Bad Boss Jokes
28 bad boss jokes and hilarious bad boss puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bad boss that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Bad Boss Short Jokes
Short bad boss jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bad boss humour may include short employee boss jokes also.
- Boss, I have good news and bad news Whats the bad news?
Im retiring today
Whats the good news?
Im retiring today - My dad got carpal tunnel syndrome from being on a keyboard in an office all day. It got so bad his boss made him get rid of the piano.
- My boss told us that a customer complained about an employee with bad posture. I have hunch it was me.
- "Time is an arbitrary concept" is apparently a bad way to explain to your boss why you missed the project deadline
- Why hiring foreign workers can be bad... Boss: Where were you born?
Woman: Germany
Boss: Really? Which part?
Woman: what you mean which part? Whole body born in Germany! - 'Your boss wants you,' said my coworker. Well, he couldn't want me that badly, because I've just been fired.
- I can't get into Breaking Bad because I have trouble remembering all the little facts. For example: the name of Walter's boss at the car wash. I just need to stop getting Bogdan in the details.
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Bad Boss One Liners
Which bad boss one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bad boss? I can suggest the ones about bad teacher and bad office.
- I got called into my boss's office for a bad billboard I created It wasn't a good sign
- Bad pick-up line Hey girl I'm like a final boss. I'm hard and I want you to beat me.
Uproarious Bad Boss Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about bad boss you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bad boyfriend jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bad boss pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The boss of a small company has two employees, Jack and Jill…
Just recently the company has been doing badly, so the boss decides one of them must go.
Arriving at his office on Monday, the first person he sees is Jill, so he asks her to step into his office and explains his dilemma.
"Look Jill, I'm afraid I'm going to have to lay you or j**...."
Jill replies, "You'll have to j**... then, 'cause I've got a headache."
Do you work on weekends?
My boss just asked, "Do you think you can come in on Saturday this week? I know you enjoy your weekends, but I need you here."
I replied, "Yeah, no problem. I'll probably be late though as the public transport is bad on weekends."
He said, "Okay, when do you think you'll get here then?"
I said, "Monday."
A man is called in to his bosses office
The boss says, "I have some good news and some bad news. Which do you want first?"
The man says, "What's the good news?"
The boss replies, "OSHA is naming a new safety regulation after you."
The boss approaches the new employee...
...and tells him to sweep the office.
"I'm sorry but I went to Harvard" the employee replies
The boss responds "Oh, my bad. In this case I have to show you how to do this"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
People are shocked that a company fired a woman because of her bad figure.
But in their defense, it was *Figure 2.7: why my boss is an idiot.*
My boss came into the store yesterday
I was working alone and there were at least 5 people in there. That is when my boss walked in, clearly in a bad mood. He walked right up to me and said, "You're fired!" I couldn't believe it, and in the middle of a rush. I immediately paused Netflix and asked, "Why?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bad boss
My friend Monica confided in me today:
My boss is a horrible man. He says awful things to me.
If he does not take back his words,
seriously, I will pack my s**... and I will get the h**... out from there.
So I asked: What did he tell you?
She answer:
He told me that I have to pack my s**... and get the h**... out from there.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I have a problem with crippling procrastination.
The boss told me to bust a guy's kneecaps weeks ago, but here I am making bad jokes for internet strangers.
A small grocery store had just installed some new juice machines,
And everybody who worked there was excited about who would be chosen to run them. One employee in particular, a grocery bagger, was determined to get the job. He went to the manager and made his case, telling his boss how excited he was about the new juicers, and how badly he wanted to be the one chosen to run them. His boss turned him down.
"But why?" protested the hapless young man.
"Son," replied his boss, "Everybody knows that baggers can't be juicers."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Carl is always really cranky in the morning...
"Carl, you should really do something about your bad mood," Says his boss, as Carl enters office with a long face once again.
"I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do about it, boss."
"You know how I prevent this?" Answers his boss, "I make sure to have s**... with my wife every time before I go to work. It's a great way to start off the day. Perhaps you should try this yourself."
The next day Carl enters office, he seems very upbeat.
"Good day Carl, I see you're doing much better. Did you take my advice?" says his boss.
"I'm glad I did, boss! It really helped," answers Carl. "By the way, I didn't know you lived in such a nice place!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A board boy sitting in restaurant and taking drinks.
Oneday, Jimmy was bored sitting in a restaurant in front of a Pepsi bottle.
Just later his friend Jekko came and drink the Pepsi.
He said, hello you so board, why?
Jimmy said, bad luck today. In the morning my girlfriend broke relationship with me unknown reason.
My car faces unknown problem, that's why I reached office late.
That's why my boss fired me from the job.
The whole I'm frustated and decided to s**... and mixed poison in the bottle of Pepsi.
It's so bad luck that you drink the whole Pepsi.
The day is really bad for me that I can't take the poison.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Taking a sick day
An employee walks in to his boss's office and tells him he has an upset stomach and a really bad headache. He then asks his boss what he should do. His boss says, "When I get to feeling really sick like that, I go home, lay down, have s**... with my wife, then sleep the day away. I always awake feeling much better the next day."
The employee shows up the next day bright eyed and bushy tailed, walks in to his boss's office and said "Gee boss, that worked really well! I feel loads better! Nice house by the way..."
Reasons to allow drinking at work
1. It's an incentive to show up.
2. It reduces stress
3. It leads to more honest communications.
4. It reduces complaints about low pay.
5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.
6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.
7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.
8. It encourages carpooling.
9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care.
10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
11. It makes fellow employees look better.
12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they have had a couple of drinks.
14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
And you thought you were having a bad day . . .
There was this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. He didn't move for a half-an-hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver stepped up right next to him, took the drink from the guy, and just drank it all down. The poor man started crying.
The truck driver turned and said: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man crying."
"No, it's not that. Today is the worst day of my life. First, I overslept and was late for an important meeting. My boss became outraged and then fired me. When I left the building to go to my car, I found out that it was stolen. The police said they could do nothing. I then got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my wallet in the cab. I got home only to find my wife was in bed with the gardener. I left home depressed and came to this bar. And now, when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, YOU show up and drink the poison."
A Bad Day (Clean)
A man is sitting in a bar staring at his drink.
After staring at it for half an hour without taking a sip, one of the bar regulars decides to have some fun with him.
He picks up the man's drink and knocks it back in one. The man starts crying.
"Don't take it like that," says the regular. "It was a joke. I'll buy you another one."
"It's not just that," replies the man. "This day has been the worst one of my life. First, I oversleep and get into work late. My boss fires me and, when I leave the building, I find my car had been stolen. I get a cab home but leave my briefcase on the back seat with my wallet in it. Then, when I get home, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. After all that I come to this bar and then, when I've just made up my mind to end it all, you show up and drink my poison"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So the boss wants to fire one of his employees...
When his company fell on hard times, the boss realized that he'd have to lay off one of his two middle managers. As both Jack and Liz were equally honest and dedicated to their jobs, he was unable to decide which one to fire. To resolve his dilemma, the boss arbitrarily decided that the first to leave his or her desk the next morning would be the one to get the ax. The next morning found Liz at her desk, rubbing her temples. Asking Jack for some aspirin, she headed for the water fountain and that's where the boss caught up with her. "I've got some bad news for you, Liz," he said. "I've got to lay you or j**...." "j**...," she snapped. "I have a headache."
Really bad day
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."