Bail Jokes

Following is our collection of detention humor and parole one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Bail puns for adults, dirty bale jokes or clean custody gags for kids.

There is an abundance of spousal jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 41 funniest jokes on bail. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any rufio witze you can hear about bail.

The Best jokes about Bail

An accused criminal is brought before a judge...

The judge says, "You stand accused of stealing five million dollars' worth of gold bars. How do you plead?"

"Not guilty, your honour."

"Bail is set at five million dollars." The judge slams his gavel down.

"Do you accept payment in gold?"

What's it called when Batman ditches church?

Christian bail.

Translated Chinese joke

Good news: Today is the little Johnny's first time flying!

Bad news: The engine caught fire as soon as he took off

Good news: He took a parachute with him so he could bail out

Bad news: The parachute failed midair

Good news: He saw a huge stack of hay right beneath him

Bad news: The top of the haystack is smeared with sh!t

Good news: He didn't land on the sh!t

Bad news: He didn't land on the haystack either

The officer said You're staggering.

I said You're quite handsome yourself.
We both laughed and laughed.
I need bail money.

Superman grandpa

On the first day of school the teacher asks the children to go home and ask for a family history story that has a morale in it. So one child comes to school the next day and tells the teacher this: you see, my grandpa was a bomber pilot. His plane was shot and he had to bail out. On his body was an empty bottle of whiskey, a knife and a gun. When he landed there were 20 enemy guards waiting for him. He killed fifteen men with the gun. Until it ran out of bullets. Killed 3 guys with his knife until the blade broke off, then killed the last 2 with his bare hands. Then the teacher reply's that was a very violent story and what was the morale?

Stay away from grandpa when he's drunk.

What do you call Batman when he leaves church early?

Christian Bail

a joke from the war

a man is flying a combat mission over Europe. He gets shot down and has to bail out. He breaks both his legs, is captured by Germans, then taken to a POW camp.
The first week they have to amputate his right leg. He asks one of them "After you're done, can you have one of your pilots fly my leg over my base in England and drop it there?", so they do it.
The next week they have to cut off his other leg. And he asks them again "Could you please have someone drop this off over my base in England?", and they do it!
The third week, the have to cut off his arm, so he asks them again. This time, the german says "Nein! Dis ve can't do anymore!" And he asks "Why not?". And the german says "Ve think yoo are trying to escape!"

If being sexy was a crime

I'd probably make bail

A man is charged with a felony...

The man and his family are too poor to post bail. The man gets a letter from his father that reads:

"It is so unfortunate that you are in jail right now, every year at this time we used to turn the soil before winter so that we could plant and grow tomatoes next year. I don't think I'll be able to do it by myself but I will try my best.

Much love,


The man reads the message and immediately writes a response from jail:

"DON'T TURN THE SOIL IN OUR TOMATO PATCH!!!! It's where I buried the evidence!!!"

Two hours later a team of government investigators show up at the father's house stating that based on evidence scanned through the man's letter, there are reasonable ground to search the tomato patch for evidence. The investigators dig up the entire patch... But find nothing. They apologize to the father and leave. The man sees the investigation come back and writes to his father:

"Looks like we'll be having tomatoes next year after all!"

A teacher instructs her fifth-grade class to ask their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end.

The next day the kids come in and share their stories. "My daddy told me about my uncle Dave," says one boy. "He was a pilot in Vietnam and had to bail out over enemy territory with nothing but a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a knife. He drank the whiskey during the drop, then landed in the middle of 20 Charlies. He shot 15, stabbed three, and killed the last two with his bare hands."
"What is the moral of this horrible story?" yelps the mortified teacher.
"Stay away from Uncle Dave when he's drinking."

How did Batman get out of religious jail?

He had to pay Christian Bail

The other day a Cop pulled me over...

After asking for my documentation he said, "your eyes seem a bit red, have you been doing drugs?" To which I replied, "well now sir your eyes seem a bit glazed, have you been eating donuts?"
We both laughed and laughed some more!
I need bail money!

R. Kelly has been denied bail

The judge believed he was a flight risk.

The police were tracking down a serial killer.

The police were tracking down a serial killer who would dismember his victims and sell their body parts. He was caught after trying to sell three feet at a yard sale. The bail cost him an arm and a leg.

So I got pulled over the other day...

The Officer asked, "Are you drinking?"

I said, "You buying?"

We just laughed and laughed and laughed...

I need bail money.

Once upon a time, three brothers named...

Fart, Shut Up, and Respect robbed a bank together. Fart was unlucky and got caught, so Shut Up and Respect decided to try to bail him out of jail. They went to the prison, but Respect was tired; he stayed in the car, so Shut Up went to talk to the guard. The guard said,
What are you here for?
so Shut Up says, To release Fart.
The guard then says, Umm... ok. So what's your name?
Shut Up.
The guard, bewildered, says, Hey,hey,hey, watch it! Where's your respect?
So Shut Up says, In the car.

Officer: You drinking?

Me: I don't know are you buying?

He laughed, I laughed... I need bail money

Editorial: Yes I copied this from a comment... Shhhh

I was pulled over by a police officer for drink driving.

He said walk down the path in a straight line, 3 yards into the walk, the officer said, "You're staggering" I said, "you're quite handsome yourself" We just laughed and laughed. Now I need bail money.

Why did the Germans bail the Greeks out?

Because they took Pita on them

I waved at a feminist yesterday ...

Does anyone have bail money?

Pilot held without bail.

Judge concerned about the risk of flight.

A request for Fish Jokes

My girlfriend really likes and jokes and fish. But when looking for fish jokes on the web i did not find anything except:

"What did the magician say to the fisherman? Pick a cod, any cod"

"Why don't fish play basketball? because they are afraid of nets"

"What did the fish say when he posted bail? I'm off the hook!"

Does anyone have any good fish jokes to share?

How do you get out of a Mexican jail?

Taco Bail

What do you get when batman stops going to church?

Christian Bail.

How did the priest get out of Jail?

Christian Bail

If I had a nickel for every watermelon I've chucked at my neighbors window.

I still wouldn't have enough bail money for a vandalism lawsuit.

I held the door for a feminist

now who wants to bail me out

Dustin Diamond aka 'Screech' arrested for bar stabbing...

Will he be, '"Saved by the Bail"?

Christopher Nolan's film about the war on the Drugs to release in July 2020.

To star Michael Cocaine and Christian Bail

The name is bond

Bail bond

How do you get a horse out of jail?

Hay bail.

A bailiff works at a bakery and is asked what kind of bread they have.

"All ryes."

BAILIFF: do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the... ME: no

JUDGE: [flipping through law handbook] what do we do if he says no?

The bailiffs

came to evict illegal occupants of the house, but it was not possible, as in fact they were ten ants.

If your taco gets arrested what do you need to bring to the jail?

Taco bail.

Why did the skier bail out on his wedding?

He had cold feet.

What do you call it when someone cancels plans with you to go to church instead?

A Christian bail.

What did the bailiff say at bread court?

All rise!

My catholic friend was arrested for drunk driving in batman costume....they gave this

**Christian, Bail**

what did the black guy get this Christmas?


jk kidding he got a record deal

Christopher Nolan was directing a scene when the chopper Batman was flying suddenly burst into flames.

Nolan yelled, "CHRISTIAN, BAIL!!"

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes