Bad Parenting Jokes
59 bad parenting jokes and hilarious bad parenting puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bad parenting that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Bad Parenting Short Jokes
Short bad parenting jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bad parenting humour may include short bad dad jokes also.
- Why was the gambler obsessed with getting to heaven? He heard it was a pair of dice.
Courtesy of my 8 year old. I'm a bad parent. - I feel bad for children of gay parents They either suffer from twice as many dad jokes or get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mother"
- I feel bad for children of gay parents They either have to deal with twice as many dad jokes, or be stuck in an endless cycle of "go ask your mom"
- *Canada's first Professional Soccer team has made it to FIFA* That's to bad eh, they're parents could'nt afford hockey equipment growing up.
- How do parents punish their blind children for bad behaviour? They rearange the furniture.
- When I was born I was circumcised... It hurts so bad I didn't walk for year. In fact, I was so upset with my parents I didn't talk to them for like 18 months!
- Schools should teach useful things such as parenting skills to children. Okay, that's not a good idea. Children will immediately realize that they have bad parents.
- Did you hear about that girl from Boston who got in trouble for being a bad dancer? She told her parents that she was an erratic dancer.
- As a kid growing up in the Vietnam I could always tell how well the economy was by what type of dog food my parents bought. Chihuahua when it was bad, Black lab when it was good.
- What moment is Batman History was the worst for Batman? Christmas.
He lays an egg, smells bad, and Joker gets away.
Also his parents are dead.
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Bad Parenting One Liners
Which bad parenting one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bad parenting? I can suggest the ones about parenting and bad kid.
- Why do midgets make bad parents? Cause they struggle to put food on the table
- Mom: Gary, am I a bad parent? Son: My name is Dave...
- Every time someone called me spoiled I felt bad.. that their parents didn't love them.
- Your parents' divorce was so bad you had 3 Christmases.
- My parents always told me that the world is my oyster Too bad I'm allergic to shellfish
- My Parents Just Bought Me The World's Worst Thesaurus... It was both bad and also bad.
- I upset a millennial so bad today... Both his parents called me to complain!
- Everyone talks about how bad helicopter parenting is
- Watching a s**... scene with my parents is so awkward. My mom is such a bad actress.
Bad Parenting Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about bad parenting you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bad teacher jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bad parenting pranks.
One day a farmer wakes up to go check on his cheese cow.
He walks up and finds her dead in the grass. The man is so upset he kills himself. Then his wife wakes up. She finds her husband dead and goes to the lake and kills herself. Next the first son wakes up and notices everybody is dead. He goes down to the river and sees a mermaid. She swims up to him and says, "Having a bad day, huh? I'll tell you what. If you make love to me ten times in a row without stopping, I'll bring everyone back to life. But if you don't, I will kill you." He tries to do it, but doesn't make it. She kills him. Then the second son wakes up and after seeing his dead parents, also goes to the river where he sees his dead brother. The same mermaid swims up and tells him what she told his brother. He asks, "If I make love to you 20 times, what will you do?" She tells him, "If you are able to perform 20 times in a row, I will bring everyone back and make you the richest man alive." He then asks, "Well if I do it 20 times in a row, what's stopping you from dying? That's what happened to the cow."
One day a farmer wakes up to go check on his cheese cow.
He walks up and finds her dead in the grass. The man is so upset he kills himself. Then his wife wakes up. She finds her husband dead and goes to the lake and kills herself. Next the first son wakes up and notices everybody is dead. He goes down to the river and sees a mermaid. She swims up to him and says, "Having a bad day, huh? I'll tell you what. If you make love to me ten times in a row without stopping, I'll bring everyone back to life. But if you don't, I will kill you." He tries to do it, but doesn't make it. She kills him. Then the second son wakes up and after seeing his dead parents, also goes to the river where he sees his dead brother. The same mermaid swims up and tells him what she told his brother. He asks, "If I make love to you 20 times, what will you do?" She tells him, "If you are able to perform 20 times in a row, I will bring everyone back and make you the richest man alive." He then asks, "Well if I do it 20 times in a row, what's stopping you from dying? That's what happened to the cow."
A little boy walks into his local corner store...
He goes in with his weekly allowance from his parents, usually to get a candy bar or something. But this time, to the cashier's surprise he brings up a bottle of laundry detergent. "What do you need this for, kid?" asks the cashier. The young boy explains how his dog is filthy and needs a bath. The cashier explains to him, that it is a terrible idea and may even kill the dog. The kid listens to the advice, but proceeds and buys it anyways. A week or so later, the kid goes into the store and brings a candy bar up to the counter. The cashier rings him up and asks "Hey, so is your dog alright?" to which the little boy replies "no, he died". The cashier tells him, "I told you it was a bad idea to clean him with laundry detergent!" and the little boy replies, "I don't think it was the detergent that did it, I think it was the rinse cycle."
So there's a family of rabbits on the side of the road...
Mommy, Daddy, and Baby Rabbit.
They're hopping across and BAM, a truck runs over Mommy and Daddy, but Baby makes it across.
Back on the other side, there's a family of skunks. Mommy, Daddy, and Baby Skunk.
They go waddling across the road and BAM, a truck runs offer Mommy and Daddy, but Baby makes it across.
So Baby Rabbit and Baby Skunk are sitting there on the side of the road.
The rabbit starts crying. The skunk asks him what's wrong, and the rabbit says "Well, my parents are dead and I'm all alone. I don't know where I'm going, I don't remember where I'm from, I don't even know what I am!"
The skunk looks him over and says "Well, let's see, you've got floppy ears and a cotton tail and hop when you walk, you must be a rabbit!"
The rabbit feels his ears, looks at his tail, takes a hop, and says "You're right, I'm a rabbit. I feel better!"
So they sit there a little longer, but the the skunk starts crying. The rabbit asks him what's wrong, and he says, "Well, my parents are dead too! I'm all alone, I don't know where I'm going, I don't remember where I'm from, I don't even know what I am, either!"
The rabbit looks him over and says, "Well...
You're not white and you're not black, and you smell kinda bad,
You must be a Mexican!"
Catholic School
So there's a bad jewish kid and he swears all the time. He gets expelled from school. His behavior combined with the town he lives in being so small where everyone knows everyone's business, causes his family to become pariahs.
Desperate for a solution, the parents ask the local Rabbi for help who suggests sending the boy to a *yeshiva* - a Jewish private school. The parents try this, but sadly, this seemed to make him worse, now he swears in both English and Hebrew.
The next week, Thanksgiving rolls around and the parents have the neighbors over to eat Turkey with them. The neighbor after a while can't help but remark "I know it's not my place, but your son is very unruly."
The parents sigh and say they have no idea what to do with him. The neighbor replies "I know you're Jewish but try Catholic School. Those nuns instill serious discipline in children."
Feeling out of options, the parents do enroll the son in Catholic School, and that same day he comes home from school the model son they always wished he was.
The parents are flabbergasted. They ask "Did the nuns beat you?", and the son replies "No mother, they did not." So the parent's say "Then how did this happen?" and the son replied "Well, when I saw the guy hanging on the wall there, I knew they meant business!"
Joke I came up with when I was ten
So a student walks into his classroom early and approaches the teacher.
He says: "I just wanted to tell you that I couldn't do my homework last night"
The teacher asks: "Why not?"
The students replies: "Because I ran out"
Teacher: "Of notebook paper?"
Student: "No, of toilet paper"
Teacher: "What does that have to do with anything?"
Student: "I had to improvise"
It's a really bad joke but I remember my parents thought it was funny.
It's an eye
The doctor walks into the room to tell the parents the news about their newborn.
Doctor says, "I have bad news for you."
The mother asks, "What is it?"
The doctor says, "Your newborn is an eye."
The parents are mystified & ask him, "What what do you mean?"
Doctor replies, "It is an eye. No arms, legs, body or anything else. Just an eye."
"Oh gosh," said the father. "What could be possibly worse?'
The doctor replies, "It is Blind."
What's the difference anti-vaxxer parents and Home Depot?
If you get a bad case of shingles, Home Depot will take it back.
s**... ed
One day a little boy was at the park with his grandfather when he saw two dogs having s**.... He asked what they were doing and was told that was how they made puppies. Later that night he had a bad dream and when he went in to his parents' room he saw them having s**.... When he asked what they were doing he was told they were trying to make him a baby brother or sister. Disgusted, he demanded "Well flip her over, I'd rather have a puppy!"
Employee's leave plan
Employee : Sir, my father died I need leave for a week.
Employer: sure.
After 6 months...
Employee : Sir, my mother died I need leave for a week.
Employer: okay .
After 6 months...
Employee : Sir, my father died I need leave for a week.
Employer: go on .
After 6 months...
Employee : Sir, my mother died I need leave for a week.
Employer: approved .
After 6 months...
Employee : Sir, my father died I need leave for a week.
Employer: you can take the leave.
After 6 months...
Employee : Sir, my mother died I need leave for a week.
Employer: What is going on? Do you think I am a fool? Every six months either your father dies or your mother. How many parents do you have?
Employee : Sir it's not my fault. When my mother dies, my father marries someone and when my father dies, my mother marries someone
Sorry for bad English
After 6 months...
What's the difference between a bad parent and a bad doctor?
One loses their patience while the other loses their patients
I met a little boy today.
He was sitting on the curb, dressed in rags. He had his face in his hands and it looked like he was crying.
I felt kinda bad he was all alone, so I went and sat down beside him.
I said, "Are you an orphan, little guy?"
As he looked up, his eyes were still red and his cheeks still wet. He managed to crack a small smile.
"Yeah. What gave me away?"
I leaned in close and whispered,
"Your parents."
It doesn't matter whether you're a bad parent or a bad drug dealer...
Because at the end of the day a kid gets smacked.
An old man wants to get life insurance
The employee working at the insurance company asks:
'How old are you, sir?'
'I'm 102.'
'102?! And you wanna get life insurance at *your* age? You know what? Come back tomorrow.'
'Tomorrow ain't good. We'll be celebrating my dad's birthday.'
'Your dad's birthday?! How old is he?'
'He's 139.'
'Okay, come back next week then.'
'Next week is definitely a bad time for me. We're gonna have a week-long party for my grandfather's wedding.'
'Your grandfather's weddig?! How old is he?'
'He's 164.'
'And he wants to get married at *his* age?'
'Nah, he doesn't, it's just that his parents are forcing him...'
So my parents are getting older and sicker
I think it's time I move them into a nursing home. I feel really bad though, because I live with my parents and I don't want to live in a nursing home.
A wife has a c**... day and decides to come home early from work
When she arrives home, she heads upstairs and finds 2 pairs of legs in her bed under the covers. Already in a bad mood, she grabs a baseball bat and has a few swings at her cheating husband and his mistress. Once she's done, she walks to her balcony and finds her husband. He lovingly greets her with "Hi honey, your parents dropped in for a visit, they were feeling a little tired so I let them sleep in our bed".
A kid is flunking a public school, so his parents move him to a private school
All the sudden inthe private school his grades skyrocket up to A's. Then one night at the dinner table his parents ask,
"Why were you doing so bad in a
public school, and when we switched you to a
private school you did good?" The kid says,
"because I knew they were serious about school.
The first day I walked in they had a guy nailed
to a plus sign."
The rotten kid next door isn't completely useless---
At least 10 parents use him as a bad example
So my WiFi stopped working for 2 hours today...
...Apparently I found out my parents aren't so bad after all
A place got lit on fire
But the firefighters were too late to reach and put it out. Media arrived as well to which one of the firefighter giving report said, "I've got a good news and a bad news, the bad news is, 41 children died in that fire. But the good news is it was an orphanage, so I have no parents to notify"
what did the buffalo's parents say when he kept making bad jokes?
good-bison, we're disowning you.
I heard you liked bad boys
Well this one time I was watching Disney junior and it said to go to their website with a parents permission...
I didn't ask my parents
A man and his 6 year old son are walking in a park
They see a couple of dogs having s**... and the son being curious asks his dad what they are doing. The dad responds they're making a puppy and the son seems satisfied with that answer.
Later that night after they go home, the boy has a bad dream and goes into his parents room. When he opens the door he sees his dad on top of his mom and he asks them what they're doing. The dad responds Mom and I are making a baby and the son says flip her over, I want a puppy .
A Jewish kid's parents sent him to a Jewish school
After a week he was kicked for bad behavior, so they sent him to another Jewish school. He was kicked from there as well, so they chose to send him to a Catholic school instead.
After a month they came to a school meeting, and the teachers praised the kid and said he does really well.
They asked the kid what was up. He said that at his first day at school, while they were showing him around, the teacher showed him a man hanged on a cross and said "See? He was Jewish too".
My parents don't understand my generation joking about committing s**... and said I wasn't allowed to...
Me: all my friends do it
Parents: if all you're friends jumped off a cliff would you do that too
Me: ok it's bad enough that you won't let me joke about it but you don't need to be a hypocrite
Having immigrated at 1 and been raised in Los Angeles
by two hard-working first generation Korean parents,
I still struggle with insecurities, some of which are
worsened by deeply ingrained Asian stereotypes from my past.
Just the other week, my Caucasian friend Jessie and I hit the links
and I tee off 250 yards straight down the middle of the fairway.
Then he tees off, and his ball hits
an 8 year old boy in the back of the head
\-- killing him instantly.
So I'm like "Oh. My. God.
Who's the bad driver now!?"
I used to be into drinking p**... and other bad stuff until my parents yelled at me...
They said "You're not supposed to drink it, s**...."
An orphan boy at my school did really bad in a test and started crying.
I said, "Don't worry, your parents won't say anything."
I feel bad for kids of gay parents
They have to put up with twice the amount of dad jokes.
3 reasons why my parents are bad at hide and seek.
1. They always hide in their bedroom.
2. They make too much noise.
3. my dad takes a pill that makes him think he is invisible and proceeds to take off his clothes
A teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.
They were appalled at his spiky hair, pierced nose, tattoos and a bad attitude. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Honey," the mother said, "he doesn't seem very nice."
"Of course he is," the daughter replied. "If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"