Baggage Jokes

Following is our collection of suitcase humor and flight one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Baggage puns for adults, dirty airline jokes or clean layover gags for kids.

There is an abundance of knapsack jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 38 funniest jokes on baggage. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any vulture witze you can hear about baggage.

The Best jokes about Baggage

A photon walks into a hotel and orders a room. The bellhop asks, Can I carry your baggage to your room for you?

The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light."

Nerd joke

A photon walks up to an airline counter to buy a ticket and the clerk asks "any baggage to check?" The photon replies "No, I'm traveling light."

As migration approached, two elderly vultures

As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane.

When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons. "Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?" she asked.

"No, thanks," replied the vultures. "They're carrion."

A mathematician is afraid of flying because of the risk of a terrorist bombing it in mid air. So he takes a bomb in his hand baggage

"The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero.

I ran into my old girlfriend at the airport,

boy she has a lot of baggage.


I just told my luggage there will be no vacations this year.

Now I'm dealing with emotional baggage.

Why do vultures find it easy to fly?

They only ever have carrion baggage.

A man is at the airport. The airline attendant asks the man, "Do you have any baggage?"

He replies, "I haven't talked to my parents in 3 years, I have depression, and I'm still a virgin."

What is empty and spins round and round?

A Malaysian Airlines baggage claim.

My punchlines are like lost baggage...

you should get them in a couple of days.

- George Watsky

What's the difference between a bag that you take onto an airplane and the vegetables grown in Bilbo's garden?

One is cabin baggage, the other is Baggin's cabbage.


What do Captain Kirk and Mister Spock do to get their baggage up to their hotel room?

Tell a porter.

The electromagnetic wave arrived at the hotel, when the hotelier asks...

"Do you have any baggage to check in?" - "No, I'm traveling light."

When checking in for his flight, the wedge-tailed eagle was asked: Would you like to check some baggage or purchase an in-flight meal?

The eagle replied: No thanks. I'll just have my carrion.

I like my woman like a I like a flight

* Easy to find online
* Baggage free
* Willing to serve hot food

Had a conversation with my suitcase about not going on holiday this year

Now I'm dealing with emotional baggage

With Ryanair, the price of your Flight Ticket does not include baggage or meals.

Now it doesn't even include your flight!

A photon checks in at the airport for his flight. The ticket attendant asks him if he has any baggage to check, and the photon says, "No..."

"....I'm travelling light!"

What do you call a pilot's therapist?

A baggage handler.


Airline Prices

Airline prices are getting out of control, soon they will start charging for emotional baggage. "Where did he touch you as a kid? that will be an extra $50."

Never date a girl with lots of baggage

They'll travel too much, you will never get to see them.

The airline lost my prosthetic leg

To make matters worse, a baggage handler dropped a heavy suitcase on my foot... I wanted to sue the airline, but my lawyer said I didnt have a leg to stand on.

Why did the vulture check his baggage at the airport?

He wasn't allowed any carrion

Why did the airport luggage checker refuse to date the depressed man?

he had to much baggage

Cur-phew!

I told my suitcases that we're not going on holiday this year. Now I'm dealing with emotional baggage.

Where do you put your emotional baggage?

A griefcase

My suitcase started crying when I picked it up.

I was carrying emotional baggage.

I could never date a suitcase

Just too much baggage for me I guess

I saw a person with a backpack and a messenger bag.

Talk about some serious baggage.

It's been a week since Kate Spade's death and I still cannot believe it.

I guess you never really know what kind of baggage people are dealing with.

Photon walks into the airport and TSA asks him if he has any baggage.

"No I am traveling light."

This girl I started dating said she loved to fly...

She always had a lot of extra baggage and unforeseen costs.

My ex-girlfriend had a lot of baggage

which was very useful when she moved out

A man walks up to the airport check-in counter...

The check-in agent asks,

"How much baggage do you have?"

The man responds,

"Lots, how much time do you have?"

Who called it Emotional Baggage?

..and not Griefcase!

So my girlfriend hurriedly left me for another man halfway across the world...

... and in her rush she left behind all of her baggage

My short lived lawsuit against the airport baggage claim was thrown out

They made another brief case disappear

I believe every therapist deserves full flight benefits with any airline.

They carry so much baggage.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes