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Bail Jokes

57 bail jokes and hilarious bail puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bail that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Do you need a laugh? Read this hilarious collection of bail jokes! Learn about why bail money matters, why allegedly is a common word in bail pola humor, and more! Plus don't miss the funny stories of a vandal in detention. Read on to find out more!

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Popular Bail Short Jokes

Short bail jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bail humour may include short jail jokes also.

  1. The officer said You're staggering. I said You're quite handsome yourself.
    We both laughed and laughed.
    I need bail money.
  2. I just got arrested for being too ugly. Can you bail me out? Not you! Now we're both stuck in jail!
  3. So I got pulled over the other day... The Officer asked, "Are you drinking?"
    I said, "You buying?"
    We just laughed and laughed and laughed...

    I need bail money.
  4. My encounter with the cop So I was driving down the road when a cop stopped me, looked at me and asked "You drinking?"
    I said "You buying?"
    Guys I need bail money
  5. Officer: You drinking? Me: I don't know are you buying?
    He laughed, I laughed... I need bail money
    Editorial: Yes I copied this from a comment... Shhhh
  6. Your momma is so fat That the government had to bail her out because she was too big to fail.
  7. Why did they stop feeding cows the round bails of Hay in Texas? Because they weren't getting a square meal.
  8. If I had a nickel for every watermelon I've chucked at my neighbors window. I still wouldn't have enough bail money for a vandalism lawsuit.
  9. Yo mamma's so fat... The reserve bank bailed her out, cause she was too big to fail.
  10. Driving through SC, I just saw some hay on the side of the road It must have gotten sick of the driver and bailed.

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Bail One Liners

Which bail one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bail? I can suggest the ones about bales and bond.

  1. What's it called when Batman ditches church? Christian bail.
  2. What do you call Batman when he leaves church early? Christian Bail
  3. How did Batman get out of religious jail? He had to pay Christian Bail
  4. Why did the judge deny the ghost bail? Too much of a fright risk.
  5. R. Kelly has been denied bail The judge believed he was a flight risk.
  6. I was once trapped in a hay field A friend bailed me out
  7. What did Batman's friends say when he ditched them Christian Bailed
  8. Why did the Germans bail the Greeks out? Because they took Pita on them
  9. What do a prisoner and a sinking ship have in common? They both need bailing out.
  10. I waved at a feminist yesterday ... Does anyone have bail money?
  11. Pilot held without bail. Judge concerned about the risk of flight.
  12. How do you get out of a Mexican jail? Taco Bail
  13. I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day, I bailed.
  14. What do you get when batman stops going to church? Christian Bail.
  15. How did the priest get out of Jail? Christian Bail

Bail Money Jokes

Here is a list of funny bail money jokes and even better bail money puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Police officer: are you drunk Me: depends. Are you buying?
    Now my car is confiscated and I need bail money
  • Heading out for drinks, bail money's on top of the fridge.
Bail joke

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about bail can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of bail puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Silly & Ridiculous Bail Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter

What funny jokes about bail you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean escape from jail jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make bail prank.

Dustin Diamond aka 'Screech' arrested for bar stabbing...

Will he be, '"Saved by the Bail"?

How do you get a horse out of jail?

Hay bail.

What do you call a spy's law firm?

James' Bail Bonds.

I held the door for a feminist

now who wants to bail me out

BAILIFF: do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the... ME: no

JUDGE: [flipping through law handbook] what do we do if he says no?

The police were tracking down a serial killer.

The police were tracking down a serial killer who would dismember his victims and sell their body parts. He was caught after trying to sell three feet at a yard sale. The bail cost him an arm and a leg.

Translated Chinese joke

Good news: Today is the little Johnny's first time flying!
Bad news: The engine caught fire as soon as he took off
Good news: He took a parachute with him so he could bail out
Bad news: The parachute failed midair
Good news: He saw a huge stack of hay right beneath him
Bad news: The top of the haystack is smeared with s**...t
Good news: He didn't land on the s**...t
Bad news: He didn't land on the haystack either

An accused criminal is brought before a judge...

The judge says, "You stand accused of stealing five million dollars' worth of gold bars. How do you plead?"
"Not guilty, your honour."
"Bail is set at five million dollars." The judge slams his gavel down.
"Do you accept payment in gold?"

A request for Fish Jokes

My girlfriend really likes and jokes and fish. But when looking for fish jokes on the web i did not find anything except:
"What did the magician say to the fisherman? Pick a cod, any cod"
"Why don't fish play basketball? because they are afraid of nets"
"What did the fish say when he posted bail? I'm off the hook!"
Does anyone have any good fish jokes to share?

The other day a Cop pulled me over...

After asking for my documentation he said, "your eyes seem a bit red, have you been doing drugs?" To which I replied, "well now sir your eyes seem a bit glazed, have you been eating donuts?"
We both laughed and laughed some more!
I need bail money!

A bailiff works at a bakery and is asked what kind of bread they have.

"All ryes."

The name is bond

Bail bond

What do you call it when someone cancels plans with you to go to church instead?

A Christian bail.

If your taco gets arrested what do you need to bring to the jail?

Taco bail.

Christopher Nolan's film about the war on the Drugs to release in July 2020.

To star Michael c**... and Christian Bail

The bailiffs

came to evict i**... occupants of the house, but it was not possible, as in fact they were ten ants.

I was pulled over by a police officer for drink driving.

He said walk down the path in a straight line, 3 yards into the walk, the officer said, "You're staggering" I said, "you're quite handsome yourself" We just laughed and laughed. Now I need bail money.

If being s**... was a crime

I'd probably make bail

So I got pulled over...

I was driving home from the bar and of course Sirens were wailing and showing red and blue.
I pulled over and the officer showed up to my window and shined a light in my eyes.
Sir you have been swerving and your eyes are red have you been drinking
Well, your eyes are glazed have you been eating donuts?!
We laughed and laughed!!!
Yeah, I need bail money........

Have you ever been walking behind someone and they're slow and you can't get around them no matter what you do and then you try to pass them and at the very last second they turn right in front of you and block you and you get frustrated?

Anyway, I need bail.

These Farmers got arrested!

Did you hear why the celery farmer got arrested?
For stalking
Did you hear about the hay farmer that got arrested?
He's out on bail
Did you hear about the root vegetable farmer that got arrested?
He beet up his friend with a potato and didn't carrot all.

I got pulled over for riding a bike drunk

I got pulled over by the cops for riding a bike drunk. The cop asks me; "what do you think you're doing riding a bike drunk?"
So I told him, " I'm too drunk to drive, and every time I try and walk I fall down. So I stole the bike"
Anyhow, long story short, I need bail money.

Bail joke, I just got arrested for being too ugly. Can you bail me out?

jokes about bail

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these bail jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.