Bad Your Mom Jokes
84 bad your mom jokes and hilarious bad your mom puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bad your mom that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Bad Your Mom Short Jokes
Short bad your mom jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bad your mom humour may include short mean your mom jokes also.
- When I was a kid my mom used to say " Perdon my French" when she said any bad word. I'll never forget the day in school when my teacher ask if could speak French.
- A mom asked her son, "Anton, do you think I'm a bad mother?" He stared and replied, "My name's Paul."
- A 13 month old baby breaks a mirror, giving it 7 years of bad luck. The good news, his mom is an anti-vaxxer.
- I feel bad for children of gay parents They either have to deal with twice as many dad jokes, or be stuck in an endless cycle of "go ask your mom"
- It's funny how saying "You're a bad girl!" to my wife turns her on.... But "You're a bad mom!" doesn't seem to work at all!
- My mom's cousin just had quintuplets! Looks like I'll have five second-cousins. Too bad she's an anti-vaxxer, they might turn out to be five-second cousins.
- John's mother in-law comes for a visit. So, how long will you stay,mom? As long as i'm welcomed. Oh, that's too bad, you should at least stay for a cup of coffee
- Did you hear about the Italian kid who hurt his hand real bad? His mom took him to the doctor and asked if he would ever be able to speak again.
- Happy Mother's Day to all the great moms out there. And Shaft. Although I hear he is a bad mother...
- A son calls his mom from jail Hey mom, bad news, I'm in for life.
Shut up Frank you're a prison guard.
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Bad Your Mom One Liners
Which bad your mom one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bad your mom? I can suggest the ones about bad mama and old mom.
- My mom used to tuck me in when I was young She wanted a daughter so bad
- My mom taught me stereotyping is bad. So now i just type with one hand.
- My mom's french and my dad's greek Too bad I'm a freek
- Jack, do you think I'm a bad mother? Mom, my name is Erik.
- Mom: Gary, am I a bad parent? Son: My name is Dave...
- Michael, do you think I'm a bad Mother? Mom, my name is Steve.
- My mom asked: "John, do you think I've been a bad mother to you?" My name is Marcus..
- Mother and son conversation... Mom: "Peter. Am I a bad mother?"
Son: "My name is Paul" - My mom asked me the other day, "Joe, do you think I'm a bad mother?" My name is Matt.
- Bad Pickup Lines : Are you Bambie..? Because I'd like to take your mom out
- Why did the staircase had bad relationship with his mom? because his mom was his stepmom.
- Your mom smells so bad... ... I bet the perfume she wears is just called "Eau"
- My mom used to have very bad eyes. She decided to get an operation. Now she's a man.
- Your mom must study Reverse-Judo. She keeps throwing herself at bad men.
- What do you call someone who impersonates a lousy mom? Bad mother faker.
Share Hilarious Bad Your Mom Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about bad your mom you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean your mom so old jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bad your mom pranks.
A guy joined a nudist camp and when he told his mom she didn't believe him.
So he sent her a picture of his top half.
A week later his grandma wanted a picture but he accidently sent the bottom half.
Knowing she had bad eyesight, he didn't think much of it.
A week later his grandma wrote a letter saying, that she didn't like his haircut, because it made his nose look too big.
6 year old kid looking at Mom's ID card.
s**...: F
He laughs.
Mom: "Whats so funny?"
Kid: "I can't believe you're so bad in s**... that you failed in it."
Husband died laughing.
3-year-old: What's a swear word?
Me: A bad word moms and dads only say when they're mad.
3:
Me:
3: Is my middle name a swear word?
Virginity in school
Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a v**...."
Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades and they will stop."
I met an older woman in a bar last night...
I met an older woman at a bar last night. She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old.
In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double?
'What's that? I asked.
'It's a mother and daughter t**...,' she said.
As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like. I said, 'No, I haven't.'
We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, 'tonight's your lucky night'.
We went back to her place. We walked in.
She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:
'Mom...you still awake?'
Bad Bernie
Bernie was in prison for seven years. The day he got out, his wife and son were there to pick him up. He came through the gates and got into the car. The only thing he said was, "F.F."
His wife turned to him and answered, "E.F." Out on the highway, he said, "F.F." She responded simply, "E.F." He repeated, "F.F." She again replied, "E.F."
"Mom! Dad!" their son yelled. "What's going on?" Bad Bernie answered: "Your mother wants to eat first!"
Little Johnny had a bad day.
He stomped home from school to the family farm. Being an annoying little kid, he saw the farm animals and decided to take out a little frustration on them, so he yelled at the pig, chased the chickens around, and kicked in a pumpkin from the pumpkin patch. Finally, he made it to the house. His mom was waiting and furious.
"Johnny, I saw you just did and you're in big trouble! For abusing the poor pig and chickens, you don't get sausage or wings tonight. And no pumpkin pie, either!"
Just then, the two of them saw Johnny's dad came back from a day in the fields. He walked to the porch, where the cat is sleeping peacefully in the sun. He irritably kicked the cat out of the way to make it to the door. Johnny turns to his mom with a big grin and says,
"Shall you tell him, or shall I?"
A bad math joke I came up with
A little boy sees something way up in the sky and runs to his mom to ask her what it is. She points the boy to his father and tells him to ask him so the boy runs over to his father and asks what is in the sky. The father can't answer either but points the boy to his uncle saying he should be able to help. The boy runs over to his uncle but his uncle doesn't have an answer either and just points the boy back to his mother, the boy then knows what is in the sky.
[Because it takes 3 points to define a plane](/spoiler)
Six weeks ago, my brother was deployed by Afghanistan...
And today he called home.
He asked me how things were back here, and so I took a deep breath and told him the truth.
"Your cat died."
My brother was aghast, especially at how coldly I said it.
"Joe, that's not how you break bad news." Miles away, I could hear the frustration in his voice. He sighed and explained:
"You should've started with something innocent and then gone from there. Don't open with the worst news. Say something like 'Well, the cat got on the roof... we tried to get her... then she slipped and we couldn't save her'. Understand?"
I told him I understood and thanked him for the advice.
"Alright," he said, "How's mom doing?"
"Well, she got on the roof..."
When I was 18 I got Coal from Santa
Yup, raising Cole as a single mom was a punishment for being bad, I guess.
The Continuing Adventures of Lawyer Mom, Episode 1
Lawyer Mom: Your Honor, my client is accused of m**... in the first degree. But let me ask you, and everyone else in this court room, this: (Mom voice) Have any of YOU ever murdered someone?
Everyone looks around at each other, confused.
Judge: Um, no?
Lawyer Mom: (Puts hands on hips, closes her eyes, and continues in Mom voice) Well then how can any of you tell my client that m**... is bad if you have never even tried it? Hmmm?
Hi. I am here. First post, go easy on me.
Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie whose dog, Skipper, had recently died.
"You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."
Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"
Watching a s**... scene with my parents is so awkward.
My mom is such a bad actress.
Michael Jackson's mom was recently diagnosed with Brest Cancer.
She had a bad mamma gramma
Have you ever s**... up so bad that instead of fixing the problem you just decided to see how it played out?
I'll never do that again, Happy Birthday - Mom
I'm glad my mom is such a bad cook
If my date can eat her meatloaf with a smile, I know they'll s**... anything.
How can you tell a good drummer and a bad drummer apart?
Bad drummers don't call their mom on Mother's Day.
Six year old Kid looking at Mom's ID card...
s**... - F
He laughs...
Mom : Whats so funny ?
Kid : I can't believe you are
so bad in s**....
You Failed in it!!
I met an older woman at a bar last night.
She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double? 'What's that? I asked. 'It's a mother and daughter t**...,' she said. As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like. I said, 'No, I haven't.' We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, 'tonight's your lucky night'. We went back to her place. We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: 'Mom...you still awake?'
Good Bad Worse Worst
Good: You're jerking off in bed.
Bad: Your mom catches you.
Worse: She helps finish you off.
Worst: You enjoyed it.
What's four words you say after bad s**.....
"well good night mom"
A mother finds out she has cancer
A mother and daughter visit the doctor to get the results of the mom's pap-smear.
"It's stage-4 cervical cancer. You have 1 month left", the doctor says.
The mother is devastated. She gathers all her girlfriends for one last brunch.
At the brunch she announces, "Bad news, the doctor said I have 1 month to live. I have AIDS."
Her friends are shocked. They offer their condolences and hurriedly depart.
"But mom", the daughter protests "You have cancer. Why did you tell them you have AIDS?"
Mom replies, "Because I don't want any of them sleeping with your father."
Met an older woman at a bar last night.
She wasn't bad for 57, we drank and flirted a bit, then she asked if I'd ever had a mother and daughter combo? I said no.
We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight is my lucky night.
I went back to her place.
She put the hall light on and shouted upstairs:
"Mom, you still awake?"
I met an older woman at a bar last night. She looked pretty good for a 60+ year-old.
In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double?
'What's that?' I asked.
'It's a mother and daughter t**...,' she said.
As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like, I said, 'No, I haven't.'
We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, 'tonight's your lucky night.'
We went back to her place. We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs, 'Mom, you still awake?'
7 year old daughter was looking at mom's driving licence and saw s**...:F and started laughing
She then said you must. be so bad at s**... to get an F no wonder dad's with the maid all the time
She was already feeling very annoyed that night
The skimpy uniform the bar owner made them all wear was bad enough. It helped with tips, she guessed, and as a newly single mom she had to do whatever she could to pay the bills.
But the men! She could feel their oozing gazes following her as she buzzed around the room carrying drinks and clearing tables.
The last straw was when one table kept ordering single drinks, one at a time, making her come back over and over again. Finally frustrated, she blurted out
"Take a pitcher, it'll last longer!"
Kid looks at his mom's ID.
He reads "s**...: F" and starts laughing.
"What's so funny?" his mom asks.
"I can't believe you were so bad at s**...!"
A kid looks at his mother's medical report....
**s**...: F** It said.
The kid started laughing.
Mom: What's so funny?
Son: Mom you're so bad at s**... that you failed in it!
Dad dies laughing.
A man and his 6 year old son are walking in a park
They see a couple of dogs having s**... and the son being curious asks his dad what they are doing. The dad responds they're making a puppy and the son seems satisfied with that answer.
Later that night after they go home, the boy has a bad dream and goes into his parents room. When he opens the door he sees his dad on top of his mom and he asks them what they're doing. The dad responds Mom and I are making a baby and the son says flip her over, I want a puppy .
One man said that my mustache makes me look like an unattractive pornstar.
If that's the case then why does his mom wants to be my co star so badly?
TIL Marcel Marceau got a bad case of poison ivy as a child.
to stop the itching, his mom gave him some calamime lotion.
Why are moms and dads of transgender kids bad jokers and horrible magicians?
They're transparent.
My mom
Last year my mom shoud have celebrated her 60th birthday. But because of alcohol, smoking, drugs and other bad decisions, we all forgot...
Jewish man calls his mom. "Mama, I have good news and bad news..."
Mother, ever the optimist: "Give me the bad news."
Man: "I can't live a lie anymore. I'm gay."
Mother, a traditional conservative woman, after the wailing and the gnashing of teeth that was expected of her by her son, regains her composure and asks: "Well, what's the good news?"
Man: "So I met this nice Jewish doctor..."
A 7 year old looks through his mom's ID
Name: Susan h**...
s**...: F
The child laughs hysterically.
Mom: What's so funny?
7 year old: Can't believe you're so bad at s**... you failed it mom.
The good news about going to the movies with your mom is that she's going to be good at sneaking in food...
the bad news is that it's always going to be a little quinoa.
Son: Mom, what's a girlfriend?
Mom: Son, if you are good you'll get one.
Son: What if I'm bad?
Mom: You'll get many.
A girl asks her mother "Mom, why are you so bad at making jokes?"
The mother replies "I made you, didn't I?"
I'm very disappointed.
You see, my mom can't tolerate the sound of apples crunching.
Too bad she's not a doctor.
i**... isn't really that bad. You can ask my mom, dad, sister, brother, uncle, aunt, and cousins.
They're both in the next room.
An 8 year old (Billy) and a 9 year old (Tommy) are sitting in a waiting room with their moms at a hospital
Billy asks Tommy why he's there.
Tommy says, To get my tonsils removed.
Billy says, Oh don't worry, it's not so bad. You get to stay home from school and eat all the ice cream you want.
Tommy then asks Billy, Why are you here?
Billy says, For a circumcision.
Tommy says, Oh boy, that's s**..., I had one when I was first born and I couldn't walk for about a year!
I met an older woman at a bar last night.
She wasn't bad for 57, we drank and bullsh*tted a bit, then she asked if I 'd ever had a mother and daughter t**...?
I said no.
We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was my lucky night.
I went back to her place.
She put the hall light on and shouted upstairs:
"Mom you still awake?"
No Words...
6-Year-Old Child Looking At Moms ID Card.
s**...: F
He Laughs.
Mom: What's So Funny?
Kid: I Can't Beleive You Were So Bad In s**... That You Failed It.
Husband Dies Laughing.
"Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a v**..."
"Well, start giving them bad grades and they will stop"
Mom, Why is your hair turning grey?
There was once a naughty little girl who was always getting in trouble and she asked her mother one day "Mom, why is your hair turning grey?" And her mother replied "Every time you do something bad, I get another grey hair." The girl got a puzzled look on her face. A moment later, the girl starts chuckling. "What's so funny my dear?" her mother asks to which her daughter replied, "Thinking of Grandma's hair made me realize that you must have been a really bad girl!"
