Bagpipes Jokes

Following is our collection of tonne funnies and scotsmen chistes working better than reddit jokes. They include Bagpipes puns for adults, dirty violin jokes or clean bagpiper gags for kids.

There is an abundance of fife jokes out there, and you're fortunate because we've a collection of favorite ones. Check out the funniest 19 jokes on the internet, even funnier than any drums witze you can hear about bagpipes.

The Best jokes about Bagpipes

My next door neighbor banged on my door at 3:00 am last night.

Fortunately, I was wide awake, playing my bagpipes on the back porch at the time.

My neighbor pounded on my door at 2:30am last night! Can you believe that?! 2:30am!

Fortunately, I was still up practicing my bagpipes.

I can't believe my neighbors came to my house at 5:00 AM...

...thank god I was already up playing the bagpipes.

I can't believe my neighbor had the audacity to ring my doorbell at 2 in the morning.

Lucky for him though I was still up playing my bagpipes.

A nice Scottish lad moves to New York.

After 6 months his mom calls him and she asks how he finds the Americans. Horrible, he says. They always yell and scream. He hates how they pound on the walls and stomp the floors. Oh pure! she says, how do you get by?

I just relax in bed, playing me bagpipes, says the lad.


Two friends were having a conversation...

The first guy says "Man, my neighbors were up yelling and screaming at one in the morning."
"Ouch." says the other guy "Did they wake you up?"
"No. I was already up, playing my bagpipes."

Don't run with bagpipes. You could put an aye out.

Or worse yet, get kilt.

Whenever I see a man wearing a skirt, I run away.

It's not that I'm homophobic, I'm just afraid he'll start to play the bagpipes.

A guy walks into a bar with an octopus

A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus that can play any instrument in the world. Everyone laughs, so he says he'll bet $50. A guy walks up with a guitar and sits it beside the octopus. The octopus starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix, so the man pays his $50. Another guy walks up with a trumpet, and the octopus plays it better than Dizzy Gillespie. So the man pays his $50. A third guy walks up with bagpipes. He sits them down and the octopus fumbles with it for a minute and sets it down with a confused look. "Ha!" the man says, "Can't you play it?" The octopus looks up at the man and says, "Play it? I'm going to screw it as soon as I get its pajamas off."

So a neighbor knocked on my door at 3am. *3am*

Luckily I was already playing the bagpipes

Bagpipes at a Funeral

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back country.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.

I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.

I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. Played like I've never played before for this homeless man.

And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept. We all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothin' like that before, and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."


The sign of a true gentleman...

...is one who knows how to play the bagpipes, but chooses not to.

What's the difference between a 5 lb bag of onions and some bagpipes?

No one cries when you cut up the bagpipes.

My friend starting hearing bagpipes in the back of his head

I swear, I think he has Scotsophrenia.

It was three o'clock in the morning. . .

. . . and I hear somebody pounding on the front door to my apartment. I open it up, it's my neighbor. Three o'clock in the morning, here he is banging on my door, can you believe it?

Lucky for him I was still up playing my bagpipes.

Englishmen are like bagpipes

Aside from the obvious similarity between bags of hot air, the Scottish enjoy having either in a choke hold, but have a history of blowing both.

My grandparents told me they wanted me to play my bagpipes at their funeral

I told them I was all booked up for next week.

What's the definition of a gentleman?

A person that can play bagpipes after dinner, but doesn't.

I want bagpipes at my funeral.

So I don't have to listen to them.


Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes