Backs Jokes

64 backs jokes and hilarious backs puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about backs that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Backs Short Jokes

Short backs jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The backs humour may include short backup jokes also.

  1. My wife left me because I'm too insecure. No wait, she's back.
    She just went to make a cup of tea.
  2. A pirate goes to the doctor and say, "I have moles on me back aaarrrghh." The doctor: "It's ok, they're benign."
    pirate: "Count again, I think there be ten!"
  3. As we landed in Saudi Arabia the pilot announced "Ladies and Gentlemen don't forget to adjust your watches to local time" I thought to myself how do I turn it back to the 7th century?
  4. As I was driving past a prison yesterday, I saw a dwarf scaling down the wall. Confused , I stared up at him and he sneered back. And I thought to myself, "well that's a little condescending."
  5. Doctor: (handing me my new born baby) I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it Me: (handing baby back to him) Bring me the one my wife made
  6. The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
  7. In 50 years: "You know, kids, back in my day, we had to wear masks everywhere we went at one point." We didn't have those fancy hazmat suit you all wear today
  8. I got my covid test results and I'm so confused.. it was just the number 83... On the plus side my IQ test came back positive
  9. Attention America! We Brits have your president! If you do not send us £50M by Sunday morning.... We'll return him back to you.
  10. I had a vasectomy because I didn't want to have kids. But when I came back home, they were still there.

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Backs One Liners

Which backs one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with backs? I can suggest the ones about rear and bags.

  1. My girlfriend broke up with me so I took her wheelchair Guess who came crawling back
  2. My wife left me because I am insecure No wait, she's back.
    She just went to get coffee.
  3. If I'm ever on life support, unplug me... Then plug me back in, see if that works.
  4. I dated a dentist a while back, She had the whitest teeth I ever came across.
  5. When you pull the pin on a grenade, how do you put it back in? Quick answers please.
  6. My drug test came back negative. My drug dealer has some explaining to do.
  7. Yo mama's so fat she went out in high heels and came back in flip flops
  8. Does anyone remember the joke I made about the Chiropractor? It was about a weak back.
  9. What lies on its back, 100 feet in the air? A dead centipede.
  10. What did Chuck Norris do when his parachute failed to open? Brought it back for a refund.
  11. My girlfriend, Ruth, fell off the back of my bike. I rode on, ruthlessly.
  12. My wife left me because of my gambling addiction But I know I can win her back
  13. The furniture store keeps calling me back..... But all I wanted was that one nightstand.
  14. Remember that joke I told you about the chiropractor? It was about a weak back.
  15. Why is the ocean so salty? Because the land doesn't wave back.

Backs joke, Why is the ocean so salty?

Cheerful Backs Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!

What funny jokes about backs you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bottom jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make backs pranks.

A Drunk is on his way home from a bar...

He stumbles and backs himself against an advertising pillar. He slowly continues his walk with his hands still on the advertising pillar for aid, going around once, twice, three times...
With a scream of agony he suddenly slumps to the ground and cries out loud:
"Dear God! I'm walled in!"

The french invented a new bulletproof vest

That is just as efficient as a regular one but much cheaper: it only covers the soldiers' backs

A good one for parties

So Steve, Greg, and I (put friends names in of course) were walking down a dirt road when we saw a sheep with its head stuck in the fence. We are all thinking the same thing so I go and have my way with it and they turn their backs. After I am done Steve goes and has his way with it, while Greg and I turn our backs. Then Greg goes over the fence and we are waiting and waiting and waiting... Finally we turn around and there is Greg, with his head stuck in the fence.

A guy is making out with a girl and things are going well...

When he thinks, "hey things are going my way quickly, so screw second base, I'm going for third."
He tries, but the girl backs off, and she says "wow, that's a little presumptuous don't you think?"
The man replies "Presumptuous? That's a pretty big word for an 8-year-old..."

Seriously, why put the s**... hotline on the backs of buses?

Put it on the fronts.

I like my coffee like my women...

Piping hot and all over my lap in the McDonald's drive thru
(backs away very slowly, opens door without turning around, lurks out...)

What do blondes and turtles have in common?

When they're on their backs, they're s**....

Smart dog

A man walks into a bar, after buying a beer he looks around the bar and sees three men and a dog playing cards. Amazed, the man wanders over and starts watching the game. Aftere watching the game for ten minutes, the man leans over to one of the other player's and whispers " Wow, that's a really smart dog!".
The man whispers backs "He isn't that smart, every time he gets a good hand, he wags his tail!"

why does a boxer have miscarriages....

...because she punch backs whenever the baby kicks

Study Finds Birth Control Pills Linked to Fewer Severe Knee Injuries in Teen Girls...

This is easily explained by the fact that they spend less time on their knees, and more time on their backs.

p**... And Murphy Are In The Pub

p**... and Murphy are havin' a pint in the pub, when some scuba divers come on the TV. p**... says, "Murphy, why is it them deep sea divers always sit on the side of the boat with them air tanks on their backs, and fall backwards out of the boat?" Murphy thinks for a minute then says, "That's easy. It's 'cos if they fell forwards, they'd still be in the friggin boat!"

Bacon tree

Two soldiers are sat on top of a hill looking for targets. One says to the other
"Hey bob, is that a bacon tree?"
"I don't know Jim, go have a look while I stay here and cover our backs"
Jim goes for a closer look and Bob stays on the hill eating his lunch. After a while Jim returns with about ten arrows in his chest.
"My god what happened? Was it a bacon tree?"
"No Bob, turned out to be a ham bush"

A butcher that backs into a meat grinder

Gets a little behind in orders

So a man backs into a car...

So older man backs into a car while trying to leave a parking lot. After hitting the car, the old man looks in the mirror to see a midget hop out, obviously very angry. The midget goes up to the door and yells, "You just back into me, and I'm not happy". The elderly man takes off his glasses and responds, "Well then which one are ya".

Backstage at Project Runway, Tim walked past me holding some coffee.

I said, "Hey, Gunn, where you going with that joe in your hand?"

Someone called me a massagenist recently.

I was offended; rubbing backs is a woman's job.

Why do squirrels swim on their backs?

To keep their nuts dry.
^^Joke ^^Sponsored ^^by ^^'The ^^Nut ^^Job ^^2: ^^Nutty ^^By ^^Nature'

A tiger can jump higher than a three story building.

Tigers have fast twitch muscles in their backs and legs, and buildings cannot jump.

What's the backside of the moon called?

The front.

Unfortunately a large population of the East Coast of the US are attaching sleds to their backs.

Now it's all going down hill rather quickly.

Why did Judas carve the turkey?

[Because he likes to stab things in the back](#s)

Why do squirrels swim on their backs?

To keep their nuts dry

Classy girls are like turtles

They rarely go on their backs, but when they do, they're there for a very long time.
Was watching a re-run of Rules of Engagement and heard this.

Me and my son we're at the zoo...

And he asked me " those turtles are doing piggy backs" I knew it was time to have The Talk. So I said " Son those are tortoises"

Waiter, the steak is smelling very strongly of liquor!

The waiter backs up 3 steps and asks, How's that now?

The other day I bought a Harry Potter themed device that puts the feathers on the backs of my arrows, but it's made out of p**......

It's muh dungus fletcher.

A Spanish photon walks into a bar

The bar tender asks "what'll it be?" And the photon replies "una cerveza por favor." The bartender gives him a beer and come backs a few minutes later to find it finished. He asks: "want another?" To which the photon replies "Ay, no mas!"

What do you call two chiropractors who've got each other's backs?


I find it strange how everyone suddenly cares about straws killing dolphins...

They've been breaking camels' backs for years.

Two jars of peanut butter are fighting.One of them backs off...

The other one says;YOU BUTTER BACK OFF!

Where do Egyptians go when their backs hurt?

The Cairo-practor

A man walks in a tattoo shop

And tells a tattoo artist:
Hey, i'm a bus driver, so i want a big and beautiful bus on my back.
Artist says No problem and gets to work. 10 minutes later he backs off and tells him Here you go, its done. What, already? asks the surprised man. Well, what did you expect? There is only 3 letters!

If 2 vegans have beef...

It's the one who backs out still a chicken?

A young guy gets paired with an elderly man for a round of golf.

The old man lines up to putt on the fourth green, when they notice a f**... procession passing by the course.
The old man backs away from the putt, removes his cap, bows his head for a quick prayer, crosses himself, and returns to the putt.
After the hole, the young guy says, I'm impressed with your show of respect for the deceased .
Old guy says, Well, we were married 42 years... least I could do.

What does an abortion doctor bring to a barbecue?

Baby backs.

I heard Oscar the Grouch was getting kicked off of Sesame Street.

Apparently he was trash talking the other cast members behind their backs.

Oops I missed a week

Has anyone seen my last post on here about me and my brother's spime surgery?
It was about 2 weak backs

Because hippos are surprisingly dangerous, zoologists use the Pythagorean theorem to calculate the length of their backs.

This is called finding the hippotenuse.

A woman walks into a butcher shop...

"Excuse me," she says. "But I bought these sausages here yesterday and, well, the middle is fine, but both ends are made of sawdust."
The butcher shrugs. "Sometimes it's hard to make ends meat."
The very next day, the butcher is feeling overwhelmed. He accidentally backs into his meat grinder.
He got a little behind in his work.

My wife and I crack each other's backs every morning

It's a joint effort

Why can't the T-Rex scratch their backs?

Because they're all dead.

What do the Backstreet Boys and Algebra teachers have in common?

They both want you to tell them Y.

A Man Walks Into a Bar...

A man walks into a bar and looks up at the ceiling. He sees 2 steaks stuck to the ceiling and a jar filled with 100 dollar bills to the brim. He asks the bartender what is up with the steaks. The bartender says, "I will pay anyone $1,000 if they can get the steaks down, but if you fail, you have to pay me $200." The man backs away and says, "I can't do it! The steaks are too high!"

Why did they Backstreet Boys break up?

They just weren't NSYNC.

Two tomato's are chilling in the fridge

The first one says "Dang, its kind of cold in here"
The second one backs away, and says "Holy s**... its a talking tomato"

It's a mystery to me why men like trophy wives.

Their ears stick out and they have they've got the previous winners names tattooed down their backs.

My most common s**... position is 96

It's where me and my wife lie on the bed with our backs facing each other as she is not in mood ..

How do you look at your own backside?

Using a rear-view mirror.

A software tester walks into a bar

Backs into a bar.
Runs into a bar.
Crawls into a bar.
Dances into a bar.
Flies into a bar.
Jumps into a bar.
And orders:
a beer.
2 beers.
0 beers.
987654321 beers.
a lizard in a beer glass.
\-1 beer.
"qwertyuiop" beers.
Testing complete.
A regular customer walks into the bar and asks where the bathroom is.
The bar bursts into flames.

Backs joke, A software tester walks into a bar

jokes about backs