The Best 35 Back To School Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Back To School jokes. There are some back to school classroom jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these back to school students puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Back To School Jokes and Puns

Vladimir Putin visits a school...

He asks a boy: "Who is your true mother?". "Mother Russia of course!", says the boy. Putin then asks a girl: "who is your true father?". "You, great president!", replies the girl. Putin then asks the quiet kid sitting at the back: "You there, what do you want to be when you grow up?". The quiet kid thinks for a moment and says: "An orphan!".

Please don't post any more school shooting jokes, consider them rule 10 - overly offensive.

Let's give each other time to heal and get back to the reposts we all know and love (just kidding) - but enough is enough of these.

My neighbor grew tired of being a taxidermist after 15 years, and went to veterinarian school.

His new business never got off the ground so he decided to operate both his taxidermy and vet business together to save money. His new slogan was: "No Matter What Happens - You Get Your Cat Back."

I wanted to major in reverse psychology.

My dream school turned me down.

So I wrote them back and told them I wasn't even interested in their stupid program. They sent me a diploma.

jokes about back to school

My 11 yo son got out the car at school the other morning, right at the moment the gritter was driving by us spraying rock salt everywhere..

He got straight back in the car, looked at me with a completely serious face and said I've just been assaulted .

ETA: thank you so much for the awards, I showed him some (SOME!) of the comments 😂 and it made his day, he was delighted that people actually enjoyed his joke to even just upvote and comment on it but actually couldn't believe that people actually awarded it too ( people gave Reddit awards to it?? For my joke?? Like, did they actually mum or are you just saying that?! so yea, thank you kind Redditors for making my 11yo extremely happy! You guys are the best 😊


A Dad picks his son up from school

Dad: what did you learn at school today, son?

Son: apparently not enough, I have to go back tomorrow.

"How long should my essay be?"

Back in high school I was in an english class and a fellow student asked the teacher how long our essays should be.

He responded saying, "As long as a girl's skirt: long enough to cover everything that needs to be covered, but short enough to keep me interested."

Roll call on the first day of school in London, England....

Ahmed Al Sheriah ............................."Here."

Mustafa Al Sheriah ............................"Here."

Fatima El Bindihiri ............................."Here."

Ali Acmah Shabeeb ............................."Here."

Ali Sun Al En ..........................No answer.

Ali Sun Al En?

A little girl at the back stands up and yells .... "It's pronounced Alison Allen, for Christ's sake!"

Nearly 200 million Chinese kids are back to school after COVID-19 crisis

Unemployment strikes again

Little Johnny at it again...

Little Johnny walked into class every morning with a black eye.
After a few days of this happening, the teacher became very worried and asked him about it.

Johnny's answer was: "Our house is very small Miss. Me, my mum and my dad, we sleep on the same bed. Every night my dad asks, 'Johnny are you sleeping?' Then I say 'No' and then he slaps my face and gives me a black eye."

So the teacher says to him, "Tonight when your dad asks again, keep dead quiet and don't say a word".

The following morning Little Johnny comes to school and no black eye, so the teacher breathes a sigh of relief. The day after that, Johnny comes back with a massive black eye again.

"My goodness Johnny, another black eye? What happened?"

Johnny explains: "Miss, Dad asked me again, 'Johnny are you sleeping?.... and I shut up and kept very still. Then my dad and my mum started moving {you know} at the same time. Mum was breathing heavy and kicking her legs all over the place.....
Then my dad asks me mum: 'Are you coming?' Then my mum says, 'Yes I'm coming, are you coming too?' and my dad answered 'Yes'.

They don't usually go anywhere without me, so i said 'Wait for me..."

First Day At School

The child comes home from his first day at school.

His Mother asks, "Well, what did you learn today?"

The kid replies, "Not enough. They want me to come back tomorrow."

You can explore back to school high school reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean back to school school district dad jokes. There are also back to school puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Little Johnny Has A Question

A boy comes home from school one day looking for his father. He has an assignment that he needs a little help with. He finds his father and tells him that he has to write a paper explaining the difference between potentially and actually.

His father says to him "That's an easy one", "Go upstairs and find your sister; ask her if she'd sleep with the mailman for $10,000."

So the boy does as he is told. When he comes back down he tells his father what he learned. "She said yes, dad." "So," said his dad "Find your mother, now, and ask her if she'd sleep with the mailman for $10,000 as well."

The boy does as he is asked, and then returns to his father again.

"She said yes too, dad." "Well, there you go." said the dad.

The boy looked at his father, puzzled.

He smiled, "Potentially we're sitting on a gold mine; but, actually I live with a couple of whores!"

First day of school

One day, a mom took her son to his first day of school. When they were walking to school, he looked all excited, but when his mom came back to pick him up, he looked disappointed. Trying to cheer him up, the mother asked what he had learned today at school. "Apparently not enough," he said. "I have to come back tomorrow!"

An elephant is standing on a street corner with an erection.

His thing is HUGE, hangs all the way to the ground.

At that moment a mother is taking her son to school and the son looks at the elephant and says "Mommy what is that?"

Mom: "Oh that's the trunk honey"
Kid: "No mom, further back between the legs"
Mom: "Oh that? That's nothing...." and awkwardly changes the subject.

The next day, same elephant in the same condition is on the corner only this time the dad is taking the kid to school.

Kid: "Hey dad, what is that? It's not the the trunk and it's not the legs, it's in between the legs. Mommy says that's nothing."

The dad thinks for a second and then laughs, "Yeah well, mommy is spoiled."

Legs in the Air

Little Johnny came home from school to see the family's pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor Mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Johnny said, "Dad our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?"

His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."

"Gee Dad that's great," said Little Johnny. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Johnny rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"

"What do you mean?" said Dad.

"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming,"Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"

Good Polish Joke

A man walks into a bar and orders a glass of Polish vodka. As the bartender slides the drink to the patron, a man sitting next to him remarks, "That's a coincidence, I, too, am enjoying a Polish vodka. Since

I arrived from the old country, this is the only bar in which I have found it."

To which the first replies, "Old country, I'm from the old country. Let me buy you another!"

As the drinks are being poured, one of the men asks, "What part of the old country are you from?"

"Krakow," replies the other. "This is weird," says the first, "I, too, am from Krakow! Let's get another shot."

After the new round arrives, the first asks, "So, pal, what did you do back in Krakow?'

"Not much, really, I came here right out of high school. I graduated from Lech Walesa Technical Academy in '81."

"This is eerie," replies the other, "I'm Welesa Tech, '81. Let's get another shot." But the bartender says, "Slow down fellas, I gotta make a call."

The bartender calls his wife and tells her that he'll be late getting home. When she inquires as to the cause, he replies, "Oh, the friggin' Liszjewski twins are here again."

The pretty teacher was concerned with

one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"

"I'm in love." the boy replied.

Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"

"With you!" he said.

"But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."

"Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a condom!"

Dean of Women...

The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing her students on sexual morality.

We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation, she said, ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?

A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."

The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids' screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up.

The C.E.O says "I'll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This'll be a breeze" so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up.

The janitor says "I'll be an artist" so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars. The fairy asks the janitor how he was so clever.

The janitor says "I got a masters degree in art."


4 college students are having a great time on spring break.

So they decide to spend an extra week away from class. One of the students calls his professor, and says "prof, we are stuck in Daytona beach. We won't be able to make it back in time for exams because the tire on our car blew. We need to get it fixed before we head back".

The prof says "no problem. Your safety comes first. Do what you need to, and when you get back the four of you can write the exam at that point".

So the students live it up for another week. Drinking. Partying. Etcetera.

When they get back to school a week later, the prof welcomes them, sits them each in different rooms, and hands them the exam.

When they turn the page over to start writing, they find their exams have only one question: "which tire?"

Jewish boy comes home from school and his mother and tells her he got in the school play. She asked him, "what part are you playing?" He said, "the husband!"

The mother grew furious and said, "you march right back there and demand they give you a speaking part."

Woman buys parrot

A woman walks into a pet store, and is perusing through the various animals when she comes across one of the most beautiful parrots she has ever seen. She's taken aback by the tropical beauty of this bird, and when she looks on the price tag on the cage it says 50$. The woman turns to the man at the front counter and asks "Why is a bird this beautiful being sold for this little?" The man looks up and says "Oh, that bird was originally kept in a house of prostitution, and boy does he have a mouth". The woman takes the words to heart but buys the bird anyway. She buys it, and takes it home with her. She puts the bird in the living room. Suddenly the bird squawks "NEW HOUSE NEW MADAME!" The woman is put off by this but she figures that in a few days the bird will get over it. Her daughters come home from school and the bird speaks again "NEW HOUSE, NEW MADAME, NEW GIRLS!" Again the woman is off put but she assures her kids that the bird will grow out of its old habits. The woman's husband gets back in from a day at work. The parrot takes one look at him and squawks:

"HI GARY!!"

No problems

A former Sergeant , having served his time with the Marine Corps, took a new job as a school teacher, but just before the school year started he injured his back.
He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body.
Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable. On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart-alec punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and decided to see how tough he really was, before trying any pranks. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and promptly stapled the tie to his chest. Dead silence ... He had no trouble with discipline that year.

264 students died in a school fire...

in Beijing earlier today. The most tragic thing was they all got out safely, ran around the building, and then ran back inside.

A Pakistani boy took...

.... admission in an American school ...

Teacher : Whats your name ?
Boy : Nadir

Teacher : No, now you are in America, your name is Johnny from today.

Boy went home and his mother asked: How was the day Nadir?

Boy : I am an American now, so call me Johnny.

Mom and Dad both got offended and beat him up.
Next day he was back to school all bruised ...

Teacher : What happened Johnny ?

Boy: Ma'm, just 6 hours after I became American, I was attacked by two Pakistani terrorists.

A police officer pulls over a driver...

A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.

"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks.

The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."

His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."

The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car."

Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"

A Pakistani boy took admission in an American school .

A Pakistani boy took admission in an American school .
Teacher : Whats your name ?
Boy : Zain.
Teacher : No, now you are in America, your name is Johnny from today. Boy went home and his mother asked: How was the day Zain?
Boy : I am an American now, so call me Johnny. Mom and Dad both got offended and beat him up. Next day he was back to school all bruised .
Teacher : What happened Johnny ?
Boy: Ma'm, just 6 hours after I became American, I was attacked by two Pakistani terrorists.

Redneck boy meets his dream girl!

A young boy comes home to his father one day after school.

"Dad, I met the most INCREDIBLE girl in the world today. She's smart, she's beautiful, AND she's funny."

Dad pats his son on the back and walks him into the kitchen, "That's great, son. I'm proud of you for finding someone you like so much."

"That's not the best part, Dad. She's a VIRGIN."

At this point the father slams his hand down on the counter, "I forbid this relationship, son. I never want you to see this girl again. And if I find out you do, I'm going to give you the biggest whooping you ever had."

Tears stream down the son's face, "But, Dad, WHY? She's amazing and she likes me!"

"Well, son. If she ain't good enough for her own family, she ain't good enough for ours."

A teenager had just passed his drivers test, and he asked his dad to buy him a car

"Dad, will you be able to get me a car?" Asked the boy

"I suppose a car would be in order *if* you can raise your grades from C's to B's, you study your Bible, and cut your hair." Replied the father.

After contemplating for many hours, the boy decided it was a good and fair compromise. Six weeks later, the father is astonished. His son was excelling in school, he studied his Bible every day, but his hair was still long and shaggy.
"I am very impressed with you" said the father "you are passing all of your classes, and you read the Bible every day. But why wont you cut your hair?"

"After reading the Bible, I have noticed something." Said the boy "Moses, Samson, and Absalom all had long hair. There is even evidence that *Jesus* may have had long hair!"

The father replied back "Did you also notice how they had to walk everywhere too?"


Difference between Hypothetical and actual

So a young boy comes home from school and says, "dad, my teacher said my homework for the night is to find out the difference between hypothetical and actual."

His dad says, " well son, go ask your mother if she'd sleep with her boss for a million dollars. Then, go ask your sister if she'd sleep with her principal for a million dollars and come back, tell me what they said. "

So the young boy goes and asks both his mom and sister, comes back. "dad, they both said yes."
"Well son, that's your answer."

"But I don't get it", the boy says. 

"Ya see, HYPOTHETICALLY we could be millionaires but, we're ACTUALLY living with a couple of whores."

A Grand Prize

I phoned my local radio station today.

When the guy answered the phone he said, "Congratulations on being our 1st caller, all you have to do is answer the next question correctly to win our grand prize."

"Wahoo!" I shouted in delight.

"It's a Maths question," he said. "Feeling
confident?"

"I've got a degree in Maths and I teach it at my local school," I proudly replied.

"Okay then, to win 2 VIP tickets to see Justin Bieber and to meet him back stage afterwards, what's 2+2?"

"7," I replied.

A sick man comes to a doctor. After an inspection, the doctor says "I have very bad news for you."

The man asks "What is so wrong?"

The doctor answers: "I missed all the lectures about your illness back in med school."

Kid comes home from first day of school.

Kid comes home from first day of school and mom and dad asked him what he learned in a school today.
The little boy responds, "not enough I guess.. they want me to come back tomorrow."

Cultural Diversity--True Story

When I was six I learned about Hanukkah in school. My teacher told me, "Christians celebrate Christmas, and Jews celebrate Hanukkah."

That night I was waiting in line at Hometown Buffet with my family and asked Mom why the restaurant would be closed for Christmas.

"It's so that the people who work here can spend Christmas with their families." She said.

In a loud, excited voice I piped up, "BUT COULDN'T THEY GET SOME JEWS TO WORK HERE?"

We never went back.


As I dropped my child off at school today I said, be positive

If the race war starts before I get back, that's your blood type

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the back to school student jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working back to school junior high piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes