Backpack Jokes

Following is our collection of plummet humor and knapsack one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Backpack puns for adults, dirty pouch jokes or clean luggage gags for kids.

There is an abundance of midair jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 44 funniest jokes on backpack. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any carrion witze you can hear about backpack.

The Best jokes about Backpack

What did the little Iraqi girl tell her father after he bought her a new backpack?

Thanks for the Baghdad.

I was invited to a party and was told "dress to kill"

Apparently a turban, beard, and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind

2 guys are hiding a bomb under a car.

Guy 1 - What if the bomb goes off while we're still under the car.

Guy 2 - Don't worry, I've got a second one in my backpack.

His Girlfriend just broke up with him.

After a long day at work he comes home to find more bad news. He walks in on his girlfriend packing her stuff in a backpack.

He asks "Honey I had a bad day at work please don't leave me"

She replies "You don't think I would have found out would you? People are telling me that you're a sick pedophile"

He angrily replies "OHHHH Big word coming from a 12 year old"

edit **thanks ctechastronomy

Quick Thinking

Teacher says, "Whoever can answer my next question, is free to leave class."
One little boy chucks his backpack out the window.
Teacher asks, "Who threw that bag?"
Little boy, "Me! I'll see you tomorrow!"

A Calculus student is stuck in traffic...

After waiting 20 minutes with little movement, he decides to catch up on his homework. 5 Minutes in, he feels thirsty and realizes he has an unopened bottle of Coke in his backpack. He takes it out and opens it. However, as soon as he takes his first sip, a nearby police car start flashing it's lights and orders him to pull over to the side. When the cop reaches his car, the student asks:

"What am I being stopped for?"

The cop answers:

"Drinking and deriving."

So there were 4 people on a private jet

Oprah Winfrey, Donald trump, Barack obama, and this little girl.

In the middle of there flight, the engine shuts down and and there going to crash.

So Oprah Winfrey says the world needs me and grabs a parachute and jumps off.

Then Donald trump grabs a parachute and jumps off without saying anything.

Then there's only one parachute left.

Barack Obama says to the girl, little girl, you are the future to our country, you take the last parachute.

Then the little girl says actually there's two left.

Barack Obama says how ?

Then the little girl says because trump just took my school backpack.

A woman was at the supermarket

A woman was at the supermarket with her kid and was about to check out. When she got to the cash register, all she had was a backpack. The clerk asked her why she wanted the backpack since her kid was still very young. She responded, "I'm going to stuff my kid in the backpack and carry him around." The people behind her in line gasped at how the lady said she was going to treat her kid. The clerk shrugged his shoulders and said, "Ok lady, whatever totes your goat."

This construction worker was laying a full room carpet in this house...

... and upon ending his work he realised his backpack was missing. Checking the area he could notice a lump in the carpet, the size of his backpack.

He couldn't belive how unlucky he was and he decided to take a desperate measure. He was not going to destroy the recently placed carpet and inside his backpack there wasn't anything really valuable. So he starts hammering that lump to the ground. After a few minutes the backpack inside the carpet was flat and unnoticeable.

Later that afternoon the housewife gets home and is happy with the placing of the carpet. She goes to the kitchen to write him a check for the job well done and returns to him:

"Here, the check and your backpack that you left in the kitchen. By the way, have you seen my cat"?

Little Johnny

One day, Little Johnny came home from school early and walked in on his parents having sex.

Little Johnny: "What are you two doing?"

Father: "I am playing *Poker* son"

Little Johnny: "What about mom?"

Father: "Don't worry about her, she is my *Wildcard*"

Little Johnny shrugged, put down is backpack and went to the bathroom. An hour passed by and his dad became concerned.

Father: *Knocks on the door* "Little Johnny! Are you okay?" *No response* "LITTLE JOHNNY! ARE YOU OKAY?"

Still no response, his dad knocks down the door to catch Little Johnny playing with himself.

Father: "What were you doing in here, Little Johnny?"

Little Johnny: "I was playing *Poker*, Dad."

Father: "Oh really? If you're playing *Poker, then where is your Wildcard*?"

Little Johnny: "*Dad, when you have a hand this good, you don't need no Wildcard*"

A guy is lying on a field. There's a backpack lying on his back, and a lot of flies are flying around. What's in the backpack?

A parachute.

I run a backpack store in the middle east.

Sales are great but I've never had any returning customers.

Bill and Hilary Clinton, a boy, and an elderly man are on a plane

...when the plane starts going down. Unfortunately there was only 3 parachutes.

Bill says "I was president of the United States so i should take one."
So he grabs a chute and jumps.

Hillary says "I'm the smartest person in the world, so i should go."
So she grabs a chute and jumps.

Then the elderly man says "I've lived my life boy, you take the last chute"

The boy says "Wait there's still two parachutes, the smartest person in the world took my backpack"

"Mommy, why is my backpack so heavy?"

Allahu Akbar, honey.

There is a plane with a Pilot, a Lawyer, a Priest and a Kid

The plane is going down fast but there are only three parachutes. so the pilot says "I have a family and a daughter that are expecting me" he grabs a parachute and jumps off the plane. The lawyer says "well I'm the smartest man on earth so I have to live" he grabs a parachute and jumps off. Now there is only one parachute left and the Priest tells the kid "Kid, take the last one, I have lived my life" The boy looks around the plane and says "We can both live" the priest says "how can that be?", the boy says "because the smartest man in the world just jumped off with my backpack"

The thermos. [Long]

A guy (MAN A) walks into a diner, sits down, and pulls a thermos from his backpack. Across the room, a man at the counter, (MAN B) noticed the man.

MAN B: "Hey you! What you got there?"

MAN A: "It's called a thermos, it keeps hot stuff hot, and cold stuff cold!"

MAN B: "Wow! I gotta get me one of those!!!"

The next day, the same to men, (A and B) walk into the same diner.

MAN B: "Hey look! I picked me up one of those thermos things!"

MAN A: "Great! What did you bring for lunch?"

MAN B: "2 hotdogs and a popsicle for dessert!"

A plane was going down

and there were 4 people aboard: The president, the smartest man in the world, an old man, and a little girl. However, there were only 3 parachutes. The president said, "I'm too important to die," and took a parachute and jumped. The smartest man in the world said, "other people will need my smarts," and he also jumped off. The old man said,"you can go, my life is almost over anyway." The girl said," no, we can both go. The smartest man in the world took my Dora backpack."

Three guys are aboard a jet as it's about to crash and there are only two parachutes...

The first guy has the parachutes and gives both of them to the others, the second guy says thank you and jumps. The third guy before jumping asks "Wow, why would you do such a thing, why not save your own life?". The first guy then looks at him and says, "What are you crazy, I gave the second guy an empty backpack".

What do you call a male cow wearing a pink shirt, orange shorts, and a purple backpack?


I bought a backpack that was field tested...

...They didn't say anything about how well it performed on the test, but I was glad that they showed some initiative.

Plane Joke

There was a plane about to go down. The people who were on there were: Trump, The Pope, The Pilot, and 3rd grader. There are three parachutes. The Pope grabs a parachute and says; "I am more important" Then bails. Trump grabs a parachute and says "I am the worlds smartest man. I can't die" Then bails. The Pilot looks at the kid and said here have my Parachute, the kid responded No need to, the "worlds smartest man" grabbed my backpack.

Two hunters in the forest

Our story is set out in a wooded hunting reserve. Two men, carrying a backpack and gun each, trekked out into the forest in search of game.
After an hour or two in the forest, one of the hunters keels over and collapses on the ground. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed over. The other hunter calls 911. The operator picks up.
"Nine-One-One, what is your emergency?"
"Help! I think my friend might be dead!" The hunter cries.
The operator calmly responds "Okay, I know how to help."
"What do I do?" the hunter replies.
"First of all, you have to make sure he's really dead." The operator says.
There's a silence. Then a gunshot.

"Okay, now what?"

On average, how many books can you put in an empty backpack?

One. After that it's no longer empty

Man in a pasture face down

A man lays face down in the pasture with a backpack on his back and flies buzzing around him.

Question: Whats in his backpack?

Answer: Parachute

Little Johnny and classmates are asked to bring an edible item to the classroom...

"So, Mary, what did you bring today?", the teacher asks.

"An apple. We love apples at home."

"Great, what about you, Annie?"

"I brought a PB & Jelly sandwich. It's so yummy!"

"Everybody loves those... and you, what did you bring today?"

Little Johnny opens his backpack and grabs a light bulb.

"Johnny, why did you bring a light bulb? That's not an edible item..." says the teacher.

"Well, not in your home. But yesterday night I heard my dad tell my mom 'turn the light off. Now you're going to swallow it.'"

Teacher: We found drugs in your son's backpack

Parent: Oh wow, really?

Teacher: Yes, it's very concerning

Parent: Very.. *rubbing chin*.. he should have sold them all by now

4 men on a sinking boat

On a trip to the sea, an American, a Russian, a Mexican and an Irishman were sailing on the boat. In the middle of the rough ocean, the boat, unable to carry so much weight, started to sink.
"We have to do something!" yelled the Russian man. "Let us each throw some of our things off the boat to reduce our total weight." He went to his backpack of vodka, grabbed it, and tossed it off the boat. "We got so much vodka back in Mother Russia, a little vodka gone won't change anything!"
The Irishman followed suit. He grabbed his barrel of booze and rolled it off the boat. "We got so much liquor back in Ireland, a little liquor gone won't change anything!"
The American pushed the Mexican off the boat.

Someone at Sony Studios was arrested for having a bomb in his backpack.

He was released after it was determined that it was the script for Ghostbusters

I live in Canada, so you encounter a lot of bears here. Me and my friend were walking in the forest, when we saw one, up close. I thought I was a goner, when I remembered my gun in my backpack.

One shot to my friends kneecap, and I was able to run away safely

I asked my rapper friend if I could borrow a backpack

He said he had tupacs

What the worst thing a muslim father can do?

Give his son the wrong backpack.

So I'm a Camp Counselor taking a short nap at work....

And I'm laying my head on my backpack. One of campers says "What're you doing?"
I reply. "Taking a nap on my pillow."
She says, "That's not a pillow."
I respond, "Anythings a pillow, if you put your mind to it."

I left my backpack at my girlfriends house

She told me I could go get it but that only her little sister was there, and she'll let me in
When I arrive her little sister let's me in and takes me to my girlfriends room to get my backpack and then proceeds to completely undress, and says, We don't have to tell anyone, don't tell me you haven't thought about it.

Without saying a word I turn around and walk straight out the front door back to my car
But before I reach it my girlfriend runs out and hugs me and tells me she loves me so much and she knows now that I would never cheat on her.

Moral of the story:
Always keep your condoms in your car

I saw a person with a backpack and a messenger bag.

Talk about some serious baggage.

A man brings his dead dog along for an international flight

The check-in attendant tells him:

"Sir, I'm sorry, but you're going to have to leave either your dog or your backpack."

"What? Why can't I bring both?"

"Rules say only one carrion per customer."

What does a chicken call its backpack?

A BokBok...

As a skydiving instructor, I realized midair that I had accidentally given my client the wrong backpack

Me and my wife landed on the ground safely

Two extremists go to a shop. One tries on a backpack. He says to his friend...

Does my bomb look big in this?

I don't need an expensive security system in my car...

...just some wires sticking out of a backpack, and a copy of the Koran next to it on the drivers seat. That will ensure it never gets touched.

My friend stole the joke I was writing, put it in his backpack, ran away and then tripped and fell.

Now the jokes on him.

A midget at a bus stop got mad at me when I offered I'm a ride...

I closed my backpack and I went my way.

Dark Backpack Joke

Son asking his mom: Why is my Backpack so heavy mom?

Mom: Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar my son.

so a plane was going down..

There were 4 people aboard the plane and only 3 parachutes; the people were the richest man in the world, the smartest man in the world, the nicest man in the world, and a kid. The first man said "I am the richest man alive, So I get a parachute", he put it on and jumped out. The smartest man in the world said "I am the smartest person alive so I get one too". He grabbed a bag and jumped out. The nicest man said to the kid you are young so you take the last parachute. The kid turned and said "no, look, the smart guy took my backpack!".

My kindergartner already knows middle school level biology

When I tell her to get her backpack, she points at me and says, "eukaryote!"

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes