Baker Jokes

Following is our collection of dough humor and dunn one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Baker puns for adults, dirty focaccia jokes or clean carpenter gags for kids.

There is an abundance of cake jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 58 funniest jokes on baker. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any bake witze you can hear about baker.

The Best jokes about Baker

Did you hear about the gay French baker?

Faguette

Two lesbians named Rachel walk in to a wedding cake shop...

To plan for their upcoming nuptials. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage we won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."

Two lesbians named Rachel walk in to a bakery...

To buy a cake for their upcoming wedding. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage that he won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."


(posted before but I felt it was an appropriate time for it to rerun.)

Baker joke

Two women named Rachel meet and fall in love.

They decide to get married and go to the baker's to pick out a wedding cake. The baker inquires about their story and appalled, refuses to bake them a wedding cake. They are very upset and accuse the baker of narrow-mindedness and bigotry. "Oh, no, no, no," the baker responds, "I don't have a problem with gay marriage, I just can't support an inter-Rachel marriage!"

Happy Valentine's, everyone!

I had pot brownies for the first time last week.

I guess the baker was out of pans.


Two magicians walk into a bakery

The first palms 3 donuts. He then snidely challenges the other magician to perform a trick of equal benefit. The second magician then calls the baker and asks for 3 donuts if he'd like to see a magic trick. The baker does his part and provides the donuts. The magician then eats the donuts and exclaims "Ta-Dah." The bakery is angered and asks "Well what's the magic trick?" The second magician replies "Look in my friend's pocket."

An Atheist...

Walks up to the Pearly Gates. God says, "I will let you in if you can make me laugh."

The Atheist asks, "who is the greatest Jewish baker of all time? Hitler. He made over 60,000 Jews toast."

God looks at him and says, "A holocaust joke? That is not really funny."

The atheist replied, "Eh, I guess you should have been there."

Baker joke

What do you call a red-haired baker?

The ginger bread man

A man walks into a bakery...

So a man walks into a bakery with a fish under his arm. When he gets in there, the baker greets him and asks him how he could help the man.

"Do you sell fish cakes?", the man asks the baker.

"No, of course we don't!" the baker replies.

"But it's his birthday!"

Do you know why donuts have a hole in them?

Because the baker made them with love. ^^^^^also ^^^^^why ^^^^^they're ^^^^^glazed

How do you make a baker cry?

Kill his family


A guy walks into a bakery

He buys bread, and the baker asks if he'd like his bread bagged in paper or plastic. The guy replies, "Baguette however you want".

Matthew McConaughey walks into a bakery...

Matthew: "Can I get three loaves of bread please?"

Baker: "What type do you want sir?"

Matthew: "All rye, all rye, all rye."

What do you call a baker with red hair?

A gingerbread man.

Did you hear about the baker who robbed a bank?

He came in with buns glazing.

Raisin Bread

A baker hires a young female assistant who likes to wear very short skirts and a thong. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the assistant and then at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea. "I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says politely. The girl nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which is located on the very top shelf. The young man, standing almost directly beneath her, gets an excellent view just as he planned. Once she comes down he says he should get two loaves, as he is having company for dinner. As the girl retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what is going on. Thinking quickly, he requests his own loaf of raisin bread so he can continue to enjoy the view. With each trip up the ladder, the young lady seems to catch the eye of another male customer. Pretty soon, each male customer is asking for raisin bread, just to see her climb up and down. After many trips she is tired, irritated and thinking that she is really going to have to try the bread herself. Finally, once again atop the ladder, she stops and fumes, glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd, staring up at her. Thinking to save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man: "Is it raisin for you, too?" "No," stammers the old man: "but it's quivering a bit!"

Baker joke

My grandfather was a baker in the army...

...he went in all buns glazing.

When do bakers stop making donuts?

When they get tired of the hole thing

Why do bakers go into business?

Because they knead the dough


Why do bakers start working so early in the morning?

Because they knead dough.

My friend's bakery burned down last night

Now his business is toast

Two lady lesbians, both called Rachel, tried to buy a cake for their upcoming wedding. However, the baker refused to serve 'their kind'...

Not surprisingly, the two girls were hugely offended and asked him why he had a problem with gay nuptials.

The baker replied that he had no problems at all, however, he wasn't a supporter inter-Rachel marriage.

I was a baker when I was in the army.

When I went to war, I went in all buns glazing.

Is the bakery hiring?

Cause I think I'll knead a little bit of dough to get by.

What do you call an unknown baker?

John Dough

Being a baker is a great side-job...

...especially when I knead the dough.

Two Scotsmen walk past a baker

One turns to the other and says 'Is that a cake or a meringue?'

The other replies 'no you're right, it's a cake'

Never insult an Italian baker.

He'll beat the focaccia.

"That is him." I said to my wife in the shopping centre.

"That's Kenny Baker, the actor who played R2D2 in Star Wars."

"Are you sure?" she asked. "It doesn't look like him, go on over and ask."

A couple of minutes later I walked back over to her. "Well, what did he say?"

"Nothing." I said. "It's a rubbish bin."

Did you hear about the kinky baker?

He was into roll play.

The baker at my local donut shop was bragging about how the male enhancement pills he'd started taking actually worked.

And that was fine until I noticed the holes in the donuts were a little larger than usual.

Biology Lesson

Dr Adams is holding forth to his college students on biology and anatomy. "Miss Baker, can you tell me which part of the human body can expand by up to 10 times, and under what conditions?"

Miss Baker blushes furiously, and says, "That is not an appropriate question to ask a lady, and I will report you to the Dean."

Dr Adams just nods and says, "Miss Conrad, same question."

Miss Conrad stands and says, "The pupil of the eye, under dim light."

Dr Adams nods again and says "Correct, full marks for Miss Conrad." Then he turns and says, "Miss Baker, I can tell you three things. First, you have not studied. Second, you have a dirty mind. Third, you are going to suffer a grave disappointment."

Many surnames come from the job people's ancestors used to have. For example, the Smith family were related to a smith, the Baker family were related to a baker and then there's the Dickinson family...

Who were related to people from Alabama.

Why did the baker rob the bank?

Because he kneads the dough.

What did the necromancer baker say to his dough?

"Riiiiiiiiiise!!!"

*i'll show myself out*

What did the baker say after he found the dough he had lost?

That's just what I kneaded!

I lost my job as a baker when I made a customer violently choke.

It was my manager's fault for telling me to put my hair in a bun.

Why does the baker bake?

Because he kneads the dough.

I was going to be a baker

But I couldn't raise enough dough.

What is the motto of a french baker?

no pain no gain

Why did the baker go to work?

He kneaded the dough!

A Jew and an Arab walk into a bakery.

Once inside the Arab grabs three pastries and swiftly stashes them in his pocket. He then looks at the Jew with a prideful smile and says "See how sly I am?"
The Jew, being determined to crush the Arab's pride, walks up to the baker and says "If you give me a pastry I will show you a magic trick." The baker's curiosity got the best of him and he agreed.
The Jew ate the pastry and then asked for another. The Jew ate the second one and asked for a third. After the Jew ate the third one the baker's patience began to run low. The baker asked "Okay, so where are the pastries?"

The Jew smiled and answered "Look in the Arabs back pocket."

I've heard a lot of good puns in my day but....

the one about the kleptomaniac baker really takes the cake.

Why do donuts have holes?

The baker makes them with love.

Guy walks into a bakery and sees a green loaf of bread and asks the baker how he made it

Baker says "Avocadough"

A dad walks into a bakery...

...and he asks, "Hey do you have any big pieces of shortbread?"

The baker responds, "No, we don't make them any longer."

What do you call a lazy baker?

A loafer...

A man walks into a bakery right before closing time

And asks, "do you have any pita?"

The baker responds, "no, there's naan left."

A heroic biker . . .

Last week, a group of Illinois bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge. So they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper, and says, "What are you doing?"

The would-be jumper responded, "I'm going to commit suicide."

While George didn't want to appear "sensitive," he didn't want to miss a legend-in-the-making opportunity either so he asked ... "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another one.

After they finished, George gets approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had! That's a real talent you're wasting Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.

Why are bakers so crazy for dough?

They don't want it, they knead it.

What do black coffee and Ginger Baker have in common?

They're both terrible without cream.

Another classic Dutch Bakerjoke

* A dog walks into a bakery
* Baker: How can I help you?
* Dog: Woof!
* Baker: Anything else?
* Dog: Bark!
* Baker: That'll be 12 Euro's. Do you want a receipt?
* Dog: No.

2 Original depressed baker jokes

Did you hear about the depressed baker who threw himself into his own oven?
Colleagues said it was a final act of self-loafing.

Did you hear about the depressed baker who went on a killing spree?
Witnesses said he came out all buns glazing.

An artist, a baker and an engineer are in line to be beheaded...

The artist goes first. They put his head in the guillotine and release the mechanism. It stops 3 inches short! The king decides that he'll be merciful and releases him! He's ecstatic!

The baker is next. They put his head in the guillotine and release it. This time it stops 2 inches short. The king also decides he'll be merciful and releases him.

Lastly, the engineer. They put his head in the guillotine and release it. It stops a hair from his head. The engineer screams "I SEE THE PROBLEM!"

Why did the feminist's bakery go out of business?

She told people to stop patronizing her.

The Baker

A Baker specializing in making Rye bread is disheartened. He works long hours and while his wages are decent, they are nothing special. He wants to strike it rich and make something of himself.

He hears that a lot of money can be make for trapping in the Canadian wilderness so he sells his bakery and moves to Canada to fulfill his dreams.

Unfortunately it doesn't go as planned. He is making even less money than before. After a while he fears he will not have enough money to feed himself.

He goes to a bar to drown his sorrows, and explains this all to a man at the bar. The Baker asks him what he should do.

I he man says, "if at furs you don't succeed, try rye again."

If I own a bakery in France...

am I the master of pain?

So my bakery restaurant burned down yesterday

My business is toast

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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