Bachelor Jokes

78 bachelor jokes and hilarious bachelor puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bachelor that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for some fun and clever bachelor jokes for a bachelor party roast? Check out this article for the best bachelor jokes about bachelor degrees, bachelor of arts or science, bachelor in paradise, bachelor pad, bachelor marriage, banksy, boaz, and more! Enjoy a night of laughter with these great bachelor jokes.

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Funniest Bachelor Short Jokes

Short bachelor jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bachelor humour may include short apprentice jokes also.

  1. My friend told me, You have a Bachelor's, a Master's, and a Ph.D., but you still act like an idiot. That was a third degree burn.
  2. Why are bachelors thin, and married men fat? Bachelors come home, check to see what's in the fridge, and go to bed.
    ….Married men come home, check to see what's in the bed, and go the fridge.
  3. I think i just wrote a joke out of my pathetic love life while fixing supper and here it goes. What does a bachelor eat the most? Balonely sandwiches.
  4. I have a jar in my garage labeled, "My Bachelor Years." It's filled with a bunch of random screws.
  5. What do Game of Thrones, The Walking Dead, and Spider-Man all have in common? They're more realistic than The Bachelor.
  6. Why was the TV show "The Bachelor" a failure in Saudi Arabia? Episode 1, after 10 mins:
    "I'll take them all..."
    \- End -
  7. PR manager, philosopher, translator and a journalist walk into a bar The Bartender says: "Hey Tony! Four bachelor's degrees, but still no luck finding a job?"
  8. What was the highlight of the bulimic bachelor party? It was when the cake came out of the girl.
  9. I knew a guy who said he didn't marry his high school sweetheart until after he finished college. I asked him, "How come?"
    He said, "Well, duh. I was working on my bachelor's degree."
  10. Why bachelors are skinner than married men A bachelor goes into the kitchen, opens the fridge, sighs, goes to bed.
    A married man goes into the bedroom, lifts the blanket, sighs, goes to the fridge.

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Bachelor One Liners

Which bachelor one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bachelor? I can suggest the ones about college student and master.

  1. What makes an elderly millionaire bachelor more attractive? Terminal illness.
  2. How can you tell if you are at a bulimic bachelor party? The cake jumps out of the girl.
  3. Did you hear about the bulimic bachelor party? The cake comes out of the girl.
  4. What does a Mexican bachelor make for dinner? Dinner for Juan.
  5. What was Boaz like when he was a bachelor? Ruthless.
  6. I went to a bulimic bachelor party last weekend A cake jumped out of the stripper.
  7. Engineers will get it They should call it a "Bachelor because of Science".
  8. What do you call a bachelor from New Zealand? Two Thirds Because of the recurring SIX
  9. A Bachelor is like a new detergent it works fast and leaves no ring.
  10. Why couldn't She read His Valentine's Day Card? Because he was an illegible bachelor.
  11. What is a bachelor's favorite fruit? Cantaloupe
  12. My handwriting has gotten pretty bad... I am the most illegible bachelor in my hometown!
  13. I'm the most wanted bachelor in the state Some of my exes even put a price on me head
  14. My friends surprised me with a massage for my bachelor party today. I was really touched
  15. Why did the unmarried man go to college ? To get his bachelor's degree

Bachelor Party Jokes

Here is a list of funny bachelor party jokes and even better bachelor party puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Prince Harry's bachelor party had to be pretty awkward. He was putting pictures of his grandma in a strippers G string.
  • My friend said he didn't want anyone to hire strippers for his Bachelor Party So I'm getting ones who will do it just for the exposure.
  • What did the man say at his bachelor party when his #1 groomsman won at Hide and Seek? A best man is hard to find.
  • What did one dog say to the other the morning after the bachelor party? Man, that was ruff.
  • Why did the bachelors purchase double amputee strippers for their party? Because they were 50% off!
  • Why wasn't Kanye allowed to have a p**... at his bachelor party? Because you're not supposed to see the bride before the wedding
  • What do you call h**...'s bachelor party? The r**...-stag!
  • After 4 years of college, the v**... finally gets an invitation to a party A bachelor party.

Bachelor Degree Jokes

Here is a list of funny bachelor degree jokes and even better bachelor degree puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I have something to say to anyone who has more than one Bachelor Degree That's a bunch of B.S.
  • How come there are only PHD and bachelor's degrees in Czechia? Because they have No Gods, No Masters.
  • When I got my bachelor of sciences degree, I bought a labrador Every scientist needs a lab after all.
  • Why would you want to get married and get a masters degree at the same time? The bachelor life is so much better.
  • Define Marriage? It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.
  • Everyone trying to get their bachelor's degree four years... and I'm over here waiting eighty years to graduate just so I can be on the front page.
  • d**.... My wife just found out that after I got my Bachelor degree at the University of Barad-dûr, I went back and got my Masters there... I've been found guilty of second-degree Mordor.
Bachelor joke, d**.... My wife just found out that after I got my Bachelor degree at the University of Barad-dûr,

Bachelor Show Jokes

Here is a list of funny bachelor show jokes and even better bachelor show puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The bachelor is a good show
  • "The Bachelor" in Islam would be interesting. The show would only last one episode though. He'd take all 12 to be his wives.

Bachelor Of Science Jokes

Here is a list of funny bachelor of science jokes and even better bachelor of science puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My mother keeps lying about having a Bachelor of Sciences and a Master of Arts. So I always tell her, That's BS, Ma.
  • I got my Bachelor of Science from Franklin University But people seem quite unsettled when I tell them I got my BS from FU
Bachelor joke, I got my Bachelor of Science from Franklin University

Quirky and Hilarious Bachelor Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.

What funny jokes about bachelor you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean college degree jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bachelor pranks.

My mom really only sends the classiest of FWDs

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello. He's rather taken a back because he can't place where he knows her.
So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife, and he says,
"Oh, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I did on the pool table with all my buddies
watching while your partner whipped me with wet celery?"
The woman looks sternly into his eyes and says very calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."

Being a bachelor is dangerous. I pulled a groin muscle while getting out of bed.

Over and over and over....

A man with amazing sideburns

A man has amazing side burns and decides that he wants to go to college for sideburn grooming. He dedicates his whole life to this purpose, getting his bachelor's, master's, and doctorate's degrees after many years. In other words, he has third degree burns.

What's the difference between a married man and a bachelor?

A bachelor will go to the fridge, sees nothing he wants, and go to bed
A married man will go the bed, sees nothing he wants, and go the fridge!

What did the old black woman say to the guy who worked ten years for his bachelor's?

I worked 50 for my masters.

What's the difference between a bachelor and a married man?

Bachelor comes home, checks out what's in the fridge & goes to bed. Married man comes home, checks out what's in the bed & goes to the fridge.

If a lady doth entertain many a suitor in a fortnight, she is of questionable moral character...

But should a gentleman follow suit, a true and confirmed bachelor is *that* dear fellow! Huzzah!

Why is the s**... of a bachelor more valuable than the s**... of a married man?

It's usually hand made.

Why are Bachelors slimmer than the Married Men?

Bachelors return from work. See the same boring stuff in the 'FRIDGE' n go to 'BED'.
Married Men return from work. See the same boring stuff in 'BED' n go to the 'FRIDGE'.

If the opposite of bachelor is bachelorette, what's the opposite of cigar?

Living to see your grandchildren.

I studied human thought and cuisine in the Middle East.

I earned my bachelor's in Falafelsophy.

Prince Harry had his Bachelor Party last night in London and here is his "Quote of the Day" from that memorable event:

"It's really weird stuffing money into a stripper's G string when every bill has a photo of your grandmother printed on it."

A granpda asks his just graduated grandchild

Grandpa: So what will you do for a living now that you earned your bachelor's degree?
Grandchild: I'm a model during the week, I'm a DJ in the weekends and an influencer by contract
Grandpa: I remember when I just graduated I was also unemployed son, be patient

Can't cook

Two bachelors, Larry and Frank were out to dinner. The conversation drifted from office, sports to politics and then to cooking.
I got a cook book once said Larry. But I couldn't do anything with it.
Too much fancy stuff in it, huh? asked Frank.
You said it, Larry replied, nodding.
Every one of those recipes began the same way: Take a clean plate…

This will take awhile

Steve, a lonely bachelor, wants some company, so he buys a centipede and a small box for it to live in. That evening, he decides to go out.
"Want to grab a drink?" he asks the centipede, but there's no answer from the box.
A few minutes later, he asks again—still no reply. Finally, he hollers, "Hey! Do you want to get a drink?"
"I heard you the first time!" says a small, irritated voice. "I'm putting on my shoes!"

A doctor has s**... with a patient

A doctor has s**... with a patient. And the guilt is killing him, it goes against the ethics code every doctor swears by.
So one part of his brain tells him: "don't worry, you're not the first guy to sleep with a patient, and you definitely won't be the last. You're a bachelor too, it's fiiiine"
The other part of his brain says: "Bro, you're a vet"

I was throwing a bachelor party for my buddy, so I ordered a very pricey limo for the night. When it arrived, I went out to talk to the driver, but there was nobody there. I was furious!

I spent all that money, and had nothing to chauffer it!

A woman came up to me and said I'm the father of one of her kids.

I told her look I'm really sorry. You must be that stripper from my buddy's bachelor party. This was obviously years ago when I was younger and didn't care about protection. Plus I was most likely drunk that night which is why I probably never got your number.
She said I meant you're the father of one my students. I'm his teacher.

A guy walks into a bar

A confirmed bachelor walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I enjoy my life," he says to the bartender. "But sometimes I can't help but wonder what it would be like to be married." "I can help with that," the bartender replies. "Go find a woman who doesn't want to have s**... with you. Then buy her a house."

A guy walks into a bar

He saw an attractive girl waving at him, but he's not so sure so he looks around to make sure that's him she's waving to.
The girl walks to him and said: "Hello!"
She was so beautiful with blonde hair blue eyes, but he can't remember knowing her.
"I'm sorry, do I know you?" - he asks.
"Yes, you're one of my kids' father!"
Now he panics, and recalls to that one time he cheated on his wife.
"Are you that stripper on my bachelor's party where we had s**... on the bar counter and all of my friends saw you spanked me?"
"k**..., but no, I'm your kid's teacher!"

You know, absinthe plays a huge part in the origin of what we now call bachelor parties.

It was a tradition for a man's friends to take him to an upscale bar just before his wedding and order him a glass or two of the ol' green fairy. If he truly loved his fiancee and was ready for the match, it was a fun night away from her with friends, celebrating his love. If he was having doubts, it would make him ill and give him a chance to reconsider. Most of the time though, records seem to show that no doubts were had, especially after drinking. After all, you know what they say. Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.

A 60 year old billionaire is getting married to a hot 25 year old woman

At the bachelor party, the first thing the billionaire's friends ask him is how he landed such a hot young woman.
"Easy," he said. "I lied about my age."
"Ah, you told her you're 40 or 45?" one friend asked.
"No," he replied. "I told her I'm 85."

Bachelor joke, My friend told me,  You have a Bachelor's, a Master's, and a Ph.D., but you still act like an idiot.

jokes about bachelor