backseat Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious backseat puns

I yelled "shotgun", long before anyone else, but I still got to sit in the backseat.

I hate cops.


"Dad, why is my sister called Paris?"

"Because we conceived her in Paris."
"Ahh, thanks Dad! "
"You're welcome, Backseat."


My wife said she wanted to have sex in the backseat of the car

and she wanted me to drive

-The late Rodney Dangerfield (1921-2004)


Dating a blonde

A blonde goes on a hot date and ends up making out with the guy in his car. The guy asks if she would like to go in the backseat.

"No!" yells the blonde.

Things get even hotter, and the guy asks again.

"For the last time, no!" says the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asks, "Well, why the hell not?"

The blonde says, "Because I wanna stay up here with you!"


A man was pulled over...

A man was pulled over, and the officer noticed a group of penguins in the backseat.

Officer: You need to take those penguins to the zoo.

Man: Ok, I will.

The next day the man was pulled over by the officer and he notices the same group of penguins in the backseat but they all had sunglasses on.

Officer: I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.

Man: I did. Today we're going to the beach.


The Dogs

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's, discussing why they were there. The first dog, a poodle, told his woeful tale.

"My owners bought the great new sports car with leather seats. They took me for a ride in it one day, and I was so excited, I couldn't help myself. I wet all over the backseat. I'm here to be put down."

The other two dogs nodded sympathetically, then the second, a Saint Bernard, explained his situation.

"A brand new Persian rug had just been placed in the lounge room, and it was very expensive. My owners made a big fuss of it, when it came. Then, once when I was in the room, I had an incredible urge to roll all over it. So I did, and ended up getting quite a bit of my fur over the mat. My owners were very annoyed, and sent me here to be put to sleep."

The other two dogs nodded, and the first dog asked the third, a German Shepard, what he was there for.

"My owner has this habit of cleaning the house in the nude, and once when she was cleaning under the sofa, I just couldn't help myself. I jumped on and had the ride of my life." The other dogs tut-tutted.

"So you're here to be put down too?" he asked. The Shepard shook his head.

"No, just to get my nails clipped!"


I'm sitting in a bar having a drink ...

... and I see man fall down. I go over and pick him up. "Bartender, do you know where this man lives? I'll give him a lift home." He tells me where he lives. I grab the guy, pull him down to the car, put him in the car, he falls into the backseat. I get to the address, pull the man out, he falls down three more times, I pick him up each time. I knock on the door, his wife answers. I say "I brought your husband home." She says "Where's his wheelchair?"


No backseat blonde

A blonde goes on a hot date and ends up making out with the guy in his car. The guy asks if she would like to go in the backseat.

"No!" yells the blonde.

Things get even hotter, and the guy asks again.

"For the last time, no!" says the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asks, "Well, why the hell not?"

The blonde says, "Because I wanna stay up here with you!"


Today I Called Shotgun...

And the cop still put me in the backseat...


I want to die in my sleep, like my grandpa did.

and not screaming like the passengers in the backseat.


Two friends at the gym

Two friends meet at the gym and are going to take a shower.

One of them notices that the other is wearing women's panties.

-Panties? what the fuck Tim?

What? It's the latest trend!

-Really? And when did that trend started?

When my wife found a pair in the backseat of my car.


A man is pulled over by police for speeding

Police 1: do you know how fast you are going?

Man: no, but I do know I am escaping a bank heist.

Police 1: Really?

Man: yes, I robbed the bank and the loot is in my car's trunk

Police 1: is that everything?

Man: no sir, I have a dead body in my backseat and a gun in my glove compartment

[Police 1 calls for backup and now the swat team approaches the man's car]

SWAT 1: I'm going to need you step outside the vehicle

[ the man steps out and the police search the car]

SWAT 1: he appears to have no gun, no stolen money, and no dead body.

Police 1: but he told me he committed those crimes...

Man: well I bet that liar told you I was speeding too!


SchrΓΆdinger is in a car...

...and gets pulled over by a cop for speeding. The cop, after writing a ticket, notices a peculiar smell and asks to check for the source. After looking under the car, glancing over at the backseat and popping the trunk, he rushes over.
Cop: "Sir! Did you know you have a dead cat in your trunk?"
SchrΓΆdinger: "I do now"


What's going on?

A policeman passes a parking lot around midnight and notices a couple in a parked car. He stops to investigate and sees a man in the driver's seat and a young lady in the backseat, quietly reading a magazine. The officer knocks on the window and asks whats going on.

"Listening to music," the guy says.

Pointing toward the lady in the backseat, the officer asks, "And what's she doing?"

"Reading a magazine, of course."

"How old are you?" asks the officer.

"I'm 28."

"And how old is she?"

The guy looks at his watch and says, "Well in 11 minutes she'll be 18."


"Dad, why is my sister called Paris?"

"Because we conceived her in Paris."

"Thanks Dad!"

"No problem, backseat."


Accidents Happen

Kids in the backseat cause accidents. Accidents in the backseat cause kids!


Children in the backseat cause accidents.

But accidents in the backseat cause children.


A police officer sees a car speeding and pulls the man over.

When he gets to the window, he sees the driver has 5 penguins in his backseat. He asks the man why he has penguins in his car. The man replies, "These are my penguins, and they belong to me. The office says, "You need to take them back to the zoo immediately."

The next day, the officer sees the same man driving down the road. He pulls him over again and sees the penguins are in his backseat again and are all wearing sunglasses. The police officer says, "I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo!"

"Oh... I did", the driver says, "And today I'm taking them to the beach."



A blonde get's in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing. She calls the police and reports a theft. When the police officer comes, he looks at the blonde who is crying and and says, "Ma''re sitting in the backseat..."


I was out driving last night, when I started feeling a little bit horny…

I picked up a hooker and did her in the backseat and really enjoyed myself, but I think I failed my driving test…


A mexican was driving his car when a police officer stopped him...

The police said: Congratulations, you are one of the 1000th drivers who is using a seatbelt.

The mexican said: Thank you so much!

Then the police asked: What are you going to do with the money?

The mexican thought for a few seconds and said: Well I was thinking about getting a drivers license!

His girlfriend then proceed to tell he police:
I'm sorry, he doesn't know what he's talking about when he's drunk.

Then the other person in the backseat said:
Fuck! We will never get away with this stolen car!

The police escorts them out and tells them they are taken into custody, then a voice comes from the trunk:


3 blondes in a car

3 blondes are in a car driving down a country road when they come across a field of tall grass and out in the grass is another blonde in a row boat trying to row. The driver seeing this exclaims: "damn it it's blondes like that who give us all a bad name."

The girl next to her says "yeah that idiot makes us all look stupid"

And the blonde in the backseat replies : "yeah if I knew how to swim I would jump out and kick her ass!"


What do you call a golf club in the rear of your car?

A backseat driver


A cop pulls over a man with 20 penguins in the backseat

He lets him off with a warning and asks him to take them to the zoo.

Next day, he again pulls him over and the penguins are still in the car.

"Didn't I tell you to take them to the zoo yesterday?! Why are you still driving them around?"

"I did take them to the zoo yesterday." says the man. "Today I am taking them to the movies."


A blonde gets in her car...

and notices that her dashboard windshield and steering wheel were missing she called the cops and reported a theft when the cops arrived she was crying in her car and the cops went up to her and said "Ma'am you are sitting in the backseat".


Son: Dad, why is my sister's name Florence?

Dad: Because we conceived her in Florence, Italy.

Son: I guess that's a nice way of naming your kids.

Dad: Yeah, Backseat, it is.


A police officer stops a car and says:

- "Congratulations, sir! You are the 1,000,000th car to drive over this bridge - you win $10,000!"

- "What will you do with that money?"

The driver gets very emotional and says,

- "First of all, I'll finally make my drivers license!"

The wife cuts in,

- "Don't listen to him, officer, he's still drunk!"

A-hard-of-hearing granny from the backseat grumbles,

- "I knew we shouldn't have taken the stolen car!"

A voice from the trunk adds,

- "Hey, are we past the border yet?"


I want to die peacefully in my sleep, just like my grandpa...

and not like the rest of the family screaming in the backseat


When you call shotgun,

but the police put you in the back-seat anyway.


An elderly woman is driving 17 mph on a highway

A cop pulls her over and says Ma'am, you should know driving too slow is as much of a risk as driving too fast.

The woman pointed to a sign and said But Officer, I was going exactly the speed limit!

The officer says That's the route number. You're on US-17. He notices another elderly woman passed out in the backseat. Who is your passenger and why is she passed out?

The woman says Oh dear, we just got off State Route 112!


A family was in their car...

Driving on the highway, when out of the car in front of them flies a large dildo. It lands with a THUMP on the windshield.

Their 5 year old daughter in the backseat asks, "What was that?!"

"Just a bug, honey," responds the mother.

The daughter looks surprised, but says "Well he sure had a big dick!"


[demetri martin] A drunk driver is very dangerous. Everybody knows that. But so is a drunk backseat driver

if he's persuasive.

"Go left."

-"Dude those are trees."

"trust me."


Driving test (Blonde)

Why did the blonde keep failing her driving test?
Every time the instructor said "let's start" she would jump to the backseat ...


A son to his dad

Son - why did you name my sister florence.
Dad - because we conceived her in florence.
Son - Thanks dad for telling me.
Dad - It's okay backseat.


I forgot my baby was in the backseat of my car and I accidentally threw my case of beer on him

He was ok though. It was light beer.


What are the most funny Backseat jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Backseat? Well, here are the best Backseat dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Backseat pick up lines to share with friends.

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