Bagpipes Jokes
29 bagpipes jokes and hilarious bagpipes puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bagpipes that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Bagpipes Short Jokes
Short bagpipes jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bagpipes humour may include short playing bagpipe jokes also.
- My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
- I can't believe my neighbors came to my house at 5:00 AM... ...thank god I was already up playing the bagpipes.
- How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded? You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.
- Did you know that there's a place in the Middle East that's considered the father of the bagpipe? It's Baghdad
- Why do bagpipers always walk while playing the bagpipes? They are trying to get away from all the noise.
Note: I actually really like the bagpipes. - what's the difference between an onion & a bagpipe? nobody cries when you slice up a bagpipe...
- The neighbors complained about my 5 a.m. bagpipe playing... ...I guess they're not mourning people.
- The sign of a true gentleman... ...is one who knows how to play the bagpipes, but chooses not to.
- My friend starting hearing bagpipes in the back of his head I swear, I think he has Scotsophrenia.
- A bagpipe player, a banjo player and an accordion player all walk into a bar... everybody leaves.
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Bagpipes One Liners
Which bagpipes one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bagpipes? I can suggest the ones about violins and string instruments.
- Don't run with bagpipes. You could put an aye out. Or worse yet, get kilt.
- What’s the difference between an accordion and a bagpipe? The bagpipe burns faster.
- Whats the diff. between an onion and a bagpipe. Nobody cries when you cut up a bagpipe.
- What is the best way to tune a bagpipe? With a Pitchfork!
- Never run with a bagpipe... You may get kilt
- My girlfriend is like a bagpipe When I squeeze her she makes annoying noises.
- What do you call a Scottish person with a colonoscopy bag? A human bagpipe.
- What do you call a Hispanic bagpipe player? Bag papito
- What do you call ten sets of bagpipes at the bottom of the sea? A start.
- I want bagpipes at my f**.... So I don't have to listen to them.
Entertaining Bagpipes Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone
What funny jokes about bagpipes you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean flute jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bagpipes pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An English spy, a Scottish spy and an Irish spy are captured by the n**....
The n**... ask if they have any last wishes
The Irishman says "I want the irish national anthem to be played before I die"
The Scottish man says "I want the Scottish anthem to be played on bagpipes before I die"
The Englishman says "I wanna die first"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Scotsman moves to London
How's the flat you're living in in London, Jock? asks his mother when he calls home to Aberdeen.
It's okay, he replies, but the woman next door keeps screaming and crying all night and the guy on the other side keeps b**... his head on the wall.
Never you mind, says his mother, don't you let them get to you, just ignore them.
Aye, that I do, he says, I just keep playing my bagpipes.
Two friends were having a conversation...
The first guy says "Man, my neighbors were up yelling and screaming at one in the morning."
"Ouch." says the other guy "Did they wake you up?"
"No. I was already up, playing my bagpipes."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bagpiper at a f**...
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a f**... director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a Pauper's' cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the f**... guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.
And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, and we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say;
"I NEVER SEEN NOTHIN' LIKE THAT BEFORE AND I'VE BEEN PUTTING IN SEPTIC TANKS FOR TWENTY YEARS."
Talented Octopus
A man walks into a bar with and octopus under his arms. He then stands up on the bar and shouts for everyone inside to hear. "I will bet anyone here 200 dollars that this octopus can play any instrument you give it". Everyone is a buzz and the bartender hands him a guitar that was hanging on the wall. The Octopus takes the guitar and strums on it with great enthusiasm and plays a beautiful arrangement. Another man pulls a harmonica out of his pocket and again, the octopus plays it superbly. A jazz band hands him all of there instruments and the octopus plays them all with amazing skill. Then, a Scottish man wearing a kilt comes up to the octopus and hands it his bagpipes. The octopus, looks at it confusingly then begins to fumble with the instrument. "Ay, you can't play er, can ye" The Scotsman says with a thick accent. The octopus responds "Play her? I'm going to screw her as soon as I get these pajamas off"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's similar about a shy j**... and a bagpipe
They only make noise once they've been blown up.
