Bacteria Jokes
74 bacteria jokes and hilarious bacteria puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bacteria that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Need a laugh? Check out the best bacteria jokes! From cartoons about germs to populations of bacteria, we've got a selection of jokes that will have you in stitches! Enjoy a bit of fun and humor from the microscopic world!
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Funniest Bacteria Short Jokes
Short bacteria jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bacteria humour may include short fungi jokes also.
- A dad joke my science teacher told me a long time ago: Why are bacteria so bad at math?
Because they multiply by dividing.
RIP Miss Henn. Miss her lots. - Two bacteria walk into a bar Two bacteria walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "We don't serve bacteria here."
And the bacteria says,
*"But we work here. We're staph."* - My friend told me he hated blue cheese because it's literally just cheese with bacteria. I told him to stop discriminating against other cultures.
- I just found bacteria growing on my chocolate bar. I guess there is life on Mars after all.
- 5 second rule. If it hasnt been 5 seconds no bacteria has been transferred. So stop complaining ladies you could have gotten chlamydia.
- New technology uses bacteria to power a laptop I guess you could say the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the dell
- A bacteria walked into a bar and was told by the bartender, "We don't serve bacteria here." The bacteria said, "But I work here -- I'm staph."
cr - What happens to a bacteria when he travels from his home colony to another? He experiences culture shock.
- I can't believe all these viruses and bacteria invade my body without permission Makes me sick
- Yo momma is so fat... When the doctors told her she had flesh-eating bacteria they gave her 10 years to live
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Bacteria One Liners
Which bacteria one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bacteria? I can suggest the ones about germs and virus.
- Why is bacteria so bad at math? ...It multiplies by dividing!
- I hate when bacteria gets into me without me knowing It makes me sick!
- Why are bacteria better than viruses? Because viruses don't have culture
- What do you call a scientist who works with bacteria? A man of culture.
- Where do bacteria like to vacation? Germany
- How bacteria stay in contact while they're in jail? They exchange cell numbers.
- How do you talk with bacteria? By cellphone.
- My favorite jokes are about bacteria. They're no-brainers.
- Bacteria The only culture some people have.
- What country do bacteria like the most? Germany.
- Why do bacteria congregate in public places? It's a part of their culture.
- What do you call bacteria that likes to party? A fungi
- What do you call bacteria that can swim fast? Micro Phelps.
- What's the name of E. coli bacteria's sibling? Bro coli
- You should know much bacteria is on raw meat. Lives are at steak.
Quirky and Hilarious Bacteria Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about bacteria you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean algae jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bacteria pranks.
Yo mama's like bacteria
...she procreates every 30 minutes and causes diseases.
(Just came in my mind a few moments ago)
I have invented a kitchen cleaner that kills 0.1% of bacteria.
I plan to sell the secret to Dettol.
One hundred bacteria walk into a bar...
of soap and get eradicated. There is only one survivor.
German scientists have discovered a new drug, derived from the bacteria *Adolfus hitlerii*, which will be applied to people with ADD.
Its ad campaign will carry the slogan "It helps Jew concentrate"
How do bacteria start a cult?
They use a start a cult-ure
What do stoners and bacteria have in common?
Neither are considered intelligent life forms.
After years of working in a hospital, I've become a bit of a germaphobe.
I just do NOT believe that Bacteria should have the right to get married.
A Bacteria walks into a bar...
A bacteria walks into a bar and goes to walk into the kitchen. The bartender stops him and says, "hey, you're not allowed in there". the bacteria replies, "no, it's ok, I'm staff."
What do you call a group of Chlamydia bacteria?
An applause....
Why did the ambassador have extra resistance to harmful foreign bacteria?
He had diplomatic immunity.
What do you call it when you are studying bacteria and someone steals your sample?
Cultural appropriation.
What did the virus say to the bacteria?
Looks like our pathogens have crossed.
Why did the patient take his medication at 6:00pm when the doctor said to take it at 9:00pm?
He wanted to surprise the bacteria!
Yo' mama so fat--
Bacterias can't leave her body due to her gravitational force.
Free s**...
So this girl came up to me and she said she would have s**... with me and all I had to do was advertise some cleaner, but I didn't, because my will is strong, just as strong as Lysol cleaner with bleach. Perfect for killing bacteria in the kitchen, bathroom, and all over the house.
Who do you call when the church has bacteria?
Pasteur Louis
Let's take a moment of silence...
To thank all of those bacteria that patiently obey the five second rule.
How many bacteria does it take to change a light bulb?
One.
No, two. Actually, four.
No! Eight. No, sixteen. Oh God. Thirty-two. Nope, Sixty-four. No...
What do you call a non-amateur live bacteria?
A Pro-Biotic
I rub bacteria on peoples faces to make cool patterns of acne.
I Guess you could call me a breakout artist.
The bacteria on U2's guitar player are total badasses.
They are living on The Edge.
Did you hear about the biologist who grew a new bacteria that affected all races equally?
It was a PC culture.
A bacteria mom, once, took her infected son to the doctor.
The doctor said, "He's going through a phage..."
Scientists recently found a type of gut bacteria that can survive in deep space...
They're now going to use them in a mission to colonize Mars.
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
Bacteria
Doctor: Why did you take your medicine before the prescribed time?
Patient: Because I wanted to surprise the bacteria.
What do you call a friendly bacteria?
A Brocoli
I can't believe that in 2019 viruses and bacteria can still just invade my body whenever they want
It makes me sick
If Colgate kills 99.9% of bacterias in mouth, what does Colgate sensitive do?
It kills 99.9% without hurting their feelings.
Tetanus isn't actually caused by rusty objects, but by bacteria in dirt, which we often associate with rusty nails and tools that can introduce the bacteria through wounds.
This is why tetanus vaccines are so important. For anti-vaxxers, that truth could be hard to s**....
Any appreciation for lockjaw puns?
The Special
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "What's the special tonight?" he asks the bartender. "It's our blue cheese bacon burger," the bartender replies. "Do you want to try one?" "Nah. I hate blue cheese," the guy replies. "I mean it's literally just cheese full of bacteria." "Hey," the bartender says, clearly offended. "You need to stop discriminating against other cultures."
A creationist told me that evolution must be wrong because it violates the second law of thermodynamics
His claim was that in order for simple organisms like bacteria to evolve into much more complex life like fish and mice and horses and gorillas and people, an enormous input of energy would be required, therefore it must be impossible.
I stayed up all night trying to think of something that would refute his claim, and then it dawned on me.
My biology teacher asked me to make a diagram of bacteria.
When he questioned why I submitted a blank piece of paper, I told him : "it only appears blank because its invisible to the n**... eye"
What does the Bacteria's recruitment agency say when it sees a fresh wound?
Hello guys, there are openings.
