Bad Dad Jokes
114 bad dad jokes and hilarious bad dad puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bad dad that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Bad Dad Short Jokes
Short bad dad jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bad dad humour may include short dead dad jokes also.
- A dad joke my science teacher told me a long time ago: Why are bacteria so bad at math?
Because they multiply by dividing.
RIP Miss Henn. Miss her lots. - I happily dad joked my fiancé While on her way to work, she texted me saying she only put deodorant on one side.
To which I replied, "At least you won't smell half bad!" - There's a reason dad joke rhymes with bad joke It's because they both contain most of the same letters.
- Dad joke alert: So when does a bad joke become a Dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent.
- a pretty bad joke my dad once told me what do you get when you cross a elephant, rhino, and a hippo?
helliphino - A farmhand loses both his farm and his hand after getting into a fight with his dad over politics... ...would be a really bad but accurate way to describe the plot of Star Wars.
- I've really got into dating black chicks recently. Not because they take my fancy but I'm really bad at meeting the dad.
- Went to a nice restaurant with my 10 year-old and ordered a pricey entree. She asked me how it was, and I said It's just how I make it at home . She said C'mon dad, it can't be that bad
- What do you call a bear without teeth? A gummy bear.
I know it's bad, but everyone deserves a good arsenal of dad jokes. - Bad pun #3 I didn't want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop but when I got home all the signs were there.
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Bad Dad One Liners
Which bad dad one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bad dad? I can suggest the ones about deadbeat dad and single dad.
- All dad jokes are bad and here's why Why
- They say good dads are hard to find But bad dads are even harder to find
- I've been having a bad feeling lately.. I think one of my dads might be gay.
- How did bad jokes become dad jokes? Autocorrect
- What's the difference between a Dad joke and a bad joke? A letter
- Where do bad dad joke tellers get sent? To the punitentiary.
- My dad just lost his leg in a motorcycle accident Now his feet only smell half as bad.
- Wanna hear a dad joke? Well, too bad. It left to go get the milk a year ago.
- Roses Are Red, Violets Are Bad Oh boy, how I wish I had a dad
- My dad just burned my little bro so bad He's in prison now.
- Roses are red, Jeff is my dad He hits me if I've been bad
- There is a gun fight at exibition of contemporary jokes Bad News: they are all dad.
- My dad has really bad paranoia I'm afraid that I might end up like him.
- From My Dad: You were voted most handsome at camp! Too bad it was a concentration camp.
- My mom's french and my dad's greek Too bad I'm a freek
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Bad Dad Jokes
What funny jokes about bad dad you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bad parenting jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bad dad pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young boy comes home from school in a bad mood.
His father asks him, "What's wrong, son?" The kid tells his dad that he's upset because another kid has been teasing him and calling him gay. The father says, "Punch him in the face next time he does that. I bet he'll stop." The kid replies, "Yeah, but he's so cute!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young boy comes home from school in a bad mood.
His father asks him, "What's wrong, son?" The kid tells his dad that he's upset because another kid has been teasing him and calling him gay. The father says, "Punch him in the face next time he does that. I bet he'll stop." The kid replies, "Yeah, but he's so cute!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is driving his five year old to a friend’s house when another car races in front and cuts them off, nearly causing an accident.
"d**...!" the father yells.
A moment later he realizes the indiscretion, pulls over, and turns to face his son.
"Your father just said a bad word," he says.
"I was angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong. But just because I said it, it doesn’t make it right, and I don’t ever want to hear you saying it. Is that clear?"
His son looks at him and says: "Too late, d**...."
One evening a father overheard his son saying his prayers "God bless Mommy, Daddy and Grammy.
Goodbye Grampa."
Well, the father thought it was strange, but he soon forgot about it.
The next day, the Grandfather died.
A month later the father heard his sony saying prayers again: "God bless Mommy. God bless Daddy. Goodbye Grammy."
The next day the grandmother died.
Well, the father was getting more than a little woried about the whole situation.
One week later, the father once again overheard his sons prayers.
"God Bless Mommy. Good bye Daddy."
This nearly gave the father a heart attack.
He didn’t say anything but he got up early to go to work, so that he would miss the traffic.
He stayed all through lunch and dinner.
Finally after midnight he went home.
He was still alive!
When he got home he appologised to his wife.
"I am sorry Honey. I had a very bad day at work today."
"You think you’ve had a bad day? YOU THINK YOU’VE HAD A BAD DAY!?" the wife yelled,
"The mailman dropped dead on my doorstep this morning!"
An old man lived alone in Tasmania.
He wanted to dig his potato garden, but it was very hard work.
His only son, Jase, who used to help him, was in prison.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Jase,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I wont be able to plant my potato garden this year; Im just getting to old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me. Love Dad.
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
For heavens sake, dont dig up that garden, thats where I buried the BODIES. Love Jase.
At 4A.M. the next morning, the Federal Police and local police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologised to the old man and left. The same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad.
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. Its the best I could do under the circumstances. Love Jase.
3-year-old: What's a swear word?
Me: A bad word moms and dads only say when they're mad.
3:
Me:
3: Is my middle name a swear word?
Who was Michael Jackson?
Son: Dad, is God man or a woman? Dad: He's both, son. Son: Dad, is God black or white? Dad: He's both, son. Son: Dad, is God good or bad? Dad: He's both, son. Son: Dad, is God - Michael Jackson?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
For years Johnny helped his father with the vegetable garden.
Every spring Johnny's dad would have Johnny over for a day and they would spend all day tilling the soil to get it ready for planting and then grill some steaks in the evening. One year Johnny fell in with the wrong crowd and was arrested for armed robbery, but the gun was never located. Three months in jail he is talking with his father on the phone. His father recently had a hip replacement and can't move like he used and wishes Johnny was able to help with the gardening. After the conversation Johnny feels so bad that he calls the DA and arranges a meeting.
The next morning, Johnny's father hear's a b**... at his front door. He opens up and sees two detectives and a dozen uniformed officers with a search warrant. They brush the old man aside and make a beeline for the back yard.
Furious, he calls the prison and demands to talk to his son. He asked Johnny how dare he bring his criminal activities home and worry his mother and how ashamed he was of his scumbag son.
Johnny listened to the berating and replied, 'I felt bad that I couldn't help you with the garden this year, so I lied and told them I buried a gun back there.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Caught by a local tribe.
A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now we've caught you and we're going to kill you. We will put you in a p**..., cook you, eat you and then we're going to use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you can choose how to die."
The Frenchman says, "I take ze sword." The chief gives him a sword, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and runs himself through.
The Englishman says, "a p**... for me please." The chief gives him a p**..., the Englishman points it at his head and says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork!" The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over--the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There is blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled and asks, "My God, what are you doing?"
And the New Yorker responds, "So much for your canoe you s**... cannibal!
(my dad told me this one)
An Irishman visits his doctor after a long illness.
An Irishman goes to his doctor after a long illness.
The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighs, looks him in the eye and says, "I've some bad news for you. You have cancer, and I'm afraid it can't be cured. I'd give you two weeks to a month to live."
The guy is shocked and saddened by the news, but of solid character. He walks back into the waiting room where his son is waiting for him and says, "Well son, we Irish celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer, and I've been given a short time to live. Let go to the pub and have a few pints."
After four or five pints, they are feeling a little less somber. There are some laughs and more beers.
Eventually the two are approached by some of the guy's old friends who ask them what they are celebrating. So the guy tells his friends, "I've got only a few weeks to live as I have been diagnosed with AIDS."
His friends give are quite shocked about this and so they stay to have a couple of beers with him and his son.
After his friends leave, the guys' son leans over to his dad and whispers in confusion „Dad, I though you said that you had cancer? Why you just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS!"
Well , the guy says, "I just don't want any of them sleeping with your mother after I'm gone."
Taking his son golfing
Mr. Smith was a bad golfer, but God help him, he still loved to play the game. One weekend morning, his wife couldn't look after their son, so he agreed to bring him along, and have him act as his caddy.
When they got to the course, he pulled his son aside and handed him a scorecard.
"Here's the scorecard Timmy. I need to you write down the number I tell you for each hole, OK?"
"OK Daddy!" His son replied.
So they went out and boy, oh boy was it a bad day for Mr. Smith. Every other shot, it seemed, went into the rough, a sand trap or somewhere other than where he wanted. After a long, hot arduous round, he was ready to hit the 19th hole...but first he had to get the score.
"Ok Timmy, what do you have my score at for today?"
His son pulled out the scorecard and counted up the total and said "I have you with a 72 dad."
"72? That's amazing! That's like 50 strokes lower than my average. Are you sure you wrote down the number I said for every hole?"
"Yeah, you yelled Fore! on every hole."
(For those who don't know about golf, "Fore" is a yell you give when your ball is going in the direction of other golfers)
An Old Jamaican man lived alone in the country...
He wanted to dig his Yellow Yam and Sweet Potato Garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard.
His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty badly because it looks like I won't be able to plant my Yellow Yam and Sweet Potato Garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me....Love, Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son:
Dear Dad, Don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the bodies.
Love, Vinnie
At 4 a.m. The next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son:
Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the Yams and Potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Golf Outing
Four fathers are on a golf outing. One of the fathers has to take a leak, so he wanders into the woods. The other three start talking about how their sons have been.
The first dad says "Well, i'm really proud of my son, he's become a major success in the real estate business and just got a free house!"
The second father chirps in, "Well my son is doing better than I could have imagined! He's gotten major promotions at his car dealership and got himself a free car!"
The last father says "That's great and all, but my son is a wall-street mogul and he got a killer stock portfolio that has turned quite a profit for free!"
The fourth father finally emerges from the woods. They all ask him how his son is doing. The fourth dad sighs.
"Well there's good news and bad news about my son... The bad news is he just revealed that he is gay...
The good news is that he just got a free house, car, and stock portfolio from his past three boyfriends."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One day a dad gets a call and is told his son has been using dirty language.
When he gets home that night, he sits down with his son.
"Son," he says, "You know this isn't acceptable behavior. Now I want you to tell me all the dirty words you know."
His son says "Well Dad, I know the S word, I know the B word, and I know the M word."
His dad asks "What's the S word?"
His son says "s**...."
The father is taken aback but pushes on. He asks "OK, what's the B word?"
His son says "Bad."
His father is starting to feel relieved and a faint smile is playing at his lips. With a kind, fatherly smile he asks "And what's the M word?"
His son says "MotherwhoringSpicnigger."
"Little Johnny, why weren't you in school yesterday?"
"Little Johnny, why weren't you in school yesterday?"
"My dad got burnt."
"Oh, that's terrible. I hope he wasn't burned too badly."
"Nah. They really know what they're doing at those crematoriums."
A man is woken up in the middle of the night by his son screaming. He quickly goes and wakes him up.
Man: "Son What's the matter?"
Son: "Dad it was the scariest dream! A man dressed in black came and told me my aunt is going to die tomorrow!"
Man: "Son it was just a dream don't worry."
The next day he comes home and his wife is crying.
Man: "Honey what's wrong?"
Wife: "my mother called my sister just dropped dead!"
That night the man is woken again by his son screaming and he wakes him up.
Son: "Dad the man in black came to me again in my dream and said tomorrow my father is going to die!"
Man: "Son your aunt dying was just a coincidence don't worry about me I'll be fine."
The next day the man is freaked he doesn't take any elevators, doesn't walk over any grates and jumps at any noise.
When he get home his wife takes one look at him.
Wife: "Honey you look awful what is going on?"
Man "I have had the worst day ever I feel awful and just want to go to bed."
Wife: "You think you had a bad day? This afternoon the mailman dropped dead on the front porch!"
Bad Bernie
Bernie was in prison for seven years. The day he got out, his wife and son were there to pick him up. He came through the gates and got into the car. The only thing he said was, "F.F."
His wife turned to him and answered, "E.F." Out on the highway, he said, "F.F." She responded simply, "E.F." He repeated, "F.F." She again replied, "E.F."
"Mom! Dad!" their son yelled. "What's going on?" Bad Bernie answered: "Your mother wants to eat first!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"The watch"
My dad just reminded me of this old classic!
Jake is struggling through a bus station with two huge and obviously heavy suitcases when a stranger walks up to him and asks "Have you got the time?" Jake sighs, puts down the suitcases and glances at his wrist. "It's a quarter to six," he says. "Hey, that's a pretty fancy watch!" exclaims the stranger. Jake brightens a little. "Yeah, it's not bad. Check this out" - and he shows him a time zone display not just for every time zone in the world, but for the 86 largest metropolitan areas. He hits a few b**... and from somewhere on the watch a voice says "The time is eleven 'til six" in a very West Texas accent. A few more b**... and the same voice said something in Japanese. Jake continues "I've put in regional accents for each city". The display is unbelievably high quality and the voice is simply astounding. The stranger is struck dumb with admiration. "That's not all," says Jake. He pushes a few more b**... and a tiny but very hi-resolution, map of New York City appears on the display. "The flashing dot shows our location by satellite positioning," explains Jake. "View recede ten," Jake says, and the display changes to show eastern New York state. "I want to buy this watch!" says the stranger. "Oh, no, it's not ready for sale yet; I'm still working out the bugs, says the inventor. "But look at this," and he proceeds to demonstrate that the watch is also a very creditable little FM radio receiver with a digital tuner, a sonar device that can measure distances up to 125 meters, a pager with thermal paper printout and, most impressive of all, the capacity for voice recordings of up to 300 standard-size books," though I only have 32 of my favorites in there so far" says Jake. "I've got to have this watch!" says the stranger. "No, you don't understand; it's not ready." "I'll give you $1000 for it!" "Oh, no, I've already spent more than -" "I'll give you $5000 for it!" "But it's just not -" "I'll give you $15,000 for it!" And the stranger pulls out a checkbook. Jake stops to think. He's only put about $8500 into materials and development, and with $15,000 he can make another one and have it ready for merchandising in only six months. The stranger frantically finishes writing the check and waves it in front of him. "Here it is, ready to hand to you right here and now. $15,000. Take it or leave it." Jake abruptly makes his decision. "OK," he says, and peels off the watch. They make the exchange and the stranger starts happily away. "Hey, wait a minute," calls Jake after the stranger, who turns around warily. Jake points to the two suitcases he'd been trying to wrestle through the bus station. "Don't forget your batteries.
What Does Your Father Do?
It is the first day of kindegarten and the teacher is going around the room asking everyone what their father does for work.
1st Child: My dad is a policeman, he sends bad guys to jail!
2nd Child: My dad is a fireman, he puts out fires!
3rd Child: My dad is dead.
The teacher asks:
Well, what did your father do before he died?
3rd Child: Well, he went "AAAAKKKKKKKKK"
So Jesus, Moses and an old man go golfing
The first to play is Jesus. After his swing, the ball land in the lake. He runs towards it, walks on the water and grabs the ball. Then it's Moses' turn. Bad luck, the same thing happens to him. He walks to the lake, spreads the water into two parts and grabs the ball on the dry ground. Finally, it's time for the old man to play. His ball lands on the top of a tree. Instead of getting the ball, he just waits. After a few minutes, a squirrel hiding in the tree takes the ball and goes down. Then a wolf attacks the squirrel, kills it and eats it. He goes further and ends up vomitting the ball, which is then taken by an eagle. The eagle goes even further, but a hunter shoots it down. The ball falls down and lands exactly in the golf hole. It's hole-in-one and the old man wins. Moses looks at Jesus and says: "I hate playing with your dad."
Sorry if it's a bit long, but I really like that one. Also sorry for my writing, I'm not a native English speaker.
Little Johnny had a bad day.
He stomped home from school to the family farm. Being an annoying little kid, he saw the farm animals and decided to take out a little frustration on them, so he yelled at the pig, chased the chickens around, and kicked in a pumpkin from the pumpkin patch. Finally, he made it to the house. His mom was waiting and furious.
"Johnny, I saw you just did and you're in big trouble! For abusing the poor pig and chickens, you don't get sausage or wings tonight. And no pumpkin pie, either!"
Just then, the two of them saw Johnny's dad came back from a day in the fields. He walked to the porch, where the cat is sleeping peacefully in the sun. He irritably kicked the cat out of the way to make it to the door. Johnny turns to his mom with a big grin and says,
"Shall you tell him, or shall I?"
Bad religious joke I created.
One day Jesus is talking to god and says,
"Hey dad, guess what I did today?"
God: "What?"
Jesus: "I walked on water."
God: "No way."
Jesus: "Yahweh!"
Badum, tss
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three men are on a plane
all three of them have weapons. Halfway through the flight an attendant notices the weapons. She tells the men they cant have the weapons on the plane. The first man drops his arrows from the window. The second man drops his gun from the window. The third man drops his bomb.
After the plane lands, the third man is walking along. He notices a little girl crying.
"Little Girl, why are you crying?" He asks
"My dad just got hit by an arrow." she replies.
Sheepishly he runs away. Then he meets a little crying boy.
"Little boy, why are you crying."
"My dad just got shot by god. It just came from the sky."
The man begins to feel bad. Then he sees a little boy laughing.
"Little boy, why are you laughing."
"I just f**... and my house blew up!"
Hi. I am here. First post, go easy on me.
Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie whose dog, Skipper, had recently died.
"You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."
Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"
3 bad dad jokes
I use these back to back to back all the time.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
FSHHHHHHHH
Potato Patch
An old man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his potato garden but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son Fred, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Fred, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over I know you would dig the plot for me. Love, Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad, For heaven's sake, don't dig up that garden! That's where I buried the BODIES! Love, Fred
At 4am the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Fred
My dad got carpal tunnel syndrome from being on a keyboard in an office all day.
It got so bad his boss made him get rid of the piano.
Classic dad joke, but in bad taste
So we were having a family dinner for the first time in a while.
My mum was saying how terrible the situation in Nepal is, when my Dad says "it's nepalling isn't it?"
I had a good laugh, feeling guilty after :(
Aren't dad jokes great?
I got a bad sunburn a week ago, and my skin is staring to peel of.I guess you could say that it's.....appealing
A joke my kid told me today.
Him: dad guess who is the smallest family in the world?
Me: I don't know, who?
Him: the atoms family.
Not bad for 7 years old.
My mother is horrible at breaking bad news...
I came home one day and my mother looked distressed. She told me that she felt really terrible and that she'd been having an affair. She also told me that I couldn't tell dad.
"Why not?" I asked.
She replied, "Because he just passed away."
Adopted Friend
I feel really bad for my adopted friend. He is going through an existential crisis. Which sort of makes him like his Dad. He doesn't really know who he is.
An old man wants to get life insurance
The employee working at the insurance company asks:
'How old are you, sir?'
'I'm 102.'
'102?! And you wanna get life insurance at *your* age? You know what? Come back tomorrow.'
'Tomorrow ain't good. We'll be celebrating my dad's birthday.'
'Your dad's birthday?! How old is he?'
'He's 139.'
'Okay, come back next week then.'
'Next week is definitely a bad time for me. We're gonna have a week-long party for my grandfather's wedding.'
'Your grandfather's weddig?! How old is he?'
'He's 164.'
'And he wants to get married at *his* age?'
'Nah, he doesn't, it's just that his parents are forcing him...'
My dad had the worst temper when he watched sports. One day it got so bad he ripped off his shirt and began shouting racial slurs...
Really ruined my little league game.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A son runs to his dad screaming: "Dad, I think I'm gay!"
The dad says: "And why's that?"
The child replies: "I think that Justin Bieber is kinda hot..."
The dad then says: "That doesn't mean you're gay, you just have a really bad taste in women!"
A Christian man and his children are talking..
Girl: Dad, I have some bad news.
Dad: What?
Girl: I'm a lesbian.
Dad: Okay.
Sister: Dad, I have some bad news too.
Dad: What?
Sister: I'm a lesbian too.
Dad: God, does anyone in this house like boys?
Son: I do.
What's the difference between OP's dad and bad drivers?
Bad drivers pull out when they shouldn't.
OP's dad doesn't pull out when he should
My dad always taught me to go the extra mile...
I guess that was pretty bad advice though - it just got me fired from my job as a taxi driver.
Everyone makes fun of dad jokes...
When they should be making fun of BAD jokes. Am I right?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a dad say when demolishing the washroom with thier son?
That will teach you to get bad grades in school.
I just found out that my dad is dyslexic...
Turns out his 'dad jokes' were just 'bad jokes'.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My first time having s**..., was like my first time playing golf.
It seemed like I was doing bad at first, but my dad helped me along the way saying, "it's all in the hips".
What do you call a Hurricane with a bad attitude?
What do you call a Hurricane with a bad attitude? A Hurri-cant!
Currently evacuated for the second time (Mathew, now Irma). Shared this joke with my sister in law last year and it's an all-star dad joke if I say so.
My dad just called me and asked me what was good for a bad cough, and he knows that I am not a doctor, what should I tell him?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Good night kids
Me : good night kids
Kids : good night dad
Me : good night monster under the bed who eats bad kids
Wife ( through radio under the bed) : good night
Did you hear about the rebellious teen who crashed his dad's plane?
He had a bad attitude.
My dad is a bad driver. He has had a lot of accidents.
He still hasn't learned how to pull out.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A kid looks at his mother's medical report....
**s**...: F** It said.
The kid started laughing.
Mom: What's so funny?
Son: Mom you're so bad at s**... that you failed in it!
Dad dies laughing.
What is the difference between an elephant and a parakeet?
One is an elephant, the other is a parakeet.
Sorry for the bad dad joke, I will show myself out
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hey dad, why is my sister named Uma Thurman?
"Oh it's your mother's favorite fall out boy song"
"Thanks Dad"
"No problem I've Got A Bad Idea And A Dark Alley That Says You Should Shut Your Mouth!"
Jonny: "Babe, you know I would marry you in a heartbeat, but your dad would never let us!" Sarah: "Honey...
...dew you think we cantaloupe?"
.
.
.
.
.
.
I know, its bad. I'm sorry.
A poor student writes to his dad for help.
Being the eloquent teen he is, all he can muster is;
"No mon, no fun, your son."
To which the father replies;
"Too bad, so sad, love dad."
My dad always said
" First rule of theater is always leave them wanting more"
Good actor, bad anesthesiologist.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bad Dad Joke:
Q: Did hear about the meeting the Democrats had with the Republicans about m**... legalization?
A: They assembled a joint commission
Bad Dad Joke:
Q: Did you hear two University Geologists broke off their engagement?
A: the relationship was rocky from the start
I always wanted to be a comedian as a child.
My Dad told me I should practice in the bath, so I did. The bad thing is, he said the same thing to my brother. He wanted to be an electrician.
You guys think "See you next year" is bad?
Imagine how kids in 1999 felt when their dad told them "See you next Millennium"
What did one tree say to the other?
Nothing trees cant talk.
Yea I know that's a pretty bad dad joke. Its apparent. Just like paper its tearable.
Ok I'm done.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dirty dead baby jokes?
My dad told me some pretty bad ones, so I guess let's collectively get them out there
Q: What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Cadillac?
A: I don't have a Cadillac in my garage.
Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and my girlfriend?
A: I don't kiss my girlfriend after s**....
My dad's puns are so bad, they could kill anyone who hears them.
He calls them his weapuns of mass destruction
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
i**... isn't really that bad. You can ask my mom, dad, sister, brother, uncle, aunt, and cousins.
They're both in the next room.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
3 reasons why my parents are bad at hide and seek.
1. They always hide in their bedroom.
2. They make too much noise.
3. my dad takes a pill that makes him think he is invisible and proceeds to take off his clothes
When I was a kid, I asked my dad where God would send children who were bad.
"Well," he said after a pause, "I guess they get to the same place as the priests who were good."
My dad's answer to everything is alcohol.
He doesn't drink, it's just that he's really bad at crossword puzzles.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A girl asks her father
Dad, what's the difference between good, bad, and f***d up?
The father replies:
Well my love, good is when your boyfriend likes your clothes, bad is when he wears them and f****d up is when they look better on him than you!
(Bad translation from spanish from yours truly, have a wonderful day!)
Lil Johnny's Sheep
Lil Johnny is walking a sheep through town. The Mayor stops and asks Lil Johnny what he is doing.
"Silly Billy has a boy sheep and I'm taking our girl sheep to his ranch to get her pregnant," replies Johnny.
The mayor thinks this is a bad idea and tells Lil Johnny that this is a job his father would be better off doing.
"Nah," Lil Johnny says, "I've seen dad trying a quite a few times and our sheep hasn't got pregnant yet."
