Backseat Jokes

Following is our collection of rearview humor and glovebox one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Backseat puns for adults, dirty passenger jokes or clean backseat blonde gags for kids.

There is an abundance of seat jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 34 funniest jokes on backseat. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any speeder witze you can hear about backseat.

The Best jokes about Backseat

I yelled "shotgun", long before anyone else, but I still got to sit in the backseat.

I hate cops.

"Dad, why is my sister called Paris?"

"Because we conceived her in Paris."
"Ahh, thanks Dad! "
"You're welcome, Backseat."

My wife said she wanted to have sex in the backseat of the car

and she wanted me to drive

-The late Rodney Dangerfield (1921-2004)

A man was pulled over...

A man was pulled over, and the officer noticed a group of penguins in the backseat.

Officer: You need to take those penguins to the zoo.

Man: Ok, I will.


The next day the man was pulled over by the officer and he notices the same group of penguins in the backseat but they all had sunglasses on.

Officer: I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.

Man: I did. Today we're going to the beach.

I'm sitting in a bar having a drink ...

... and I see man fall down. I go over and pick him up. "Bartender, do you know where this man lives? I'll give him a lift home." He tells me where he lives. I grab the guy, pull him down to the car, put him in the car, he falls into the backseat. I get to the address, pull the man out, he falls down three more times, I pick him up each time. I knock on the door, his wife answers. I say "I brought your husband home." She says "Where's his wheelchair?"


Today I Called Shotgun...

And the cop still put me in the backseat...

A police officer stops a speeding car and walks up to the driver

"Do you know you were going 20 km/h over the speed limit ?"

The guy respond : "How am I supposed to know ? I don't have a license".

His wife, sitting on the passenger seat, interjects : "Don't listen to him, he's drunk."

Their kid, on the backseat, sighs "I knew we weren't going to go far with a stolen car..."

A voice comes out of the trunk "Did we pass the border yet ?"

I want to die in my sleep, like my grandpa did.

and not screaming like the passengers in the backseat.

A man is pulled over by police for speeding

Police 1: do you know how fast you are going?

Man: no, but I do know I am escaping a bank heist.

Police 1: Really?

Man: yes, I robbed the bank and the loot is in my car's trunk

Police 1: is that everything?

Man: no sir, I have a dead body in my backseat and a gun in my glove compartment

[Police 1 calls for backup and now the swat team approaches the man's car]

SWAT 1: I'm going to need you step outside the vehicle

[ the man steps out and the police search the car]

SWAT 1: he appears to have no gun, no stolen money, and no dead body.

Police 1: but he told me he committed those crimes...

Man: well I bet that liar told you I was speeding too!

A nun gets into a cab

The cab driver sees her in the backseat and says "I have always had a fantasy about nuns."

She answers "you and everyone else! Are you a Catholic?"

Driver says yes, so she tells him to pull over.

She hops in the front seat and gives him the best blow job he ever had. She gets done and the cabbie feels guilty and says "You know sister, I have to confess. I am not really Catholic."

"That's fine. My name is Ralph and I am going to a costume party."

They say kids in the backseat cause accidents...

But accidents in the backseat are more likely to cause kids.


What's going on?

A policeman passes a parking lot around midnight and notices a couple in a parked car. He stops to investigate and sees a man in the driver's seat and a young lady in the backseat, quietly reading a magazine. The officer knocks on the window and asks whats going on.

"Listening to music," the guy says.

Pointing toward the lady in the backseat, the officer asks, "And what's she doing?"

"Reading a magazine, of course."

"How old are you?" asks the officer.

"I'm 28."

"And how old is she?"

The guy looks at his watch and says, "Well in 11 minutes she'll be 18."

SchrΓΆdinger is in a car...

...and gets pulled over by a cop for speeding. The cop, after writing a ticket, notices a peculiar smell and asks to check for the source. After looking under the car, glancing over at the backseat and popping the trunk, he rushes over.
Cop: "Sir! Did you know you have a dead cat in your trunk?"
SchrΓΆdinger: "I do now"

Accidents Happen

Kids in the backseat cause accidents. Accidents in the backseat cause kids!

Children in the backseat cause accidents.

But accidents in the backseat cause children.

A police officer sees a car speeding and pulls the man over.

When he gets to the window, he sees the driver has 5 penguins in his backseat. He asks the man why he has penguins in his car. The man replies, "These are my penguins, and they belong to me. The office says, "You need to take them back to the zoo immediately."

The next day, the officer sees the same man driving down the road. He pulls him over again and sees the penguins are in his backseat again and are all wearing sunglasses. The police officer says, "I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo!"

"Oh... I did", the driver says, "And today I'm taking them to the beach."

GRAND THEFT AUTO

A blonde get's in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing. She calls the police and reports a theft. When the police officer comes, he looks at the blonde who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."

I was out driving last night, when I started feeling a little bit horny…

I picked up a hooker and did her in the backseat and really enjoyed myself, but I think I failed my driving test…

What do you call a golf club in the rear of your car?

A backseat driver


A cop pulls over a man with 20 penguins in the backseat

He lets him off with a warning and asks him to take them to the zoo.

Next day, he again pulls him over and the penguins are still in the car.

"Didn't I tell you to take them to the zoo yesterday?! Why are you still driving them around?"

"I did take them to the zoo yesterday." says the man. "Today I am taking them to the movies."

A blonde gets in her car...

and notices that her dashboard windshield and steering wheel were missing she called the cops and reported a theft when the cops arrived she was crying in her car and the cops went up to her and said "Ma'am you are sitting in the backseat".

Son: Dad, why is my sister's name Florence?

Dad: Because we conceived her in Florence, Italy.

Son: I guess that's a nice way of naming your kids.

Dad: Yeah, Backseat, it is.

A police officer stops a car and says:

- "Congratulations, sir! You are the 1,000,000th car to drive over this bridge - you win $10,000!"

- "What will you do with that money?"

The driver gets very emotional and says,

- "First of all, I'll finally make my drivers license!"

The wife cuts in,

- "Don't listen to him, officer, he's still drunk!"

A-hard-of-hearing granny from the backseat grumbles,

- "I knew we shouldn't have taken the stolen car!"

A voice from the trunk adds,

- "Hey, are we past the border yet?"

When you call shotgun,

but the police put you in the back-seat anyway.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, just like my grandpa...

and not like the rest of the family screaming in the backseat

An elderly woman is driving 17 mph on a highway

A cop pulls her over and says Ma'am, you should know driving too slow is as much of a risk as driving too fast.

The woman pointed to a sign and said But Officer, I was going exactly the speed limit!

The officer says That's the route number. You're on US-17. He notices another elderly woman passed out in the backseat. Who is your passenger and why is she passed out?

The woman says Oh dear, we just got off State Route 112!

A boy asks his Dad one day.

"Dad, why is my sister called Paris?"

His Dad replies, "Because she was conceived in Paris."

The boy says, "Ahh, thanks Dad."

His Dad says, "You're welcome, Backseat."

Driving test (Blonde)

Why did the blonde keep failing her driving test?
Every time the instructor said "let's start" she would jump to the backseat ...
....
....

[demetri martin] A drunk driver is very dangerous. Everybody knows that. But so is a drunk backseat driver

if he's persuasive.

"Go left."

-"Dude those are trees."

"trust me."

A son to his dad

Son - why did you name my sister florence.
Dad - because we conceived her in florence.
Son - Thanks dad for telling me.
Dad - It's okay backseat.

I forgot my baby was in the backseat of my car and I accidentally threw my case of beer on him

He was ok though. It was light beer.

A banjo player returns home after a gig one evening...

Parking his car by his housing, he realizes he forgot to bring in with him his banjo from the backseat. He let's it go, thinking it'll probably be there in the morning still. Next morning he approaches his car, and notices that the rear window of his car has been smashed in! Uproared, he rushes to the car, and what does he find once he gets there? Two banjos in the backseat.

My buddy Jacob is a bad driver

So Jacob got in a bad wreck. His car was totaled. The other car was totaled. He stepped out of his car and went to check on the other driver. He was fine.

Jacob said, "this is a miracle. Look at how bad our cars are and we are totally unscathed. Even still. I have this bottle of wine in my backseat which it still unbroken. This surely is a sign. We should toast"

The other man agreed, it was a sign and a toast was in order. So Jacob popped the cork and the other man took a big swig and passed the bottle back. And my buddy Jacob said, "no thanks. I'll wait for the cops to show up first"

I shotgunned the passenger seat of my friend's car.

Now you can see through to the backseat.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes