Bad Golfer Jokes
20 bad golfer jokes and hilarious bad golfer puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bad golfer that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Bad Golfer Short Jokes
Short bad golfer jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bad golfer humour may include short bad golf jokes also.
- A golfer misses a putt... He read the break as left-to-right, but it hit the edge of the cup and went the other way.
It was a bad lip reading.
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Bad Golfer One Liners
Which bad golfer one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bad golfer? I can suggest the ones about golfer and golf pro.
- I'm such a bad golfer, they should send me to Mars. I'm guaranteed to find water.
- I'm such a bad golfer, I found a job in the dessert I'm guaranteed to find water.
- Why were the golfer's donuts so bad? Because he couldn't get a hole in one!
- Why is Sammy Hagar such a bad golfer? He can't drive 55.
- How do most elderly golfers die? They have a bad s**...
- A bad golfer died while m**.... He died as he lived: Too many strokes.
- How do you know that h**... was a bad golfer? He killed himself in the bunker!
Comedy Bad Golfer Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle
What funny jokes about bad golfer you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean golfer caddie jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bad golfer pranks.
A golfer went to a fortuneteller
He asked, "can you tell me if there are golf courses in Heaven?"
The fortuneteller entered a trance to ponder his question. After several minutes she responded- "I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is, the golf courses in Heaven are beautiful beyond any earthly imagination."
"That's wonderful!" said the golfer.
"And you'll be teeing off at eight-thirty next Friday."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A golfer is playing a par 4 hole.
His first shot is right down the middle, but the second shot lands in a sand trap. He swings hard. The ball clears the trap but hooks badly. A famous rock group is walking by. The ball ricochets off the side of the head of m**... Jagger, killing him instantly. It bounces off the head of Keith Richards, killing him too, but then lands on the green and rolls into the cup.
Yep, you got it, he killed two Stones with one birdie.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So an elderly golfer dies on the course and arrives at the pearly gates...
St. Peter looks upon his life and deems him worthy to enter heaven. But first, St. Peter asks him to recall the moments leading to his demise.
"I went out to the golf course, like i do every so often, and I was having a particularly great round. I was even on target to set a new personal best!"
Peter, confused, asks him, "So what happened? how did you end up here?"
The golfer looks at him and states, "I had a bad s**......"
After a bad day on the course, a golfer goes to an old golf pro for some advice...
The old golf pro watches a few swings and the golfer says, "Well, what should I do?"
"Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's breast."
The golfer went back out to the links. He took the old man's advice on his first swing and POW, he hits the ball 250 yards straight down the middle of the fairway. For the rest of the afternoon, the golfer is crushing tee drives right down the center.
The ecstatic man goes back home and tells his wife all about the new technique he learned. Now the wife, being an avid golfer, want's to talk to the old golf pro, as well.
The next day, the wife also asks the old golf pro for advice. The old golf pro watched her swing and says, "No, no, no. You're gripping the club way too hard".
"What should I do?" asked the wife. "Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's manhood", said the old pro.
The wife listened carefully to the pro's advice, took a swing and THUMP... The ball skipped off of the tee box and rolled about 15 feet down the fairway.
"You know, that was a lot better than I expected!" the old pro said. "Now, take the club out of your mouth and hold it in your hands."
Taking his son golfing
Mr. Smith was a bad golfer, but God help him, he still loved to play the game. One weekend morning, his wife couldn't look after their son, so he agreed to bring him along, and have him act as his caddy.
When they got to the course, he pulled his son aside and handed him a scorecard.
"Here's the scorecard Timmy. I need to you write down the number I tell you for each hole, OK?"
"OK Daddy!" His son replied.
So they went out and boy, oh boy was it a bad day for Mr. Smith. Every other shot, it seemed, went into the rough, a sand trap or somewhere other than where he wanted. After a long, hot arduous round, he was ready to hit the 19th hole...but first he had to get the score.
"Ok Timmy, what do you have my score at for today?"
His son pulled out the scorecard and counted up the total and said "I have you with a 72 dad."
"72? That's amazing! That's like 50 strokes lower than my average. Are you sure you wrote down the number I said for every hole?"
"Yeah, you yelled Fore! on every hole."
(For those who don't know about golf, "Fore" is a yell you give when your ball is going in the direction of other golfers)