Bad Cop Jokes
32 bad cop jokes and hilarious bad cop puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bad cop that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Bad Cop Short Jokes
Short bad cop jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bad cop humour may include short traffic cop jokes also.
- Cop pulls over bad driver Cop- sir do you realize how badly you were switching lanes?
Guy- sorry officer, I'm drunk af
Cop-that's not a valid reason to let your girlfriend drive the car - It's getting real bad here in California. I just got robbed at the gas station. I called the cops and they asked if I knew who did it. "It was pump #5," I replied.
- Bad pun #3 I didn't want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop but when I got home all the signs were there.
- Why are black Asians bad at golf? Because they can't drive and every time they walk on a golf course a cop tries to put a hole in one
- I get nervous around cops who refuse to curse They might say 'shoot' at a really bad time.
- Billy Graham and Stephen Hawking meet each other in the afterlife. That was Amazing! Billy says to Stephen.
It sure was, let's do that again! Only this time I get to be the bad cop. - Some say cops are bad, protesters are good. Some say cops are good, rioters are bad. Is it really such a black and white issue?
- The cops who are currently covering up their badge numbers are probably very bad at video games They have no account-ability!!
- A cop went into a fisherman's house to search for drugs. He had a bad feeling as he walked in. Something seemed fishy.
- How can you tell if a cop is bad at his job? If he arrests people because of what they did and not their race.
Share These Bad Cop Jokes With Friends
Bad Cop One Liners
Which bad cop one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bad cop? I can suggest the ones about speeding cop and undercover cop.
- How can you tell good cops from bad cops? Easy. Good cops carry a Goodge.
- How do you tell a bad cop from a good cop? Beats me....
- Why are cops so bad at pool? Because they can't resist hitting the black ball.
- I was having a really bad day Then I watched Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2
Charming Humor Bad Cop Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about bad cop you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cops jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bad cop pranks.
Jim's car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over...
Jim's car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, Step out of the car says the cop, I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test. I can't , Jim responds You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack. Alright, says the cop, then you're going to have to take a blood test. Can't do that either, Jim responds, I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death. Ok, the cop answers then I will need a u**... sample. Sorry, says Jim I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low. Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me. Can't do that either responds Jim. Why not? Demanded the exasperated cop. Well, because I'm drunk!
My wife and I caught our teenage son with w**... so we decided to play good cop bad cop
I shot him in the back while she just looked the other way
Mickey's Yellow Snow Dilemma...
Mickey was angry because somebody was writing "Mickey s**..." in yellow snow outside of his front door every time it snowed. He ended up going to his friend who was a cop to ask for help. The cop checked it out and took some photos and samples. A couple of days later the cop came back to Mickey:
"Well, the good news is we've figured out that the u**... came from your friend, Goofy. The bad news - it's Minnie's handwriting..."
On the Duck Dynasty Outrage,....
It's such a double standard.
When a white guy acts bad on TV, people rush to A&E and demand the show is cancelled.
When a black guy acts bad on TV, you don't see people rushing to Fox demanding they cancel COPS.
A cop and a firefighter die and go to heaven.
God gives them each some wings, with a warning that if they have even one bad thought, they'll lose their wings.
A little while goes by. The cop and firefighter are checking out heaven together. Then, a smoking hot girl walks by. The firefighter's wings fall off.
The firefighter bends over to pick up his wings, and the cop's wings fall off.
You know one the main reasons Jeffrey d**... got caught was because his freezer stopped working and the smell became so bad the neighbors were complaining.
The cops came to his door and said "We heard you were keeping a bunch of spoiled brats in here"
A Korean immigrant was beaten up by police after they asked for his name and registration papers during a routine traffic stop.
"I never have received seen such bad behaviour by cops" said Mr Fuuk Yu.
An accountant is having a bad day
Everything is going wrong, his marriage is going down the tubes, he is about to lose his job, he steps out and looks down
Guy on the street calls the cops and says "Come quick! There's an accountant on the ledger!"
A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop. The cop walked up to her window and asked, "Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?" The blonde said, "I'm sorry sir, but wherever I go, there's always a tree in front of me and I can't seem to get away from it!" The cop looked at her and said, "Ma'am, that's your air freshener!"
My buddy Jacob is a bad driver
So Jacob got in a bad wreck. His car was totaled. The other car was totaled. He stepped out of his car and went to check on the other driver. He was fine.
Jacob said, "this is a miracle. Look at how bad our cars are and we are totally unscathed. Even still. I have this bottle of wine in my backseat which it still unbroken. This surely is a sign. We should toast"
The other man agreed, it was a sign and a toast was in order. So Jacob popped the cork and the other man took a big swig and passed the bottle back. And my buddy Jacob said, "no thanks. I'll wait for the cops to show up first"
Monkey Business
Cop shows up to a bad car wreck.
Car flipped over, family of four dead.
Cop sees a monkey hopping around trying to get his attention.
He asks the monkey, "Were you in this wreck with the family?"
Monkey shakes his head yes.
Cop asks, "What were the two kids doing at the time?"
Monkey pretends he's fighting with someone.
Cop says, "Ah, kids were fighting. And what was the mother doing?"
Monkey looks over his shoulder pretending to be yelling.
Cop goes, "Ah, yelling at the kids. And what was the father doing?"
Monkey pretends he's drinking.
Cop goes, "I see, he was drinking, hmm."
The cop gets up and is about to walk away, then turns to the monkey and says, "By the way, while all this was going on, what were you doing?"
Monkey pretends he's driving.
A Spanish Joke - Translated
Jim's car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over.
Step out of the car says the cop, I am going to need you to take a Breathalyzer test.
I can't , Jim responds You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.
Alright, says the cop, then you're going to have to take a blood test.
Can't do that either, Jim responds, I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death.
Ok, the cop answers then I will need a u**... sample.
Sorry, says Jim I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low.
Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me.
Can't do that either responds Jim.
Why not? Demanded the exasperated cop.
Well, because I'm drunk!
Edit 1: Formatting
Tell me if I translated this properly!
It's Fathers Day At Kindergarten And All the Kids Are Supposed To Make Cards... (Fixed)
...by drawing a picture of their father at work.
Teacher asks, "Logan, what does your father do?"
"My dad's a cop. I'm gonna draw him catching a bad guy."
Then the teacher asks, "Briei, what does your father do?"
Briei says, "My dad's a writer. I'm going to draw him with his new book."
Teacher gets to Little Johnny. "And what does your father do, Johnny?" The teacher looks at the card and is surprised to see it's a picture of a man stripping at a gay bar! Knowing better the teacher asks why he lied Little Johnny says, "My dad's the quarterback for The Vikings but i'm too embarrassed to tell that..."
The teacher faints.
Cops
The LAPD, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten black bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay, okay, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit."