bakery Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious bakery puns

Two lesbians named Rachel walk in to a bakery...

To buy a cake for their upcoming wedding. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage that he won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."


(posted before but I felt it was an appropriate time for it to rerun.)

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I used to work in a bakery, didn't really enjoy it and the pay wasn't great...

I just kneaded the dough


I'm sorry, I'll leave now...

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Peyton Manning is opening a bakery.

As a special promotion, he's giving away turnovers.

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Two magicians walk into a bakery

The first palms 3 donuts. He then snidely challenges the other magician to perform a trick of equal benefit. The second magician then calls the baker and asks for 3 donuts if he'd like to see a magic trick. The baker does his part and provides the donuts. The magician then eats the donuts and exclaims "Ta-Dah." The bakery is angered and asks "Well what's the magic trick?" The second magician replies "Look in my friend's pocket."

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I tried to start an online bakery.

But I accidentally deleted all my cookies.

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A man walks into a bakery...

So a man walks into a bakery with a fish under his arm. When he gets in there, the baker greets him and asks him how he could help the man.

"Do you sell fish cakes?", the man asks the baker.

"No, of course we don't!" the baker replies.

"But it's his birthday!"

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What do you call a bakery staffed entirely by men?

A pastryarchy.

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I've just fallen through the roof of a French bakery...

Now I'm in a world of pain.

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Did you hear about the fire at the bakery?

No one was hurt but business is toast.

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A North Korean man frequently sneaks to the South Korean capital to gamble for bakery goods for his family.

He is the seoul breadwinner

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A drunk man walks into a bakery...

He approaches the baker and says "I fucked your mother!"
On which the baker replies "Go home dad"

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My Buddies bakery burnt down last night....

His business is toast.

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If a guy with Red Hair works at a Bakery, does that make him a GingerBread Man?

I ask this because I'm baked at the moment..

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A guy walks into a bakery

He buys bread, and the baker asks if he'd like his bread bagged in paper or plastic. The guy replies, "Baguette however you want".

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I've opened a bakery recently

and a lady phoned me up, wanting a cake with 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY I SUCK COCKS' written on it.

I thought it was weird but made it anyway.

Mrs Cox was absolutely furious when I delivered it.

So was her son, Isaac.

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Remember: YouTube is a private company that can do whatever it wants.

It's not like it's a bakery or something.

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If you know an Arab, you don't have to steal...

A Jew and an Arab go into a bakery.

The Arab steals three pastries and puts them in his pocket.
He says to the Jew, "See how good I am? The owner didn't see anything."

The Jew says to the Arab, "That's typical of you dishonest Arabs. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."

He goes to the owner of the bakery and says, "Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick."

Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry. The Jew swallows it and asks for another one.

The owner gives him another one. Then the Jew asks for a third pastry and eats that, too.

The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, "What did you do with the pastries?"

The Jew replies, "Look in the Arab's pocket....."

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A guy starts his first day at a bakery...

The boss says, "We're a healthy, whole-food bakery, so we put vegetables in every type of bread that we make." He shows the new guy to the back room, where there are rows of file cabinets with pictures of vegetables on them.

"Here's where we keep the carrot dough," the boss says, opening a file drawer with a picture of a carrot on it. "And here's the zucchini dough."

"But what's this one with the picture of Kevin Spacey on it?" The new guy asks.

"Oh," the boss responds, "That's the pea dough file."

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I once went to an all you can eat bakery in France.

It was a painful experience.

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My friend's bakery burned down last night

Now his business is toast

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Is the bakery hiring?

Cause I think I'll knead a little bit of dough to get by.

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A classic Dutch bakerjoke

* A man walks into a bakery.
* Baker: How can I help you?
* Man: I FUCKED YOUR MOTHER!!!
* Baker: Get out dad, i'm trying to work.

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I got a job at a bakery

Because I really kneaded the dough

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What did Anakin order from the Italian bakery?

Only one cannoli.

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I whispered to my kids, "Have you all heard about the top secret bakery?"

They all looked at me blankly, so I replied, "I didn't think so, it's on a knead to dough basis."

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How do they package bread at the bakery?

They baguette.

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A Jew and Arab walk into a bakery...

The Arab immediately steals 3 pastries and puts them in his pocket.

He says to the Jew, "See how good I am? The owner didn't see a thing." The Jew says to the Arab, "That's typical of you Arabs. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."

He goes to the owner of the bakery and says, "Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick."

Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry. The Jew swallows it and asks for another one. The owner gives him another one. Then the Jew swallows that one and asks for a third pastry and eats that, too.

The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, "So what did you do with the pastries?"

The Jew replies, "Look in the Arab's back pocket....."

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What do you call a bakery that only sells bagels and donuts?

Hole foods

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Not getting enough carbs for normal brain function?

A woman walks into a bakery on Monday, and asks the baker for some bagels. The baker says, I don't have any bagels, I will have more on Thursday. The woman says okay and leaves.

On Tuesday the woman goes back to the bakery and asks for some bagels. The baker says, I told you, I don't have any bagels. I won't have any bagels till Thursday. The woman says okay and leaves.

On Wednesday, the woman goes back to the bakery and asks for some bagels.
The baker says, Ma'am, how do you spell CAT in catastrophe?
She says C-A-T.
He asks, How do you spell DOG in dogmatic?
She says D-O-G.
He then asks, How do you spell FUCK in bagels?
She says, Sir, there is no fuck in bagels! , and he replies
THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU.

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A Jew and an Arab go into a bakery...

The Arab immediately steals three pastries and puts them in his pocket.

He says to the Jew, "See how good I am? The owner didn't see a thing."
The Jew says to the Arab, "That's typical of you Arabs. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."

He goes to the owner of the bakery and says, "Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick."

Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry. The Jew swallows it and asks for another one.
The owner gives him another one. Then the Jew swallows that one and asks for a third pastry and eats that, too.

The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, "So what did you do with the pastries?"

The Jew replies, "Look in the Arab's back pocket....."

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Quickly after robbing my bakery, a man got a severe headache

Serves him right. It's not his grain, it's migraine

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A Jew and an Arab walk into a bakery.

Once inside the Arab grabs three pastries and swiftly stashes them in his pocket. He then looks at the Jew with a prideful smile and says "See how sly I am?"
The Jew, being determined to crush the Arab's pride, walks up to the baker and says "If you give me a pastry I will show you a magic trick." The baker's curiosity got the best of him and he agreed.
The Jew ate the pastry and then asked for another. The Jew ate the second one and asked for a third. After the Jew ate the third one the baker's patience began to run low. The baker asked "Okay, so where are the pastries?"

The Jew smiled and answered "Look in the Arabs back pocket."

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I decided to start working at a bakery...

I knead the dough.

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A black man and a white man walk into a bakery

The black man immediately steals three pastries and puts them in his pocket.

He says to the white, "See how good I am? The owner didn't see a thing." The white man says to the black man, "That's typical of you black people. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."

He goes to the owner of the bakery and says, "Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick."
Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry. The white man swallows it and asks for another one. The owner gives him another one. Then the white man swallows that one and asks for a third pastry and eats that, too.

The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, "So what did you do with the pastries?"

The white man replies, "Look in the black mans back pocket....."

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Guy walks into a bakery and sees a green loaf of bread and asks the baker how he made it

Baker says "Avocadough"

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What are the most funny Bakery jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Bakery? Well, here are the best Bakery dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Bakery pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes