Baked Jokes

Following is our collection of bakin humor and keebler one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Baked puns for adults, dirty oven jokes or clean muffins gags for kids.

There is an abundance of inbread jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 71 funniest jokes on baked. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any pastries witze you can hear about baked.

The Best jokes about Baked

What's baked every day and sells itself?

My sister.

What do you call a high person with Downs Syndrome?

A baked potato.

My 11 y/o brother told me this

What is pickle bread before its baked?

Dill dough

Why can't cookies dough hold a steady job?

Because it's always getting baked.

An old man is lying on his death bed...

... when he smells the delicious aroma of freshly baked apple pie. He calls over his grandson and whispers, "Boy, go ask your grandma for a slice of that pie."

The boy scampers off and returns a minute later, replying, "Grandma says no, it's for after the funeral."


What is the difference between Jamaicans and Jewish people?

Their reaction when someone asks if they want to get baked.

If you snort coke, you get high. If you snort flour...

..you get baked.

...frighteningly, my 5th grader came up with this while we were having a discussion about drugs and what he might end up seeing in Middle School next year.

If a guy with Red Hair works at a Bakery, does that make him a GingerBread Man?

I ask this because I'm baked at the moment..

looking back, I wish I'd bought my baked beans online...

Heinz site's a wonderful thing

What's the difference between a baked sweet potato and a flying pig?

One's a heated yam...

Baked Beans.

One day I met a sweet woman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my wife and told her that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my wife seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
She then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as she was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. She made me promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my wife was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my wife returned, apologizing for taking so long. She asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured her I had not. At this point, she removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"


What do you call a stoned Irishman?

A baked potato.

To celebrate Star Wars we baked some "Wookie Cookies".

They were a little on the Chewy side.

My Grandmother was excited to hear that some cookies at the bake sale were baked by genuine prostitutes

Grandma did always have a soft spot for ho-made products.

Here's a joke from the 80s

Ronald Reagan and Nancy Reagan are out to dinner. The waiter asks what the First Lady will have. She says, "I'd like the filet mignon, and a baked potato."

The waiter asks, "and the vegetable?"

Mrs. Reagan answers, "Oh, he'll have the same."

What do you call a funny baked good?

a pun

What do you call a stoned pig?

Baked Ham

Why don't Jews do drugs?

because last time they got baked it didn't go so well

A teacher calls up her first grade class from recess

She she says to little Sally
-"Sally, what did you do at recess?"
-"I played in the sand box"
-"If you can spell the word "sand" I'll give you a fresh baked cookie"
So she spells it and enjoys a cookie
Then comes in Jimmy so the teacher says
-"Jimmy, what did you do at recess?"
-"I played in the sandbox with Sally"
-"If you can spell "box" I'll give you a fresh baked cookie"
So he spells it and enjoys a cookie
Then Tyrone comes in
-"Tyrone, what did you do at recess"
-"Sally and Jimmy threw rocks at me!"
-"wow that sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can spell "blatant racial discrimination" I'll give you a fresh baked cookie"


I baked a cake shaped like Canada, and offered my brother the Quebec slice....

but he's having Nunavut.

a little corny but here it goes...what can u make with onions and baked beans?

tear gas

What do you call a spud that smokes weed?

A baked potato

Did you hear about the French guy that got baked into a huge baguette?

He was in a lot of pain

I don't understand what's so hard about describing a single portion of a soft and sweet baked good.

Honestly, it's a piece of cake.

What do you call a bunch of high Mexicans?

Baked Beans

Why couldn't the potato get off the couch?

Because it was baked.

An evil baked potato hatched a devious scheme

Fortunately, it was foiled.

Special needs bus crashes into local pot shop and catches fire.

Baked potatoes all over the place.

what do you call a high Rowan Atkinson?

Baked bean.

A Cannibal Joke

Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says, You know, I just can't seem to get a tender missionary, I've baked them, I have roasted them, I've stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried every sort of marinade. I just can't seem to get them tender.

The second cannibal asks, What kind of missionary do you use?

The other replies, You know, the ones that hang out at the place at the bend of the lake. They have those brown cloaks with a funny ring of hair on their heads.

Aha! the second cannibal replies. No wonder – those are friars!

I baked some synonym buns this morning

Just like grammar used to make.

Had Irish 7 coarse meal for lunch today

6 pack and a baked potato. Was delicious!

Why did the frozen pizza say no to weed?

It didn't want to get baked!


Just made that up moments ago

I remember when, for weeks at a time, Mom would wake us every morning with the smell of freshly baked cookies

at 3AM. And in retrospect, those cookies smelled a lot like meth.

It irks me when people say I have "half baked ideas"

all my ideas happen when I'm fully baked.

Discrimination?

A First-grade class comes in from recess. Teacher asks Sarah: "What did you do at recess?"

Sarah says, "I played in the sand box."

The teacher says, "That's great. Tell you what, go to the blackboard, and if you can write the word 'sand' correctly, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie."

She does and gets a cookie.

The teacher asks Morris what he did at recess.

Morris says, "I played with Sarah in the sand box."

The teacher says, "Good. If you can write the word 'box' correctly on the blackboard, I'll give you a fresh baked cookie."

Morris does, and gets a cookie.

Teacher then asks Leroy what he did at recess.

He says, "I tried to play with Sarah and Morris, but they threw rocks at me."

The teacher says, "They threw rocks at you? That sounds like blatant racial discrimination.

Tell you what, if you can go the blackboard and write 'blatant racial discrimination' correctly, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie."

What's a Brit's favorite baked good?

£ cake.

Whats the difference between a Muslim hippie and a Jewish hippie?

One's stoned and one's baked.

What do you call a kid with down syndrome when he's high?

A baked potato.[](/changeling)

What happened to Mr. Potato Head when he smoked weed?

He got baked.

I hear jews don't use weed

I guess they don't like getting baked.

What would you call a 100 year old can of baked beans?

Has-beens.

I want to open a bar that serves nothing but expensive beer and baked beans.

I'll call it Farts & Crafts.

What do you call a potato from Colorado?

A baked potato

I thought I was in heaven when I happened upon a shack in the middle of the desert. It had a sign that read, 'Cannabis Hut, get baked for free!'

Apparently, cannibals can't spell very well.

An American and Canadian walk into a bakery

The American ordered some Baked Alaska. The Canadian, however, was having Nunavut.

A CEO, a union worker and a tea party member sit down at a table ...

The union worker sets out a dozen cookies he baked.
The CEO grabs them all and tells the tea partier that the union member stole his cookie.

Did you hear about the blonde that...

Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.

Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years"

Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.

When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C".

Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.

After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.

Shot the dog

A mother has three children, two girls and a boy. The boy has a BB gun and when he shot and broke a window the mother took the BB's and put them over the fridge. The children's hard of seeing grandmother lived with them and when she was cooking one day she accidentally baked the BB's into a cake, witch the children ate. Later one of the girls ran up to her mother crying and said "MOM MOM! I peed out a BB!" Then the other girl also came running up crying "MOM MOM! I peed out a BB!" The boy then came running up saying "MOM MOM!" The mother interrupted saying "Let me guess, you peed out a BB?" "NO!" He said "I was out behind the shed jerking off and I shot the dog."

What's the difference between a stoner and a Jew?

The stoner doesn't scream when it's baked.

What do you get when all 50 states legalize marijuana?

Baked Alaska.

What do a cheezit and a hungry white stoner have in common?

Both are baked snack crackers.

My girlfriend left me after I said she reminded me of our dessert, a baked Alaska.

Fire hot on the outside, but ice cold on the inside. I should have just said sweet.

What's a stoners favorite dessert?

Baked goods

Irony: I baked a Death By Chocolate Cake...

and gave it to my dog to celebrate his birthday.

What do you get when you combine someone from Colorado and someone from Idaho?

A Baked Potato

Why can't you make a movie with with Jewish people smoking weed?

You can't show a group of Jews getting baked

Why was the potato so hungry?

It was baked.

A muffin and dough and are having a conversation.

And the muffin says, "Dude, everything is energy man; it's all energy swirling around. Good energy, and bad energy, and it all depends on what energy you tap into. It's like the planets and electrons and stuff; everything is swirling."
The dough replies, "Dude, you're baked."

Understanding Women

A FATHER SAYS TO HIS SON :
"MY BOY, WHEN YOU ACCUMULATE THE UNDERSTANDING OF WHY A PIZZA IS BAKED ROUND,
PUT IN A SQUARE BOX , EATEN IN TRIANGLES, YOU'LL BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND WOMEN. "
Author Unknown

Why was the cookie afraid of getting drug tested?

Because it was so baked

I Peed A Bee-Bee

So this mom was baking a cake for her youngest son and as she was taking the batter across the room to show her husband, she accidently bumped the gun cabinet and a box of bee-bees fell into the mix. Frantically the mother got a strainer and got out as many bee-bees as she could. Deciding that she got all of them she baked the cake and got it ready for the guests. After the party she hadn't heard any complaints so she was sure she had got all of them. A couple hours later her youngest son comes running out saying,"momma momma momma, guess what i did?"
"what?" says the mother
"i peed a bee-bee!"
the mother thinking quick says, "oh thats natural son" and she shoos him away.

A little later her middle son comes up and says, "momma momma momma, guess what i did?"
"what?" says the mother
"i peed a bee-bee!"
"oh thats natural son" and she shoos him away

a couple hours later her oldest son comes out saying, "momma momma momma, guess what i did?!"
"i know i know, you peed a bee-bee, thats natural son" says the mom
"No!!! I was jacking off in the garage and I shot the dog!!!"

A man with a terminal illness has gone home to die.

he is laying in his bed and after making his peace with God and man he is ready to send his soul to the hereafter. As he is drawing what will be his last breath he catches a whiff of his favorite smell in all the world...fresh baked chocolate chip cookies. So summoning a super human strength he rolls out of bed onto the floor, crawls to the top of the stairs, then head over heels he tumbles all the way downstairs. On his belly he drags himself into the kitchen. As he is laying there on the tile he can just see the edge of the cookies hanging over the counter. He reaches a weak hand up and then *KERRRWACK* right on his hand. He looks up and his wife is standing there holding a spatula. She says "STOP IT!!! Those are for the funeral".

What do you call a group of stoned Mexicans?

Baked beans

Insecure people are like chocolate chip cookies

After they get baked, they'll crumble easily.

I gave some autistic kids weed...

And now I have baked potatoes.

What do you call a bunch of Mexican Stoners?

Baked Beans.

What do you call a potato smokin' a joint?

Baked!

A Prime Rib, A Baked Potato, and a Garden Salad walk into a bar...

The bartender snaps his head away from the newspaper and yells, "Beat it, guys!" "We don't serve food!"

A French internet cafe had to cancel a CS:GO tournament it was supposed to host, after someone stole all the baked goods.

The gamers could not tolerate that much baguette loss.

I seek to promote the welfare of a certain baked dish.

I'm a flanthropist.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes