Backed Jokes
55 backed jokes and hilarious backed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about backed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Backed Short Jokes
Short backed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The backed humour may include short backing jokes also.
- My wife left me because I'm too insecure. No wait, she's back.
She just went to make a cup of tea. - A pirate goes to the doctor and say, "I have moles on me back aaarrrghh." The doctor: "It's ok, they're benign."
pirate: "Count again, I think there be ten!" - As we landed in Saudi Arabia the pilot announced "Ladies and Gentlemen don't forget to adjust your watches to local time" I thought to myself how do I turn it back to the 7th century?
- As I was driving past a prison yesterday, I saw a dwarf scaling down the wall. Confused , I stared up at him and he sneered back. And I thought to myself, "well that's a little condescending."
- Doctor: (handing me my new born baby) I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it Me: (handing baby back to him) Bring me the one my wife made
- The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
- In 50 years: "You know, kids, back in my day, we had to wear masks everywhere we went at one point." We didn't have those fancy hazmat suit you all wear today
- I got my covid test results and I'm so confused.. it was just the number 83... On the plus side my IQ test came back positive
- Attention America! We Brits have your president! If you do not send us £50M by Sunday morning.... We'll return him back to you.
- I had a vasectomy because I didn't want to have kids. But when I came back home, they were still there.
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Backed One Liners
Which backed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with backed? I can suggest the ones about backs and broken back.
- My girlfriend broke up with me so I took her wheelchair Guess who came crawling back
- My wife left me because I am insecure No wait, she's back.
She just went to get coffee. - If I'm ever on life support, unplug me... Then plug me back in, see if that works.
- I dated a dentist a while back, She had the whitest teeth I ever came across.
- When you pull the pin on a grenade, how do you put it back in? Quick answers please.
- My drug test came back negative. My drug dealer has some explaining to do.
- Yo mama's so fat she went out in high heels and came back in flip flops
- Does anyone remember the joke I made about the Chiropractor? It was about a weak back.
- What lies on its back, 100 feet in the air? A dead centipede.
- What did Chuck Norris do when his parachute failed to open? Brought it back for a refund.
- My girlfriend, Ruth, fell off the back of my bike. I rode on, ruthlessly.
- My wife left me because of my gambling addiction But I know I can win her back
- The furniture store keeps calling me back..... But all I wanted was that one nightstand.
- Remember that joke I told you about the chiropractor? It was about a weak back.
- Why is the ocean so salty? Because the land doesn't wave back.
Witty Backed Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about backed you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean funded jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make backed pranks.
Irish guy in a parking lo
theres an Irish guy driving through a packed parking lot. Upset, he shouts "dear lord, if ya help me find a parkin spot I swear on me moothers grave that I will give up mah whiskey." Just then a car backed out of a spot in front of him. Suprised, he then shouts "Nevermind lord, I found one!"
Did you hear about the butcher who backed up into a meat grinder?
Apparently he got a little behind in his orders.
What happened when the woman backed into the plane propeller?
It disaster!
Say "disaster" slowly.
The butcher backed up...
The butcher backed up to the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
Did you hear about the lady who backed into a belt sander?
Disaster.
I was almost in a devil's t**... once, but at the last minute the other guy backed out. So i looked at the girl and said...
"Well that's a load off your back"
r**... ROASTIN'
Q: What did the butcher say when he backed into the meat-grinder?
A: Looks like I'm getting a little behind in my work!
LPT: If you ever find that your hard drive has been wiped, don't worry!
Just call the NSA, they'll have have all your information backed up
A Man "Walks in" on his son.
A man walks in on his son and finds him jerking off. The father looked at his son and said "Son, if you keep doing that, you'll go blind!" The boy looked backed at his dad and said "Dad, i'm over here."
(I heard a comedian tell this joke but I don't remember who.)
I was with my mom today when some guy backed into our car.
I joked with my mom "That guy's pull out game is weak." My mom replied "Not as weak as your dad's."
Last week, a girl at a local bakery backed into the bread slicer...
Disaster.
I bought my son a puppy for his birthday, but I accidentally backed over him in the driveway and killed him...
Sure is gonna be tough raising this puppy without him.
Did you hear about the woman who backed up into a fan?
Disaster.
Dis-assed-her.
Copyright Chris Farley.
This has definitely been posted before but....
I just backed over my neighbors mailbox and I really feel like it needs a repost.
Kevin Spacey walked into a bar
Well, it was more like he backed into it.
I've been waiting for an hour in the doctors waiting to be called back for my colonoscopy...
Guess they are really backed up today
I ran into my ex-girlfriend the other day...
...then I backed up and ran into her again.
I miss her sometimes.
A trucker gets lost one day and as luck would have it, he comes to low bridge and gets stuck under it...cars are backed up for miles behind him....
Eventually, a cop car pulls up, the officer gets out and walks up, laughing hysterically and pointing at the trucker.
He puts his hands on his hips and says with a chuckle, "Got stuck, eh?"
The trucker replies, "No sir, not at all, you see, I was delivering this bridge when I ran out of gas..."
I had to quit my job as a butcher.
I backed into the meat grinder and got behind in my work.
Did you hear about the lady that backed into the propeller blade?
Disassedher
Did you hear about the woman who backed into a plane propeller?
Disaster.
My teacher in workshop laughed when I said I could make a deadly knife out of cotton...
...After I sharpened the tip, he backed down saying, "I see you've made your point."
I Was Chased By a Serial Killer
He backed me into a corner. There's nothing you can do! You're about to die!
You sound just like my doctor!
A biker gang comes into a transport cafe
and start picking on a little middle-aged man just sitting down to an all-day breakfast. They steal most of it, spit in his tea, and pull away his chair from under him, until eventually he gives up and walks out silently.
They laugh loudly and say to the waitress "He wasn't much of a man, was he?"
"No," she says, "and he's not much of a truck driver either -- he's just backed an eighteen-wheeler over a whole line of motorbikes."
I backed a horse last week at ten to one
It came in at quarter past four
Big news today in the World Reverse-Parking Championship....
Last years winner just backed out!
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
Did you hear about the lady who backed into a plane propeller?
Dis-assed her
Did you hear about the butcher who backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
I backed into a dwarf's car the other day.
He said I'm not happy.
I said Which one are you, then?
A butcher slicing bacon backed up into his machine.
He got a little behind in his orders.
There was a slightly long bridge, wide enough for only one car and one day, two cars tried to cross over from opposite directions and met at the middle of the bridge, obviously unable to get past the other......
One driver poked his head out of his window and yelled - "I don't make way for idiots!"
The second guy rolled his window down and yelled back - "I do!" and backed up his car...
I walked into my local pub...
Much to my surprise, I noticed slabs of meat attached to the ceiling. I asked what it was all about.
The barman said if you can jump and touch the slabs of meat on the ceiling, you win free drinks for the rest of the night. However, if you don't reach it you have to pay up £50... how does that sound?
After some serious consideration I backed down and replied I'd love to but I'm sorry, the steaks are just too high...
What happened to the butcher who backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
There was once a butcher who accidentally backed into a meat grinder
As a result, he got a little behind in his work
What happened to the butcher when he backed into the meat grinder?
Nothing. He just got a little behind in his work.
I bought my son a puppy for his birthday, but I accidentally killed him as I backed my car out of the drive.
I guess, I'll have to look after the puppy myself now.
Did you hear what happened to the butcher?
He accidentally backed into the meat grinder.
He's okay though, he just got a little behind in his work.
Did you hear about the butcher who backed into his bacon slicer?
He got a little behind in his work.
I ran into my ex yesterday...
then backed the car up to make sure.
