Bad Jokes

167 bad jokes and hilarious bad puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bad that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Best Short Bad Jokes

Short bad jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bad humour may include short offal jokes also.

  1. Why do Americans rarely tell jokes about mass shootings? Because it's always too soon.
    ^(i feel bad)
  2. My wife has kicked me out of the house because of my bad Arnold Scharzenegger impressions. But don't worry I'll return.
  3. I just saw my chinese waiter give my order to someone who looks nothing like me. I get it now. Oh wait, my bad. That wasn't my waiter.
  4. I know global warming is bad but wouldn't it be kinda funny if dinosaurs made humans go extinct?
  5. A good romance starts with a foundation of trust and friendship. A bad romance starts with a rah rah rah-ah-ah, roma roma-ma gaga ooh la la
  6. I've just started to read a horror novel in braille. Something bad is gonna happen. I can feel it.
  7. In exactly 3030 years, there's a chance things could be really good, and theres a chance things could be really bad I guess it will be 5050

  8. Bad news: a message in German sent 110 years ago by homing pigeon was just found. Worse news: it was an acceptance letter to art school.
  9. I don't understand all these jokes about mothers-in-law. Mine is sweet, supportive, and a great influence on me and my wife. I can't say anything bad about her.
  10. I feel really bad for the class of 2020. They say the year really flies by. I just didn't realize it would Zoom.

Quick Jump To

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about bad can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of bad puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Bad One Liners

Which bad one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bad? I can suggest the ones about unbearable and hurtful.

  1. I'm reading a horror story in Braille Something bad is about to happen...
    I can feel it
  2. How can you tell good cops from bad cops? Easy. Good cops carry a Goodge.
  3. Doctor: Sir, I have some bad news, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards Me: and?
  4. Schrodinger took his cat to the vet. The vet said, I have good news and bad news.
  5. Why does spiderman hate driving with his evil twin? Because he's a bad parallel Parker
  6. Elon is firing twitter employees with bad posture I have a hunch I might be next.
  7. Why are Americans bad at League of Legends ? They can't defend the tower
  8. All dad jokes are bad and here's why Why
  9. People say being a waiter is a bad job... ... but, hey, it puts food on the table.
  10. 3,027 years from today, life will either be really good or really bad. It's 5050.
  11. I tell it in the wrong order. Why am i bad at telling jokes?
  12. The US has placed 18th for math… It sounds bad, I'm just glad we hit top ten.
  13. Orion's Belt is a waist of space. Bad pun, I know. 3 stars at best.
  14. Orion's Belt is a big waist of space. Bad joke. Only three stars.
  15. I heard 8/10 Americans are bad at math... Glad to know I'm in the other 2%.

Bad Good Jokes

Here is a list of funny bad good jokes and even better bad good puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I told my wife, "I feel bad for saying this but you are getting loose and it doesn't feel as good anymore" She replied, "don't feel bad, it's not your fault!"
  • A doctor says "The good news is it's all in your head." "The bad news is it's brain cancer."
  • What do you call a belt made out of lobsters? A waist of good seafood
    I know it's bad but I heard it in a dream and had to share
  • Doctor: I've got good news, and bad news Patient: What's the good news?
    Doctor: They're gonna name a disease after you.
  • Wife: "I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?" Husband: "The good news."
    Wife: "The good news is that your car's airbag worked perfectly."
  • What did the scientist say when he found two isotopes of helium? HeHe...
    Im making bad chemistry jokes coz all the good ones argon
  • In another 3029 years, there's a chance that things will either be really good or really bad. It's 5050
  • A man says to the doctor: 'What's the good news?' 'You've got 24 hours to live. He says: 'What's the bad news? The doctor says: 'We should have told you yesterday.'
  • Schrodinger is waiting in a veterinary hospital for news on his cat... The nurse comes in and says
    "Sir,, I have good news and bad news."
  • So, Schrödinger walks into a vet with his cat. The nurse takes the cat, goes into the room, and comes out 10 minutes later. "Sir, we have good news and bad news."

Bad Man Jokes

Here is a list of funny bad man jokes and even better bad man puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A man was brought to the ER badly injured from an accident. We're losing him! said a nurse. Not on my watch! said the surgeon, who clocked out and went home.
  • Man, if you thought No Nut November was bad... Wait until No Net December.
  • My grandad used to say "If it wasn't for me, you'd all be speaking German right now" Lovely man, terribly bad foreign language teacher. No idea why the school hired him.
  • What's the difference between iron man and aluminum man" Iron man stops bad guys. Aluminum man foils their plans.
  • "What did you think of my new Fibonacci joke?" the man asked. "It was as bad as your previous two Fibonacci jokes combined," she taunted.
  • Why did Spider-Man's evil twin fail his driver's test? He was a bad parallel Parker.
  • Went to see the worst faith healer ever last night... He was so bad, a man in a wheelchair got up and walked out.
  • Man offers a drink to a woman at a party. Woman: No thanks, whisky is bad for my legs.
    Man: Legs? Thats strange, do they pain or swell?
    Woman: No, they spread.
  • Whats the difference between a badly dressed man on a bicycle and a posh dressed man on a unicycle? Attire.
  • You woman gotta' realise, making us sleep on the couch ain't that bad... It's kinda manly, makes us feel like we are camping. With an angry bear nearby.

Bad Doctor Jokes

Here is a list of funny bad doctor jokes and even better bad doctor puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A doctor says, "I have bad news, and very bad news." "What's the bad news?" Asked the patients. "You only have 24-hours to live." "And the really bad news?" I should have told you yesterday.
  • Patient: "Gimme the bad news first!" Doctor: "You have AIDS."
    Patient: "What's the good news?"
    Doctor: "You have alzheimer's."
    Patient: "Well that's not so bad, at least I don't have AIDS."
  • Good news The doctor took his patient into the room and said, "I have some good news and some bad news."
    The patient said, "Give me the good news."
    "They're going to name a disease after you."
  • A doctor walked in to see a patient. I've got good news and bad news. The patient say, What's the good news?
    Doctor, They're going to name a disease after you.
  • A Saudi woman in a doctor's clinic. Doctor: Mrs Saud there's a good news for you.
    Woman: Excuse me, it's Miss Saud not Mrs Saud.
    Doctor: Miss Saud there's a bad news for you.
  • A Doctor gives his patient the bad news that he only has a week to live... Patient - "No, I don't accept that! I'd like an alternative fact please"
    Doctor - "Money-wise, you are now set for life"
  • What do good doctors and bad doctors have in common? Their patients don't come back.
  • I went to the doctor today for a prostate exam. It wasn't as bad as I was expecting, until I realized both his hands were on my shoulders.
  • An old man went to the doctor The doctor says "I'm afraid I have bad news. You have cancer... And you have alzheimer's."
    The old man says "Well, at least I don't have cancer!"
  • Doctor: I've got some bad news. You have an incurable disease, you don't have long to live. Man: How long do I have, doc?
    Doctor: 10
    Man: 10 what? Months? Weeks? Days?
    Doctor: 9

Bad Day Jokes

Here is a list of funny bad day jokes and even better bad day puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • When I was a kid my mom used to say " Perdon my French" when she said any bad word. I'll never forget the day in school when my teacher ask if could speak French.
  • I was reading a book about Stockholm Syndrome the other day. It was really bad to begin with, but by the end I quite liked it.
  • To whoever stole my thesaurus... To whoever stole my thesaurus, you made my day bad. I hope bad things happen to you. You're a bad person.
  • Meatloaf (RIP) owned a private forest. At dawn every day, he would collect the condensation and drink it. I asked him if it tastes good. He said "dew outta trees ain't bad!"
  • I once told a bad joke about ghosts It still haunts me to this day.
  • You know what would make your bad day even worse? Finding out your toaster is water-proof.
  • In the UK most people complain about the bad weather... In the UK most people complain about the bad weather, but Queen Elizabeth managed to get through 70 years and 214 days of continuous reign.
  • [Bad joke] The other day my sister asked me what the difference between cellular division and a sock is To which I replied 'Nothing, they both involve mitosis'
  • After a long day's work, I came home and saw my kid ripping off the front and back pages of my dictionary. Things just went from Bad to Worse.
  • When my girlfriend complains about how bad her day was I like to hold her hands Because shes deaf

Quirky and Hilarious Bad Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.

What funny jokes about bad you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean atrocious jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make bad prank.

Virginity in school

Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a v**...."
Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades and they will stop."

A bad workman blames his fools...


A guy just finishes his lasik surgery and his surgeon leads him in his office to discuss the surgery...

The surgeon asks if he wants the good news or bad news first.
The man excitedly ~~replys~~ replies, "I'll take the good news first."
The surgeon tells him, "well you're about to get a new dog."

My marriage is over.

I loved my wife Lorraine in the beginning, but for the longest time I've had a crush on my friend Claire-Lee Robins, who I know feels the same way about me. Eventually Lorraine found out about my secretive feelings, and just like that, she packed her bags and left.
I do feel bad about it all. But then I realised; I can see Claire-Lee now Lorraine has gone.

I dropped my knife and cut off a toe

After the surgery to reattach it, the doctor comes in.
Doctor: I have some good news and bad news.
Me: Tell me the bad news first doc.
Doctor: The bad news is they mistook a piece of candy for your toe.
Me: No way. Whats the good news?
Doctor: The good news is the surgery was successful.
Me: What are you trying to say?
Doctor: You now have a Tic-Tac toe.

Jane and Erica are talking in heaven

"How did you die?" Jane asks Erica.
She replies, "I froze to death."
"Oh, that's terrible!" says Jane.
"It wasn't too bad, after a while you start to get a sort of peaceful feeling, just before you black out. How did you die?"
"Well," she says, "I suspected my husband was cheating so one day I came home early to catch him, but he was just watching TV. So I turned the entire house upside-down looking for another girl, and in the end I got a massive heart attack from exhaustion."
"Too bad you didnt look in the freezer," said Erica, "Or we might both still be alive."

Trump looks out on the snow covered White House Lawn, and notices that someone has p**... Trump s**... in the fresh snow.

Furious, he demands the Secret Service investigate. A few days later, the head of the SS says Mr President, I've got good news and bad news. The good news is we've done a dna test on the u**..., and found the culprit. It turns out it's Mike Pence's. That traitor , shouts Trump. I'll have him hanged! Now, what did you say was the bad news? Well , says the SS chief, turns out it's Melania's handwriting .

Vladimir Putin was being briefed by one of his top generals.

"I've good news and bad news for you this morning, sir."
"Let's hear the good news," the president replied.
"Intelligence reports indicate that the latest additions to the Ukranian arsenal are damaged and outdated, and many won't pose any threat to us at all."
"That's excellent! Finally, things might be starting to turn our way! What's the bad the news?"
The general shifted in his seat and looked down at the table. "A large amount of our best weapons and munitions have just been captured, sir."

A Sith, a Jedi, and a Mandalorian walk into a bar...

They start talking and after a few drinks the conversation shifts to cars. The Jedi living a life of austerity and frugality only has a 1991 Camry. The Sith and Mando laughs at him saying he has a Bad Car. The Sith having manipulated others into giving him their wealth shows off his McClaren F1. The patrons at the bar are amazed and even the Jedi has to admit it's a nice ride. They both end up saying it's a Good Car. The Mandalorian walks around the corner and after a few minutes comes screaming back on his jet pack and blows up the other cars. He has the Beskar.

There Once Was A Poet Named Bates,

There Once Was A Poet Named Bates,
His poems weren't always first rate,
His first lines weren't bad, but the problem he had,
Was that he always tried to put too many syllables into the last line.

Why are women so bad at parking cars?

Because for the last 200 years they've been told that three inches are actually six.

My husband commented on the new store that is being built nearby: That's a nice looking Aldi!

I told him it just looks like Aldi others.
Sorry y'all. It's been such a bad day, and this little exchange my hubby and I had earlier had us both laughing probably more than we should have. Hope it makes one of you out there smile too.

America sure is having some bad luck

It's almost like it was built on an ancient Indian burial ground.

My wife kicked me out of the house for my bad Arnold Schwarzenegger references, but don't worry...

I'll return

I was going to finalize my research as to why vaccines are bad today

But all of the research sites are down.

America is going through such bad luck at the moment

It's as if the whole country were built on haunted Indian burial grounds...

A dad joke my science teacher told me a long time ago:

Why are bacteria so bad at math?
Because they multiply by dividing.
RIP Miss Henn. Miss her lots.

A man is drinking in a bar when a nun harasses him about drinking.

In self-defense the man says, Who told you that drinking is bad?
Nun : "Mother Superior told me."
Man : "So, have you ever tried it?"
Nun : "No, I haven't ever taken a drink of hard liquor."
Man : "Well, don't criticize me if you haven't tried it. I'll tell you what if you try it and don't like it, I'll give up drinking for life."
Nun : "Okay but bring it in a tea cup. I don't want people thinking I'm drinking."
The man goes up to the bartender and says, Bring me a couple of shots of v**... but bring one of them in a tea cup.
The bartender looked at the man and said, Is that nun in here again?

I give to you a joke I made up when I was seven: Why did the computer c**...?

Because it had a bad driver!
*drops mic*

Apparently Monica Lewinsky won't be voting for Hillary Clinton this election

She says the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth

I was kicked out of the house for my bad impressions of Arnold Schwarzenegger. But that didn't faze me. As I left, I told 'em...

"I'll be returning"

As a guy, I refuse to play as a female character in online games.

Not because I'm sexist, I just don't think it's right to perpetuate the stereotype that girls are bad at games.

EA's microtransaction policy is so bad that...

[This punchline is locked. Please pay 20,000 credits to unlock]

A guy isn't feeling well, and goes to the doctor. The doctor says, "I have good news and bad news. Which do you want first?"

The guy says, "I guess I'll get the good news first."
The doctor replies, "You're going to get something named after you."

A student receives a bad grade on his exam

And he goes to talk to the teacher, convinced that he's been graded unfairly.
He says to the teacher "I think I deserve some points on these questions, even if my answers weren't entirely correct!"
The teacher sighs and says "ok, I'll take another look at your exam".
The student comes home, and his mother asks him "so how did the exam go?". He replies: "the teacher thought it was remarkable!'

If you think your microwave spying on you is bad...

Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.

I give to you a joke I made up when I was seven: Why did the computer c**...?

It had a bad driver!
**bows **
I'll show myself out.

My wife gave me some bad news today

"But," she said, "I bought your favorite soy sauce to help cheer you up."
"Great," I said. "Just Kikkoman when he's down, huh?"
I'm very soy for that pun. I'll just wok away now.

LPT: How to pick up girls

Try this:
1. Acquire several dozen limes.
1. Go up to them and then drop all the limes.
1. Start picking them up, but keep dropping them. The clumsier you look the better.
1. Keep doing this until you have their attention (this could take up to thirty minutes).
1. Finally gather up the limes. Try looking a bit sheepish.
1. Look them deeply in the eyes and say, "Sorry, I'm bad at Pickup Limes."

Cop pulls over bad driver

Cop- sir do you realize how badly you were switching lanes?
Guy- sorry officer, I'm drunk af
Cop-that's not a valid reason to let your girlfriend drive the car

I feel bad for children of gay couples.

They either suffer twice as many dad jokes or an endless cycle of ask your mother.

A man went to visit his doctor because his arm is hurting.

"Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?" the man pleads.
The doctor rolls up the man's sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk.
"Hello, Doctor," says the arm. "Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I'm desperate!"
"Aha!'' says the doctor. ''I see the problem. Your arm is broke!"

List if 10 worst dog breeds

1. There
2. Are
3. No
4. Bad
5. Dog
6. Breeds
7. Only
8. Bad
9. Owners
10. Chihuahuas

I happily dad joked my fiancé

While on her way to work, she texted me saying she only put deodorant on one side.
To which I replied, "At least you won't smell half bad!"

Chocolate is bad

Taxi driver: Son, don't eat chocolate cause it's not healthy!
Guy: My grandfather lived 108 years.
Taxi driver: Eating chocolate?
Guy: No, minding his own business.

I asked my friend if he would ever dare to shave his n**... with a straight razor

He said he tried it once while in college, but it was so bad that he hasn't got the b**... to try it again.

My dad's favorite. (Get the groan ready)

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and...with his odd diet...he suffered from bad breath.
This made him...
...a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

A man is dying. He lies in his bed with his wife next to him.

He says to her:
'you remember when i lost my job some years ago?'
'you were by my side'
'and when our son died in a car c**...?'
'you were by my side'
'and now I'm dying of cancer you're still by my side'
'you know what?'
'i think you bring me bad luck'

A beer bottle, a mirror, and a c**... are all talking to each other....

Beer Bottle: You break me, you get 1 year of bad luck!
Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get 7 years bad luck!
c**...: Hahaha... (c**... walks off laughing)

A woman wakes up from a coma and...

A 4-months-pregnant woman falls into a deep coma. 5 months later she wakes up and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are perfectly fine. Luckily your brother named them for you.
Woman: Oh no not my brother! He's an idiot. What did he name the my daughter?
Doctor: Denise
Woman: Oh that's not that bad. What did he name my son?
Doctor: Denephew

Why are women so bad at parking?

Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.

I asked my phone "Siri, why am I so bad with women?"

She said "I'm Alexa you m**...."

What did the bad soccer announcer get for Christmas?


Neil Armstrong used to tell really bad jokes about walking on the Moon.

When nobody laughed he would follow with, "Ah well. I guess you had to be there."

My girlfriend's such a bad cook,

she uses the smoke alarm as a timer.

A lady goes to the dentist with a sore tooth.

The dentist looks and says "you have a bad tooth we are going to have to pull it"
The lady says "I would rather be pregnant than have a tooth pulled"
The dentist replies "Make up your mind, I have to adjust the chair"

Recently asked a friend, "What's the worst thing about being divorced three times?"

With some thought, he finally said, Well, all of them were pretty good house keepers...
How is that a bad thing? I wondered.
He replied, Every time I've divorced, they've kept my house.

Guys, the USA is looking pretty bad...

I think its time for USB.

I was feeling bad about the future today, but then I installed the new version of office.

It improved my outlook.

A lady almost 9 months pregnant falls down some stairs and knocks herself out...

When she wakes up, she is in a hospital bed.
Doctor: "We had to deliver your fraternal twins while you slept, but they are completely healthy. Also, your brother stopped by and named them for you"
New Mother: "My brother named them? But he's an idiot! What are their names?"
Doctor: "Well, the little girl is named Denise."
New Mother: "Well, that's not so bad. What about my son?"
Doctor: "Denephew."

jokes about bad

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these bad jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.