Bad Teacher Jokes

Teacher: "Little Johnny can you say a sentence to use with dirty words?
Little Johnny: "Yesterday my school was late so I had to run in order to reach on time."
Teacher: "You didn't use any bad word in your sentence."
Little Johnny: "Well, when I was running I f**... many times!"

Teacher: "If you bought 8 hotdogs,9 cheese burgers and 7 fillet o fishes and you ate 8 hotdogs 9 cheese burger and 7 fillet o fish what do you have at the end?"
Little Johnny: "A bad blatter issue."

I have a crush on my teacher AND on the girl sitting next to me

It's getting so bad, I may fail out of home school.

my pre school guitar teacher...

got in trouble for f**... A minor, but he wasn't as bad as bad as my pre school violin teacher...he fiddled with kids... but both were not nearly as bad as my pre school piano teacher....who r**... me in the mouth

Bad Science Joke

A high school science teacher is ordering supplies for his class online, but he can't find one particular compound. So he calls the store. "Excuse me sir," says he, "But do you by chance carry Sodium Bromate?" The store owner replies, "Na-BrO"

Little Jimmy goes to school

His teacher asks him "Why weren't you in school yesterday Jimmy?"
He says "Sorry, my Granddad got burnt."
"Oh" she says "Was he badly burnt?"
Jimmy replied "Well they normally do a good job at the crematorium"

(Bad) Chemistry Pun

teacher: why does bromine bond to this molecule instead of one of the other halogens?
me: because bromines before h**...-mines
(met with groans and laughs from the class)

Teacher: in this class you should love logarithms.

Student: what if they don't reciprocate?
Sorry for the bad math joke... but it was just too good.

tupid may stand up

Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's s**... may stand up!"
*Nobody stands up*
Teacher: "Im sure there are some s**... students over here!!"
*Little Johnny stands up*
Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're s**...?"
Little Johnny: "No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone..."

Multiple-choice test results

I got a 11 out of 200 in a multiple choice test and the teacher was fuming with anger.
To demonstrate how bad I did he took out an empty answer sheet, put a shoe mark on it and fed it into the marking machine.
The result is 18 out of 200...

Define the lecturer

Teacher to Student: Can you define the lecturer?
Student: A lecturer is person who has bad habit of speaking when someone is sleeping.

A high schooler told his geology teacher that..

"geology rocks!"
The teacher's response?
"that's Gneiss, but it's too bad you're so schist at it"
#\#rokt

Billy asks his teacher for a bathroom pass.

"If you Want a bathroom pass," says his teacher, "you need to recite the alphabet first."
Billy needs to go really bad, so he recites It as quickly as he can.
"ABCDEFGHIJKLMMOQRSTUVWXYZ!"
The teacher responds, "Almost, Billy, but where is the P?"
"About halfway down my leg."

The son of a mexican father comes home from school

The father asks
"How was school boy?" to which the son replies
"Bad, I got detention today" the father was shocked
"For what?" he asked
"Well the teacher told me turn in my ese, but I ani't no snitch"

A teacher wants to make sure non of her students feel s**......

So she walks to the front of class and says " if any of you feel dumb please stand up."
A minute goes by of silence before little Johnny stands up
"Why do you think you are s**...?"
To which little Johnny replies " I don't feel s**... I just felt bad that you were the only one standing up"

I'm s**... attracted to one of my students

I knew that becoming a primary school teacher was a bad career choice

TIFU by approaching a woman I thought I had as a teacher for one day in third grade, but it wasn't her

Oh, my bad, wrong sub

Johnny

A teacher stood up in class, folding her arms. "Stand up if you think you're s**...!" She yelled. Nobody did. "I said stand up!" She repeated. Eventually, Johnny stood up. "So, Johnny! You think you're s**...?"
"No, Miss." Johnny replied quietly. "I just feel bad that you're standing alone."

Teacher:"Anyone who thinks they're s**... stand up!"

Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's s**... may stand up!"
*Nobody stands up*
Teacher: "Im sure there are some s**... students over here!!"
*Little Johnny stands up*
Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're s**...?"
Little Johnny: "No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone..."

First the good news: I had s**... with my teacher whom I love very much! The bad news....

I'm homeschooled.

Teacher: "Anyone who thinks they're s**..., stand up"

*Nobody stands up*
Teacher:"There has to be at least one s**... student here"
*Timmy stands up*
Teacher:"Timmy do you think you're s**...?"
Timmy:"No, I just felt bad that you were standing alone"

Name an animal that begins with "E"

The class teacher asks students to name an animal that begins with an E . One boy says, Elephant. Then the teacher asks for an animal that begins with a T . The same boy says, Two elephants. The teacher sends the boy out of the class for bad behavior. After that she asks for an animal beginning with M .The boy shouts from the other side of the wall: Maybe an elephant!

Johnny was in school, and asked to go to the bathroom.

His teacher replied, "Not before you recite the alphabet correctly".
Johnny pleaded, "But I have to go really bad!", but his teacher was unrelenting.
Johnny said, "A B C D E F G, H I J K L M N O, Q R S T U V W X Y and Z"
The teacher stated, "What about the P?"
Johnny said, "It's running down my leg".

Sports Day

It's sports day at a school for "special" kids. During the egg and spoon race, little Johnny falls and hurts himself badly.
One of the teachers freaks out and yells "call Johnny an ambulance, call Johnny an ambulance!"
All the kids immediately start pointing at Johnny and laughing saying "Johnny is an ambulance- Johnny is an ambulance!"

Good news and bad news...

The good news is that I get regular s**... with my teacher. The bad news, I'm home schooled.

The class teacher asks students to name an animal that begins with an E.

One boy says: Elephant.
Then the teacher asks for an animal that begins with a T.
The same boys says: Two elephants.
The teacher sends the boy out of the class for bad behaviour. After that she asks for an animal beginning with M.
The boy shouts from the other side of the door: Maybe an elephant!

I'm not saying my acne was bad at school, but when one boy asked the science teacher how many planets there were in the galaxy...

The teacher said, "Less than there are on his face."

Social anxiety is tough when you're trying to flirt with your ceramics teacher.

I can't help but think I make a bad first impression.

Trying out new Arm-the-Teachers laws, a Texas teacher recently shot a student in the eye.

In the teacher's defense, it was a bad pupil.

A student receives a bad grade on his exam

And he goes to talk to the teacher, convinced that he's been graded unfairly.
He says to the teacher "I think I deserve some points on these questions, even if my answers weren't entirely correct!"
The teacher sighs and says "ok, I'll take another look at your exam".
The student comes home, and his mother asks him "so how did the exam go?". He replies: "the teacher thought it was remarkable!'

My gym teacher was shouting at me like Power comes from the legs! I know you can do it!

It felt really bad as I was standing on a ledge on the 31st floor.

It's a good thing Breaking Bad wasn't made in England.

A show about a school teacher going to NHS for cancer treatments would s**....

2 Muffins are in a oven

One of them says, it's hot in here,
The other one screams ahhh! talking muffin.

I know this is bad but my biology teacher said it and wanted to prove it was a bad joke.

I don't get it.

I'm a teacher.
Anytime I say 69 my students laugh.
It's too bad I never get it.

Say the alphabets!

One day lil Jhonny had to badly go to the bathroom. His English teacher Miss. Strict didn't believe he had to go that badly and thought he was disrupting the class so told him to hold it in. Lil Jhonny kept pestering her every 5 mins until she had it. So she said recite the alphabets quickly and I'll let you go.
Lil Jhonny "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOQRSTUVWXYZ".
Miss. Strict "Lil Jhonny where is your P?"
LJ "It's running down my pants Miss. Strict".

A hot student was getting bad grades in science.

His teacher agreed to give him good grades based on his performance in the bedroom.
They go to the teachers house the next week and have a night of passion.
The student completely flunked the tests but got good grades in chemistry and physics.
He asks why those two and not biology as well.
"Well, the chemistry was definitely there and you were so good with the pushing and pulling"
"What about biology?"
"Well let's just say there's a new carbon based being inside of me thanks to you"

My teacher gave me a bad grade on my essay, she said the ending was too unexpected .

Guess I'll never end it with the Spanish inquisition in that class ever again...

Bad at Titles

Teacher: Whoever answers the next question correctly, can go home early!
Student: \*raises hand\*
Teacher: What is it?
Student: It's me raising my hand, and now I can go home. Thanks!

A teacher was getting fed up with one of her student's bad hand writing-

She said Your hand writing is absolute chicken scratch! I can barely read it. How are you going to get a job if your employer can't read what you write?
He said Don't worry, Miss. I'm going to be a doctor.

A farmer who knows a little bit of english wants his son to study at an english school.

One day he takes his son to a local english school for admission. A teacher gives him a form to fill in.He goes on filling the form and despite his bad english he manages to fill all the informations correctly. The last thing asked was to provide his son's
mother tongue. He fills with confidence "very long".

"one day you'll become a doctor" - teacher

7 years later I just realize I had a really bad handwriting

My t**... teacher said I was the worst student she ever had.

I guess I'm just bad to the 'bone.

A teacher was trying to find out where each of the kids thought they were at in their learning.

The teacher was standing at the front of the class and said stand up if you think you are s**.... There was a long gap and then Johnny stood up. The teacher the. asked why do you feel s**... Johnny? Johnny then replied I don't I just felt bad that you were the only one standing up.

Before lecturing her Sunday school class on heaven and h**..., the teacher asked her students "Do you know where girls and boys go when they do bad things"?

"Sure" a boy replied, "Behind Kristin's garage"

Between wealth and wisdom what will you choose ?

teacher : If you are offered wealth and wisdom what will you choose ?
student : wealth
teacher: No. That's a bad answer. I will choose wisdom .
students: that's ok sir. We have to choose what we don't have.

Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's s**... may stand up!"

Nobody stands up
Teacher: "I'm sure there are some s**... students over here!!"
Little John stands up
Teacher: "Ohh, John you think you're s**...?"
Little John: "No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone..."

Television is bad for the eyes , a teacher says.

Jimmy: Yes, and also bad for the legs.
Teacher: Legs?
Jimmy: My brother Timmy has bad legs from our television.
Teacher: Jimmy, how can your brother possibly have bad legs from his television?
Jimmy: He dropped it on his foot!

A teacher is teaching a class of kids about intelligence

She explains what intelligence is and then
Teacher: people opposite to intelligent are called s**.... Now how many of you think of yourselves as s**..., stand up.
She waits to see if someone would stand up but no one does. After a long while, finally a kid stands up.
Teacher: Do you think you are s**...?
Student: No
Teacher: Then why did you stand up?
Student: I felt bad since you're the only one standing.

What did the cannibal mother say as her family entered the coma ward of the hospital.

Eat your vegetables.
I know its bad but everytime i hear the vegan teacher say that sentece its all i can think about.