The Best 48 Bacteria Jokes

Following is our collection of Bacteria jokes which are very funny. There are some bacteria bacterium jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these bacteria immunity puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Bacteria Jokes and Puns

I just found bacteria growing on my chocolate bar.

I guess there is life on Mars after all.

Why is bacteria so bad at math?

...It multiplies by dividing!

Why do bacteria congregate in public places?

It's a part of their culture.

How bacteria stay in contact while they're in jail?

They exchange cell numbers.

Yo mama's like bacteria

...she procreates every 30 minutes and causes diseases.

(Just came in my mind a few moments ago)

I have invented a kitchen cleaner that kills 0.1% of bacteria.

I plan to sell the secret to Dettol.

What happens to a bacteria when he travels from his home colony to another?

He experiences culture shock.

One hundred bacteria walk into a bar...

of soap and get eradicated. There is only one survivor.

German scientists have discovered a new drug, derived from the bacteria *Adolfus hitlerii*, which will be applied to people with ADD.

Its ad campaign will carry the slogan "It helps Jew concentrate"

How do bacteria start a cult?

They use a start a cult-ure

Where do bacteria like to vacation?


You can explore bacteria bacterial reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean bacteria organisms dad jokes. There are also bacteria puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

What do stoners and bacteria have in common?

Neither are considered intelligent life forms.

Two bacteria walk into a bar

Two bacteria walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "We don't serve bacteria here."

And the bacteria says,
*"But we work here. We're staph."*

A Bacteria walks into a bar...

A bacteria walks into a bar and goes to walk into the kitchen. The bartender stops him and says, "hey, you're not allowed in there". the bacteria replies, "no, it's ok, I'm staff."

What do you call bacteria that can swim fast?

Micro Phelps.

Why did the ambassador have extra resistance to harmful foreign bacteria?

He had diplomatic immunity.

What do you call it when you are studying bacteria and someone steals your sample?

Cultural appropriation.

Why did the patient take his medication at 6:00pm when the doctor said to take it at 9:00pm?

He wanted to surprise the bacteria!

What country do bacteria like the most?


Why are bacteria better than viruses?

Because viruses don't have culture

You should know much bacteria is on raw meat.

Lives are at steak.


The only culture some people have.

My friend told me he hated blue cheese because it's literally just cheese with bacteria.

I told him to stop discriminating against other cultures.

Free Sex

So this girl came up to me and she said she would have sex with me and all I had to do was advertise some cleaner, but I didn't, because my will is strong, just as strong as Lysol cleaner with bleach. Perfect for killing bacteria in the kitchen, bathroom, and all over the house.

Who do you call when the church has bacteria?

Pasteur Louis

Let's take a moment of silence...

To thank all of those bacteria that patiently obey the five second rule.

What do you call bacteria that likes to party?

A fungi

How many bacteria does it take to change a light bulb?


No, two. Actually, four.

No! Eight. No, sixteen. Oh God. Thirty-two. Nope, Sixty-four. No...

New technology uses bacteria to power a laptop

I guess you could say the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the dell

What do you call a non-amateur live bacteria?

A Pro-Biotic

I rub bacteria on peoples faces to make cool patterns of acne.

I Guess you could call me a breakout artist.

The bacteria on U2's guitar player are total badasses.

They are living on The Edge.

Did you hear about the biologist who grew a new bacteria that affected all races equally?

It was a PC culture.

A bacteria mom, once, took her infected son to the doctor.

The doctor said, "He's going through a phage..."

Yo momma is so fat...

When the doctors told her she had flesh-eating bacteria they gave her 10 years to live

Scientists recently found a type of gut bacteria that can survive in deep space...

They're now going to use them in a mission to colonize Mars.

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?


Doctor: Why did you take your medicine before the prescribed time?

Patient: Because I wanted to surprise the bacteria.

What do you call a friendly bacteria?

A Brocoli

Doctor : Why did you take your antibiotic at 6am, when I told you 9am

Me : I wanted to surprise the bacteria.

I can't believe that in 2019 viruses and bacteria can still just invade my body whenever they want

It makes me sick

I can't believe all these viruses and bacteria invade my body without permission

Makes me sick

I hate when bacteria gets into me without me knowing

It makes me sick!

My favorite jokes are about bacteria.

They're no-brainers.

What do you call a scientist who works with bacteria?

A man of culture.

Tetanus isn't actually caused by rusty objects, but by bacteria in dirt, which we often associate with rusty nails and tools that can introduce the bacteria through wounds.

This is why tetanus vaccines are so important. For anti-vaxxers, that truth could be hard to swallow.

Any appreciation for lockjaw puns?

A bacteria walked into a bar and was told by the bartender, "We don't serve bacteria here."

The bacteria said, "But I work here -- I'm staph."


A dad joke my science teacher told me a long time ago:

Why are bacteria so bad at math?

Because they multiply by dividing.

RIP Miss Henn. Miss her lots.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the bacteria curium jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working bacteria daleks piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes