Back Door Jokes
101 back door jokes and hilarious back door puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about back door that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Back Door Short Jokes
Short back door jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The back door humour may include short backdoor jokes also.
- My next door neighbor banged on my door at 3:00 am last night. Fortunately, I was wide awake, playing my bagpipes on the back porch at the time.
- My wife's leaving me because I'm too arrogant. I told her to close the door on her way back in.
- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog because he shuts up after you let him in.
- Late one night in the USSR there is a knock at the door. Everyone leaps out of bed. Papa goes shakily to the door.
'It's all right,' he says, coming back. 'The building's on fire.' - Q: If your dog was barking on the front door and your wife knocking on the back door, who should you let in first? A: The dog, because at least it would shut up once it got in.
- Your wife is locked out at the front door yelling at you and your dog is barking at the back door to be let in. Which do you let in first? Your dog, because it'll stop barking once you let it in.
- I tried to kidnap a blacksmith, but when I turned my back ... ... he made a bolt for the door.
- Did you hear about the guy who is both a taxidermist and a veterinarian? He has a sign on his door: Either way, you get your dog back.
- Why does Santa come down the chimney? Mrs. clause told him he'd never be allowed to come in the back Door.
- Ever since the government lockdown, my neighbor has had to run her business out of her backyard. She bakes delicious pastries. Google Back Door Cream Pies if you're interested.
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Back Door One Liners
Which back door one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with back door? I can suggest the ones about front door and doorway.
- Why does Santa come down the chimney? Because Mrs. Claus won't let him in the back door.
- How do you trap a blonde in a room? Put a 'Do Not Enter' sign on the back of the door.
- Women are like buses... very few will let you come in through the back door.
- Grindr got hacked in March of 2018. Looks like someone found the back door.
- How do you date a building? Slip it a roofie and sneak in the back door.
- The first rule of Innuendo Club is you can only enter via the back door.
- How does a gay man get into heaven? ...through the back door.
- Low self esteem group meeting Please use the back door
- What did one burp say to the other? Let's go out the back door!
(Good ol #1753) - I treat my women like my local bar.... coming in the back door
- Do you have home insurance? 'Cause I'm going to smash your back door in.
- Yo momma's so poor, I went through her front door and tripped over the back fence.
- I live next door to a hacker. I wish he'd cut back on smoking.
- Yo momma so poor when I walked through her front door I was already out the back door.
- Yo momma is so short she does back flips in the space under the door.
Rib-Tickling Back Door Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about back door you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean closed door jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make back door pranks.
I was having s**... with a woman when her husband came home early.
She told me to use the back door and I'd have to be quick.
In retrospect I should have just left, but it's not every day you get an offer like that.
So I was having s**... with this woman...
I had her bent over her kitchen table, giving it to her good. When all of a sudden we heard a car door slam out front.
Oh god, she said, it's my husband. Quick, use the back door!
Well, I probably should have left at that point, but it's not an offer you get everyday...
My daughter, 10, won tonight
My wife and I were stepping out to the neighbors for a get together and she is staying home tonight, so I reviewed the ground rules - don't answer the door, let the dog out the back door, call us if you need, etc.
She looked at me and said You know the rules, and so do I
Rickrolled as a dad joke.
Later, called to remind her to let the dog, who is a white goldendoodle, out. Speech to text s**... up and put make sure Ginger isn't at the door into make sure Ginger isn't at the bar
The reply?
Too late, she's white dog wasted
We have a natural here…
I was having intimate relations with a married woman.
A car pulled into the garage, and the woman said, "Oh no it's my husband! Quick, use the back door!"
Thinking back, I should have run, but you don't get offers like that every day.
A doctor was treating a victim of a beating.
Doctor: How did this happen?
Patient: I was b**... my neighbor over her kitchen table when we hear the front door open.
She said "It's my husband! Quick, try the back door!!"
Thinking back, I really should have ran, but you don't get offers like that every day.
A little girl tells her dad she wishes she had a sister
In an attempt to be clever, her dad explains, "You do, it's just you don't see her. Every time you come in the front door: she leaves out the back door.". The little girl replies, "ohhhh, just like my other daddy!"
A man walks into a bar..
...and sees a gorgeous woman nursing a drink. Walking up behind her he says: "Hi there, good lookin'. How's it going?" Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says: "Listen up, buddy. I screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door,back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, n**... or with clothes on,dirty, clean... It just doesn't matter to me. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college and I just flat-a**... love it." Eyes now wide with interest, he responds: "No kidding. I'm a lawyer too. What firm are you with?"
The other day, I was having s**... with this married woman, when her husband came home early.
She told me I'd have to use the back door and said I'd have to be quick.
On reflection, I should have just left, but it's not every day you get an offer like that.
Dog or Wife?
Your Wife is shouting at you to open the front door, and your dog is barking at the back door. Which one do you let in?
Well you can choose, but if you let the dog in at least they will stop barking.
I love my wife but I've been seeing someone else...
...leaving through the back door as I get home every day.
A brunette and redhead started laughing in the backyard when a blonde joined them.
The blonde said "What's so funny?" The honest brunette said, "Oh it's nothing." The tactful redhead said, "It's kind of an inside joke." The curious blonde said nothing, as she walked toward the back door.
I was at this girls house and we were having a particularly zesty session on her kitchen table. She heard a noise out front and she says, "Oh no! It's my husband! Quick, the back door!!"
In hindsight, I should've ran, but you don't get an offer like that every day.
Once John went to the market and bought a hen..
He kept it in the shed.
But the hen was stubborn and escaped from the back door.
John caught it and kept it in the shed again.
But the hen was stubborn and escaped from the back door.
John once again caught it and kept it in the shed.
But the hen was stubborn and escaped from the back door.
John now caught it, killed it, cooked it and ate it.
But the hen was stubborn ....
What do hackers, gay men and burglars all have in common?
They want access to the back door.
when her husband came home
I was having s**... with this beautiful woman at her place when her husband unexpectedly arrived home early. She turned to me and said " quick use the the back door ". In retrospect i should of just left but you don't get an offer like that everyday...
What did the stomach say to the burp?
If you're real quiet I'll let you out the back door.
My grandfather was the kind of man who was proud of the fact that his back door was always open.
We think that's why his submarine sank.
What's a m**...'s favorite s**... position?
You'd probably think it's m**..., but i'm pretty sure they'd try the back door if they had the chance.
A hearse is traveling up an icy hill when the back doors fly open.
The coffin drops on the street. It slides down the hill, and goes through a house. It keeps going through a school, then a church, then a grocery store, and then through a gas station. It busts through an arcade, and then through an office building. It breaks through the front door of a pharmacy and finally stops at the pharmacy counter, the lid opens, and the man inside sits up. He looks at the pharmacist and asks, "Do you have anything to stop this coffin?"
Putin persecutes homosexuals in his own country...
...then goes and enters another country through the back door?
Very mixed messages from Russia.
A tipsy man staggered out of Melbourne Hotel and entered a taxi. "Take me to Melbourne Hotel," he told the cabbie. The cabbie was momentarily confused. They sat in silence for minutes. The cab never moved. Then the cabbie got out, opened the back door and told the guy: "Look. (Pointing)"
"The Melbourne Hotel." "How much for the fare?" "No charge," replied the cabbie. "Thanks. Next time, don't drive so fast!"
Why don't abortion clinics have back doors?
If only their clients knew what the back door was for...
Police dog
One evening, a deputy in the canine division was dispatched to the scene of a possible burglary, where he discovered the back door of a building open. He let the dog out of his patrol car and commanded it to enter and seek. Jumping from the back seat, the dog headed for the building. After lunging through the doorway, the dog froze and backed out. My friend was puzzled until he investigated further. Then he noticed the sign on the building: "Veterinarian's Office."
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog of course ... at least he'll shut up after you let him in!
The first rule of innuendo club:
come in the back door so you don't dirty up my front passage.
AT THE DOOR
Q: If your wife is shouting at the front door and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog -- at least he'll quiet down after you let him in.
A hearse was driving down the road...
When all of the sudden the back doors fling open. The coffin flies out of the hearse and it bounces all around the town, it cannot stop.
Eventually it stops and lands right in front of a drug store. The man in the coffin rises up and says Hey, you guys have anything that can stop this coughin'?
What's the difference between my house and my little sister?
I don't use the back door when entering my house.
My wife was joking about her commute to our office in the back yard.
h**... boy this commute is going to be rough today she said as she opened the back door to walk 50 feet to the office
Yeah I heard there's a squirrel flipped over on the tree o five
Two men were breaking into a high security software company...
They couldn't get their code breaker to work for the back door, so, in a last desperate attempt to short circuit the security, one of them peed on the access panel.
It began smoking, a couple sparks flew, and boom, the back door clicked open.
They looked at each other, impressed and relieved.
u**....
Your dog is barking at the back door, and your wife is yelling at the front door. Who do you let in?
The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in
Doctor: how did you get a black eye?
Me: I was b**... my neighbor over the kitchen counter when we heard he front door open.
She said, "that's my husband! Quick try the back door!"
Thinking back I should have ran but you don't get offers like that everyday!
out the door
Q: if your wife was at the front door and your dog was barking at the back door which one will you let in first
a: your dog cause if you let him in first atleast he will shut up once he gets in :3
The key to a healthy s**... life...
...also opens the back door.
A hearse is driving up the street...
A hearse is driving up a very steep street and once it gets near the top, the back door opens up and the coffin comes shooting out of the hearse and rolls down the street.
People are diving out of the way, cars are swerving, it's chaos! By the time it reaches the bottom of the hill it has picked up a lot of speed and crashes into a wall surrounded by people.
The door pops open, the body sits up and says Do you have anything to stop this coughin?
I was just washing up in the kitchen with the back door open, when an owl suddenly flew in, dried all the pots, put them away and flew off.
it was a t**... Owl
Apparently "I'm buying this l**... for the back door"
is not OK to say to the cashier when buying WD-40 to treat some rusty hinges.
If your woman is screaming outside the front door and dog is barking outside the back door who do you let in?
The dog. At least it with shut up when it gets in
My grandfather is always saying that in the old days people could leave their back doors open.
Which is probably why his submarine sank.
What's the difference between a Bible salesman and a homosexual?
The first one stands at the front door and says amen , while the latter enters through the back door and says ahhh man .
I don't get why my friends don't want me over
All I want is to come in through their back door
I was wondering what my mom did at the grocery store she worked at
She said she is a back door receiver, to which my dad replied "Yeah she is"
What do Princess Kate and o**... bin Laden have in common?
They both had their back doors blown out by a guy in the navy.
A man Walk in to a Bar
A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. he staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink.
The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink--he could not be served additional liquor at this bar but could get a cab called for him.
The drunk is briefly surprised then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool, and staggers out the front door.
A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the side door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over, and still politely--but more firmly refuses service to the man due to his inebriation. Again, the bartender offers to call a cab for him.
The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.
A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the back door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits, and belligerently orders a drink.
The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately.
The surprised drunk looks at the bartender and in hopeless anguish, cries "Man! How many bars do you work at?"
Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife's yelling at the front wanting in.
Which one do you let in? The dog, once he's in, he shuts up!
Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife's yelling at the front wanting in.
Which one do you let in?
The dog, once he's in, he shuts up!
Yo mama so poor her front door and back door are on the same hinges.
A coffin crashes into the storefront of pharmacy
2 men were loading up a hearse with a coffin on a steep incline, after they loaded the cargo, they both get into the vehicle..As they start to pull away, the back door swings wide open and the coffin crashes to the ground and starts sliding down the incline, across the intersection, into the store front of a pharmacy and keeps going...The driver races after it and chases it into the pharmacy..The pharmacist in the back says "Can I help you?" and the driver says "Yeah..do you have anything to stop this coffin?"
Where ya bin?
trashman knocks on the back door of an Asian restaurant.
The proprietor comes out
Trash man says: 'where's ya bin'
Asian proprietor says: 'I bin to Hong Kong'
Trash man says: 'no... where's ya wheelie bin?'
Asian proprietor: 'I wheely bin to hong kong'
Trash man: 'ok... so how about: where's ya dust bin'
Proprietor: 'I dust bin inside doing some paperwork'
The trash man, defeated, left without the trash.
Disclaimer: it's such an old joke but it's always been one of my favourites.
How did a son tell his father that he was gay?
He came in his back door
What's the space called between Nandos Entrance and Back Door?
Peri Peri-neum
Three Girls and The Back Door
A young man was curious as to what girls thought about s**... in the "back-door". So, out of curiosity and a lack of shame, he decides to ask three different girls if they would like to try it in the "back door".
The first girl he asked was American, and when asked about her opinion she punched the young man to the asphalt before storming off.
The second girl he asked was French, and when asked about her opinion she blushed and said that she would be willing to try anything once.
The third girl he asked was German, and when asked about her opinion she said, "Alright! Bend over!"
I think Jim Morrison was gay.
He'd call himself a back door man.
Maybe I'm wrong about Tim Cook
But I was pretty sure he was open about back doors.
Maybe the back door is the wrong door.
-Hillary Clinton
A guy walks into a bar...
...and sees a gorgeous woman nursing a drink. Walking up behind her he says: "Hi there, good lookin'. How's it going?"
Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says: "Listen up, buddy. I screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door,back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, n**... or with clothes on,dirty, clean... It just doesn't matter to me. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college and I just flat-a**... love it."
Eyes now wide with interest, he responds: "No kidding. I'm a lawyer too. What firm are you with?"
A preacher feigns illness one Sunday morning.
His weekly sermon goes untold as the preacher slips out the back door of his house and makes his way to the golf course, all alone, as everyone else is in church.
The preacher's first shot from tee sails beautifully, curves gently in the wind, as if by divine intervention, hits the green and rolls into the cup. It's the preacher's first ever hole-in-one. He's absolutely ecstatic about it.
St. Peter watched the whole thing from Heaven's gate. He turns to God. "I saw that," Peter tells God. "That wind wasn't natural. Why would you help him like that? He should be preaching your word right now, not hitting holes-in-ones."
God shrugs. "Who's he going to tell?"
I was following an ambulance today
Going down the road with the lights on and siren blaring. We were on a highway with a high speed limit so I could keep up without being too close.
The ambulance goes around the curve ahead of us and the back door flings open. A cooler rolls out and lands on the side of the road.
I figured they would have saw it but I pulled over where it landed anyway. I got out and picked the cooler up. A little dented but still closed and intact.
I opened the cooler and found it was full of ice, and what appeared to be someone's severed toe. "Surely they noticed the door open and will come back shortly" I thought.
I waited for an hour and no sign of them so I decided to just give up waiting and call a tow truck.
The night's winding down, and all the customers have left except for this one drunk.
Bartender: Hey man, you should get going, go back home and get some sleep.
The drunk leaves through the back door of the establishment and, as the bartender is cleaning up, comes back in through the front 10 minutes later.
Bartender: Hey man, I just kicked you out, we're closing for the night!
The drunk leaves through the back, and not five minutes after the bartender locks the front door, the drunk comes and knocks.
Bartender:d**..., didn't I just tell you-
Drunk:Hey, barkeep! How many bars do you work at anyway?
the ambulance and the toe
Last night I was coming home from work in the city, driving country roads to get home.
I looked in my rear view mirror and saw an ambulance with its lights on. I pulled over and as the ambulance passed by, I noticed the back door open up a little. The ambulance hit a small bump and out fell an ice chest.
I quickly pulled off the road and rushed over to the ice chest and opened it up. Inside was a human toe in the ice. I knew I wouldn't be able to catch the ambulance so I got in my car and rushed to the nearest gas station to call 911 (my cell phone was dead). They told me they'd send a car right away but all of their police cars were in use and told me just to wait 20 minutes.
So I waited 20 minutes for the tow truck to show up.
A physicist, a biologist, a mathematician, and a computer scientist are drinking coffee...
Over the course of the day they see two people enter a building across the street and three people exit. They all seem perplexed about this occurrence. The physicist says, "There must have been some error in our measurements!" The biologist replies, "The two must have reproduced!" The mathematician claims, "If one person goes inside then the building will be empty!" The computer scientist concludes, "Someone must have used a back door."
Bernard is sitting at the bar and slurs to the barman for another drink...
the barman, hearing how much he's clearly had, decides that it's time to chaperone this man out the back door, citing that he's clearly "had enough" for the night. A few minutes later, Bernard stumbles through the front doors again.
"BARman! Cahn ah plish haaav' adrink!"
The barman, again, doesn't want to disturb his customers, and escorts Bernard, discreetly, out the back door. "Bernard, you've had enough tonight. Go back home!"
Again, he stumbles in through the door, collapses on the chair and repeats his demands.
"Bernie, how many times am I going to have to tell you...you're drunk! Go home!"
Bernie fixes his wandering eyes on the barman and exclaims in exasperation, "Shishhhh, man! How miny baars do you work at??"
Christmas
His teacher asked young Patrick Murphy: "What do you do at Christmastime?
Patrick addressed the class: "Well Ms. Jones, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to midnight mass and we sing hymns; then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then all excited, we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys.
"Very nice Patrick," she said. "Now Jimmy Brown, what do you do at Christmas?" Well, Ms. Jones, me and my sister also go to church with Mom and Dad and we sing carols and we get home ever so late. We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents.
Realizing there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she asked, "Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?"
Isaac said, "Well, it's the same thing every year...Dad comes home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls Royce; then we drive to Dad's toy factory. When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves...and begin to sing: What A Friend We Have in Jesus. Then we all go to the Bahamas .
A cowboy walks into a saloon
A cowboy walks into a saloon as he's passing through town. As he sits down with his drink he notices a few rough looking locals at a table staring and pointing at him and looking generally unfriendly. He finishes his drink, and not wanting any trouble he decides he'd better get back on the road again. He walks out and notices that his horse is no longer tied to the hitch, so he turns around and heads back into the bar. All of the guys at the table are snickering and laughing and staring at him again.
The cowboy loudly says "I'm gonna grab another drink and I'm gonna sit here and drink it, and when I'm done my horse is gonna be back on that hitch out there. And if it's not on the hitch out there when I'm done I'm gonna have to do what I did back in Texas. And I don't want to have to do what I did back in Texas."
The place falls silent and a couple of locals slink out the back door. He finishes is drink, and sure enough his his horse is back on the hitch. He hops on it, and starts trotting down the road. The bartender walks out into the road and says "Hey Mister! What did you have to do back in Texas?"
The cowboy stops his horse, and looks at him.
"I walked home."
Man goes into a bar and gets way too drunk,
After already having 7 or 8 pints the man walks up to the bartender, and asks for another Pint. The bartender apologizes and tells the man he can no longer serve him because he has had too much to drink. The man, upset, leaves the bar and stumbles down the street. About 15 minutes later he walks in the side door of the bar, goes straight up to the bartender and asks for a pint. The bartendender apologizes again, but politely asks the man to leave. The man leaves, wanders off into the street, and just a few minutes later he enters through the back door of the bar. The bartender is now angry, "Sir, I already told you twice, I can't serve you, please leave my bar." The intoxicated man exclaims, "Not you again! How many bars do you work at!?"
A little boy was afraid of the dark...
One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom.
The little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don't want to go out there. It's dark."
The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. "You don't have to be afraid of the dark," she explained. "Jesus is out there. He'll look after you and protect you."
The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, "Are you sure he's out there?"
"Yes, I'm sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him," she said.
The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called, "Jesus? If you're out there, would you please hand me the broom?"
