Bagels Jokes

Following is our collection of bakery humor and bread one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Bagels puns for adults, dirty croissant jokes or clean judo gags for kids.

There is an abundance of nym jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 31 funniest jokes on bagels. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any foods witze you can hear about bagels.

The Best jokes about Bagels

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.

Why do seagulls live by the sea?

Because if they live by the bay, they would be bagels!

"Dad, how did you come up with my brother's name, 'Legab'?"

"Is it a variation of 'Gabriel' or something?"

"Ah... no sweetie. As you know, your Mom loves bagels so we decided to play with that word".

"Oh... ok. Thanks, Dad!"

"You're welcome, Lana".

This guy is shopping, see, and he approaches the clerk and asks him..

.."Excuse me, where is the Polish sausage?"
"Oh," says the clerk, "Are you Polish?"
"Whaat?" says the guy, indignantly."Are you serious? If I asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? If I asked for bagels, would you assume I was Jewish? Jeez!"
"No, I certainly would not. " said the clerk.
"Then why'd you ask if I was Polish?"
"Because, Sir," says the clerk, "This is Home Depot."

What do you call a bakery that only sells bagels and donuts?

Hole foods

What's the difference between karate and judo?

Karate is a method of self defense and judo is what bagels are made of.

Oh, jokes from 7 year-olds are cool now? From my son last night: "Why do sea gulls fly over the sea?"

Because if they flew over the bay they'd be bay gulls ("like bagels, get it Dad?").

Why do seagulls live by the sea?

Because if the lived by the bay, they would be bagels.

My very quiet intern brought this in when I asked her to find a joke a day to share. She couldn't finish telling it without cracking up.

What's the difference between Karate and Judo?

Karate is a martial art and Judo is used to make bagels.

Why can't blueberry bagels fly?

Because, then they would be plane bagels.

What's the difference between Kung-Fu and Judo?

One is the ancient art of self defense. The other is what you make bagels out of.

The German consulate is in NYC for a big UN meeting...

The clock hits 12:30 and the meeting breaks for lunch. Being that he's in New York, the consulate requests to go out to lunch at a local Deli. An intern is charge with taking him out. As they are sitting and eating the consulate turns to the intern and exclaims,

"I have to admit, these bagels are really delicious! We don't have bagels like this in Germany."

"Well," the intern replies, "whose fault is that?"

Analogies Are like bagels on a trampoline:

They don't always work.

Why do seagulls hang out by the sea and not the bay?

Because they're not bagels...

Why do seagulls swim by the sea and not by the bay?

Then they'd be bagels!

What do bagels and holiday parties have in common?

They're both better toasted

A deli's competitor falsely accused them of using expired cream cheese on their bagels.

It was all just a schmear campaign.

As a Jew, I love bagels...

They're one of the holeyest foods.

Bagels and donuts are the same thing...

I donut see a difference.

Why do Jews like bagels so much?

They finally get to toast something of their own.

Why do seagulls live by the Sea..?

..Because if they lived by the Bay, they would be bagels!

Honestly this cracked me up when I first heard it.


I took my girlfriend a breakfast sandwich this morning, I guess you could call that bae-goals

Two bagels are out flying.

All of the sudden one of them plummets to the ground. Why?

Because bagels can't fly!

The same day two cows are also out flying and chatting and out of nowhere one of them also plunge down towards the ground. Why?

A bagel hit him in the eye!

300 Bagels Roll Down A Hill, the 301st makes it about a half way and falls over. It wanted to make it all the way down...

But it was outta lox.

Why do seagulls fly over the sea..? If they flew over the bay they'd be bagels. 🤣

This joke is corny but my absolute favorite. Has been for many years.

My favorite food is bagels

There empty inside just like me

What do dyslexic people put on there bagels


Why do bagels have problems putting on makeup?

They always shmear it.

The difference between Karate and Judo.

Karate is a combat and self defense technique developed in japan that requires years of intense training and dedication to master.

Judo is what they make bagels out of.

Yo mamma so dumb

She thinks judo is what you make bagels with

Some claim that the holey bagel has commited heinous acts of degradation.

They prefer bagels with smear.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes