Bad Cat Jokes

49 bad cat jokes and hilarious bad cat puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bad cat that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Bad Cat Short Jokes

Short bad cat jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bad cat humour may include short bad pet jokes also.

  1. Schrodinger is waiting in a veterinary hospital for news on his cat... The nurse comes in and says
    "Sir,, I have good news and bad news."
  2. I don't know why so many people thought Cats was a bad movie. They played it on my flight home and there were only two walkouts.
  3. So, Schrödinger walks into a vet with his cat. The nurse takes the cat, goes into the room, and comes out 10 minutes later. "Sir, we have good news and bad news."
  4. What do we want?! "what do we want?!"
    "Really bad cat jokes"
    "When do we want it?!"
  5. What did the vet say when Schrodinger went to pick up his cat? "I have good news and bad news..."
  6. "Tell me doctor, is my cat okay?" "Well Dr. Schrödinger, I have good news and bad news..."
  7. I ran over my neighbor's cat the ither day.. And I felt really bad about it so I told her that I will replace her cat. She said "that's all well and good but how are you at catching mice?"
  8. A man got home from his walk and his wife said: Thank god you got home safe it's raining cats and dogs!!! The man: It's not raining that bad I didn't even step in any poodles
  9. The weather is so bad today, it's raining cats and dogs Maybe a PetSmart blimp wasn't such a good idea after all
  10. Curiosity killed the cat And if that's not bad enough, my daughter's crying is so loud I can't think of a new name for the lawnmower!

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Bad Cat One Liners

Which bad cat one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bad cat? I can suggest the ones about fat cat and dead cat.

  1. Schrodinger took his cat to the vet. The vet said, I have good news and bad news.
  2. I feel bad for Schrodinger's cat But at the same time I don't
  3. My Cat's name in Minton when he misbehaves, he is Bad Minton
  4. When is it bad luck to have a black cat follow you? When you are a mouse.
  5. Why are cats so bad at video games? Because they can only press paws.
  6. Where do bad cats go when they die? Purrrrrrgatory
  7. When does a black cat bring bad luck? When you're a mouse!
  8. I have a cat called Minton ... Whenever he eats a shuttlecock I say "Bad, Minton!"
  9. Why are cats, bad storytellers? Because they only have one tale.
  10. Q: When is it a bad time to cross a black cat? A: When you're a mouse!
  11. Why Are Cats Bad Debaters? Because they're always pussyfooting!
  12. I saw a poor cat down the street So I felt bad and gave it two dollars

Hilarious Bad Cat Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about bad cat you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean crazy cat jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bad cat pranks.

A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game.
For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.
When the day of the game arrived.
Everything went quite well.
As the National Anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up Nuts", and the patients complied by standing up.
After the anthem, he yelled, "Down Nuts", and they all sat back down in their seats.
After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled, "Cheer Nuts."
They all broke out into applause and cheered.
When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team, the Doctor yelled, "Booooo Nuts" and they all started booing and cat calling.
Comfortable with their response, the doctor decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge.
When he turned, there was a riot in progress.
Finding his tizzied assistant, the doctor asked, "What in the world happened?"
The assistant replied, "Well everything was going just fine until this guy walked by and yelled, 'peanuts'".

Two brothers lived together

with their grandmother and her cat. The first brother went on a business trip, and when he arrived at his destination, he checked into his hotel, and called his brother at home. "I made it safe and sound" he said. "How is everything?"
"Bad" said the second brother. "The cat is dead."
"WHAT?!? How could you be so insensitive to tell me like that?" The first brother exclaimed. "You could have broken it to me slowly by saying the cat is on the roof, but you've called the fire department and they were trying to get her down. Later you could have called me and told me that the fire department got the cat down but she has a broken leg, so you are taking her to the veterinarian. Tomorrow you could have called me and told me despite the veterinarian's best efforts, the cat died."
"Sorry", said the second brother. "I'll remember that next time."
"Good", said the first brother. "By the way, how is Grandma?"
The second brother replied, "Oh, Grandma is on the roof."

The wife is away on business for a week...

... and she calls her husband.
"How's everything?" she says.
"The cat's dead." replies the husband.
"My god, that's awful! Why did you just blurt it out like that?"
"Well how would you want me to tell you?"
"I don't know, break it to me gently, say 'I have some bad news dear, the cat got up in a tree, and he couldn't get down, and unfortunately...' something like that.".
Fair enough, says the husband.
A couple of days later she phones again.
"How's everything?" she says.
"Well, your mother got up in a tree..."

Little Johnny had a bad day.

He stomped home from school to the family farm. Being an annoying little kid, he saw the farm animals and decided to take out a little frustration on them, so he yelled at the pig, chased the chickens around, and kicked in a pumpkin from the pumpkin patch. Finally, he made it to the house. His mom was waiting and furious.
"Johnny, I saw you just did and you're in big trouble! For abusing the poor pig and chickens, you don't get sausage or wings tonight. And no pumpkin pie, either!"
Just then, the two of them saw Johnny's dad came back from a day in the fields. He walked to the porch, where the cat is sleeping peacefully in the sun. He irritably kicked the cat out of the way to make it to the door. Johnny turns to his mom with a big grin and says,
"Shall you tell him, or shall I?"

So, a travelling salesman walks up to a woman's house...

The woman is in a bad mood, but answers the door anyway. Seeing that the salesman has nothing of interest to her, she shuts the door. However, the door does not shut all the way and bounces back open. She thinks that the salesman was sticking his foot in the doorway to prevent her from closing the door. She was not in the mood for that and decides to slam the door on his foot to drive him off. The door bounces back open. Getting really frustrated, she grabs the door and prepares to give it a huge slam. Before she slams however, the salesman says, "Ma'am, before you do that, I would advise moving your cat."

Schrodinger's f**...

Apparently Schrodinger had a lousy sense of smell.
Only way he could tell if the f**... smelled bad, was if he did it into a box with a cat.

There was a guy who was terrible at naming thing ...

His dog was named dog, his cat was named cat and so on. One day, the man's sister was having twins and in a long family tradition, the babies uncle had to chose the names. Absolutely mortified, the twin girl and boy were born and it was time;
What did you choose for the girl?
Oh man, that's not so bad. What did you choose for the boy?

A really bad joke I made long time ago that I still remember

What did the buck say to his wife when he tried to convince her that he wasn't a cat?
"I'm not kitten, deer."

Why are cat's carvings expensive?

Because they start from scratch
I'm bad at this aren't I

My poor cat

My poor cat got a really bad wound while he was out hunting. I took him to the vet to have his wound caterized.

So I have 2 cats, 1 black and 1 white so being the normie I am I named them salt and pepper

A few years past and pepper has sadly pasted away,
I guess black cats do bring bad luck

When my wife came home from work, I said, "Sit down, I've got some bad news. The cat's torn your budgie to pieces."

She replied with tears in her eyes, "We don't have a cat." I said, "I know, I had to borrow one."

Kevin and Jake had fallen on bad days. Finally, they resorted to theft.

They decided to break into a millionaire's house the following night. Inside the house, Jake accidentally dropped a goblet, which shattered. The noise woke someone up. "Who's there?" the voice demanded. Jake had the presence of mind to reply "meow." After grabbing his fill, Jake slipped out into the darkness, but Kevin was not satisfied. He wanted more. As Kevin searches for more loot, he accidentally knocks a chair over. The voice demanded once again, "Who's there?" "This is another cat," replied Kevin.

I was out mowing my lawn...

I was out mowing my lawn. When I had to stop and refill the mower with gasoline.
The gas can broke and spilled gasoline into a puddle. I went to get some absorbent to clean up the mess but found the local stray cat had lapped up all that spilled gasoline.
I tried catch it, but it went racing around the block, then back into my yard and right up my tallest tree. Then fell right off the top of the tree.
Feeling bad I took the cat to the vet, the doctor gave the cat an exam and I finally asked, "Is the cat alright?"
The doctor replied, "the cat is fine, it just ran out of gas."

My brothers cat

I was looking after my brothers cat when he called me to see how she was.
Me: She's dead.
Brother: o**..., you don't break bad news like that!
Me: How, then?
Brother: You say that you're afraid you have bad news. Your cat escaped outside, and chased a possum up onto the roof. Unfortunately, the cat fell, and while you did everything you could, the cat couldn't be saved.
Me: I understand, my apologies.
Brother: Anyway, hows Mum doing?
Me: Well, she was up on the roof, chasing a possum...

jokes about bad cat