Babysitter Jokes
58 babysitter jokes and hilarious babysitter puns to laugh out loud. Read professions jokes about babysitter that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for some hilarious babysitter jokes? We've got you covered! Check out our ultimate list of the funniest jokes about babysitting.
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Funniest Babysitter Short Jokes
Short babysitter jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The babysitter humour may include short babysitting jokes also.
- Fun idea: Not got kids? Hire a babysitter anyway, say kid is asleep upstairs and not to be woken. On your return ask where your child is.
- I asked my babysitter from 15 years ago if she remembered how hard it was to get me in bed. I told her it that it would be much easyier now.
- My wife told me she has the body of a teenager I guess she found out about me and the babysitter
- My wife thinks I'm cheating on her with our babysitter... I think she's just bitter because she's never been able to have kids...
- Did you hear about the thief that preferred robbing criminals and babysitters? He cleaned out every crook and nanny.
- Was offered a bowl of dinosaurs to eat from my toddler. "No thanks! I'm allergic to dinosaurs, they make me break out in Dino sores"
Audible groan and required "I hate you" from their babysitter. - My wife and I were heading out for our date night. The babysitter smiled and said, "you don't need to rush home, take as long as you want!"
That was 2 years ago. I hope she likes being a mom. - Why don't you hire a violinist as your babysitter? Because he might fiddle with your kids.
- My wife woke me up around Dawn, screaming her head off I should mention Dawn was our babysitter.
- If the babysitter is present when your child takes their first steps... ...they are automatically promoted to babystander.
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Babysitter One Liners
Which babysitter one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with babysitter? I can suggest the ones about nanny and baby sitting.
- What do you call an anti-vax babysitter? Mrs. Doubt Pfizer
- Who was the greatest babysitter in the bible? David. He rocked Goliath to sleep!
- Why did Superboy never need a babysitter? He always had super vision.
- Why did Clark Kent never have a babysitter? Because he had super vision.
- What do you call a confused babysitter in Japan? Nani!
- How did the babysitter lose 500 kids and keep her job? She swallowed
- When i was little i wanted to be a babysitter but then i got a baby sister.
- What do you pay a babysitter? The Nanny McFee
- What do you call 2 Japanese babysitters? Nanni?!
- I am so immature That I hired a babysitter for myself
- My friend hates his black, annoying babysitter. He really hates naggers.
- Why does Dj Khaled's son have a babysitter? He never plays himself
- What superpower do babysitters have? Supervision.
- What do you call a sheep babysitter? A baa-nana
- Why was the babysitter fired? Because she helped the baby walk her first steps.
Unearthly Funniest Babysitter Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
What funny jokes about babysitter you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean child care jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make babysitter pranks.
A mother takes a bath with her 5 year old boy
The boy sees her bush and asks, "Mommy what is that?" The mother, thinking quickly, simply says, "Why that's my sponge, sweetie." The boy then says, "Oh yeah! The babysitter also has one." Apalled, the mother asks, "How do you know something like that?" The boy responds with, "I know because I saw her washing daddy's face the other day."
Old Soviet joke - Children in the USSR
Back in Soviet Russia, little Misha is being read to by his babysitter. She reads: 'In the USSR, kindegardens are filled with wonderful toys.'
Misha listens with bright eyes.
'In the USSR, every child has a brand new bicycle.'
Little Misha opens his eyes even wider.
'In the USSR, every child drinks hot cocoa for breakfast.'
Little Misha starts crying his eyes out, bawling:
'I want to go to the USSR!'
Little Billy came home early from school to find his mom n**..., just getting out of the shower...
"Hey mom, what's that bushy thing between your legs?" he asked. "Oh that's just my sponge," his mom replied. A few days later Billy had a friend over, "mom, show Tommy your sponge." Billy's mom replies, "oh, I can't, I seem to have misplaced it." Billy says "oh I'll go ask the babysitter where she put it, I saw her cleaning daddy's face with it the other day."
Did you hear about the theft at the babysitter convention?
The police ended up searching every crooked nanny
Looking for a flexible babysitter.
My girlfriend only does m**....
I read an article that said to cheer up as adults, we should embrace things we loved as kids.
So, when I am sad I hide in the shower and try to watch the babysitter pee.
A young child caught her parents in the bedroom last night.
The child asks,
"Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on daddy's stomach last night?"
The mother replies,
"I have to do that, or else daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny."
"That's not going to work, you silly!" responds the child.
"Why not?" asks the mother.
"Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."
Mommy, why were you bouncing on Daddy's belly last night?
Mom: "Because his belly has become fat recently, and I need to help him lose weight."
Boy: "But that won't work."
Mom: "Why not?"
Boy: "Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back again."
A boy is in the shower with his mum.
The boy says, "Whats that hairy thing mum?"
Mum replies, "That is my sponge."
"Oh yeah," says the boy, "The babysitters got one too, she likes to wash dad's face with it!
A little boy was in the bath with his mom.
The boy said "What's that hairy thing, mommy?", She replied, "That is my sponge honey". "Ohhh," said the boy, "The babysitter has one too. I saw dad washing his face with it!"
I called my boss this morning and said
"I'm not coming in today, I've got the squirts."
He said, "I'm fed up with this, it's the same time every week!"
I said, "I can't help it, my wife has community service on Tuesdays and we can't find a babysitter."
I asked the babysitter how our son had behaved.
She said, "He's been fine, I haven't seen him since he went out for a walk."
Why did Louis c**... hire a babysitter?
He needed someone to watch his little squirts.
So,Yesterday, my dad caught me having s**... with the babysitter....
2 Hours later, my mom caught all of us.
You can't even be a babysitter these days without someone getting offended.
And calling you a "home intruder".
A young boy is bathing with his mother
Boy says, Whats that hairy thing mom?
Mom replies, That is my sponge.
Oh yes, says the boy, The babysitters got one, I've seen her washing dads face with it.
A kid asks his mom why she's always bouncing on Daddy's tummy
This kid went to ask his mom one day why she's always bouncing on Daddy's tummy. He didn't understand and would assume that it would hurt.
The mom responded that she was doing that so that Daddy's tummy would not bloat up and get fat.
The kid then replied, "Mommy, that's never going to work because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up."
Little Johnny goes to his mother...
"Mommy, Mommy! do you know that my new babysitter is an angel?"
"Oh why do you say so?" replies the Mother.
"Because this morning, while you were out, she was standing all n**... in your room on the bed under the crucifix you and Dad keep on the wall screaming \-I am coming, oh Lord, I am coming!!!\- luckily Daddy was behind holding her down"...
"Mommy, can we humans s**... the light?"
"Of course not, silly!"
"Then why daddy told my babysitter yesterday: *"Turn the light off and s**... it"*?"
A boy asks his mom, When I grow up will I have two p**... like daddy?
Mom: Daddy doesn't have two p**... son
Son: Sure he does! He has the little one he uses to pee and the big one he uses to brush the babysitter's teeth!
Daddy's Fat
Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on Daddy's stomach last night?
"I have to do that, or dad's belly gets really fat, bouncing on his belly keeps him skinny."
That's not going to work.
"Why baby?"
Because the babysitter keeps blowing him up again!
What's the difference between a man and a child?
The child can be left alone with the babysitter.
A woman answered her front doo
A woman answered her front door and saw a little boy holding a list.
"Ma'am," he explained, "I'm on a scavenger hunt, and I still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper so I can earn a dollar."
"Wow," the woman replied. "Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?"
"My babysitter's boyfriend."
A woman answered her front door and saw a little boy holding a list.
"Ma'am," he explained, "I'm on a scavenger hunt, and I still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper so I can earn a dollar.""Wow," the woman replied. "Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?""My babysitter's boyfriend."
Little boy asks his mom
Little boy. Mommy why were you bouncing up and down on Daddy's stomach last night?
Mother. Well if I didn't do that that he would get fat.
Little boy. Well it'll never work Mommy.
Mother. Why is that.
Little boy. Cuz after you bounce up and down in his stomach the babysitter blew him back up again.
