Bad Date Jokes
64 bad date jokes and hilarious bad date puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bad date that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Bad Date Short Jokes
Short bad date jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bad date humour may include short blind date jokes also.
- This Election Day will be like a dinner date with Bill Cosby. When you wake up, you just know something bad happened.
- I've really got into dating black chicks recently. Not because they take my fancy but I'm really bad at meeting the dad.
- If someone wants to date me, I don't want to date them. Because they obviously make bad life choices.
- I used to think I was bad at dating in high school as I never had a girlfriend. Prince Andrew must have been way worse, he was 45 when he got a high school girlfriend!
- I'm really bad at dating I find it hard to keep my interest in a woman and in the trunk of my car for so long
- The downside of dating intelligent women is having to Google the names they call you when it ends badly.
- Why is a steakhouse a terrible first date? It's bad to have any beef with your mate.
- Man claims to have a rheumatic heart. Still bad on dates.
- Best love poem Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm bad at poetry, date me
- A pirate had a horrible date. He's really going through a bad patch, he couldn't even unhook her bra.
Share These Bad Date Jokes With Friends
Bad Date One Liners
Which bad date one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bad date? I can suggest the ones about bad relationship and bad wedding.
- Why does Indiana Jones have such a hard time getting a girlfriend? Bad dates.
- I met the love of my life through an online dating site Too bad my wife found out
- A good project manager makes updates. A bad project manager makes up dates.
- Why was Marx bad at dating? He only talked about seizing the means of production.
- Why was Pac-Man in a bad mood after coming home from a date?
- I've got a date with destiny And for 50$ an hour, not bad.
- I'm dating a supermodel with hemiparesis. She's not half-bad.
- Recently I'm having a lot of bad dates! I've to try grapes now!
- Two Sticks went on a date but there weren't any sparks. It was bad Match.
- Don't date a girl who just got hit in the eye with a softball. She's a bad catch.
- Why are calendar puns so bad? Because they are always so week and dated
- Never go ice skating on your first date in spring. It could be a bad ice breaker.
- Why doesn't John Rhys Davies use Tinder? Bad Dates.
- Every date I go on ends badly when I tell them I have two little girls In my trunk
- I hear a lot of archeologists are single Must be the bad dates
Laughable Bad Date Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about bad date you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean first date jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bad date pranks.
A young couple is on their honeymoon.
The husband is sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, "Now how can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she's bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?"
Meanwhile, the wife is sitting in the bed saying to herself, "Now how do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?"
The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, "Darling, I've got a confession to make."
She says, "So have I, love."
To which he replies, "Don't tell me, you've eaten my socks."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My taste in men is so bad, the walk of shame for me is when I'm on my way to a date.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Desperately Seeking Humor
The jokes here have gotten so bad and reposted that it makes me think back to my childhood for something we found funny, as kids. What better place to share our fave brand of cruelty humor than here. Apologies if this has ever been brought up here before. I'm desperate, please add your favorite cruelty jokes. Short list, I'll try to remember more.
What do you call a girl hanging on a fence? Barb
What do you call a quadraplegic in a swimming pool? Bob
What do you call a girl with one leg? Peg
What do you call a girl midget? Minnie
What do you call a quadriplegic at the ballpark? Home Plate
What do you call a girl who puts out on the first date? Lucy
Help me out here...
Dolf is the weatherman at KTVY, the local CBS affiliate in Kansas City.
He's also a closet communist, and has a bit of an anger management problem. During their Christmas Eve broadcast Dolf forecasts a cold and rainy Christmas day, then turns it over to Erin, the anchor he's been dating for the past few months:
"Dolf, are you sure its just rain for tomorrow? I bet everyone's praying for a little snow tonight!"
"No no Erin, just rain for tomorrow"
"Are you sure we can't look forward to a white Christmas?"
"NO! RUDOLF THE RED KNOWS RAIN, DEAR!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman is sick and tired of having bad relationships...
She's had the worst of the worst. Men who would run out on her, beat her, and men who were downright terrible on bed. In an attempt to better future relationships she decided to give online dating a try.
She filled out her profile and specified she was looking for a good hearted man who would never leave or a**... her who was also an efficient lover. It wasn't long after she had posted her profile that she was getting replies. She met with a few of them, but none of them felt like they truly met her requirements.
She was about to give up hope when she had a knock at her door. She opened it to find a man with no arms, and no legs there waiting.
"i'm here about your dating ad," he said.
The woman, who could barely believe what was in front of her replied, "you've got to be kidding me!"
Before she could slam the door the man interjected, "before you turn me away, hear me out. I've got no legs so I couldn't possibly run out on you and I've got no arms so I couldn't possibly hit you."
Still not convinced the woman asked, "oh? And how are you in bed with no arms or legs?"
"honey, how do you think I knocked in the door?"
Bad grammar / punctuation
Girl: I don't think I'd date a guy who cares if I have grammar or punctuation.
Guy: Well I don't think I'd date a girl who's bad at punctuation. What if she misses her period and doesn't realize it?
[ORIGINAL VERSION WITH ERROR]
Girl: I don't think I'd date a guy who cares if I have grammar or punctuation.
Guy: Well I don't think I'd date a girl who's bad at punctuation. What if she gets her period and doesn't realize it?
Just made it so don't judge.
So a man is on a double date with his wife, best friend and the friend's new girlfriend. As the date progresses the girlfriend asked the man "how they met". "Well", said the man. "We met at grade 6 and we started talking, the more we talked the more we liked each others company." As he's telling her all these details and stories the wife just looks at him confused. Finally, after talking for several minutes he finishes with "I can't imagine how bad my life would be if we hadn't met" Awwww, the girl says. "I hope my marriage can be that happy one day." The man looks puzzled, grabs his wife's hand and says, "ohhhh you mean my wife?!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Topical Jokes for 10/26
(for best results, read in the voice of your favorite late night host)
In Dallas, a man was arrested after he attacked a man in a pink shirt, while shouting homophobic slurs. Because what could be less gay than freaking out over another man's outfit?
In California, a man robbed a convenience store, only to return later to apologize and give back the money. The cashier accepted the man's apology, then shot him eleven times.
Scientists in Switzerland used a spectrometer to determine that the Rosetta comet smells terrible. And these scientists know about bad smells, because they spend all day sniffing Uranus.
The reality show Here Comes Honey Boo Boo was cancelled after it was learned that Mama June was dating a convicted r**.... Previously, she'd exhibited better judgment, by only dating rapists who had never been convicted.
Hey girl are you a fossil sample?
cause i'm an impatient paleontologist and i want to date you badly
There's a new app for people recovering from bad dates.
Anyone ever tried *Cinder*?
A wildebeast walks into a speed dating meetup..
he meets some good gnus and some bad gnus.
Q: Why do you when you sign to a Dating site ? A: More bang for your buck !!!!
(Wow, that was bad)
I experienced a bad date
September 11, 2001
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is it a bad idea to date a girl from the l**... colony ?
Whenever they get upset, they cry their eyes out.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are air hostesses bad at dating?
Most men aren't interested in **plane** women.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm glad my mom is such a bad cook
If my date can eat her meatloaf with a smile, I know they'll s**... anything.
After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date.
Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him on the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.
When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died."
"Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"
Why are Jedi bad at dating?
Because they use the force.
An ugly girl was sitting alone in a restaurant
I feel bad for that girl. I said to my date.
Moments later, a man who appeared to be her boyfriend walked over and sat down in her booth.
I feel bad for that guy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Someone told me the best idea for a date...
Someone told me the best idea for a date was doing something you were both bad at, because it'd make you laugh at each other's awfulness and make you feel comfortable.
My girlfriend wasn't impressed when I suggested s**......
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The three main criteria for dating websites are as follows
-Age
-s**...
-Location
But I think this needs to change badly, as I personally don't condone under-age s**...
A mushroom goes into the hall of bad jokes and says I'd like to submit a joke of my people
The receptionist looks at him and says listen buddy we have so many bad jokes here that I'm not sure we can squeeze yours in. It has to be exceptionally bad, let me hear it.
Mushroom: so a shroom goes on a date with this girl and she says 'tell me about yourself' and he says 'well I'm a fungi!'
Receptionist: yeah that jokes bad but it's just not gonna cut it, we can't put it in,
We don't have mushroom.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pirate's life
Why is it a bad idea to date a pirate? Because they're only after your b**....
How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate.
Terrible!" the roommate answered. "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."
"Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about that?
"He was the original owner!"
