Bacteria Jokes

Following is our collection of bacterial humor and bacterium one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Bacteria puns for adults, dirty organisms jokes or clean immunity gags for kids.

There is an abundance of curium jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 48 funniest jokes on bacteria. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any daleks witze you can hear about bacteria.

The Best jokes about Bacteria

Why is bacteria so bad at math?

...It multiplies by dividing!

Two bacteria walk into a bar

Two bacteria walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "We don't serve bacteria here."

And the bacteria says,
*"But we work here. We're staph."*

My friend told me he hated blue cheese because it's literally just cheese with bacteria.

I told him to stop discriminating against other cultures.

I hate when bacteria gets into me without me knowing

It makes me sick!

I just found bacteria growing on my chocolate bar.

I guess there is life on Mars after all.

New technology uses bacteria to power a laptop

I guess you could say the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the dell

Why are bacteria better than viruses?

Because viruses don't have culture

What do you call a scientist who works with bacteria?

A man of culture.

Where do bacteria like to vacation?


How bacteria stay in contact while they're in jail?

They exchange cell numbers.

What happens to a bacteria when he travels from his home colony to another?

He experiences culture shock.

I can't believe all these viruses and bacteria invade my body without permission

Makes me sick

My favorite jokes are about bacteria.

They're no-brainers.


The only culture some people have.

Yo momma is so fat...

When the doctors told her she had flesh-eating bacteria they gave her 10 years to live

What country do bacteria like the most?


Free Sex

So this girl came up to me and she said she would have sex with me and all I had to do was advertise some cleaner, but I didn't, because my will is strong, just as strong as Lysol cleaner with bleach. Perfect for killing bacteria in the kitchen, bathroom, and all over the house.

One hundred bacteria walk into a bar...

of soap and get eradicated. There is only one survivor.

A Bacteria walks into a bar...

A bacteria walks into a bar and goes to walk into the kitchen. The bartender stops him and says, "hey, you're not allowed in there". the bacteria replies, "no, it's ok, I'm staff."

Yo mama's like bacteria

...she procreates every 30 minutes and causes diseases.

(Just came in my mind a few moments ago)

Why do bacteria congregate in public places?

It's a part of their culture.

I can't believe that in 2019 viruses and bacteria can still just invade my body whenever they want

It makes me sick

German scientists have discovered a new drug, derived from the bacteria *Adolfus hitlerii*, which will be applied to people with ADD.

Its ad campaign will carry the slogan "It helps Jew concentrate"

What do you call it when you are studying bacteria and someone steals your sample?

Cultural appropriation.

I rub bacteria on peoples faces to make cool patterns of acne.

I Guess you could call me a breakout artist.

What do you call bacteria that likes to party?

A fungi

What do you call bacteria that can swim fast?

Micro Phelps.

You should know much bacteria is on raw meat.

Lives are at steak.

A bacteria mom, once, took her infected son to the doctor.

The doctor said, "He's going through a phage..."

What do stoners and bacteria have in common?

Neither are considered intelligent life forms.

Why did the ambassador have extra resistance to harmful foreign bacteria?

He had diplomatic immunity.

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?


Who do you call when the church has bacteria?

Pasteur Louis

How do bacteria start a cult?

They use a start a cult-ure

What do you call a non-amateur live bacteria?

A Pro-Biotic

What do you call a friendly bacteria?

A Brocoli

The bacteria on U2's guitar player are total badasses.

They are living on The Edge.

Did you hear about the biologist who grew a new bacteria that affected all races equally?

It was a PC culture.

Let's take a moment of silence...

To thank all of those bacteria that patiently obey the five second rule.

Why did the patient take his medication at 6:00pm when the doctor said to take it at 9:00pm?

He wanted to surprise the bacteria!

How many bacteria does it take to change a light bulb?


No, two. Actually, four.

No! Eight. No, sixteen. Oh God. Thirty-two. Nope, Sixty-four. No...

Scientists recently found a type of gut bacteria that can survive in deep space...

They're now going to use them in a mission to colonize Mars.

Doctor: Why did you take your medicine before the prescribed time?

Patient: Because I wanted to surprise the bacteria.

I have invented a kitchen cleaner that kills 0.1% of bacteria.

I plan to sell the secret to Dettol.

Doctor : Why did you take your antibiotic at 6am, when I told you 9am

Me : I wanted to surprise the bacteria.

What do you call a group of Chlamydia bacteria?

An applause....

What do you call it when a bacteria divides underwater?


Which country has the most number of bacteria, viruses, fungus and other micro-organisms?


Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes