Bad Kid Jokes
105 bad kid jokes and hilarious bad kid puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bad kid that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Bad Kid Short Jokes
Short bad kid jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bad kid humour may include short quiet kid jokes also.
- Joke my kid made up when he was like 4.... What do you call an angry shopper using bad words? A cussomer.
- Is it ok for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school? Or does that make me a bad teacher?
- A kid in the park told me smoking was bad for me So I popped his ballon with my cigarette and informed him so was talking to strangers.
- After a long day's work, I came home and saw my kid ripping off the front and back pages of my dictionary. Things just went from Bad to Worse.
- I started a summer camp for kids with add/adhd to teach them to manage their symptoms. It didn't do so well, people kept telling me Concentration Camp was a bad name.
- When I was a kid, I only had two friends and they were imaginary. It was too bad they only ever played with each other.
- Very bad product name Did you guys hear that Apple scrapped its idea for an iPod touch for children when they realized that iTouch Kids would be a bad product name?
- I feel really bad for kids in third world countries... They have to go through puberty and their mid-life crisis at the same time.
- From what I hear about time spent with abortion doctor's they're really not all that bad Many patients have claimed it's really brought the kid out in them.
- Did you hear about the Italian kid who hurt his hand real bad? His mom took him to the doctor and asked if he would ever be able to speak again.
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Bad Kid One Liners
Which bad kid one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bad kid? I can suggest the ones about mean kid and fun kid.
- A kid loses his glasses and falls down a well... Too bad he couldn't see that well.
- I don't understand why we give bad kids coal. Isn't coal what minors want?
- Don't smoke kids, Because smoking kids is bad for you.
- I've decided not to have any kids.... The kids are taking it pretty bad !!
- When I was a kid , my acne was so bad... blind people tried to read my face.
- What kind of car is bad for a kid with ADD? A Ford Focus
- How does the russian mother punish her kid who got bad grades at school? Nietflix.
- I feel bad for Stevie Wonder... He hasn't seen his kids in years.
- Where does Santa get presents for bad kids? Kohl's.
- Why are kid's books bad liars? Because they're easy to read.
- My ex says I set a bad example to our kids. How's that true? They never even see me!
- Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
- The terrible twos are not so bad . . . . . . my kid has been acting presidential
- I've had bad joints since I was a kid. I still don't know quality.
- Casey Anthony gets a bad wrap.... she killed a kid for a lot cheaper than a drone does.
Delightful Fun Bad Kid Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about bad kid you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean friendly kid jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bad kid pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young boy comes home from school in a bad mood.
His father asks him, "What's wrong, son?" The kid tells his dad that he's upset because another kid has been teasing him and calling him gay. The father says, "Punch him in the face next time he does that. I bet he'll stop." The kid replies, "Yeah, but he's so cute!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young boy comes home from school in a bad mood.
His father asks him, "What's wrong, son?" The kid tells his dad that he's upset because another kid has been teasing him and calling him gay. The father says, "Punch him in the face next time he does that. I bet he'll stop." The kid replies, "Yeah, but he's so cute!"
A man answers the telephone to find a doctor from the hospital's emergency room on the other end.
"Sir," explains the doctor, "Your wife was in a serious car accident. I have bad news and good news."
The man, taken back, asks hesitatntly, "What's the bad news?"
"The bad news is your wife has lost all use of both arms and both legs. She will likely be on a respirator for the rest of her life."
"Heavens, Doc, what's the good news?"
The doctor replies, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
This Christmas, Santa is sending a message to the naughty children to stop being bad.
He stuffing their stocking with Chuck Norris!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A huge airplane, full of passengers, had just taken off when a 5 year-old bad behaved boy created havoc with yelling and crying out loud.
Despite his mother's efforts, the boy could calm down.
The passengers, obviously frustrated, gossip about it and some mentioned Herod way for salvation, but they still manage to get through the t**... by staying calm and noble.
The boy though, had no plans on ease up with his attitude.
In fact, he gets worse.
Starts screaming, swearing and spitting all around the plane.
People got desperate.
Suddenly, an old man stands up and walks towards to the little boy with a slow but majestic walk.
He was wearing an air force general costume with badges and medals all over his suit jacket.
He nudges to the mother so she can stop trying all of her hopeless efforts to quite the boy and then, kindly bends over and whispers something to the boy's ear.
The child, immediately stops, takes his seat and fastens his seatbelt.
The man went back to his seat with the same confidence, while the whole plane admired his achievement.
"Excuse me Mr. General, but what did you say to that child and made him quite?" a lady wondered.
"I showed him my medals, ma'am, and told him that I've won them on the battlefield and that those medals give me the right to through a passenger off the plane on any flight I feel like, only once a year and then I mentioned that this year... I haven't picked one yet..."
3-year-old: What's a swear word?
Me: A bad word moms and dads only say when they're mad.
3:
Me:
3: Is my middle name a swear word?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Virginity in school
Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a v**...."
Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades and they will stop."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
my pre school guitar teacher...
got in trouble for f**... A minor, but he wasn't as bad as bad as my pre school violin teacher...he fiddled with kids... but both were not nearly as bad as my pre school piano teacher....who r**... me in the mouth
For my cake day, a joke...
Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor. The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."
Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"
The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
An instructor was teaching a young man how to swordfight.
The young man wasn't terribly good, but he had a rather high opinion of his abilities. In a practice duel with the instructor, he was continually waving his sword about arrogantly, in wide strokes, and often leaving himself wide open to attack.
The instructor thought "he won't last five minutes with that attitude, so I need to scare it out of him. But I don't want to hurt the poor kid too badly."
The instructor feinted.
A little boy walks into his local corner store...
He goes in with his weekly allowance from his parents, usually to get a candy bar or something. But this time, to the cashier's surprise he brings up a bottle of laundry detergent. "What do you need this for, kid?" asks the cashier. The young boy explains how his dog is filthy and needs a bath. The cashier explains to him, that it is a terrible idea and may even kill the dog. The kid listens to the advice, but proceeds and buys it anyways. A week or so later, the kid goes into the store and brings a candy bar up to the counter. The cashier rings him up and asks "Hey, so is your dog alright?" to which the little boy replies "no, he died". The cashier tells him, "I told you it was a bad idea to clean him with laundry detergent!" and the little boy replies, "I don't think it was the detergent that did it, I think it was the rinse cycle."
George and Harold were usually responsible kids.
Whenever anything bad happened, George and Harold were usually responsible.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Kids at the Wedding
At a friend's wedding, everything went smoothly until it was time for the flower girl and her young e**... to come down the aisle.
The boy stopped at every pew, growling at the guests. When asked afterward why he behaved so badly, he explained, "I was just trying to be a good ring bear."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I feel bad for Kim-Jong Un
It's hard being the fat kid in high school, so it must be really difficult being the only fat kid in the country.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I fostered a kid last night
Not bad a can right in the back of the head form 20 yards
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Pregnant Woman
There was this little kid who had a bad habit of s**... his thumb. His mother finally told him that if he didn't stop s**... his thumb, he'd get fat.
Two weeks later, his mother had her friends over for a game of bridge. The boy points to an obviously pregnant woman and says, "Ah, ha! I know what you've been doing!"
A joke my kid told me today.
Him: dad guess who is the smallest family in the world?
Me: I don't know, who?
Him: the atoms family.
Not bad for 7 years old.
Did you hear about the kid who brought a home made watch to school?
He had a real bad time...
A Bosnian Joke
Mujo is the husband.
Fata is the wife.
Fata has to go to the doctor.
After an hour the doctor comes out of the room and starts a conversation with Mujo.
Doctor: Mujo, I have some bad news... Fata doesn't look so good...
Mujo: I know Doctor... but She cooks, cleans and takes care of the kids!
Hope you guys enjoyed this joke, I did.
Practical joke
An intern decided to play a practical joke on a patient husband. He went to the waiting room. "I'm afraid I have some very bad news" the intern said "your wife is going to be a vegetable. You will have to bath her, feed her and care for her the rest of her life". The husband said in tears "oh my God!". The intern laughed "no. No. I'm just kidding. She is dead"
Who's your daddy?
A father's daughter brought home her prospective fiancee
It was the first time he'd met him and he took the opportunity to quiz him a bit
"So, what do you do for a living?" he asked
"I have no job" he replied
"Really? Well how do you expect to provide for my daughter?"
"God will provide, I'm sure" was the answer from the intended
"And how exactly will he do that then?"
"God is merciful and will ensure we do not want" he said with all sincerity
"And how about if you have kids? Who looks after you then?"
"God will ensure he provides bounty for the whole family"
"OK, so you say, but exactly how will God provide this?"
"I don't know yet. God will move in his own mysterious ways"
At this point, the father gives up and leaves the house fuming, heading straight for the bar. there he meets his friend Dave who asks,
"What's up friend? You seem troubled"
"Well, I've just met my girl's new fiancé"
"Oh man, bad news?"
"Well, on the plus side, he does at least seem to think I'm God..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't get why kids hate me...
... I mean the s**... isn't that bad.
It doesn't matter whether you're a bad parent or a bad drug dealer...
Because at the end of the day a kid gets smacked.
When Kim Kardashian is off camera she is helping little homeless kids.
Too bad she is always on camera.
A kid is flunking a public school, so his parents move him to a private school
All the sudden inthe private school his grades skyrocket up to A's. Then one night at the dinner table his parents ask,
"Why were you doing so bad in a
public school, and when we switched you to a
private school you did good?" The kid says,
"because I knew they were serious about school.
The first day I walked in they had a guy nailed
to a plus sign."
Steven hawking is setting a bad example for kids these days...
Being on his computer all day
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman walks into Walmart
She's wearing very dirty clothes, smells bad and looks like she is in a horrible situation. She has 2 kids who look worse in her shopping cart
The store clerk says: Wow, are they twins?
Woman: No you idiot, they obviously look 2 years apart.
Clerk: Oh, they don't look alike. I just couldn't believe you had s**... twice.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The rotten kid next door isn't completely useless---
At least 10 parents use him as a bad example
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Six year old Kid looking at Mom's ID card...
s**... - F
He laughs...
Mom : Whats so funny ?
Kid : I can't believe you are
so bad in s**....
You Failed in it!!
Doctor : "I'm afraid I have some very bad news, your wife's gonna be a vegetable. You're gonna have to bathe her, feed her, and care for her for the rest of your life."
Me : OH MY GOD!
Doctor : Just kidding. She's dead.
Sports Day
It's sports day at a school for "special" kids. During the egg and spoon race, little Johnny falls and hurts himself badly.
One of the teachers freaks out and yells "call Johnny an ambulance, call Johnny an ambulance!"
All the kids immediately start pointing at Johnny and laughing saying "Johnny is an ambulance- Johnny is an ambulance!"
Having a bad day?
Just remember that in the movie Air Bud , some kid got kicked off his school basketball team... and replaced by a dog.
The good news, is that kids' underwear is half-off at Meijer.
The bad news, is that it's not all the way off.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Good night kids
Me : good night kids
Kids : good night dad
Me : good night monster under the bed who eats bad kids
Wife ( through radio under the bed) : good night
I was bullied...
When I was a little kid this other kid in a wheelchair used to bully me but I couldn't do anything about it because I felt bad making fun of him. So for the rest of my life people knew me as the guy who "couldn't stand up for himself" and I think that's ironic considering it all.
D and C decided to have a kid. They had a boy and named him decision.
And when their child started doing drugs, they knew it was a bad decision.
A priest and a bus driver stand outside the gates of heaven.
God lets the bus driver in, but denies entry for the priest. The priest exclaims:
-Why was that man let in? He gambles, drinks, sheats on his wife and is a bad father figure to his kids.
I on the other hand have served you my entire life.
God replies:
-That might be, but when you preach, everybody falls asleep in the church. When he drives the bus, all the passengers pray.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A kid looks at his mother's medical report....
**s**...: F** It said.
The kid started laughing.
Mom: What's so funny?
Son: Mom you're so bad at s**... that you failed in it!
Dad dies laughing.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was walking by a car filled with black kids when I heard a "click" as they locked the doors and I felt like such a bad-a**......
...until I realized it was my car...
A man goes to meet a fortune teller
As he sits down she starts: "So I see, you're a father of two kids..."
"Ha, that's a bad guess", the man replies, "I'm father of three."
The fortune teller smiles: "yes, that's what YOU believe."
A man gets a call that his wife was in a terrible accident....
He rushes off to the hospital, upon arriving he sees the doctor approaching him. The doctor says, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is she's going to make it, the bad news is, she's never gonna walk again, she'll need twenty-four hour care, and the insurance isn't going to cover it... upon hearing this the man is devastated, how will I pay for all this? The doctor replies, nah man I'm kidding, she's dead.
As a kid growing up in the Vietnam I could always tell how well the economy was by what type of dog food my parents bought.
Chihuahua when it was bad, Black lab when it was good.
I used to teach at a special school
I'm surprised how badly they treat the kids. To summarize my experience there, there's no ups only downs.
What did the man who is in dire need of a kidney transplant say to the young man with a broken knee cap?
I don't need your bad kid knees.
Godzuki was a bad kid.
Always breaking things, throwing tantrums.
He spent a lot of time in kaijuvenile hall.
Having attended all prenatal appointments for two kids, i was disappointed my wife's obgyn didn't recognize me at the grocery store
Apparently she is just really bad with faces.
You guys think "See you next year" is bad?
Imagine how kids in 1999 felt when their dad told them "See you next Millennium"
Blonde dropped and cracked her phone screen.
Blonde 1: "Hey, I dropped my phone and the screen is cracked. Will they be able to fix this?"
Blonde 2: "Is it that bad?"
Blonde 1:: "See for yourself. I'll send you a screen shot."
\*After seeing the screenshot\*
Blonde 2: "Are you kidding me?"
Blonde 1:: "..."
Blonde 2: "This looks brand new."
I think it was probably a bad idea to put the kids' present in the piñata
The dog might get hit
I start to reminisce about the music that I listened to as a kid
"Yep. Still as bad as I remember it."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A New Zealand man wants to have lots of kids.
"Would you have a baby with me?" he asks his wife.
"Of course!"
"Would you have two with me?" he asks.
After a pause, she says "Yeah that sounds like a good number."
"How about four? Would you have four with me?"
She thinks harder this time. "I suppose four wouldn't be so bad."
Encouraged, he asks "Would you have six with me?"
"Well how the h**... else are we going to get all these kids?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Breaking Bad fan to his kid
Say my name.
Kid: Da-Da !
You are g**... right!
When I was a kid, I asked my dad where God would send children who were bad.
"Well," he said after a pause, "I guess they get to the same place as the priests who were good."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What if I tell you there is a way to stop all the kids in the school making fun of you because you are still a v**...?
Just start giving them bad grades.
If you ever feel bad
Just remember that Stevie Wonder is paying $25,000 a month in child support for some kids he has never seen.
Doctor: I'm terribly sorry, but your kidneys are failing.
Me: I can't believe this is happening.
Wife (sobbing): How will we tell our son?
Me: ... I'll tell him.
[Later at home, sitting down with son]
Me: Bad news kid, your knees are failing.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My mutant power
professor x: Whats your mutant power
me: I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try [points up] two pulls
professor x: [Stands up and pulls twice] not bad, but not a power
me: I'm kidding i can heal paraplegics
professor x: [Still standing] holy s**...
I was in quite a severe accident when I was younger, it damaged my legs really bad.
I had to get a double kid knee transplant.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You know who really gives kids a bad name?
Posh and Becks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I bought my nephew a pair of airpods for his birthday.
The kid was so ungrateful, he didn't even say thank you. He just started throwing up gang signs at me.
I think he's fallen into a bad crowd ever since he went deaf.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A teacher is teaching a class of kids about intelligence
She explains what intelligence is and then
Teacher: people opposite to intelligent are called s**.... Now how many of you think of yourselves as s**..., stand up.
She waits to see if someone would stand up but no one does. After a long while, finally a kid stands up.
Teacher: Do you think you are s**...?
Student: No
Teacher: Then why did you stand up?
Student: I felt bad since you're the only one standing.
