginger bread man!

A black man and a white man walk into a bakery

The black man immediately steals three pastries and puts them in his pocket.

He says to the white, "See how good I am? The owner didn't see a thing." The white man says to the black man, "That's typical of you black people. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."

He goes to the owner of the bakery and says, "Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick."
Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry. The white man swallows it and asks for another one. The owner gives him another one. Then the white man swallows that one and asks for a third pastry and eats that, too.

The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, "So what did you do with the pastries?"

The white man replies, "Look in the black mans back pocket....."

Guy walks into a bakery and sees a green loaf of bread and asks the baker how he made it

Baker says "Avocadough"

Yesterday I heard there was a robbery at a bakery, I've heard of stupid crimes...

But this one really takes the cake.

A dad walks into a bakery...

...and he asks, "Hey do you have any big pieces of shortbread?"

The baker responds, "No, we don't make them any longer."

"Officer, what can you tell us about the break in at the bakery today?"

"Man I've seen all kinds of thieves in my career, but this one takes the cake"

My girlfriend asked me why I work at the bakery if I don't enjoy it.

I told her it's because I knead the dough.

A man walks into a bakery right before closing time

And asks, "do you have any pita?"

The baker responds, "no, there's naan left."

Another classic Dutch Bakerjoke

* A dog walks into a bakery
* Baker: How can I help you?
* Dog: Woof!
* Baker: Anything else?
* Dog: Bark!
* Baker: That'll be 12 Euro's. Do you want a receipt?
* Dog: No.

What do you call a bakery owned by a redhead?

A Ginger Bread-House

If my kids ask me, where do babies come from, I am going to say the bakery.

Because it all starts with a creampie.

I just started volunteering at this place called Muhammad's Bakery.

It's a naan prophet organization.

Why did the feminist's bakery go out of business?

She told people to stop patronizing her.

Went to the Indian bakery today and asked for some bread

They said they had naan

Why did the man quit his job at the bakery?

He didn't knead any more dough.

I've heard of a lot of dumb criminals...

but bakery robbers take the cake

The Baker

A Baker specializing in making Rye bread is disheartened. He works long hours and while his wages are decent, they are nothing special. He wants to strike it rich and make something of himself.

He hears that a lot of money can be make for trapping in the Canadian wilderness so he sells his bakery and moves to Canada to fulfill his dreams.

Unfortunately it doesn't go as planned. He is making even less money than before. After a while he fears he will not have enough money to feed himself.

He goes to a bar to drown his sorrows, and explains this all to a man at the bar. The Baker asks him what he should do.

I he man says, "if at furs you don't succeed, try rye again."

An old man Goes Into a Bakery...

The girl behind the counter is wearing a very short skirt. A customer orders raisin bread, which means she has to grab a little step ladder and grab the loaf off the highest shelf. As she's going up the ladder, all the guys in the store realize they can now see up her skirt. So they all line up and start ordering raisin bread. This poor girl is running up and down the ladder over and over, and finally she gets to serve the old man. "Is yours a raisin too?" she asks, exasperated. "No," he says, with a wink"but its a wigglin'"

If I own a bakery in France...

am I the master of pain?

So my bakery restaurant burned down yesterday

My business is toast

There were two guys walking by a bakery

Jim said, " Hey, watch this. I'm gonna steal a couple donuts."

He comes back a minute later. "He didn't even notice," Jim said to Steve.

"Ugh, all you think about is theft. Here, watch this. I'll get two donuts as well." Steve responded.

He goes up to the owner of the bakery.

"Hey, wanna see a magic trick?"

The owner agrees.

"I'll need two donuts."

The owner gives them to Steve, who then eats both of them.

"What's the trick?!" Asks the owner, thinking he was lied to.

Steve just replied, "Check my friend's back pocket."

What do you call a goat that works at a bakery?

A battering ram

Why didn't Jimmy want to work at the bakery?

It had a high turnover rate.

A black guy and a white guy walk into a bakery...

The black guy goes up to the counter, steals 3 pasties without getting caught, and he puts them in his pocket.


He says to the white guy 'did you see that, he didn't even notice'


'Oh yeah?' the white guy responded 'watch this'


He goes up to the counter, takes three pasties, and eats them whilst walking out of the store.


'Hey!' shouted the cashier 'you have to pay for those'


'Oh no, it's a magic trick' explained the white guy 'Look in that black guys pockets'

Did you hear about the prostitutes that started a bakery?

Everything is ho-made.

A blind man walks into the bakery

A blind man walks into the bakery and asks for 8 poppy seed breads. While the baker gathers them for him, he asks: are you expecting any visitors? No, replies the blind man. But I'm going on vacation, and they have such lovely story's written on them!

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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