The Best 61 Badly Jokes

Following is our collection of Badly jokes which are very funny. There are some badly poorly jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these badly rudely puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

A lawyer is about to enter a party..............

A lawyer is about to enter a party and decides to tell people that he's a doctor instead of a lawyer since people seem to think badly about lawyers and has always been attacked by lawyers jokes. After he's mingled for a little while, a guy comes up to him and tells him that there's another doctor there who works at the same hospital he does. To his surprise, this other doctor plays along and pretends to know him. After the party ends, the guy goes up to the doctor and says, Thanks for playing along. So, what does it feel like to be a real doctor? The man replies, I wouldn't know. I work for the IRS.

A husband and wife are in a car crash

They are both badly injured, but recover soon enough. However, the wife's face was badly injured during the crash and she needs a skin graft to replace the skin on her cheeks.

The doctor says "The good news is, we know just the place to find the skin for your cheeks." He turns to the husband and says, "The bad news, however, is that the skin needs to come from your buttocks."

The husband quickly agrees. The wife says, "Honey, are you sure?" He says, "Of course, you're my wife, I would do anything for you!"

And so, the operation occurs. The wife's face is as restored as can be.

A while later, the wife says "Honey, how can I ever thank you for this?"

"You don't need to. I get all the satisfaction I need when my dear mother-in-law kisses your cheek."

So last night I fell off my balcony...

Instead of falling and getting really badly hurt, I kinda just floated down to the ground... landing without a scratch.

The news spread fast and everyone was wondering how that happened. I was later asked to explain the whole event, but I couldn't. I guess I just didn't get the whole gravity of the situation.

Did you know that, during the first game of the 1936 baseball season, the Boston Braves managed to win while also badly injuring six players on the opposing team?

They were truly ruthless.

I knew my prostate exam had gone badly...

when the doctor gently put his hands on my shoulders.


A grandfather and his grandson in the supermarket

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved three-year-old grandson. It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for candy in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle and for cereal and soda in the other aisles.

Meanwhile, Granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice: "Easy, William, we won't be long, easy, boy."

Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say: "It's OK, William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."

At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Granddad says again in a controlled voice: "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William."

Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says to the elderly gentleman: "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be OK. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."

"Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William. The little shit's name is Kevin."

Why does the Mexican Olympic team always do so badly?

Because anyone who can swim, run, or climb is already in America.

"Little Johnny, why weren't you in school yesterday?"

"Little Johnny, why weren't you in school yesterday?"

"My dad got burnt."

"Oh, that's terrible. I hope he wasn't burned too badly."

"Nah. They really know what they're doing at those crematoriums."

Little Jimmy goes to school

His teacher asks him "Why weren't you in school yesterday Jimmy?"

He says "Sorry, my Granddad got burnt."

"Oh" she says "Was he badly burnt?"

Jimmy replied "Well they normally do a good job at the crematorium"

Larry at the police station

Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him. Larry asked,"Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? "

She said, "I want you to make love to me so badly."

He replied, "And that's exactly what I'm going to do."

Top Badly Puns and Funny Jokes

You can explore badly miserably reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean badly violently dad jokes. There are also badly puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


My brother took being sent to prison really badly.

He was yelling and screaming, took off his clothes, and would not accept any food from anyone.

That was the last time we played monopoly.

I fell over a toilet roll display at my local supermarket

I cut my leg badly and was rushed to hospital. I said to the doctor, "what's the damage" He replied, "just some torn tissue".

Kids at the Wedding

At a friend's wedding, everything went smoothly until it was time for the flower girl and her young escort to come down the aisle.

The boy stopped at every pew, growling at the guests. When asked afterward why he behaved so badly, he explained, "I was just trying to be a good ring bear."

I had a rectal exam once.

It didn't go so well.

Apparently the doctor was having a bit of trouble with some blockage, so he put one hand on my shoulder to help with leverage. I could tell it was going badly when he put his other hand on my shoulder as well.

I was playing a quiet game of Scrabble with a friend

and he's a very sore loser. He was losing so badly, that he got extremely angry, picked up the bag and started throwing words beginning with 'th' at me.

I managed to dodge this, there and then. But I did not see that coming.

My grandfather was treated very badly by the Germans in WW2.

Passed over for promotion time and time again.

I recently learned that anecdotal evidence is not scientifically valid

A few friends told me how badly it went for them.

The Worst Natural Disaster

So, all the natural disasters took a vote to see which one was the worst.

* Hurricane blew the others away.
* Earthquake shook things up pretty badly.
* Flooding was a bit of a wash.
* Blizzard almost buried the rest.
* Sinkhole's campaign totally collapsed.
* Meteor made a deep impact.

But in the end, Avalanche won by a landslide.


My girlfriend of 2 years just told me her ex used to beat her really badly, and she never told me b/c it's really painful for her to talk about. I feel bad I didn't figure it out sooner.

I always thought she just really hated high fives.

Why did the glass finally crack?

It was badly tempered.

What's the difference between having a badly poured draft beer and having a child with Down's Syndrome?

If the head's too big on your beer, you can blow it off.

Did anybody hear about the the peeping Tom who was caught?

He was beaten up so badly they sent him to the ICU.

Donald Trump is really a proved racist and sexist, because...

He beat a woman badly in his run for the presidency and threw a black family out of a white house...

Not every badly unkempt guy is homeless

It could well be that he lives with 3 females and only 1 bathroom.

An old granny walks into a sex shop

She's shaking badly, and the clerk assumes she has a bad case of Parkinsons.

*"Show me a vibrator"*, she says.

The clerk shows her a 4" unit.

*"Bigger!"*, she demands.

The clerk takes out an 8" unit.

*"Still bigger!"*

Out comes a 12" unit.

*"Show me the biggest one you got!"*

The clerk pulls out a massive 20", three-pronged vibrator with a two-stroke engine.

*"That's the one! Now how do you turn it off?"*

Cop pulls over bad driver

Cop- sir do you realize how badly you were switching lanes?

Guy- sorry officer, I'm drunk af

Cop-that's not a valid reason to let your girlfriend drive the car

A police man pulls over a car in the middle of the night

"Sir, do you realise how badly your car was swerving between lanes?"

"I've had 8 drinks, officer."

"That's no excuse to let your wife drive..."

I've just got my son a flat piece of cardboard for his birthday.

I guess I'll never know why he so badly wanted an ex box.

The last time a group of New Englanders destroyed Atlanta this badly

Sherman marched to the sea

Feminism is just like a wife…

It starts out nice, but ages badly and ends up hating the man.

Today, Jesus rose from the dead. He had been wipped, spat on, flogged, humiliated, and crucified.

In fact, he was beaten so badly you'd think he flew united.

Don't know how to cook

I don't really know how to cook, so I just end up eating frozen food. I usually get some turkey and store it in the freezer for the next day. However, one day I've heard about the dangers of eating frozen food and how it badly affects my health, it was at this moment that I realized that I had to quit cold turkey.

The boss of a small company has two employees, Jack and Jill…

Just recently the company has been doing badly, so the boss decides one of them must go.

Arriving at his office on Monday, the first person he sees is Jill, so he asks her to step into his office and explains his dilemma.

"Look Jill, I'm afraid I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off."

Jill replies, "You'll have to jack off then, 'cause I've got a headache."

My Brother took going to jail really badly.

He refused food or drink. He spat and swore at anyone who came near him, and started throwing things.

We never played Monopoly again.

Just read a book about Stockholm syndrome

It started off badly, but by the end I really liked it.

The Circus needed a new act...

there were 2 performers gunning for the opportunity: a beatiful woman and a man badly dressed.

The woman started her act, which was lion taming: she stripped stark naked, entered the lionΒ΄s cage, and made the beast postrate and lick her entire body, from head to toes.

The ringmaster was impressed, and asked the other performer:

"Can you do better than that?"

"Yes, and I dont even need to be whipped"

So, apparently Rand Paul was sucker punched...

So Rand Paul, who happens to be an ophthalmologist, apparently got into a fight with his neighbor, an anesthesiologist. Paul claims he was sucker punched, but neither man was badly hurt.

Does make you wonder, though - an ophthalmologist who didn't see it coming and an anesthesiologist who failed to deliver a knockout - seems like both men let their professions down badly...

Recently my daughter cut herself badly with a bread knife

I immediately called 911. the operator told me to apply pressure. I said to my daughter, "When am I going to get a grandchild?"

My wife came home yesterday...

and said, "Honey, the car won't start, but I know what the problem is."

I asked her what it was and she told me it had water in the carburettor. I though for a moment, then said, "You know I don't mean this badly, but you're not mechanically inclined. You don't know the carburettor from the radiator."

"No, there's definitely water in the carburettor," she insisted.

"Ok, honey, that's fine, I'll just go take a look. Where is it?"

"In the lake."

"You're an idiot!", yelled my wife as she stormed away.

And to think, after I just spent 3 hours driving to liquor stores looking for this "Big Dickens' Cider" she said she wanted so badly.

Taking a lesson because her golf game had been going so badly, a woman had just started her first round when she was stung by a bee.

Distraught and rather angry and disheartened besides, she went back into the clubhouse and told the golf pro about the incident.

"Where did it sting you?" he asked.

"Between the first and second hole," she replied.

The pro shook his head and quickly exclaimed: "That's your problem right there. You have your feet too far apart.

The wife and I decided we're not gonna have kids.

The kids are taking it pretty badly.

Germany just lost to Korea 2-0

They haven't been embarrassed this badly in Russia since 1941

My brother took going to jail really badly.

He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him and smeared the walls with his own faeces. After that, we never played Monopoly again.

A Russian and a Jew were on the battlefield.

The jew, hurt badly, was in agony:

-Ivan, I'm in a lot of paint. Shoot me and end my suffering.

-I can't, Avraham, I'm out of bullets.

-I'll sell you a few, Ivan.

My wife appears to have had her identity stolen.

Some woman at the mall just parked really badly and had a go at me like it was my fault.

It doesn't matter how badly you want to, you just can't fight Destiny...

Because then you'd have to fight the bouncers and the other strippers too.

My door to door fruit delivery business failed badly because of my poor people skills.

I was driving people bananas.

Man 1: This poem is so badly written. I don't even know what it says.

Man 2: That's the verse part of it!

Whats the difference between a badly dressed man on a bicycle and a posh dressed man on a unicycle?

Attire.

My friend was being bullied so badly at work that he started self harming -

I said "Mate, who's side are you on!?"

So I was in my room and I saw a group of ten ants just running around frantically. I felt badly for them so I made a small house for them. out of a cardboard box.

This technically makes me their landlord and they are my.....

Tenants

A photographer was badly hurt this morning when a huge block of cheese fell on him.

Everyone posing for the wedding party picture had tried to warn him.

The CIA, KGB and MI6 decide to have a contest.

Each is given the task to find a rabbit
realeased in the woods.

The CIA uses spyplanes and satellites and finds the rabbit in 2 hours.

The MI6 deploys recon and search teams and finds it in 3 hours.

The KGB return after 1 hour with a badly beaten bear who cries out "I am the rabbit and I surrender".

an old arabic joke my uncle told me

a dumb guy fell down and hurt his back badly, he had to go to the hospital

the doctor told him: "just take this cream and apply it to the area of injury"

he went home and rubbed the cream on the staircase.

What does a kangaroo get if it hurts itself really badly?

A hop-eration

Courtesy of my 7yo daughter so be kind!

A social worker joke

A man was robbed, beaten badly, and left in the gutter along a lonely street. After being there for hours, two social workers walk by and notice the beaten man. They look him over, see his injuries, and one says to the other, the person who did this could really use our help

A man was brought to the ER badly injured from an accident. We're losing him! said a nurse.

Not on my watch! said the surgeon, who clocked out and went home.

Whenever my enemies are badly cut, I never rub salt in their wounds....

That would be adding in salt to injury.

The CIA, F.B.I and a local police department take part in a contest and are tasked with finding a rabbit released in the nearby woods

The police department deploys search squads and dogs, and after 4 hours comes back with the rabbit.

The FBI deploys helicopters and drones and finds the rabbit in 2 hours.

The CIA comes back after 30 minutes with a badly beaten bear who cries out I am the rabbit! And I surrender

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the badly harshly jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working badly hurt piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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