Bad Girl Jokes
133 bad girl jokes and hilarious bad girl puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bad girl that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Bad Girl Short Jokes
Short bad girl jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bad girl humour may include short bad woman jokes also.
- As a guy, I refuse to play as a female character in online games. Not because I'm sexist, I just don't think it's right to perpetuate the stereotype that girls are bad at game.
- Hey girl, I heard you like bad boys Well not to brag or anything but
I'm bad at everything - What do you call a girl who catches fish? Anette.
^^^^Just^thought^of^this^i'm^sorry^it's^bad.. - Movie Ratings Explained G: Nobody gets the girl.
PG: The good guy gets the girl.
R: The bad guy gets the girl.
X: Everybody gets the girl! - Girl: Daddy, I'm sorry I've been a bad girl Priest: For the last time, it's 'forgive me Father, for I have sinned'.
- Bad girl! She: I am sorry daddy, I have been a bad girl
Preist: For the last time! It's "Forgive me father for I have sinned"!! - I've been a bad girl, she said, I need to be punished. So I signed her up for a Comcast account.
- Braille I once told a girl that her acne was so bad that it reminded me of Braille. I could tell she wasn't impressed, it was written all over her face.
- I feel bad for Anne Frank She had her diary published for all the world to read, which is every girl's worst nightmare!
And she didn't get paid for it, which is every Jew's worst nightmare. - I'm so sorry, daddy, I've been a bad girl Priest: for the love of God, kid, it's "Forgive me father, for I have sinned."
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Bad Girl One Liners
Which bad girl one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bad girl? I can suggest the ones about bad boy and mean girl.
- Why is santa always happy? He knows where all bad girls are living.
- The reason why Santa is so jolly ...is he knows where all the bad girls live.
- Why is Santa Claus the happiest man? Because he knows the adress of every bad girl.
- My girl wants to travel so bad I told her to pick up a basketball and take three step
- What do you get when you turn a blonde girl upside down? A brunette with bad breath
- What do you call a girl who is bad at drawing? Tracey
- I always wanted to marry a girl with nice big melons... Too bad she cantalope :(
- Don't date a girl who just got hit in the eye with a softball. She's a bad catch.
- What smelled so bad it almost cost a young girl her life? Anne Frank's diarrhea.
- I once knew a girl who was always on the road to bad health. I called her Path-o-Jen.
- Good guys finish last.. Because bad girls finish first.
- "Hey girl, do you like a bad boy?" Because I'm bad at everything I do
- Well aged, full body, great taste. Hey girl, the wine's not bad either!
- Why do girls wear perfume and makeup? Because they're ugly and they smell bad
- Did you hear about the LEGO girl's bad breakup? She was falling to pieces.
Giggle-Inducing Bad Girl Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
What funny jokes about bad girl you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bad guy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bad girl pranks.
Guy: Can I buy you a drink?
Girl: Sorry, but alcohol is bad for my legs.
Guy: Do they swell?
Girl: No. They spread.
I have a crush on my teacher AND on the girl sitting next to me
It's getting so bad, I may fail out of home school.
A conductor kissed a g**... the bus
He was arrested and the police gave him electric shocks but it had no effect.
Because he was a bad conductor.
Sorry guys.
Short santa joke
Why is Santa always happy?
Because he knew where all the bad girls are..
t**...
Good- I've just had a t**....
Bad-It was two guys and a girl.
Ugly-The girl was a blow-up doll.
Two wives go out for girls night.
Both got drunk, started walking home and had to pee.
They stopped at a cemetery but had nothing to wipe with.
One used her p**... the other grabbed a wreath off a grave.
The next morning one husband called the other and said, "no more girls night out! my wife came back with no p**...."
The other husband said, "you think that's bad? mine came back with a card in her crack that read "from all of us at the fire station... we'll never forget you"!!
So, a blonde and a brunette are at the mall...
and they see this really good looking guy. Being very outgoing girls they strike up a conversation. After they part ways, the blonde noticed that he had really bad dandruff.
"Yeah, we should give him Head & Shoulders." To which the blonde replies, "How do you give shoulders?"
An Irish woman is 3 months pregnant...
She gets into a car accident and falls into a coma.
After nearly six months, she wakes up to find that she is no longer pregnant.
Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, "You had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are grand. Luckily your brother named them!"
"Oh no, not my brother, he's a feckin eejit!" she says.
She asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor says.
"That's not so bad, what's the boy's name?" she asks the doctor.
"Denephew."
Denise and WHAT?!
A woman falls into a coma as she is giving birth. When she wakes up a few weeks later, the doctor greets her with some news.
"Congratulations! You had twins; a boy and a girl. Since you were in a coma, we gave your brother the liberty of naming your children."
"What did he name them?" she worriedly asked, "he isn't very bright!"
"Your daughter is Denise," replied the doctor.
Slightly relieved she says, "That's not so bad! And the boy?"
"Danephew."
A Pregnant women gets in a car wreck....
...and fell into a coma. When she awoke a few days later, she noticed that she wasn't carrying a child, and asked the doctor, "Doctor, what happened to my baby!?"
The doctor replies, "It's all okay. You gave birth to beautiful twins, a boy and a girl. But we needed someone to name them, so your brother came in and gave them their names."
The woman is surprised. "No, not my brother! He's not the smartest guy in the world."
"Well ma'am, he named your daughter Denise," the doctor said.
"Oh, that's not too bad. What's the boy's name?"
"Denephew."
A lady almost 9 months pregnant falls down some stairs and knocks herself out...
When she wakes up, she is in a hospital bed.
Doctor: "We had to deliver your fraternal twins while you slept, but they are completely healthy. Also, your brother stopped by and named them for you"
New Mother: "My brother named them? But he's an idiot! What are their names?"
Doctor: "Well, the little girl is named Denise."
New Mother: "Well, that's not so bad. What about my son?"
Doctor: "Denephew."
A 3 months pregnant woman falls into a coma...
6 months later she awakes and she asks her doctor about her babies. And he replies
"Oh you had happy healthy twins. One boy, and one girl. Luckily your brother was here to name then"
"Oh god no" says the woman "my brothers an idiot. What are their names"
"The girls name is denise" says the doctor
"Oh thats not to bad, and the boy?"
"Denephew"
LPT: How to pick up girls
Try this:
1. Acquire several dozen limes.
1. Go up to them and then drop all the limes.
1. Start picking them up, but keep dropping them. The clumsier you look the better.
1. Keep doing this until you have their attention (this could take up to thirty minutes).
1. Finally gather up the limes. Try looking a bit sheepish.
1. Look them deeply in the eyes and say, "Sorry, I'm bad at Pickup Limes."
At the Hospital
At Hospital
Nurse : Why are you hurt so badly ?
Girl : My boyfriend dump me
Nurse : Don't need to hurt yourself, there are plenty of guys. You are still young and pretty.
Girl : He dump me from 4th floor.
A lady walks into a pet store...
She sees a beautiful parrot with a sign on its cage: $10 OBO
The lady asks the pet shop owner, "Why so cheap?" The owner says "This bird used to live in a brothel, so he says a lot of inappropriate things." The lady can't pass up the deal and decides to get the bird anyway.
She gets the bird home and the first thing the bird says is "Finally cleaned up this dump, and the new madam isn't bad looking." The lady finds it amusing.
Her two teen daughters get home and the bird says "New w**... in the house, business will be booming tonight." The girls are shocked but laugh it off.
A few hours later the woman's husband gets home and the bird says "Hey Jim."
Bad grammar / punctuation
Girl: I don't think I'd date a guy who cares if I have grammar or punctuation.
Guy: Well I don't think I'd date a girl who's bad at punctuation. What if she misses her period and doesn't realize it?
[ORIGINAL VERSION WITH ERROR]
Girl: I don't think I'd date a guy who cares if I have grammar or punctuation.
Guy: Well I don't think I'd date a girl who's bad at punctuation. What if she gets her period and doesn't realize it?
Whats the only bad thing about head from an anorexic girl?
She won't s**...
Why do girls wear make up and perfume?
Because they are ugly and they smell bad.
(Hopefully no one said that joke on here. I heard it from South Park a while ago)
Some wisdom from my mother
If you end up with a good girl, then your life is complete.
If you end up with a bad girl, then your life is finished.
But if your good girl catches you in bed with a bad girl, then you're completely finished.
Kids at the Wedding
At a friend's wedding, everything went smoothly until it was time for the flower girl and her young e**... to come down the aisle.
The boy stopped at every pew, growling at the guests. When asked afterward why he behaved so badly, he explained, "I was just trying to be a good ring bear."
What do you call a chubby girl who's cranky, has bad breath and doesn't screw?
You don't call her.
A woman is pregnant with twins.
A woman is pregnant with twins. During her last month of pregnancy, she falls into a coma. When she wakes up, the doctor tells her that she had a girl and a boy, and that her brother claimed them until she came to. Immediately, she panics at the thought of her brother supervising her newborns.
"What did he name them?" She asks anxiously.
"He named the girl Denise", the doctor says.
That's not too bad, she thought, relieved. "What did he name my son?"
"Denephew."
A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma. 6 months later, she wakes up and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a girl and a boy. Fortunately, your brother was there to name them for you.
Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Well, that isn't so bad. What did he name the boy?
Doctor: Denephew.
Do you know why Santa only work on the 25th of December?
Because he knows where all the bad girls are...(sorry)
I have such bad luck getting a girl to come over...
I watched the video from "The Ring" and the creepy chick called seven days later and said something came up and she couldn't make it.
I just moved in to a new flat with two girls...
I just moved in to a new flat with two girls, it's been a bit of a nightmare to be honest. The first one has really bad OCD, whenever she goes in to a room she has to turn the light switch on and off 17 times. That's nothing compared to the other one, she's got epilepsy
A guy asked a girl in a university library: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?
The girl replied with a loud voice: "NO! I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!" All the students in the library started looking at the guy; he was pretty embarrassed. After a while the girl walked quietly over to the guy's table and said: "I study psychology, I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right? The guy then responded with a loud voice: $1000 FOR ONE NIGHT? THAT'S TOO MUCH! All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock. The guy whispered "I guess you felt bad for what you did earlier, right? I study law; I know how to make someone feel guilty.
"I've been a very bad girl. I need to be punished." She said...
"Very well.." I replied.. installing windows 8 on her laptop.
Diff Good Girl & Bad Girl
What is the difference between a GOOD and a BAD girl?
A GOOD girl goes to a party, goes home then goes to bed.
A BAD girl goes to a party, goes to bed then goes home.
Fetty Wap could probably get more girls.
Too bad he's not much of a looker.
My girlfriend told me that if I ever cheated on her, it would be worse if it was with a black girl. I told her she was wrong.
It'd only be three-fifths as bad.
Why was the girl in such a bad mood when she got out of jail?
She had a period at the end of her sentence.
A pregnant woman got in a car wreck and went into a coma.
While in the coma, she gave birth to twins.
4 months later she woke up asking where her kids were.
The nurse informed her she had given birth to twins, a boy and a girl, and her brother has been taking care of them.
The woman said "Oh no, not my idiot brother. What did he name my daughter?"
"Denise" the nurse said.
"Oh, that's not bad. What about the boy"
The nurse replied "Da-nephew"
Did you get those pants on sale?
Guy: Hey girl did you get those pants on sale?
Girl: No why. Do they look bad?
Guy: No cause they'd be 100% off at my place.
Who's your daddy?
A father's daughter brought home her prospective fiancee
It was the first time he'd met him and he took the opportunity to quiz him a bit
"So, what do you do for a living?" he asked
"I have no job" he replied
"Really? Well how do you expect to provide for my daughter?"
"God will provide, I'm sure" was the answer from the intended
"And how exactly will he do that then?"
"God is merciful and will ensure we do not want" he said with all sincerity
"And how about if you have kids? Who looks after you then?"
"God will ensure he provides bounty for the whole family"
"OK, so you say, but exactly how will God provide this?"
"I don't know yet. God will move in his own mysterious ways"
At this point, the father gives up and leaves the house fuming, heading straight for the bar. there he meets his friend Dave who asks,
"What's up friend? You seem troubled"
"Well, I've just met my girl's new fiancé"
"Oh man, bad news?"
"Well, on the plus side, he does at least seem to think I'm God..."
A woman wakes up from a coma and...
A 4-months-pregnant woman falls into a deep coma. 5 months later she wakes up and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are perfectly fine. Luckily your brother named them for you.
Woman: Oh no not my brother! He's an idiot. What did he name the my daughter?
Doctor: Denise
Woman: Oh that's not that bad. What did he name my son?
Doctor: Denephew
How my day went today
1. Woke up
2. Went to work
3. Saw hot girl
4. Kissed the girl
Too bad it happened in the order 2,3,4,1.
I was arrested for having s**... with a 15 year old girl...
...i thought she was a couple of years older than that, I suppose that makes two reasons why I'm a bad father.
A woman who has just given birth has fallen into a coma.
After 7 months the mother finally awakes and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: Good news, you had twins! a boy and a girl. They are healthy, luckily your brother named them for you.
Mother: Oh no, not my brother! he's so s**...! What did he name my daughter?
Doctor: Denise.
Mother: well that isn't so bad, and what did he name my son?
Doctor: Denephew.
A woman gives birth to a girl and a boy but falls into a coma for a few months.
After she wakes up the doctor says "stay calm. You fell into a coma after having twins. Your brother came to pick them up and even name them."
The mother is worried "Oh no my Brother is terrible with names!"
The doctor says "He named the girl Denise"
The mother looks relieved "well that's not so bad. What did he name the boy?"
"Denephew"
A pregnant woman goes into a coma
A pregnant woman goes into a coma moments after she gives birth to twins, one boy and one girl.
When she finally wakes up several days later, she cries out frantically to see her children.
The doctors come to her, and the first thing she asks is "How are my children?"
"Fine" says the doctor, "your brother named them".
She thinks to herself, "Oh no!" "My brother's an idiot" and she asks the doctor "What did he name them?"
The doctor says "He named the girl Denise"
And she thinks, Well, maybe I misjudged my brother... Denise isn't such a bad name"
What did he name the boy?"
Replies the doctor "De nephew."
Girls like bad boys, so why can't I get a girlfriend?
I'm bad at literally everything. (If you came here expecting a joke, I'm sorry, the joke is my life)
What's in a name?
A pregnant woman lapses into a coma. She awakens and frantically calls for her doctor. "You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're fine," he says. "Your brother named them."
Oh, no, the new mother thinks. He's an idiot. Expecting the worst, she asks, "What's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor says.
Not bad, she thinks. I guess I was wrong about him. "And the boy?"
"DeNephew."
A Christian man and his children are talking..
Girl: Dad, I have some bad news.
Dad: What?
Girl: I'm a lesbian.
Dad: Okay.
Sister: Dad, I have some bad news too.
Dad: What?
Sister: I'm a lesbian too.
Dad: God, does anyone in this house like boys?
Son: I do.
Why are so many girls bad at parallel parking?
Because for years their boyfriends have been telling them the four inches they have is nine inches.
It's funny how saying "You're a bad girl!" to my wife turns her on....
But "You're a bad mom!" doesn't seem to work at all!
I'm a millionaire- how come girls still don't want me?
Living in Zimbabwe with me isn't that bad...
The last time I saw an asian guy beat that badly.....
...it was by an indian girl at the Scripps National Spelling Bee
What does Santa say to bad girls?
h**... h**... h**...
Girls use chemicals to remove polish, and no one bats an eye.
h**... uses chemicals to remove Polish, and he's a bad person!?
Did you hear about that girl from Boston who got in trouble for being a bad dancer?
She told her parents that she was an erratic dancer.
Good, Bad, Worse, Worst.
Good: A hot girl hugs you.
Bad: You get an e**....
Worse: You realize it's not yours.
Worst: Now even you get an e**....
(Blonde joke I just remembered) A blonde and a brunette...
A blonde and a brunette are walking in a shopping mall and spot a man with really bad dandruff. He has a look of visible anger on his face as he passes the two girls. The brunette says "Wow, that guy could use some Head & Shoulders." The blonde says back "How do you give Shoulders?"
Bad pick-up line
Hey girl I'm like a final boss. I'm hard and I want you to beat me.
I don't like it when my girl calls me daddy during s**......
It's bad enough that I'm her father, but I don't need her to be constantly reminding me
Bad joke i thought of late af at night
Did you hear the Kayse family are expecting a girl but they have prepared a boys name; Justin Kayse
Hey, girl... Are you a cell phone?
'Cause I could stare at you all day...
(I am ashamed to admit that intentionally bad pickup lines are my specialty.)
A good girl will offer you happiness
A bad girl will offer you happily.
So i had s**... with this heavier girl at a party last night...
I kinda feel bad cause she was super waisted.
A 7 year old girl
A 7 year old girl was looking at her mother's driving license card. It was written " s**...: F", she then started laughing until the mother asked why she was laughing. The girl said " I can't believe you are so bad at s**... that you got an F. Now i understand why daddy is always with the maid.
An ugly girl was sitting alone in a restaurant
I feel bad for that girl. I said to my date.
Moments later, a man who appeared to be her boyfriend walked over and sat down in her booth.
I feel bad for that guy.
For men, having a bad breakup is like going through menopause.
It s**... until you realize you don't have anymore girl problems.
I live in a really bad neighborhood. A young girl was pounding on my door all night.
Eventually I had to let her out.
I used to know a girl, she had a dozen guys
One of them found out about it… beat her up so bad she ended up at a hospital on Guerrero Street.
Why are Irish girls bad a trigonometry?
Because they can't tan.
My friends call me the Titanic because I'm so bad at starting conversations with girls
I can't break the ice
