Bad Cook Jokes
48 bad cook jokes and hilarious bad cook puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bad cook that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Bad Cook Short Jokes
Short bad cook jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bad cook humour may include short cooker jokes also.
- I keep having bad dreams about an ancient Egyptian mummy attacking me while I'm cooking. I call them my... Rameses kitchen nightmares.
- My Wife's cooking is so bad If you left Dental Floss in the kitchen
The Roaches would hang themselves! - What does a one night stand and cooking bad Chinese food have in common? Both end in a wok of shame
- I had a roommate in college who was such a bad cook, his mac and cheese caught fire. What a flaming casserole!
- I wish my family wouldn't go on about how bad my cooking is... ..because everytime I make dinner, they just keep bringing it up.
- My wife had to cook to the first time the other day. The food smells so bad, that all the flies in the neighborhood pitched in and bought us a screen door so they couldn't get back in.
- Researchers today said food cooked too long that turns to black produces high levels of acrylamide, a cancer risk. And I just thought my wife was a bad cook.
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Bad Cook One Liners
Which bad cook one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bad cook? I can suggest the ones about line cook and bad food.
- My girlfriend's such a bad cook, she uses the smoke alarm as a timer.
- I'm not saying I'm a bad cook. But how long does pasta stay in the toaster?
- What do you call a badly cooked piece of meat? A misteak
- Saying grace My wife's cooking is so bad we pray after the meal
- Why was the surfer such a bad cook? All he could handle was the microwave
- Why are psychic bad chefs? They cook everything medium rare.
- My wife's cooking is so bad.... We pray to God after the meal
- My wife's cooking is so bad… … we pray after we eat.
- Yo mama cooking so bad, the flies chipped for a screen door!
- My wife is such a bad cook, the flies chipped in to fix the screens.
- My favorite cooking show is..... BREAKING BAD.
- You know what they say about bad cooking... You've gotta take it with a grain of salt
- My wife is such a bad cook... that our pets beg for Tums!
Comical & Quirky Bad Cook Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about bad cook you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fry cook jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bad cook pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Caught by a local tribe.
A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now we've caught you and we're going to kill you. We will put you in a p**..., cook you, eat you and then we're going to use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you can choose how to die."
The Frenchman says, "I take ze sword." The chief gives him a sword, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and runs himself through.
The Englishman says, "a p**... for me please." The chief gives him a p**..., the Englishman points it at his head and says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork!" The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over--the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There is blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled and asks, "My God, what are you doing?"
And the New Yorker responds, "So much for your canoe you s**... cannibal!
(my dad told me this one)
Bad memory
An old man walks into a bar, sits down, and starts crying.
The bartender asks, "Whats wrong?" The old man looks at the bartender through
Teary eyes and between sobs says," I married a beautiful woman two days ago. Shes a natural blonde, twenty-five, intelligent, a marvelous cook, a meticulous housekeeper,
Extremely sensitive to my wants and needs, very giving, my best friend, and intensely passionate in bed. "
The bartender stares at the old man for a brief moment and says, "But that sounds great! You have what every man wants in a woman, so why are crying?"
The old man looks at the bartender and says, "I cant remember where I live!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Please no daddy
"No daddy, please no, daddy, I'm begging you, please don't make me put it in my mouth and s**... it again, it will make me sick like it did before."
"Come on sweetheart, its not that bad. Your mum's cooking has improved a little bit."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two cannibals are chatting
and the first cannibal says "I killed and ate a m**... yesterday, but I think he gave me an upset stomach."
The second cannibal says "That's too bad. How'd you cook him?"
The first cannibal says "Oh, I threw him in the giant p**... of boiling water like always."
The second cannibal says "Makes sense. And what did he look like?"
The first cannibal says "The usual. Brown robe, rope belt, sandals."
And the second cannibal says "Well there's your problem. You boiled him, and he was a friar."
Annual Snail Racing Day
It was annual snail racing day and so, all the snails elected Snail B to judge while Snails J, P and O help set up the course. All the other snails then got into their designated soapbox cars, which were painted with their letter.
Snail B yelled out four beeps, and on the last and higher pitched beep, all the snails started racing.
At one point of the race, Snail S's car hit a bump and flew off the track, with him in it. Snail S landed several feet away from his car, badly bruised, and called for help, but no one heard, for all his other snail friends were either racing or waiting at the finish line. After several tense moments, Snail S was picked up, but only to be cooked and eaten.
At the end of the race, Snail X came first, with Snail K second and Snail W third. After all the snails had crossed the finish line, everyone looked around and asked, "Where did the S car go?"
Old man's wife has hearing problems
An old man goes to his doctor.
Old man: Hey Doc, my wife's hearing is becoming terrible, is there anything you can give me to help her out?
Doc: Well, how bad is it?
Old Man: We rarely talk any more, Doc, and I love her more than anything.
Doc: Try the distance test. When you get home, Call her name and if she doesn't hear you, get closer and closer until she does. This will give me a good sense of how bad her hearing actually is.
Old Man: Okay, thanks Doc. See you soon.
So, the Old Man goes home, opens his front door and shouts "EDNA?! WHAT'S FOR DINNER?!"
Nothing.
He walks through his hall and once more shouts "EDNA?! WHAT'S FOR DINNER?!"
Nothing.
He walks to the door to his kitchen and sees his dearest wife over the oven cooking dinner. "EDNA?! WHAT'S FOR DINNER?!"
Nothing.
Frustrated, the Old Man walks right up to his wife and shouts in her ear "EDNA?! WHAT'S FOR DINNER?!".
"FOR THE FOURTH TIME, CHICKEN!"
A Bosnian Joke
Mujo is the husband.
Fata is the wife.
Fata has to go to the doctor.
After an hour the doctor comes out of the room and starts a conversation with Mujo.
Doctor: Mujo, I have some bad news... Fata doesn't look so good...
Mujo: I know Doctor... but She cooks, cleans and takes care of the kids!
Hope you guys enjoyed this joke, I did.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm glad my mom is such a bad cook
If my date can eat her meatloaf with a smile, I know they'll s**... anything.
Don't know how to cook
I don't really know how to cook, so I just end up eating frozen food. I usually get some turkey and store it in the freezer for the next day. However, one day I've heard about the dangers of eating frozen food and how it badly affects my health, it was at this moment that I realized that I had to quit cold turkey.
A guy sits next to a blind man in a bar.
"have you always been blind" he asked.
"oh no, i had a really bad fever one day. It was so bad that you could cook eggs on my forehead."
"So the fever made you go blind?"
"no the eggs went into my eyes."
I went up to a homeless man sitting on a bench in the town centre today with a cup of coffee for him.
I sat next to him and asked how he'd got in this position. He said to me "You know, three weeks ago I had it all, my own accomodation, a cook, good food, the internet,TV, I used to go to the gym,to the swimming pool, the library, everything" I replied, "Blimey, that's a bit rough, what happened, bad luck, divorce,drugs,alcohol problems"? He said "Na, I got released from prison"
A Chinese man visits the doctor
His hands are covered in severe burns from a cooking accident.
The man says, "I know it's bad, doctor, but how bad is it?"
The doctor replies, "I'm afraid you'll never wok again."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I hit Chewbacca with my car, and killed him. I feel bad, but I didn't want the meat to go to waste, so I cooked it.
It was chewy.
a man dies and goes to heaven.
he arrives at the gate of heaven and sees 60 people baking stuff. some whisking eggs and some mixing batter. he is confused so before he goes in he asked the gatekeeper; why are those people cooking instead of enjoying heaven? the gatekeeper replies; well they have bad karma from their time on earth the man says; what does cooking have to do anything? the gatekeeper says; well those people are baking cakes, and everyone knows that the best way to get good karma is with cake
I'm cannot stand to live with my flatmate anymore
She doesnt clean the flat, she doesn't cook and she basically just uses me for free rides.
I'm want to move so badly but my boyfriend says "we can't abandon our daughter."
