Bad Dog Jokes
95 bad dog jokes and hilarious bad dog puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bad dog that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Bad Dog Short Jokes
Short bad dog jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bad dog humour may include short bad pet jokes also.
- List if 10 worst dog breeds 1. There
2. Are
3. No
4. Bad
5. Dog
6. Breeds
7. Only
8. Bad
9. Owners
10. Chihuahuas - My dog used to chase people on a bike all the time. It got so bad that I finally had to take his bike away.
- I feel bad for the Homeless guy, but I really feel bad for the Homeless guys Dog.. He must be thinking, "This is the longest walk ever"
- I feel bad for the homeless guy "I feel bad for the homeless guy, but I feel really bad the homeless guy's dog, because he must be thinking 'Man, this is the longest walk ever"
- Husband: "I have good news and bad news" Wife: "Tell me the bad news first."
Husband: "The washing machine broke."
Wife: "And the good news?"
Husband: "The dogs are clean." - Why are all dogs bad dancers? because they have two left feet.
sorry - My dog has been chasing people on a bike a lot. It's gotten so bad, I've had to take his bike away!
- I used to have a lovely dog called Minton, until one day I can home and he had choked on a shuttlecock Bad Minton
- My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
- My dog kept chasing people on a bike.. It got so bad, finally I had to take it away from him..
Share These Bad Dog Jokes With Friends
Bad Dog One Liners
Which bad dog one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bad dog? I can suggest the ones about kids dog and dead dog.
- My dog Minton ate all my shuttlecocks... Bad Minton
- My dog used to chase people on a bike It got so bad I had to take his bike away
- Why are dogs so bad at dancing? Because they have 2 left feet.
- My dog kept chasing people on a bike... It got so bad, I had to take his bike away.
- My dog's name is Minton. Today he ate my shuttlecock,Bad Minton
- Why was the dog bad at soccer? Because he had two left feet
- You should always feed your dog well, You don't want a bad yelp review.
- What does a bad gynecologist and a healthy dog have in common? A wet nose.
- My dog, Minton, ate a shuttlecock last night. Bad, Minton!
- I ran over 10 miles today Now that I think of it, ten miles was a bad name for a dog
- What does a Gen Z dog say when something bad happens? Woof
- Too bad they won't allow dogs to graduate highschool. They're just K-9.
- I had a dog once. Named Minton. He kept eating all my shuttlecocks. He was a bad Minton.
- I don't see what's so bad about lab grown meat... My dog's puppies taste just fine.
- Why is it a bad idea to let a Chinese man look after your pets? He might wok your dog
Humorous Bad Dog Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about bad dog you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bad animal jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bad dog pranks.
Chuck Norris was hungry so he went to eat a hotdog.
When he saw it giggled and said: "What a bad luck! Look what a part of a dog I've to eat!"
My wife said it's either her or the dog.
​
So I've got to choose between a hairy, drooling mongrel with bad breath. . . or my beloved canine.
I can tell bad jokes too - A dog limps into a saloon...
As the batwing doors swing closed behind him, the patrons turn to eye the stranger up.
The dog c**... looks around the dim, smoky room and says "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
two dogs at the vet
A great dane and a poodle are in nearby kennels at a vet's office.
Poodle: "I get overly excited and pee on the floor when my owner comes home. His evil wife is having me put to sleep. What are you in for?"
Dane: "That's too bad. I got way too excited when my owner started doing Bikram yoga. I couldn't help it...I started h**... her like crazy."
Poodle: "So is she putting you down too?"
Dane: "Naw, I'm just getting my nails done."
Yet another really bad joke
A Buddhist goes up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
A hot dog and a hamburger...
A hot dog and a hamburger are having a drink at the bar. The hot dog says, "I've got some bad news for you and I can either sugar coat it, or give it to you straight." The hamburger replies, "Please--Beef Frank."
Help me find this joke
The joke is about a farmer returning from town and the sheriff meets him and gives him this list of constantly escalating inner connected bad news terminating with the revelation that the farmer needs to get a new dog.
A little boy walks into his local corner store...
He goes in with his weekly allowance from his parents, usually to get a candy bar or something. But this time, to the cashier's surprise he brings up a bottle of laundry detergent. "What do you need this for, kid?" asks the cashier. The young boy explains how his dog is filthy and needs a bath. The cashier explains to him, that it is a terrible idea and may even kill the dog. The kid listens to the advice, but proceeds and buys it anyways. A week or so later, the kid goes into the store and brings a candy bar up to the counter. The cashier rings him up and asks "Hey, so is your dog alright?" to which the little boy replies "no, he died". The cashier tells him, "I told you it was a bad idea to clean him with laundry detergent!" and the little boy replies, "I don't think it was the detergent that did it, I think it was the rinse cycle."
Jar Full of $10 Bills
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of $10 bills on the bar. He goes to the barkeep and says "Hey, what's up with that jar?"
The bartender responds "Well, you put in 10 bucks, do 3 challenges, and if you do them you get the whole jar."
The man says "Wow that's pretty cool, what are the challenges?"
The barkeep lists "Well, first ya gotta drink a whole bottle of hot sauce, and no nursing. Second, there's a dog out back who has a sore tooth and he's real grouchy, and you gotta take out the bad tooth bare handed. Last, there's this old lady upstairs who's never done the hokey pokey, if ya know what I mean, and you gotta fix that."
The man replies in disgust "I can't do any of those!" So the man gets drunk. Being drunk, he decides he can do anything and says "Hand me the bottle of hot sauce." So the bartender hands the man the bottle and the man drinks the whole, straight down. He then goes outside to deal with the dog. As the door shuts you hear yelping and screaming and hollering and growling and then.... dead silence... The door creaks open and the man walks in. He's all covered in blood, his shirts torn, he's missing hair... and in a drunken slur he asks "Where's the old lady with the tooth problem?"
Gimme a triple shot of Jack
A man walks into a bar and says "Bartender gimme a triple shot of Jack". The bartender pours, and the man downs it, slams the glass on the bar and says "Another". The bartender pours another. The man downs it and says "Another".
As the bartender pours the third glass he says, "Mister you drink like you have a problem. Want to talk about it?"
The man says, "Ten years, ten years I've been married to my wife, and today I go home a little early to surprise her, and I find my best friend, MY BEST FRIEND, in bed having s**... with her."
The bartender says "Geez, what did you say?"
The man says, "I told him, BAD DOG!! BAD DOG!!"
My dog, Grandpa
The other day, my professor asked me what I'd name my dog if I got one.
I said, well I'd name him Grandpa.
That way, when people asked how my day was, I can say things like:
Oh man, I forgot to feed Grandpa today.
I feel bad for leaving Grandpa outside last night.
Grandpa pooped in the living room again.
I had to put grandpa down today.
Grandpa ran away again.
I caught Grandpa h**... my friend's leg again.
And people who don't know me, won't know what I'm talking about.
Dogs playing poker
Why are dogs bad at poker?
Because they wag their tails whenever they have a good hand.
Why did John's dog win the poker tournament?
Because he's a Doberman.
I feel bad jerking off on Christmas...
...but that's a s**... name to give a dog anyway.
My best friend slept with my girlfriend.
A man was sitting in a bar feeling depressed.
Bartender: Whats wrong man?
Man: I found my best friend in bed with my girlfriend...
Bartender:What did you do?
Man: I kicked her out of my house and broke up with her.
Bartender: No, what did you do to your best friend?
Man: I pointed my finger at him and said "Bad dog".
a really bad joke i made up and thought it should be shared with everyone.
Q.how do dogs communicate?
A. by pee-mail
I drank so much I blew Chunks
Jon : Oh Ted, I had a terrible night. I drank so much that when I got home, I blew chunks.
Ted: Hey, thats not so bad. At least you were in the comfort of your own home.
Jon: No, you dont understand. Chunks is my dog...
A guy walks up to another guy with a dog. . .
The man asks, "Does your dog bite?" and the other guy replies, "No, not at all."
So then the guy asks, "Can I pet him?" and the other guy says, "Sure." As the man goes to pet the dog, it bites him viciously. The guy complains, "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" which the other person replies, "That isn't my dog."
Sorry if bad format. Heard this joke while at the airport.
Men shouldn't feel bad if they only last 8 minutes doing it d**......
Because that's almost an hour in dog time...
I went to the zoo the other day...
It was just a really bad zoo overall, just a run down old place. It had only animal too, a dog.
It was a shih tzu.
Hi. I am here. First post, go easy on me.
Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie whose dog, Skipper, had recently died.
"You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."
Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"
s**... ed
One day a little boy was at the park with his grandfather when he saw two dogs having s**.... He asked what they were doing and was told that was how they made puppies. Later that night he had a bad dream and when he went in to his parents' room he saw them having s**.... When he asked what they were doing he was told they were trying to make him a baby brother or sister. Disgusted, he demanded "Well flip her over, I'd rather have a puppy!"
Have you heard that some bad dogs are running around burning down dog-houses?
It's a rash of arfson.
Guy walks into a bar.
A guy walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender notices the guy and says "are you okay? You look terrible!" The guy says "yeah, i had kind of a rough night last night. I drank way too much and blew chunks." "Well that doesn't sound so bad" says the bartender. And then the guy says "no you don't understand. Chunks is my dog."
It's been a bad year. My dog died, I lost my job and my wife ran off with my best friend...
I do miss him.
A guy walks into a bar, sits down and says to the bartender
"Give me two beers. Rough day at work."
And the bartender says, "Oh? what do you do?"
The guy says, "I take care of the Corgis - you know, the dogs that the royal family owns."
The bartender says, "Tough job, huh?"
The guy says, "Well, all that in-breeding has led to low intelligence
and bad temperament. And the dogs aren't that smart either."
Cheating wife
A guy walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch. The bartender pours him the drink and the guy downs it in one gulp.
"Wow", says the bartender, "Something bad must have happened". Yeah it did, he said.
"I came home early today, went up to the bedroom, and found my wife having s**... with my best friend." The bartender pours the guy another triple shot. "This one's on the house".
The dude gulps it down once again. The bartender asks "Did you say anything to your wife ? "
The guy answers "Yea, I walked up to her, told her to pack her bag's and get out !"
"What about your friend ?" asks the bartender. "I looked him straight in the eye and said bad dog.
The weather is so bad today, it's raining cats and dogs
Maybe a PetSmart blimp wasn't such a good idea after all
Why is a dog with a bad foot like adding 6 and 7?
Because he puts down three and carries the one.
What do Chinese Dogs and baseball pitchers have in common?
Whenever that have a bad day they balk a lot
I stop and rest on a park bench....
After a while a blind old black man come and sits next to me with his guard dog, he keeps cursing and grunting so i ask him whats wrong "ahh my blasted wife has been cheating on me with my neighbour and shes taking half the house in the divorce, i didnt see it coming" he says, i chuckle a little at his bad taste joke, then he says "yeah you right son, it could be worse, i could be black"
Why didn't the client tip the server?
Because they didn't have enough cache!
(Computer Science nerds unite! This is my original joke, I originally posted it on Imgflip last year with bad pun dog and it got a decent response.)
What kind of dog parties with the Amish?
A rumspringa spaniel (it's okay, they won't even see how bad this joke was)
Having a bad day?
Just remember that in the movie Air Bud , some kid got kicked off his school basketball team... and replaced by a dog.
My dog used to chase after everyone who went past my yard on a bike
It was so bad that I had to take away his bike.
Dog Chasing People On A Bike
My dog used to chase people on a bike like crazy. It was so bad, I had to take his bike away.
So my dog used to chase people on bikes a lot.
It got so bad that I decided to take his bike from him.
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot
Yeah,my dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
There was a guy who was terrible at naming thing ...
His dog was named dog, his cat was named cat and so on. One day, the man's sister was having twins and in a long family tradition, the babies uncle had to chose the names. Absolutely mortified, the twin girl and boy were born and it was time;
What did you choose for the girl?
Denise
Oh man, that's not so bad. What did you choose for the boy?
Denephew
As a kid growing up in the Vietnam I could always tell how well the economy was by what type of dog food my parents bought.
Chihuahua when it was bad, Black lab when it was good.
Why is it a bad idea to let dogs onboard the ISS?
Because they would keep barking at the vacuum in space
What do you call a dog in a dessert?
A bad dog. :(
A man got home from his walk and his wife said: Thank god you got home safe it's raining cats and dogs!!!
The man: It's not raining that bad I didn't even step in any poodles
I CAME HOME EARLY FROM WORK ONE AFTERNOON AND FOUND MY WIFE AND BEST FRIEND HAVING i**....
I couldn't believe it.
I was in tears.
I could never trust her again.
I sent her away and told her to never return. It was over.
Still weeping, I sat on the bed next to my best friend.
I said, "bad dog".
Feeling bad about not getting enough exercise?
Get a dog and name him 10 kilometres so you can say you walk/run 10km every day.
(Doesn't work in America though.)
I think it was probably a bad idea to put the kids' present in the piñata
The dog might get hit
My neutered dog wants to jump in the pool soo bad.
he just doesn't have the b**... to do it.
Me: I reckon if we got a dog we should call it Noodles.
Wife: That's silly, we eat noodles.
Me: If this recession gets bad enough, yes, we would.
Did you hear about the guy who had a dog named minton who had an unfortunate habit of eating shuttlecocks?
Bad minton
A guy just finishes his lasik surgery and his surgeon leads him in his office to discuss the surgery...
The surgeon asks if he wants the good news or bad news first.
The man excitedly ~~replys~~ replies, "I'll take the good news first."
The surgeon tells him, "well you're about to get a new dog."
As the patient recovers from laser eye surgery, the surgeon comes in asks if they want the good news or the bad news first.
The patient excitedly replies, I'll take the good news first.
The surgeon tells them, Well, you're about to get a new dog!
The CIA, F.B.I and a local police department take part in a contest and are tasked with finding a rabbit released in the nearby woods
The police department deploys search squads and dogs, and after 4 hours comes back with the rabbit.
The FBI deploys helicopters and drones and finds the rabbit in 2 hours.
The CIA comes back after 30 minutes with a badly beaten bear who cries out I am the rabbit! And I surrender
3 women meet for brunch after a wild night...
1st woman says "girls I got so drunk last night, I went home and blew chunks".
2nd woman says "you think that's bad? After I dropped you two off, I drove home. I was so hammered I ended up driving through my garage door and kept going. Destroyed my garage, my husband says it's going to cost 5 grand to fix".
3rd woman goes "When I got home I decided to take a bath and light some candles. I was so drunk, I passed out, knocked over the candles and ended up burning down my whole house".
1st woman exclaims "You don't understand, Chunks is my dog!"
My dogs name is minton and today he ate my wife's shuttlecock and racquet while she was at work.
Bad Minton..
I came home to find my girlfriend in bed with my best friend
I told her she had two minutes to get dressed and get out of my life.
Then I turned to my best friend and said, "Bad dog! Bad, bad, bad!"
4th of July picnic
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How was your 4th of July picnic?" the bartender asks. "Horrible. Everyone came down with food poisoning," the guy replies. "I knew the hot dogs might have gone bad, but turns out the brats were the wurst."
