Bad Santa Jokes
32 bad santa jokes and hilarious bad santa puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bad santa that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Bad Santa Short Jokes
Short bad santa jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bad santa humour may include short mall santa jokes also.
- How much does it cost to run Santa's sleigh every Christmas? Eight bucks
Nine bucks if the weather is bad. - The Bad News - I've been suffering from chronic Insomnia The Good News - Only 2 more sleeps until Santa arrives.
- Jeff Bezos is just a bad Santa. He has drones, our addresses and our wishlist, yet he refuses to do his duty.
- He knows when you are sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good... Does Santa work for the NSA?
- If you wake up on Christmas morning with a bad taste in your mouth Remember, Santa only comes around once a year to empty his sack.
- When I was 18 I got Coal from Santa Yup, raising Cole as a single mom was a punishment for being bad, I guess.
- "Baby it's cold outside" is bad because it's about a guy is trying to get laid. "Santa Baby" is ok because it's about a girl trying to screw Santa. Got it.
- This Christmas, Santa is sending a message to the naughty children to stop being bad.
He stuffing their stocking with Chuck Norris! - What does santa give to bad boys and girls now? 35 killed and 40 wounded in an Istanbul night club.
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Bad Santa One Liners
Which bad santa one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bad santa? I can suggest the ones about christmas bad and santa claus.
- Why is Santa bad at poker? He checks everything twice.
- Why did Santa's helper see the doctor? Because he had a low "elf" esteem!
- Where does Santa get presents for bad kids? Kohl's.
- I named my glucose meter Santa because it knows if I've been bad or good.
- Short santa joke Why is Santa always happy?
Because he knew where all the bad girls are.. - How does Santa keep track of the bad sea creatures? He puts them on the nautilus.
- The reason why Santa is so jolly ...is he knows where all the bad girls live.
- What does Santa say to bad girls? h**... h**... h**...
Uplifting Bad Santa Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about bad santa you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean christmas elf jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bad santa pranks.
Two elves are winding down in the North Pole bar after a long day of making toys.
After downing some shots of peppermint schnapps, the first elf says to the second, That COVID outbreak in China has really messed up the toy production schedule. I don't think Santa has ever pushed us so hard! .
The second one added, Yeah, things were so bad today that Rudolph and Blitzen were even called in to work on the assembly line.
The first one got an odd look on his face and said, Well, that explains why those Raisinets I found on the floor tasted so strange.
Santa was having a really bad day....
Everything was going wrong. The elves were looking for a raise, Rudolph was sick, Mrs Clause was in a foul mood. So the Angel arrived at the door dragging a Christmas tree he asked Santa, what will I do with the tree ?
And that is why you will always find an Angel sitting on top of the Christmas tree.
Kids
As we were putting out cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve, I accidentally dropped one. "No problem," I said, picking it up and dusting it off before placing it back on the plate.
"You can't do that," argued my four-year-old.
"Don't worry. Santa will never know."
He shot me a look. "So he knows if I've been bad or good, but he doesn't know the cookie fell on the floor?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Do you know why Santa only work on the 25th of December?
Because he knows where all the bad girls are...(sorry)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is Santa so jolly?
Because he gets 3 h**...'s...
Yeah it's bad...
But santa isn't real anyways...
How did the angel get on top of the christmas tree?
So one year, Santa was having a bad time of it. The reindeer were threatening a strike, the elves had to recall 30% of their toys due to manufacturing defects, all in all, just a frustrating time.
So Santa stood up and made a very LOUD announcement.
"I am going to my study. I'm taking my boots off, having a cup of hot cider, and am going to read a good book. I want. to. finish. my. book."
About 5 minutes later, he hears a knock on the the door to his study. In a fury, he slams down his book, stomps over to the door, flings it open, and says "And just what do YOU want?"
An angel is standing there with a pine tree. "Where would you like me to put the christmas tree?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Santa's bad day
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were gone, heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of r**.... When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had finished the cider and the liquor.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the liquor bottle, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa stomped to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.