Bake Jokes

Following is our collection of knead humor and focaccia one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Bake puns for adults, dirty cake jokes or clean baked gags for kids.

There is an abundance of loaf jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 64 funniest jokes on bake. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any cook witze you can hear about bake.

The Best jokes about Bake

Two lesbians named Rachel walk in to a wedding cake shop...

To plan for their upcoming nuptials. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage we won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."

Two lesbians named Rachel walk in to a bakery...

To buy a cake for their upcoming wedding. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage that he won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."


(posted before but I felt it was an appropriate time for it to rerun.)

What's baked every day and sells itself?

My sister.

Two women named Rachel meet and fall in love.

They decide to get married and go to the baker's to pick out a wedding cake. The baker inquires about their story and appalled, refuses to bake them a wedding cake. They are very upset and accuse the baker of narrow-mindedness and bigotry. "Oh, no, no, no," the baker responds, "I don't have a problem with gay marriage, I just can't support an inter-Rachel marriage!"

Happy Valentine's, everyone!

I signed up to volunteer at a pro-life bake sale

I'll be selling cups of uncooked batter and insisting they're actually cupcakes


When do bakers stop making donuts?

When they get tired of the hole thing

Why do bakers go into business?

Because they knead the dough

Why do bakers start working so early in the morning?

Because they knead dough.

My friend's bakery burned down last night

Now his business is toast

I was a baker when I was in the army.

When I went to war, I went in all buns glazing.

Baked Beans.

One day I met a sweet woman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my wife and told her that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my wife seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
She then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as she was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. She made me promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my wife was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my wife returned, apologizing for taking so long. She asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured her I had not. At this point, she removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"


Is the bakery hiring?

Cause I think I'll knead a little bit of dough to get by.

Being a baker is a great side-job...

...especially when I knead the dough.

My Grandmother was excited to hear that some cookies at the bake sale were baked by genuine prostitutes

Grandma did always have a soft spot for ho-made products.

The baker at my local donut shop was bragging about how the male enhancement pills he'd started taking actually worked.

And that was fine until I noticed the holes in the donuts were a little larger than usual.

Why did the baker rob the bank?

Because he kneads the dough.

What does a stoner with Parkinson's disease do in the morning?

Shake and bake.

I brought some cookie dough into work today...

...so I could use the oven there to bake some cookies for all the staff, but everyone gave me dirty looks when I put them in and turned the oven on.

My boss said I was "insensitive" and "fired from the crematorium".

What did the baker say after he found the dough he had lost?

That's just what I kneaded!


Why does the baker bake?

Because he kneads the dough.

I was going to be a baker

But I couldn't raise enough dough.

Why did the baker go to work?

He kneaded the dough!

I baked a cake shaped like Canada, and offered my brother the Quebec slice....

but he's having Nunavut.

I think my wife is going to bake me some pickle bread!

She just got home with a big box and said she would surprise me tonight with her new dill dough.

[NSFW] Baking cakes

A teenage boy wants to have sex with his girlfriend, but tells his parents that she's coming over to help him bake cakes while they're at work.

After doing the deed and spending some time with her, he walks her home before returning to his own house, his younger brother having arrived home in the meantime. His brother approaches his and says "you and your girlfriend were making cakes in the living room, weren't you?"

"Yeah, we were mixing ingredients while watching TV," the boy lies "how could you tell?"

"I was just licking the icing off the sofa."

What is the female equivalent of a sausage fest?

A clam bake

Why are bakers so crazy for dough?

They don't want it, they knead it.

What temperature do you bake two pies?

360 degrees

Why did the feminist's bakery go out of business?

She told people to stop patronizing her.

If I own a bakery in France...

am I the master of pain?

The Baker

A Baker specializing in making Rye bread is disheartened. He works long hours and while his wages are decent, they are nothing special. He wants to strike it rich and make something of himself.

He hears that a lot of money can be make for trapping in the Canadian wilderness so he sells his bakery and moves to Canada to fulfill his dreams.

Unfortunately it doesn't go as planned. He is making even less money than before. After a while he fears he will not have enough money to feed himself.

He goes to a bar to drown his sorrows, and explains this all to a man at the bar. The Baker asks him what he should do.

I he man says, "if at furs you don't succeed, try rye again."

So my bakery restaurant burned down yesterday

My business is toast

How many Blondes does it take to bake chocolate chip cookies?

10....one to bake the cookies, and 9 to peel the M&Ms

I baked some synonym buns this morning

Just like grammar used to make.

My work had a bake sale today

We raised a lot of dough.

A baker bakes 73,247 baguettes in a year and sells each for $2.73. What does he make?

Bread.

Why did it take Mr. Cat so long to bake his cookies?

He made everything from scratch.

Do you know why Indian bakeries are open 24/7?

Because they bake naan stop.

It's a good thing Hitler didn't kill more black people.

Because I'd feel awful every time I said I wanted to bake brownies.

Why do bakers work so hard?

Because they knead the dough.

Where do bakers pick up their hookers?

The breadlight district

What did the baker say to the baby lamb who stole his dough?

"Oh baby ewe...you got what I knead!"

Why do bakeries in Denmark add so much sugar to their pastries?

If they didn't, they would be sweetish.

What do you call a bunch of witches getting together to smoke weed?

Easy Bake coven

The brownies I started making in my easy bake oven in 1987

are done if anyone wants some.

I'm starting a therapeutic cooking class for Parkinson's Disease patients.

It's called "Shake & Bake".

Why a baker?

Why did the baker become a baker?

He just couldn't cut it as a butcher.

I want to be a baker

My great grandfather was a baker, my grandfather was a baker and my dad was a baker.



I was bread for this.

What did Hitler get on his 6th birthday?

G.I. Jew and an Easy Bake oven.

What did the baker sing on the way to bakery?

Pie ho! Pie ho! It's off to work I go!

How do you bake toilet paper?

Well, I don't know either, I just know how to brown it on one side.

What do you get if you bake weed into apple pastry?

A high turnover.

A baker was training his protege in the kitchen.

The protege gets hungry and starts eating some dough he found on the counter. The baker gets mad and yells, "Hey! I kneaded that!"

Did you know prostitutes can bake?

I was surprised too, but when I asked her for a creampie, she said she would make it happen!

A baker was smacked lightly with a baguette by his coworker.

He felt a small pain.

How many blondes do you need to bake a chocolat cake?

Three. One for the dough and two are peeling the M&Ms

What do you get when you bake with a square pan.

A Β βˆšΟ€

Why'd the baker resort to prostitution?

Because they knead the dough.

What did Hitler get his niece for her birthday?

An easy bake oven.

Bakers have a weird way of trading bread recipes.

Its done on a knead to know basis. Gotta get the dough somehow

how does a bakery know when to make more bread?

on a knead the dough basis

What did Clint Eastwood say before firing up the ceramic bowl he made in pottery class?

Go ahead, bake my clay.

*walks away slowly*

I was going to bake a pie in honor of today.

But it would be irrational.

I know an old bakers secret

I'd tell you but it's on a kneed to know basis.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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