The Best 36 Bagels Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Bagels jokes. There are some bagels bread jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these bagels judo puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Bagels Jokes and Puns

What's the difference between karate and judo?

Karate is a method of self defense and judo is what bagels are made of.

This guy is shopping, see, and he approaches the clerk and asks him..

.."Excuse me, where is the Polish sausage?"
"Oh," says the clerk, "Are you Polish?"
"Whaat?" says the guy, indignantly."Are you serious? If I asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? If I asked for bagels, would you assume I was Jewish? Jeez!"
"No, I certainly would not. " said the clerk.
"Then why'd you ask if I was Polish?"
"Because, Sir," says the clerk, "This is Home Depot."

Why do seagulls live by the sea?

Because if they live by the bay, they would be bagels!

Bagels joke, Why do seagulls live by the sea?

What's the difference between Kung-Fu and Judo?

One is the ancient art of self defense. The other is what you make bagels out of.

What's the difference between Karate and Judo?

Karate is a martial art and Judo is used to make bagels.

Why do seagulls live by the Sea..?

..Because if they lived by the Bay, they would be bagels!

Honestly this cracked me up when I first heard it.

The difference between Karate and Judo.

Karate is a combat and self defense technique developed in japan that requires years of intense training and dedication to master.

Judo is what they make bagels out of.

Bagels joke, The difference between Karate and Judo.

Oh, jokes from 7 year-olds are cool now? From my son last night: "Why do sea gulls fly over the sea?"

Because if they flew over the bay they'd be bay gulls ("like bagels, get it Dad?").

Two bagels are out flying.

All of the sudden one of them plummets to the ground. Why?

Because bagels can't fly!

The same day two cows are also out flying and chatting and out of nowhere one of them also plunge down towards the ground. Why?

A bagel hit him in the eye!

Why don't Sea gulls hang out at the bay

we would have to call bagels

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.

You can explore bagels bakery reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean bagels croissant dad jokes. There are also bagels puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

As a Jew, I love bagels...

They're one of the holeyest foods.

Why do Jews like bagels so much?

They finally get to toast something of their own.

Mendelsohn's Bagel Pizza

...from what I understand those are uh...not bagels in that pizza.

Why do seagulls swim by the sea and not by the bay?

Then they'd be bagels!

Why do seagulls hang out by the sea and not the bay?

Because they're not bagels...

Bagels joke, Why do seagulls hang out by the sea and not the bay?

"Dad, how did you come up with my brother's name, 'Legab'?"

"Is it a variation of 'Gabriel' or something?"

"Ah... no sweetie. As you know, your Mom loves bagels so we decided to play with that word".

"Oh... ok. Thanks, Dad!"

"You're welcome, Lana".

The German consulate is in NYC for a big UN meeting...

The clock hits 12:30 and the meeting breaks for lunch. Being that he's in New York, the consulate requests to go out to lunch at a local Deli. An intern is charge with taking him out. As they are sitting and eating the consulate turns to the intern and exclaims,

"I have to admit, these bagels are really delicious! We don't have bagels like this in Germany."

"Well," the intern replies, "whose fault is that?"

What do bagels and holiday parties have in common?

They're both better toasted


They're basically like bagels, but the hole is tighter.

Why can't blueberry bagels fly?

Because, then they would be plane bagels.

I saw someone buy twelve dozen bagels.

Isn't that kind of *gross* ??


I took my girlfriend a breakfast sandwich this morning, I guess you could call that bae-goals

A deli's competitor falsely accused them of using expired cream cheese on their bagels.

It was all just a schmear campaign.

What do you call a bakery that only sells bagels and donuts?

Hole foods

Why do seagulls fly over the sea..? If they flew over the bay they'd be bagels. 🤣

This joke is corny but my absolute favorite. Has been for many years.

What do dyslexic people put on there bagels


My favorite food is bagels

There empty inside just like me

300 Bagels Roll Down A Hill, the 301st makes it about a half way and falls over. It wanted to make it all the way down...

But it was outta lox.

Some claim that the holey bagel has commited heinous acts of degradation.

They prefer bagels with smear.

Yo mamma so dumb

She thinks judo is what you make bagels with

Why do bagels have problems putting on makeup?

They always shmear it.

Bagels and donuts are the same thing...

I donut see a difference.

Analogies Are like bagels on a trampoline:

They don't always work.

Why do seagulls live by the sea?

Because if the lived by the bay, they would be bagels.

My very quiet intern brought this in when I asked her to find a joke a day to share. She couldn't finish telling it without cracking up.

Why do Seagulls hang out by the ocean?

Because if they hung out by the bay, they'd be bagels.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the bagels nym jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working bagels foods piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes