Baby Steps Jokes

A woman walks onto a bus

A woman walks onto a bus holding her baby. As she scans her card, the bus driver looks up to her and says, "Have a sea... Whoa, that is an ugly baby!!".
The lady is shocked and shields the baby with her hand and takes a seat. She just sits there getting more and more angry. The man sitting next to her asks what's wrong.
She says, "That bus driver insulted me the moment I stepped onto this bus. He's a government employee!"
"You don't have to put up with that," the man said.
"You know what, you're right! I'm going to go up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"Good for you! I'll hold your monkey."

Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate weddings.
As a further step to reduce the price tag, the three sisters resolved to spend their honeymoon night at home.
Later that night, their mother couldn’t sleep, so she went to the kitchen for a cup of tea.
On her way, she tiptoed by her oldest daughter’s bedroom and heard her screaming.
The mother thought to herself, “That’s normal, especially on her wedding night.”
She snuck by her second oldest daughter’s room and heard her laughing.
“That’s normal too,” she said, smiling to herself.
Finally, she slipped by her youngest daughter’s room where she didn’t hear a peep, but she thought nothing of it.
The next morning in the kitchen, after the husbands had gone out, the woman asked her eldest daughter about last night’s noises.
“Well Mom,” she replied, “you always said if it hurt I should scream.”
“You’re absolutely right sweetheart,
”the mother assured her, turning to her middle daughter.
“Now why were you laughing?” she asked.
“You always said if it tickled, I could laugh,” she answered.
“True enough, honey.” The mother smiled, remembering her newlywed days.
“Now it’s your turn, baby,” she said turning to her youngest daughter.
“Why was it so quiet in your room last night?”
“Mom, don’t you remember? You always told me never to talk with my mouth full.”

Donald Trump, a Black man and a Jew are sitting in a hospital...

their wives all gave birth to healthy babies around the same time and are now resting. The three men are sitting in a room nearby when a nurse comes in and tells them there has been a mix-up, a nurse forgot to put identifying bracelets on the babies before taking them for a medical exam and now they don't know which baby is which.
She asks them if they could help identify their babies and the Jew goes first. One minute later, he steps out of the nursery holding a black baby, the Black man gets up and says ''Hey man, I'm pretty sure that one's mine'' to which the Jew replies ''One of those babies is a Trump, and I'm not taking any chances!''

A little boy walks in on his parents........

A little boy walks in on his parents having s**.... The dad, all flustered, tries to explain to him what was going on.
-Well, you know how you've always wanted a little brother?....that's what I was doing with mommy. I was putting your little brother inside mommy.
The little guy seems content with the explanation, and the dad is quite proud of himself for having thought of it.
A couple of weeks later, the dad comes home from work to find the little boy crying on the front steps.
-What's wrong buddy...why're you crying?
-My baby brother.
-What about him?
-The mailman came by today....AND ATE HIIIIMM!!

Woman gets on a bus with her baby

A woman stepped onto a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said, "Lady, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. She fumed for a few stops and started getting really worked up. The man seated next to her sensed her agitation and asked her what was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed. The man sympathized and said, "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."
"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"That's exactly what you should do," the man said. "Here, I'll hold your monkey for you."

Mathematician and engineer in the desert..

An airplane crashed in the middle of the Sahara, and an engineer and mathematician are the only survivors. They start walking and after a couple of days they are near death. An angel comes down and says "I am your guardian angel, and I am going to give you a chance to live. I am going to put cases of water a mile away. But here's the catch...you have to go half way to the water and stop, half way and stop all the way to the water." The two say "Oh thank you, thank you angel!" and walk a half mile and stop, then a quarter mile and stop. Finally, they are 20 steps away, then 10, until they are taking baby steps. The mathematician suddenly shouts in frustration "this is all a cruel joke! We will never actually reach the water! We are going to die!!" The engineer says "Relax d**..., we're close enough already..", and he reaches down and grabs a bottle.