Bad Idea Jokes
124 bad idea jokes and hilarious bad idea puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bad idea that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Bad Idea Short Jokes
Short bad idea jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bad idea humour may include short bad advice jokes also.
- My grandad used to say "If it wasn't for me, you'd all be speaking German right now" Lovely man, terribly bad foreign language teacher. No idea why the school hired him.
- I once tried to create a comedy routine based on the myth of Orpheus. Looking back, it was a bad idea.
- Why's it a bad idea to eat mushrooms for dinner? Because you won't have mushroom left for dessert.
- Very bad product name Did you guys hear that Apple scrapped its idea for an iPod touch for children when they realized that iTouch Kids would be a bad product name?
- I bought my daughter some stuffed animals for her birthday. In hindsight, getting them at the taxidermist was probably a bad idea.
- Some people drink right before flying to deal with preflight anxiety. [I drink ALOT the night before. I'm so hungover, dying doesn't seem that bad of an idea.]
- I have the bad habit of asking internet strangers for advice Do you guys have ideas on how I can stop doing this?
- I was pondering why people keep telling me that juggling bricks is a bad idea. Then it hit me.
- There's actually a joke I used to tell about Orpheus and Euridice but looking back, it was a bad idea
- A golfer was thinking of bringing an extra pair of pants. He figured it's not a bad idea, just in case he got a hole in one.
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Bad Idea One Liners
Which bad idea one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bad idea? I can suggest the ones about bright idea and bad decision.
- I once told a joke about Orpheus and Eurydice. Looking back...
It was a bad idea. - I smeared ketchup all over my eyes once... It was kind of a bad idea in Heinz-sight
- Why is it a bad idea to wear tiny shorts on a ukranian holiday? Chernobyl fallout.
- Why are orphans bad at baseball? They have no idea where home is.
- Why is it a bad idea to play poker in the savannah? Too many cheetahs
- When I found out it's a bad idea to do your own electrical wiring, I was shocked
- Why is it a bad idea to confide in a clock? Because time will tell
- What do you call a dance party on a minefield? A bad Idea.
- Why is it a bad idea to invade Finland? Because you'll be Finnished.
- I used to think the earth was flat... But that was an all-round bad idea.
- Russia should have known communism was a bad idea. There were red flags everywhere!
- It's a bad idea to eat the meat from the female cows. That would be a Miss Steak.
- Celebrating too early is a bad idea. It usually goes wrong, and you will regret it.
- Why is it a bad idea to mess with ents? They'll call the copse.
- Why is peeing around a Pokémon a bad idea? Because it might Pikachu...
Bad Idea Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about bad idea you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bad story jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bad idea pranks.
Friends wave red flags when you have a bad idea. Real friends pick up a camera.
I met an older woman in a bar last night...
I met an older woman at a bar last night. She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old.
In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double?
'What's that? I asked.
'It's a mother and daughter t**...,' she said.
As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like. I said, 'No, I haven't.'
We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, 'tonight's your lucky night'.
We went back to her place. We walked in.
She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:
'Mom...you still awake?'
A little boy walks into his local corner store...
He goes in with his weekly allowance from his parents, usually to get a candy bar or something. But this time, to the cashier's surprise he brings up a bottle of laundry detergent. "What do you need this for, kid?" asks the cashier. The young boy explains how his dog is filthy and needs a bath. The cashier explains to him, that it is a terrible idea and may even kill the dog. The kid listens to the advice, but proceeds and buys it anyways. A week or so later, the kid goes into the store and brings a candy bar up to the counter. The cashier rings him up and asks "Hey, so is your dog alright?" to which the little boy replies "no, he died". The cashier tells him, "I told you it was a bad idea to clean him with laundry detergent!" and the little boy replies, "I don't think it was the detergent that did it, I think it was the rinse cycle."
Two robbers, Hank and Jeff, break into a jewelry store.
They start taking everything they can get their hands on without triggering the alarms. Hank spots a gold necklace with a huge emerald, the price of which would allow them to live in luxury for the rest of their lives. It was obviously well-secured, however, and Jeff tries to convince him that it's a bad idea and that the alarms will go off. Hank doesn't care and smashes the case and grabs the emerald necklace anyway. Immediately alarms sound and within seconds a huge security guard rushes into the store and grabs Hank and Jeff, tosses them on his shoulders, and hauls them off to jail.
Jeff looks at Hank and says "Next time let's not get carried away."
What doctors really thinking?
- This should be taken care of right away.
I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.
- Welllllll, what have we here…?
He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.
- Let me check your medical history.
I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending anymore time with you.
- We have some good news and some bad news.
The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.
- Let me schedule you for some tests.
I have a forty percent interest in the lab.
- I'd like to have my associate look at you.
He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.
- I'd like to prescribe a new drug.
I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.
- This may hurt a little.
Last week two patients bit off their tongues.
- This should fix you up.
The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.
- I'd like to run some more tests.
I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.
- There is a lot of that going around.
My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this.
A guy gets knocked down in the street
A regular looking guy gets knocked down in the street in New York. A crowd gathers round him and a catholic priest pushes though. He has no idea if the guy is catholic or not but he sees that the guy is in a bad way and decides to give him the last rites anyway. The priest kneels down beside the guy and says 'My son: do you believe in god the father, god the son & god the holy ghost?'
At this the guy opens one eye and says 'Oy vay - I am about to die and he asks me riddles!'
Charlie the Street Car Conductor
Long joke that is passed down in my family
So down in New Orleans there lived a man named Charlie. Charlie ever since he was a young boy wanted to grow up to be a streer car conductor. When he finally became old enough, he applied for the job and lo and behold he got it. Now Charlie was the friendliest street conductor that the city has ever seen. Not only did he never complain about his job, but also he greeted everyone who boarded his street car and treated them like family. Everything in his life was perfect for Charlie until one day he decided to operate the street car after having a few drinks. In his drunken state, he crashed the streetcar and killed all the passengers. After going to court Charlie was sentences to death by the eletric chair. When the day came for his execution, a gaurd visited Charlie's cell and asked him what he wanted for his final meal. Charlie replied, "I want a rotten tomato and a raw fish." After Charlie finished his meal he headed into the execution room and sat down in the eletric chair. The warden gave the order to pull the switch and the room went dark as thousands of volts passed through Charlies body. After the switch was thrown back it came as a suprise that Charlie was in fact still alive. Having no idea what else to do the warden let Charlie out of jail but banned him from ever operating a streetcar in New Orleans. Since street cars were his life Charlie decided "Hey I'll go to Japan, I hear they have fancy new street cars there." In Japan Charlie gets a job as a conductor again, but as before decides that after having a few drinks that he is still able to work the street car. To no suprise Charlie crashes the stree car and kills all the passengers. Charlie again finds himself in jail ordering his last meal. "A rotten tomato and a raw fish," he tells the gaurd. After the meal was eaten, Charlie was led to the chair and once again survives the eletricity. Because he wasn't dying, he was set free but banned from operating the street cars in Japan. Charlie thought to himself, "Well I heard San Francisco still has street cars operating so I'll go there." As you can guess Charlie ends up in the same situation and again orders the same meal " A rotten tomato and a raw fish," he tells the gaurd. The warden from San Francisco had heard of Charlie and his previous death sentences so before he brought Charlie in to be executed he sent a letter to the mayor asking to reroute the city's eletricity to the jail. The mayor approved and confident with his new found power the warden smiled and gave the order to pull the switch. The lights in the room burst from the overload and the smell of something burning overwelmed the air. The warden after a minute ordered the gaurd to shut off the chair and as the smoke cleared, there was Charlie same as always. Distraught with emotion, the warden told Charlie to get out of his sights. Charlie, tired of going to jail, finally decided that maybe he shouldn't be a street car conductor after all. So Charlie travels back to New Orleans and meets his friend Thibodaux at a bar. Thibodaux after a few minutes of small talk tells Charlie "Everyone has heard about the eletric chair incidents and I just gotta axe, how were you able to survive all them jolts of electricity through your body? Was there something you did that made you resistant to it?" Charlie looks at Thibodaux and says "I dunno, I guess I was just a bad conductor."
A young married couple are shy about s**...
and it was difficult for them the talk about it to each other. They decided to use an innocent phrase if they wanted to do the deed. They came up with the idea to call s**... "doing the wash".
One night the young husband asked his wife if she wanted to go do the wash. She told him she was not in the mood, and he went to bed alone. The wife began to feel bad that she had denied her husband his pleasure, and shortly followed to the bedroom and told him that they could do the wash, to which he replied, "That's okay dear, it was a small load, so I did it by hand."
My friend said trepanning is a bad idea...
...but it's okay, he's just close-minded.
A bus full of ugly people get in an accident
They all died and went to heaven. God felt bad for all of these people and decided to give them all one wish. They all stood in line and the first person thought for a moment. Then the first person decided, I've spent my whole life ugly I wish to be beautiful. So god snaps his fingers and made him beautiful. The second person thought that was a great idea decided she too wanted to be beautiful. God snaps his fingers and made her beautiful. The next 3 people all wished to be beautiful as well. The guy at the back of the line stood there snickering a little as the next 4 people wish just the same. The last guy starts gigglinga little louder. The next ten people as made the same wish and now the last guys is laughing historically. Finally after everyone has made the same wish and now the last guy is up. God says let me guess you want to be beautiful too. The guy replies "nah make them all ugly again!"
Why is it a bad idea to give Elsa a balloon?
Because she'll "Let it go! Let it go!"
This joke was made up by my 5 year old nephew.
Why is it a bad idea to let a Chinese man look after your pets?
He might wok your dog
Why is it a bad idea for China to become a democracy?
Do you know how hard it would be to orchestrate a national e**...
Dang squirrels
There once was a town that was infested with squirrels. They were everywhere and got into everything. The people of the town hated it especially the miller, the blacksmith, and the priest.
One day the miller decides that enough is enough and lays out some poisoned four to kill the s**... things off. Well his apprentice mixed up the flours and he ended up having to throw out his whole stock of flour and the squirrels remained
Seeing how badly his friend had blundered with his antics, the blacksmith thinks he has a better idea. "I'll roast'm out" he says to himself and proceeds to make his forge extremely hot.... and ends up burning his shop to the ground. the squirrels remained.
The priest being fed up with the squirrels running around and ruining mass gathers up all the squirrels in one place and baptizes every one of them. Now they only come to the church on Christmas and Easter.
I think I'm starting to see why it's a bad idea to give Trump access to nuclear launch codes...
He'll just fire them
My friend asked me for some inspiration for a Halloween costume.
Apparently "The Emperor's New Clothes" was a bad idea.
Four engineers riding in a car -
it stalls. Mechanical engineer suggests a timing problem. Electrical engineer says bad spark. Chemical engineer offers poor fuel mixture. The computer engineer has no idea but "If we get out the car and get back in it may start
Sodium and Hydrogen should be friends.
NaH, sounds like a bad idea
Why is it a bad idea to date a girl from the l**... colony ?
Whenever they get upset, they cry their eyes out.
Why is it a bad idea to swim in the Mississippi River?
Because it has pp in it.
Why is having phone s**... such a bad idea?
There's a good chance you'll get hearing AIDS
What do you call a southern buck with a bad idea?
*a bad ideer*
Why is it a bad idea to run behind a car?
You'll get exhausted
I wanted to try beekeeping...
But Louie c**... tells me it's a bad idea.
Why do we keep putting criminals behind bars?
putting criminals behind bars seems like a bad idea once you consider all the alcohol they're now next to
Why is it a bad idea to change clothes at a Pokémon's house?
Because he might Pikachu!
"Y'know with all the civil unrest, political corruption, class divides, drug smuggling, gang wars, police brutality, gun violence, and poor education maybe building a wall to protect us from our southern neighbors isn't such a bad idea"
\- Canada
People say that using your pet name as password is very bad idea...
but my bcQr#1f!e is just so adorable!
My friend once said "Some bad Ideas are actually great" then proceeded to jump of a cliff.
My friend was right, my life has greatly improved now!
The weather is so bad today, it's raining cats and dogs
Maybe a PetSmart blimp wasn't such a good idea after all
People told me getting my girlfriend a refridgerator for her birthday present was a bad idea.
But her face lit up when she opened it.
Running with scissors is a bad idea.
Then again, so is s**... with the runs.
I was thinking it might be a good idea if we buried Donald Trump in a few tons of concrete...
... but that might set a bad president.
Phone s**... is a really bad idea...
You might end up with hearing aids.
Let's get s**...!
Fun time in America, bad idea in Saudi Arabia.
Three doctors are talking about death
The first, a dentist, says, When I die, I think I'd like my tombstone to be shaped like a tooth made of white marble.
Hey, adds the cardiologist, that's not a bad idea, I'd love my tombstone to be shaped as a heart…
The gynecologist is silent for a bit, then says, I think scattering of the ashes is my option.
If you ever think your idea is bad...
Just remember that someone once said "why don't we make a movie about a tornado with sharks in it?"
Got fired from the s**... bank
Guess drinking on the job was a bad idea.
Adolf h**... was a strange man
He had good ideas but a bad execution...
A Man Wins the Lottery
A man wins the lottery and calls his wife.
Honey, I have good news and bad news.
The wife, having no idea of what could be going on says, Combine them.
The man thinks for a second and says, My new wife and I just won the lottery!
Eating a dictionary was a bad idea.
It gave me thesaurust t**... I've ever had
I bought a second house last week
It's in Egypt. A house boat! People told me it was a bad idea but I just want to live in denial.
Im gonna go out on a limb here...
... and say climbing this tree was a bad idea.
I thought leprosy was a bad idea.
But now, it's growing on me.
Why is it a bad idea to bring ghosts to a game of football?
no matter what, they just keep booing
Do you ever see a beautiful woman and think to yourself you have to go say something?
Then you realize its a bad idea because she's probably going to freak out when you walk out of her closet?
Having an o**... and buffet combo was a bad idea
I'm so stuffed
My wife mistakenly told me she was leaving for her hometown Friday afternoon, staying a night, then coming back on Friday.
Asking when she bought a horse named Friday was a bad idea.
Hey dad, why is my sister named Uma Thurman?
"Oh it's your mother's favorite fall out boy song"
"Thanks Dad"
"No problem I've Got A Bad Idea And A Dark Alley That Says You Should Shut Your Mouth!"
Why is it a bad idea to confide in a clock?
I don't know either... I guess time will tell
It's a bad idea to invite ISIS to a really cool party because...
..they will have a BLAST!
I Punch Women Like I Punch Walls
I don't. Because it's a really bad idea... I always end up injured.
My friend said I should try and have s**... with one of the schoolteachers.
It seems like a bad idea in principle.
Why is perforated paper a bad idea?
Because they're just tearable!
Someone told me the best idea for a date...
Someone told me the best idea for a date was doing something you were both bad at, because it'd make you laugh at each other's awfulness and make you feel comfortable.
My girlfriend wasn't impressed when I suggested s**......
God says "Great news. I've got a great idea for a #1 music hit"
"Bad news is...we'll we can discuss that later"
#tearsinheaven
At the company meeting, one of the managers came up with an idea.
- I think we should stop testing our products on animals, it's giving our brand a bad rep.
The CEO says:
- How come? The shampoo companies do it all the time!
- I understand, but, sir, we sell hammers.
Why is it a bad idea to let dogs onboard the ISS?
Because they would keep barking at the vacuum in space
Historical wife
Two men are at the pub and it's 2 AM. One of them says it'd be in his best interest if he would leave now. "When I stay away for too long, my wife gets historical."
The other man replies: "That's not a bad idea actually. I can tell you've had enough beer. You're looking for the word 'hysterical'."
"No," replies the man, "I really meant historical. She will remind me of every little thing I ever did wrong in the past."
I can see why Japanese doesn't like getting bad news from American.
Apparently they thought dropping the bomb twice was a good idea to deliver a message.
I got a really bad costume idea for your dog.
1) Get a baby doll
2) cover it in fake blood
3) Attach it to the dog somehow
4) Say your dog is dressed as a Dingo for halloween.
I lost my friends after a heated game of Blackjack.
In hindsight, improvising with a Tarot deck was probably a bad idea.
I fed chicken nuggets to my chickens.
Bad idea. What a waste of food.
Why is it a bad idea to put all your troubles in Jesus' hands?
Cuz he has holes in both of 'em.
Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.
I'm not sure if it makes me a feminist,
but I think glass ceilings are a bad idea.
Movie idea
There should be a hostage movie where instead of holding up a bank or skyscraper, the bad guy is a coworker who keeps asking questions at the end of a meeting.
Why is it a bad idea picking a fight with a Dinosaur?
Because you will most likely end up getting jurasskicked.