Bad Medical Jokes
13 bad medical jokes and hilarious bad medical puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bad medical that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Bad Medical Short Jokes
Short bad medical jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bad medical humour may include short bad doctor jokes also.
- I got really bad sunburn after falling asleep on my stomach at the beach... I wanted emergency medical attention but 911 never returned my call. I guess they put it on the back burner.
- The bad news: I took the wrong medication today. The good news: For the next 3 months I'm protected against heartworms and fleas.
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Bad Medical One Liners
Which bad medical one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bad medical? I can suggest the ones about bad good and bad science.
- What is the ironic part of medical school? It's bad for your health.
Giggle-Inducing Bad Medical Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
What funny jokes about bad medical you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bad food jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bad medical pranks.
*A man is trying to prove his innocence in court*
Defendant: "Please your honour, I don't have a single bad bone in my body"
Prosecutor: "Well according to your medical exam it appears you have osteoporosis"
Judge: "Guilty"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A kid looks at his mother's medical report....
**s**...: F** It said.
The kid started laughing.
Mom: What's so funny?
Son: Mom you're so bad at s**... that you failed in it!
Dad dies laughing.
Jim and Mary.
Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Mary the news he said, "Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Cloyd went to a Charleston dentist complaining his gums had shriveled up and his teeth were falling out.
After examining him, the dentist said, "Your mouth is really bad. Do you brush?"
"Ah sure do!" replied Cloyd. "Everee single day!"
"What do you brush with?" asked the dentist.
"Preparation H," said the r**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old woman goes to the doctor..
She complains that "I've been f**... all the time. It doesn't smell and no one can hear it... but I just want to get the problem fixed."
The doctor writes her a prescription and tells her to come back in two weeks after taking her medication.
She comes back after two weeks and says "Doctor, I'm still f**... all the time and no one can hear it - but it's starting to smell really badly"
The doctor: "Great - now that we fixed your smelling problem, let's fix your hearing one."
An elderly man goes to the doctor for help with terrible gas.
He tells her that he is passing wind constantly and it can be a bit uncomfortable but luckily when he passes wind it doesn't smell or make any noise so he is free to let it go whenever he needs to. In fact, he says, I'm doing it now and you'd never know!
She gives him some medication and sends him off and tells him to come back in 2 weeks.
When he returns he seems upset. He says that the level of gas is more or less the same but it smells so bad that it's choking him.
She says well, that's your sinuses sorted now let's work on your hearing.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Safe Death
A man was having serious medical problems and had an appointment to see his doctor. He was so distraught over the likely possibility of bad news that he asked his son to go along with him.
Sure enough, the doctor announced that the man had terminal cancer and had only a short time to live. Needless to say, he was devastated. Finally the son consoled him enough to leave the office and they decided to go to the local tavern and bury their sorrows in alcohol.
When they entered the bar, all the man's friends were there. They saw how bad he looked and one pal commented, "It looks like you just saw the grim reaper!" The man replied, "Yeah, I just saw my doctor and I've got AIDS."
Astonished, the son pulled his dad over to the side and said, "Dad, I was with you at the doctor's office and he said that you have terminal cancer, not AIDS." To which the man replied, "I know that, but I don't want any of those b**... f*cking your mother after I'm dead!!!!!!"
What doctors really thinking?
- This should be taken care of right away.
I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.
- Welllllll, what have we here…?
He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.
- Let me check your medical history.
I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending anymore time with you.
- We have some good news and some bad news.
The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.
- Let me schedule you for some tests.
I have a forty percent interest in the lab.
- I'd like to have my associate look at you.
He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.
- I'd like to prescribe a new drug.
I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.
- This may hurt a little.
Last week two patients bit off their tongues.
- This should fix you up.
The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.
- I'd like to run some more tests.
I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.
- There is a lot of that going around.
My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
John and David were both patients in a Mental hospital.
One day, John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool.
David jumped in and saved him, and the medical director came to know of his heroic act.
He immediately order David to be discharged from the mental hospital as he is OK.
Doctor: "We have good news and bad news for you, David. The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses, since you are able to jump in and save another patient you are now a normal person. The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have saved, hung himself in the toilet, and died."
David: "Doctor, he didn’t hang himself. I hung him there to dry."