bag pipe Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious bag pipe puns

My neighbor came pounding on my front door at 2am last night

lucky for him, I was up practicing my bag pipes.

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A hotdog, a cucumber and a dick are talking

and they're all lamenting about what terrible lives they must endure.

The Pickle pipes up and says, "I bet you guys have it easy. I hate being a pickle. I was happy being a cucumber, but then as soon as I got fat and juicy I was stuck in a jar full of seasoning and put on a shelf for months! Now all I have to look forward to is being sliced up and thrown on a hamburger, or maybe on you, hotdog."

The Hotdog chimes in, "I hope not. You smell pretty bad. But you still don't have it as rough as me. I'm made from assholes and snouts and dyed pink just so people will eat me. Usually they explode my kind in the microwave trying to make me big and juicy, the bastards."

The Dick has been silent and kind of shaking his head, smirking a bit. Finally he says, "You think you guys have it rough? I get beaten all my life, and whenever I get big, fat and juicy they throw a plastic bag over my head, shove me in a wet, dark, smelly cave, and I have to do push-ups until I puke!"

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The Musical Octopus

A guy walks into a bar carrying a bucket.

Bartender ask's "what's in the bucket"?

Guy say " it's my octopus and he plays musical instruments ".

Bartender says " bullshit "

Guys says " I bet you free drinks, he will play whatever you got "

Bartender says " fine, here is a harmonica "

Octopus looks at it, intrigued, then begins to play some blues.

Bartender " Whoa shit, free drinks "

Guy comes back next week, same thing.

Bartender gives the octopus a saxophone.

Octopus again looks at it, then wow, plays some jazz.
free drinks again.

Next week

Bartender says " I got you this time "

Bartender hands the octopus Bag pipes.

Octopus looks at it, squeezes it, but it just wont make a tune.

Bartender says " Hah, told ya "


Guy says " Hold on, Hold on. Once he figures out he cant fuck it, hell play it".

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Don't run with bag pipes. You could poke out an eye out or worse...

Get kilt.

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A Man Walks into a bar with an Octopus... (Kind of long, worth it though)

He sits down at the bar placing the octopus next to him. The bartender walks over and says

"Hey you, can't have that octopus in here"

The man says "This Octopus right here is the band, he can play ANY instrument you give him"

Bartender says "ALright and hands the Octopus a guitar, The octopus starts sheredding and does an amazing job. The Bartender then hands him a Bass, once again the octopus does amazing. The bartender then stands there thinking for a few minutes, looks over at the octopus and says

"Alright octopus, I got an instrument that I garauntee you wont be able to play" and hands him Bag pipes.

After about 3 minutes of the Octopus, examining the instruement very confused he looks up at the bartender...

Bartender goes "Ha! I knew i'd get you with this one, you don't know how to play it, do you?"

Octopus Replies "Well, no I'm gonna fuck it once I get its Pajamas off"

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A banana, a pickle, and a penis are sitting in a bar...

They are all bullshitting about their lives and how bad they each have it.

The banana pipes up and says "Man, my life really sucks. Ya know, when I get big, ripe, and juicy they take me, slice me up, and throw me on an ice cold ice cream sundae."

The pickle says "Ha! That's a laugh! I got it 10 times worse than you! Cause' when I get big, ripe, and juicy they take me, slice me up, and throw me on a searing' hot hamburger with all the fixings!"

The penis looks up, chuckles, and says " I got it worse than both of ya! When I get big, ripe. And juicy they take me, stretch a plastic bag over my head, and throw me in a dark room where the bang my head against the wall until I throw up and pass out! And this is at least 3 times a week!"

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Did you hear about the guy who's making "Colostomy Bag Pipes" on Kick Starter?

They sound like shit.

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You shouldn't run with bag pipes.

You could put an eye out, or get kilt.

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An octopus..

An octopus walks into a pub and says "I can play ANY musical instrument going."An Englishman gives him a guitar which he plays better than Hendrix. An Irishman gives him a piano which he plays better than Elton John.
Then a Scotsman throws him a set of bag pipes. The Octopus fumbles about for a couple of minutes and the Scotsman says "What's wrong can ya no' play 'et?" The Octopus replies "Play it? – I'm gonna fuck her brains out once I get her pajamas off!!!"

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What is the name of a bag pipe band that likes to play while jumping on squares?

hopscotts.

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I heard you were born with the Irish curse...

...all bag and no pipe!

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What are the most funny Bag Pipe jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Bag Pipe? Well, here are the best Bag Pipe dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Bag Pipe pick up lines to share with friends.

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