Badge Jokes

Following is our collection of sticker humor and drugs one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Badge puns for adults, dirty colt jokes or clean rancher gags for kids.

There is an abundance of mark jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 29 funniest jokes on badge. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any certificate witze you can hear about badge.

The Best jokes about Badge

My boss: You're fired.

Me: *turns in gun and badge*



My boss: You're a waiter where did you get those

Where's the best place to hide after committing murder?

Behind a badge.

It's like my uncle always said: "The day I can't do my job drunk..."

"...is the day I hand in my badge and gun."

Where do you hide after killing a black person?

behind a badge

Where do you hide after a murder?

Behind a badge.


Where is the best place to hide after killing someone?

Behind a badge..

A week before Memorial Day, kids bring pictures of veteran family members to school for show and tell.

First up was Mary. "My daddy served in Afghanistan. He was a paratrooper."

"A paratrooper?" Asked the teacher, who was awed.

"Yes, please look closer -- you can see his jump badge."

Second was Joe. "My granny served in Vietnam. She was a doctor."

"A doctor?" Asked the teacher, who was moved.

"Yeah, see? That's a stethoscope hanging around her neck."

Third was little Johnny, "This is my great grandpa. He was an electrician."

"An electrician?" Asked the teacher, who was perplexed.

"Yeah, here. You can see the two lightning bolts on his helmet"

Where's the safest place to hide after shooting someone?

Behind your badge.

Home Loan Troubles

So one day Kermit the frog decides that he wanted to buy this new condo by the beach. He goes into the nearest bank and strolls up to the counter. In front of him there was this teller with name badge blaring "Paddywhack".
Kermit says "I want a loan". She goes through usual procedure then asks him about a deposit.
He places this little tiny china elephant on the bench and says "Here's my deposit, give me a loan". The teller replies "I'm sorry that's really not good enough, you need money".

Kermit tells her that it's all he has and it will have to do. When the teller denies his request once more, he starts to get a bit angry. "Do you know who my dad is? He's MICK JAGGER." Kermit says forceably.
"I WANT YOUR MANAGER", Kermit yells. She lets out a sigh and wanders off to find her manager.
The teller explains to her manager the story about the deposit, the china elephant, and who it belongs to.

The manager places his palm on his face, looks up and says, "Jesus christ.. it's a knick knack Paddywhack, give the frog a loan.. his old man's from The Rolling Stones".
It is a cringe worthy joke, but I thought I'd share it.

Wheres the best place to hide after shooting a black guy?

behind a badge

Where do you hide when you kill a black guy?

Behind a badge


How did the badge get away with murder?

He pinned it on someone else.

A. D. E. A. Agent shows up looking for plants.

Agent : we have evidence that Marijuana crops may have been planted on your property. May I have a look around?

Farmer : sure, just stay off the back 40 acres.

Agent : slightly perturbed, holds up his badge. "You see this badge? It means I can go anywhere I please.

Farmer : yeah, but I'm warning you, don't go back there.

So naturally the first place the agent goes is the back 40, a few minutes later the agent comes running out with a 1400 pound bull chasing him.
At which the farmer yells "show him your badge".

Where do you hide if you kill a black man?

Behind a badge.

The badger

A husband and wife are driving home and run over a badger, they get out and find it's still breathing but freezing cold.

The husband says,"Put it between your legs to warm it up."

The Wife replies "But it's all wet and it stinks!"

Husband says "Well, hold its nose!".

My dad is an amazing dad

When I was 5 he left to go get his "Dad badge" he has never came back, so he must be looking hard just for me

Sex

A Hell's Angel is doing the deed with his girl in the back seat of a car. He hears a tap-tap-tap on the window, looks up, sees a flashlight shine on a badge and then into the back seat, and a gravely voice say, "I'm next."

He starts quivering and shaking, and his girl asks him what is the matter.

He says, "I never done it with a cop!"

Literary alcohol puns

I saw someone post some the other day. Has anyone thought of any new ones?

Here are a couple my friends and I thought of...

50 Shades of Grey Goose,
Into the Wild Turkey,
Beer and Present Danger,
Patriot Drinking Games,
The Sum of All Beers (I like Tom Clancy),
The Red Badge of Liquid Courage.

I wanted to chat-up the girl serving in the coffee shop, so I looked at her name badge and said:

"That's a beautiful name... Trainee"


I'm a cop and I got caught choking the chicken in public

I was revoked of my badge and sentenced to three years jail time. The chicken filed a civil rights suit and received 3 million in reparations

The cops who are currently covering up their badge numbers are probably very bad at video games

They have no account-ability!!

In the US they make you take an IQ test before they give you a badge and gun.

If you pass the test, you don't get the job.

When does a bad apple become rotten?

When it dons full riot gear and covers up its badge number.

Him: "Why do you always have to correct everything I say? What are you, trying to earn your Pedantry Badge in Boy Scouts or something?"

Me: "It's actually a pin, not a badge..."

What do you do with a guy who has a history of criminal violence?

Give him a badge.

Boss: You are fired

Me: *Turns in gun and badge*

Boss: You are an engineer where did you find those?

What do you get when you cross a road with an old lady?

A Boy Scouts badge.

What did the sexist male police officer say to the female police officer who was trying to arrest an Occupy Wall Street protester who did not believe that the female police officer was an officer of the law?

Honey, badge her.

Apple has made a car that is pretty much an Apple badge Kia Soul.

It is called the Ikea.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes