Bad Hair Jokes
33 bad hair jokes and hilarious bad hair puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bad hair that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Bad Hair Short Jokes
Short bad hair jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bad hair humour may include short big hair jokes also.
- My wife was worried about getting older, so before she woke up on her birthday, I cut off all the white hairs she had. For some reason, she woke up bald and in a bad attitude
- In the end, I decided not to visit that new Police Hair & Nail Salon. You hear all kinds of bad things about Police Beautality.
- They say that coconut oil is good for hair. I'm wondering why coconut has bad hair itself?
- I find that I can act more freely after I get a bad haircut It's like my barber let's my hair down
- Yo mamma smells so bad... Yo mamma smells so bad, she has to hang flypaper from her armpit hair
- When do you punch a midget in the face? When he says to your girlfirend that her hair smells bad.
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Bad Hair One Liners
Which bad hair one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bad hair? I can suggest the ones about ugly hair and balding hair.
- You have beautiful hair too bad it grows out of your nose.
- Why was the nun chewing her hair? Bad habit.
- What do you call a bee that's having a bad hair day? A frisbee.
- I had a bad hair day today... It was naughty
Hilarious Fun Bad Hair Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about bad hair you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean losing hair jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bad hair pranks.
Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?
A curious child asked his mother: Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?
The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!
The child replied innocently: Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.
A teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.
They were appalled at his spiky hair, pierced nose, tattoos and a bad attitude. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Honey," the mother said, "he doesn't seem very nice."
"Of course he is," the daughter replied. "If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"
Jar Full of $10 Bills
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of $10 bills on the bar. He goes to the barkeep and says "Hey, what's up with that jar?"
The bartender responds "Well, you put in 10 bucks, do 3 challenges, and if you do them you get the whole jar."
The man says "Wow that's pretty cool, what are the challenges?"
The barkeep lists "Well, first ya gotta drink a whole bottle of hot sauce, and no nursing. Second, there's a dog out back who has a sore tooth and he's real grouchy, and you gotta take out the bad tooth bare handed. Last, there's this old lady upstairs who's never done the hokey pokey, if ya know what I mean, and you gotta fix that."
The man replies in disgust "I can't do any of those!" So the man gets drunk. Being drunk, he decides he can do anything and says "Hand me the bottle of hot sauce." So the bartender hands the man the bottle and the man drinks the whole, straight down. He then goes outside to deal with the dog. As the door shuts you hear yelping and screaming and hollering and growling and then.... dead silence... The door creaks open and the man walks in. He's all covered in blood, his shirts torn, he's missing hair... and in a drunken slur he asks "Where's the old lady with the tooth problem?"
Two women are talking and the conversation veers towards work...
One of them says to the other:
"Work is great! The jobs are challenging, my coworkers are supportive and the pay is phenomenal. But there is one problem. The mail boy is constantly flirting with me and its borderline harrasment now."
"Well, what did he say?"
"Its just the one thing, everytime he passes by me he compliments me on how wonderful my hair smells."
"That doesnt sound too bad."
"Yeah, but hes a dwarf!"
Mom, Why is your hair turning grey?
There was once a naughty little girl who was always getting in trouble and she asked her mother one day "Mom, why is your hair turning grey?" And her mother replied "Every time you do something bad, I get another grey hair." The girl got a puzzled look on her face. A moment later, the girl starts chuckling. "What's so funny my dear?" her mother asks to which her daughter replied, "Thinking of Grandma's hair made me realize that you must have been a really bad girl!"
The reason I check my hair and my general appearance so often, is because of this one bad day. I can't even say I remember it, but I am told my hair was a mess, I was covered with unspeakable fluids, had trouble breathing, couldn't even stand, and I cried in front of everyone.
I'm still trying to live down the day I was born.
I have some bad news about my uncle Ziti...
He pasta way..
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He sure was a pizza work.
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At least he's with the angel hairs right now.
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Please say a prayer for him on parm Sunday.
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... ... ... ... Spaghetti.
Gray Hair
A curious child asked his mother: Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning gray?
The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs gray!
The child replied innocently: Now I know why grandmother has only gray hairs on her head.
Stop me if you've heard this.......3 pieces of rope go into a bar......
The bartender says: "We don't serve your kind here you have to leave." So the pieces of rope leave but one of them is determined and thirsty so he twists himself all up and messes up his hair real bad and goes back into the bar. The bartender says: "Say wern't you just here with those other pieces of rope?" The little piece of rope replys: "No, I'm a frayed knot!" (Yes - rope gets thirsty and can talk!)
After a long labour, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, "
Ma'am, I've got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?"
After quickly thinking it over, she responds, "I'll have the bad news first doctor".
The doctor replies, "We'll, I'm not sure how to put this, and I'm sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair".
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother face. "Doctor, if that's the bad news, what's the good news".
The doctor replies, "He's dead".
My roommate went and got her hair done yesterday...
When she came home she immediately starts telling me how bad the hairdresser messed up. Dead hair, something was on for too long, blah blah blah. Well, she was really upset about it and kept bringing it up. So she says, "It's really a bummer because I spent so much money on something that I don't even like." So I said to her pretty seriously, "Well, then why don't you sue her."
She looked at me, kind of incredulous that I would suggest something so severe, so I continued, "For defamation of hair-acter."
A middle-aged man and woman are getting ready to go out for the evening...
The man is n**..., standing in front of his bedroom mirror.
Honey, I can't believe I'm turning 50 in just a few months. Look at how old I've gotten! My belly is sticking out, I have wrinkles and liver spots all over, and I'm losing my hair. I feel so bad about myself
Then he turns to his wife and says:
Did you hear me? I'm feeling down and I need you to tell me something good about me
The wife looks up from her book, adjusts her glasses, and says:
Well, at least you still have 20/20 vision
I met a disgruntled farmer in the pub today
You look disgruntled, I said. What's the story?
I ordered a couple of tons of manure, he replied gloomily. It arrived today.
Is that bad?
Well, you see, it was fake.
Fake?
Yes, fake manure.
I didn't even know that was a thing.
Well, it is. And it's useless for farming.
U'm sorry to hear that.
After a long pause, he spoke again. But on the bright side, my hair is insanely soft.
What's that got to do with anything? I asked, puzzled.
Well, it's all thanks to the sham p**....
a rope walks into a bar
and immediately the bartender yells at him to get out, "We don't serve your kind here!". Flustered, the rope walks out. After some time, he figures he'll give it another shot a different night, hoping for a different bartender. "We don't serve ropes here!" a different bartender thundered as soon as he opened to door to the bar. Embarrassed and angry, he turns around and leaves.
before setting off for home, the rope gets an idea. He ties himself into a knot, and messes his hair up really bad, and walks back into the bar.
once the bartender sees him, he gets a confused look on his face and asks the rope, "hey - aren't you a rope?!"
"Nope!", replied the rope. "I'm afraid not"
A man goes to the beach...
...while he's walking down the shore he sees a 20-year old, blonde-haired girl sitting in the sand crying. Concerned, the man runs over to her. "What's wrong?" He asks.
"I'm twenty years old and I've never been hugged by someone other than family!" She starts sobbing.
Feeling bad, the man hugs her. "There, now you've been hugged." And walks on.
The next day the man walks on the beach again and sees another girl, this one with black hair, sitting in here chair bawling. "What's wrong?" He asks her.
"I'm 19 and I've never been kissed before!" She whines.
He gives her a small kiss on the lips. "There, now you've been kissed." And he walks on.
The third day of his vacation he sees a brunette, openly crying like the other two women. He sighs. "What's wrong?"
"I'm 18 and I've never been s**... before!"
He picks her up, looks her in the eyes, and tosses her out into the ocean, where sharks surround her.
"There. Now you're s**...."
50 Shades of Grey
The missus bought a Paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag;
T'was "fifty shades of grey".
Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread...
In her left she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to s**....
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!
Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
I am a dominator !!
Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.
She stood there n**... and n**...
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left t*t!
Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"Step on the other one"!!
Well readers, I can't tell no more;
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey.
A plane passes through a fierce storm...
In a transatlantic flight, the turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse whenone wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in front of the plane, "I'm too young to die!" she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I am going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of s**... in my life, but no one has ever made me feel like a woman! I've had it! Is there ANYONE on the plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?!"
For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare riveted at the desperate woman in front of the plane. Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He's gorgeous — tall, built with long, flowing balck hair and jet black eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time.
No one moves.
The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and he extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman and whispers: "Iron this."
My Homecoming Dance
I was at my homecoming dance when I noticed a kid in the corner looking miserable. Feeling bad, I went over there and asked him what was wrong? He responded that no one would ever want to dance with him because of his wooden eye.
Upon hearing this, I made it my mission to find the boy a dancing partner. After a couple minutes of looking, I found a girl crying out in the hallway. When I asked her what was wrong she said hat no would dance with her because of her hair lip.
I then went back to the boy with the wooden eye. In a couple of minutes I was able to get him to work up the courage to ask the girl to dance. As he approached her I felt pretty good about myself; that is until I heard what happened next.
The boy asked the obviously excited girl to dance. She was so thrilled she responded, "Would I, Would I!" The boy responded "Hair Lip, Hair Lip" and stormed away.
Three high school jocks are constantly annoyed
by a mentally challenged classmate. Since he has no concept of coolness, he's always talking to them as if they're his friends and laughing heartily at their attempted putdowns.
Finally they decide to really stick it to him. His father has bought him a new BMW, which only increases their ire. One day as he is cheerfully driving home from school, three cars are blocking the road. It's the bullies, eager to teach him a lesson and get him out of their hair for once and for all.
As he stops, they get out of their cars, all holding a baseball bat. One of them draws a circle in chalk on the road away from the BMW. "Get in the circle," he growls to the poor confused fellow, "and don't let me see you step out of it until we're done."
"OK," he chirps, and steps into the circle.
The bullies start swinging away at his car, busting a few windows and badly denting every side of it. "Now," one of them says, turning to him, "you understand what we think of you. Stay away from us, please!"
The victim hasn't fully comprehended the extent of the damage. In fact, as they turn to him, he's collapsing in laughter. He's snorting and nearly falling over.
"And what's so funny about it?" the angriest guy asks.
"Because while you guys were all busy with that, I stepped out of the circle three times!"