Bagpipes Jokes

33 bagpipes jokes and hilarious bagpipes puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bagpipes that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Bagpipes Short Jokes

Short bagpipes jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bagpipes humour may include short playing bagpipe jokes also.

  1. My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
  2. My next door neighbor banged on my door at 3:00 am last night. Fortunately, I was wide awake, playing my bagpipes on the back porch at the time.
  3. My neighbor pounded on my door at 2:30am last night! Can you believe that?! 2:30am! Fortunately, I was still up practicing my bagpipes.
  4. I can't believe my neighbors came to my house at 5:00 AM... ...thank god I was already up playing the bagpipes.
  5. I can't believe my neighbor had the audacity to ring my doorbell at 2 in the morning. Lucky for him though I was still up playing my bagpipes.
  6. What’s the definition of perfect pitch? When you toss an accordion into a dumpster and it lands on a bagpipe.
  7. My neighbor knocked on my door at 3 a.m. 3 a.m.!!!
    Fortunately, i was still awake, playing my bagpipes.
  8. Whenever I see a man wearing a skirt, I run away. It's not that I'm homophobic, I'm just afraid he'll start to play the bagpipes.
  9. How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded? You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.
  10. Did you know that there's a place in the Middle East that's considered the father of the bagpipe? It's Baghdad

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Bagpipes One Liners

Which bagpipes one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bagpipes? I can suggest the ones about violins and music instruments.

  1. Don't run with bagpipes. You could put an aye out. Or worse yet, get kilt.
  2. What’s the difference between an accordion and a bagpipe? The bagpipe burns faster.
  3. Whats the diff. between an onion and a bagpipe. Nobody cries when you cut up a bagpipe.
  4. What is the best way to tune a bagpipe? With a Pitchfork!
  5. So a neighbor knocked on my door at 3am. *3am* Luckily I was already playing the bagpipes
  6. Never run with a bagpipe... You may get kilt
  7. Why are the bag-pipers always marching? They're trying to get away from the noise.
  8. Why do bagpipe players walk while they play? To get away from the noise.
  9. My girlfriend is like a bagpipe When I squeeze her she makes annoying noises.
  10. What do you call a Scottish person with a colonoscopy bag? A human bagpipe.
  11. Best thing about being a professional bagpiper is.. We get the best blow jobs.
  12. What do you call a Hispanic bagpipe player? Bag papito
  13. What do you call ten sets of bagpipes at the bottom of the sea? A start.
  14. I want bagpipes at my f**.... So I don't have to listen to them.

Bagpipes joke, I want bagpipes at my f**....

Entertaining Bagpipes Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone

What funny jokes about bagpipes you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean string instruments jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bagpipes pranks.

An English spy, a Scottish spy and an Irish spy are captured by the n**....

The n**... ask if they have any last wishes
The Irishman says "I want the irish national anthem to be played before I die"
The Scottish man says "I want the Scottish anthem to be played on bagpipes before I die"
The Englishman says "I wanna die first"

A Scotsman moves to London

How's the flat you're living in in London, Jock? asks his mother when he calls home to Aberdeen.
It's okay, he replies, but the woman next door keeps screaming and crying all night and the guy on the other side keeps b**... his head on the wall.
Never you mind, says his mother, don't you let them get to you, just ignore them.
Aye, that I do, he says, I just keep playing my bagpipes.

A nice Scottish lad moves to New York.

After 6 months his mom calls him and she asks how he finds the Americans. Horrible, he says. They always yell and scream. He hates how they pound on the walls and stomp the floors. Oh pure! she says, how do you get by?
I just relax in bed, playing me bagpipes, says the lad.

Two friends were having a conversation...

The first guy says "Man, my neighbors were up yelling and screaming at one in the morning."
"Ouch." says the other guy "Did they wake you up?"
"No. I was already up, playing my bagpipes."

Bagpiper at a f**...

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a f**... director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a Pauper's' cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the f**... guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.
And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, and we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say;


Talented Octopus

A man walks into a bar with and octopus under his arms. He then stands up on the bar and shouts for everyone inside to hear. "I will bet anyone here 200 dollars that this octopus can play any instrument you give it". Everyone is a buzz and the bartender hands him a guitar that was hanging on the wall. The Octopus takes the guitar and strums on it with great enthusiasm and plays a beautiful arrangement. Another man pulls a harmonica out of his pocket and again, the octopus plays it superbly. A jazz band hands him all of there instruments and the octopus plays them all with amazing skill. Then, a Scottish man wearing a kilt comes up to the octopus and hands it his bagpipes. The octopus, looks at it confusingly then begins to fumble with the instrument. "Ay, you can't play er, can ye" The Scotsman says with a thick accent. The octopus responds "Play her? I'm going to screw her as soon as I get these pajamas off"

Bagpipes joke, Did you know that there's a place in the Middle East that's considered the father of the bagpipe?