Baffled Jokes
36 baffled jokes and hilarious baffled puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about baffled that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Baffled Short Jokes
Short baffled jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The baffled humour may include short bewildered jokes also.
- My friends are baffled that I gave up the single life for my European wife and wonder why I don't chase girls anymore. It's because she keeps me in Czech.
- Marine biologists were baffled by why Jaws would always swim away after chomping off swimmers' legs. Turns out he's lack toes intolerant.
- Recent study shows 3% of scientists are Republicans Scientists are still baffled at how high this number is.
- "I'm all about fitness...", said the very large man to a stranger. Baffled, the stranger asked what he meant.
"...Fitness sandwich in my mouth." - My wife was baffled. "Why on earth are you boxing against our son??" "So I can teach him how to count to 10," I replied.
- Physicists have been baffled by the recent discovery that it is indeed possible to make something out of nothing... I guess that's one thing feminists are good for.
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Baffled One Liners
Which baffled one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with baffled? I can suggest the ones about puzzled and perplexed.
- It's always been a mystery to me how people build soundproof rooms. It's baffling.
- Scientists are baffled by cat remains on Mars.. You can guess who killed them.
- I couldn't figure out why my car exhaust was so quiet... It left me baffled!
- Potato message - Confuse Friends and Baffle your Enemies!
Hilarious Baffled Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter
What funny jokes about baffled you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean flummoxed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make baffled pranks.
Kim Jong Un decided to send donald trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still alive.
Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded message:
370HSSV - 0773H
Trump was baffled, so he emailed it to the his aides, who had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI
No one could solve it at FBI, so it went to the CIA. With no clue as to its meaning, FBI finally asked MSS (Ministry of State Security in China for help.
Within a few seconds MSS cabled back with this reply:
"Tell The President he's holding the message upside down."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
o**... Bin Laden sends George W. Bush a coded message
o**... Bin Laden sends George W. Bush a coded message to let him know he is still alive:-
"370H SSV 0773H." Bush is baffled. Condi Rice and her aides and even the FBI and CIA
can't decipher it. So they ask Britain's MI6 for help. Within a minute MI6 replies:-
"Er, tell the President he's holding the message upside down."
A nun is walking to church.
As she passes her local store, the shopkeeper says, "Wake up on the wrong side of the bed today, Sister?"
She finds it odd, but keeps walking. On her walk, three more people pass her and say, "Wake up on the wrong side of the bed today, Sister?"
Still baffled as she gets to the church, she walks to another nun at the pulpit and asks, "Why does everyone keep asking me if I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today?!"
The other nun looks down and says, "You're wearing the priest's shoes"
An american soldier was talking to a soviet soldier.
The american says, "the great thing about America is that we have freedom of speech! For instance, I can go right into the white house, walk up to president Reagan and say, "Mr. President, I completely disagree with the way you are running this country!" The soviet soldier responds, "so what? I can do that too!" The american soldier is baffled! He says, "really you can?"
"Sure! I can go right into the Kremlin, right up to the general secretary and say, "Mr. Gorbachev, I completely disagree with the way President Reagan is running his country!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One day a man wakes up and finds out he has 3 b**...
He decides to go see a doctor but was a little embarrassed to address his problem so he says...
"Hey Doc, between you and me we have 5 b**...".
The doctor, extremely baffled by this jumps off his chair and says...
"WHATTTT ?!!?!! You have no b**..."?
An indian and a white man are walking through the woods...
and the white man is trying to learn how to hunt game from the indian. So the indian is moving quickly and quietly through the dense forest and the white man is fumbling loudly behind him. Suddenly, the indian stops short and presses his cheek up against a large tree. He then exclaims,
*"Moose come."*
The white man is baffled by how the indian discovered this and says, *"How do you know that?"*
Indian: *"Cheek sticky."*
I was clearing out my loft today when I found a catalogued list of paedophiles
Naturally I was baffled to find such a thing in my loft, so I did a double take, and realised it was a TV guide from 1973.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A bodybuilder sees a group of beautiful women flocking around a skinny guy at the gym one day...
The bodybuilder is baffled. He asks his friend: "What the h**... do they see in that wimp?"
"I hear he can bench press a hundred pounds," says the friend.
"A hundred pounds?!?" The bodybuilder snorts. "h**..., I can bench press over three hundred and fifty!!"
The friend raises an eyebrow. "With your tongue?"
One day a teacher asked her students to use geometry in a sentence
The teacher was baffled that nobody could come up with just one sentence, and finally asked one quiet student in the back to say one... The student looked at her and said:
Once there was a little acorn and it was planted in the ground and grew and grew until one day he awoke and said "gee I'm a tree!"
Russian police officer pulls over a man in Lada...
Russian police officer pulls over a man in Lada, who was swerving across the road. He asks: "Did you have anything to drink?"
"No," says the man.
The cop doesn't believe him and gives him a breathalyzer test. The man blows into the device and the result comes back negative. The police officer is baffled and to test the device, he breathes into it himself. The device beeps, he looks at the screen and says:
"Clearly, it's working..."
I encountered a young cashier while checking out.
My total was $4.07 to so I handed him a $5 bill and 7 pennies. Confused, he said, "This is too much, just give me the $5 bill." I tried explaining to him that I didn't want change back. This situation still had him bewildered as if he doesn't understand the basics regarding math and money.
I was equally as baffled at his confusion to which I said, "This situation makes no cents to me."
Superman has to make a doctor appointment...
The doctor is baffled when he walks into the patient room and finds THE Superman sitting on the bench.
"Erm... hello Superman, what seems to be the problem? I'm going to be honest I didn't realize that the man of steel needed to go to the doctor.."
Clearly uncomfortable Superman lowers his gaze and sighs..
"Doc, this is a little embarrassing but it burns when I see..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two guys are attempting an escape from an insane asylum
Eventually they escape the main building but there are walls around the encampment so they get to a roof to get over the wall, they look at the gap between the roof and the wall and decide it's too dangerous. the first guy says,
Alright, we can't jump across so I'll just shine my flashlight over to the other side and you can walk across the light
The second guy looks at the first guy baffled by what he just said, he replies
What?? Do you think I'm s**... or something?… You'll just turn the flashlight off when I'm halfway!
Disturbing Pattern of Suicides
When some scientists plotted the number of suicides per year, they discovered a curious pattern. Every four years, there would be a spike in the number.
This baffled them, until the old janitor said: "Perhaps it was not a good idea to call them leap years."
A critic reads what the local newspapers say about him
The papers say that everything he says seems to contradict itself. Baffled and deeply offended by this, the critic loudly proclaimed:
"My rage is indescribable!"
A man walks into a bar.
He's lost his job, his wife left him, and his car was just stolen. He makes his way to the counter and orders a beer to drown himself in, sitting down next to a joke.
The joke turns and says to him, baffled: "This isn't how it's supposed to go."
The man replies "*You're* telling *me*?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The teacher notices Jimmy brought his cat to school today
The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?"
"Because daddy is gonna eat him"
The teacher is baffled "Why would you say that?",
"Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy is walking up to a bar and sees a guy shoving his finger up another guys b**....
As he gets closer he notices that they're both quite drunk. His curiosity about the finger gets the better of him so he asks "Hey man why are you shoving your finger up that guy's b**...?"
The man replies "We're really drunk so I'm trying to help my friend throwup"
Baffled by this he asks in response "Well why didn't you just shove your finger down his t**... instead of his b**...?"
The man replies "Well yeah, I'm doing that next"
A man went to a German food stand
A young man went to a German food stand to order a bratwurst. As he gets his order, both ends of the sausage were missing. It was nonetheless the best bratwurst he has ever tasted so he decides to ask why the ends were missing and if it improves the taste somehow.
The cook answered that just does it because that's how he learned it from his grandmother. Furthermore he told the man that if he wants to know more he can always visit his grandmother and ask her if there is something to it.
The man then went to the grandmother's home to ask her his question. She was baffled and asked if her grandson still has the old small frying pan.
My moms favourite joke
A man comes to a gas station to refuel his car (duh).
He pays and comes back outside only to find his car filled with penguins.
Baffled, he asks the cahshier what to do now and the man tells him to take them to the Zoo. The man agrees and drives away.
The next day the man comes back and his car is still full off penguins, only this time they all have towels and sunglasses. The cashier looks confused and the man says "The Zoo was a great tip, today we are going to the beach!"
A news reporter arrives at the house of the world's oldest man.
The man has just turned 115 years old. The reporter asks him "So, what would you say is the secret to your long life?" The man replies, "Well, I'd say that it has to do with my nature. I never argue with others, which I think has prevented a lot of stress." The reporter is baffled by this answer, and says, "Well, surely that can't be the only reason you've lived this long! Don't you think it has more to do with your diet or exercise regime?" The old man thinks about about it for a moment, and answers back, "You know, maybe you're right."
A little Jewish boy in Catholic school
There was once a little Jewish boy who for the life of him was terrible at math. His parents had tried everything and nothing seemed to be working, so as their last resort they decided to send him to the local Catholic school because it had the best math program in the area.
The first day, and every day after, the little boy came home and went straight upstairs and did all his homework. When they finally received his report card he had straight A's. They were baffled an very curious about what the school did that worked so well, so they asked him "Son, what did this school do differently that helped you learn so well"
the son replied "Well, "On that first day, when I walked in the front door and saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I KNEW they meant business!"
"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a man with a ski mask on...
...walks into a bank with a gun in hand. He runs up to the first teller and holds the gun up to her.
"This is a robbery! Gimme everything you got!"
"Bu...but sir i dont think you understand. This is a s**... bank" said the teller.
Obviously thrown off guard, the robber stands there baffled. After a few seconds, he holds the gun up to the teller again. "Okay, well.... grab a cup of ypur freshest s**... and put it on the counter."
"What?! I dont know if i...."
"Do it or i'll shoot you!"
She reaches into a nearby fridge, places the cup on the counter, and puts her hands back up.
"Now drink it!"
"Wha....what?! I dont..."
"DO IT OR I'LL BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF"
Frightened, the woman opens the cup and quickly drinks it.
The man drops his gun and takes his mask off. It's the tellers husband.
He smiles and walks up to her, "See? Now that wasn't so bad!"
A guy walks into an empty bar...
He takes a seat at the bar and orders a drink from the bartender. After a few seconds of silence, he hears someone whisper "That's a nice tie." He looks around, and sure enough there's no one around him, so he goes back to his drink. A few more seconds pass and again he hears a whisper. "You look like a nice guy." Baffled once again, he looks around, and it's still just him and the bartender. Once again, he hears someone whisper, "We should be friends." The man asks the bartender, "Did you hear that voice?" The bartender responds, "Well no, what did you hear?" "Well, someone was just saying things like nice tie and that we should be friends." The bartender looks at the man and says "Sorry about that, those are the peanuts. They're complimentary."
