Baby Making Jokes
130 baby making jokes and hilarious baby making puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about baby making that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Baby Making Short Jokes
Short baby making jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The baby making humour may include short babies making jokes also.
- Doctor: (handing me my new born baby) I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it Me: (handing baby back to him) Bring me the one my wife made
- A doctor hands a man his newborn baby and says "I'm sorry, but your wife didn't make it." The man hands the baby back and responds, "Well, bring me the one my wife made."
- Make fun of Kim Kardashians baby name choice for 'North West' if you want... But that child is going straight to the top...
And slightly to the left... - The doctor handed me a baby... The doctor said: "This is your son. I'm sorry, but your wife didn't make it."
I handed him the baby back. "Well, give me the one she made, then!" - Deaf people aren't known to be very rational They have trouble making sound decisions.
- As a doctor, I know I should never make a joke about an unvaccinated baby. But let me give it a shot.
- A doctor hands a new father his newborn baby and says, "I'm sorry, your wife didn't make it..." The father says, "then hand me the one that my wife made!"
- A Chinese couple gave birth to an albino baby ...which just goes to show that two Wongs do make a white.
- My daughter came home from her first day at school and announced that she "learned how to make babies" You drop the "y" and add "ies".
- My wife said to put a baby monitor in the crib with our son... but I don't think lizards make very good pets for babies.
Share These Baby Making Jokes With Friends
Baby Making One Liners
Which baby making one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with baby making? I can suggest the ones about baby birth and baby maternity.
- Hey baby, are you a GPU? Cause I wanna make you mine.
- Why can't Chinese people have white babies? Because two Wongs don't make a white
- Crows make black babies. Doves make white babies. What makes no babies? Swallows.
- Why can't Asian couples have Caucasian babies? Because two Wongs don't make a white.
- How do you make a baby cry? Drop it.
How do you make a baby stop crying?
Drop it again. - Why do babies make bad mechanics? They have poorly developed motor skills.
- An Asian couple had an albino baby. Just goes to show, 2 Wongs can make a white.
- How do you make a baby drink? You stick it in a blender.
- What can an Elephant make that no other animal can make? Baby elephants.
- Why can't Ken and Barbie make a baby? ken comes in a separate box
- How do you make a dead baby float ? Two scoops of ice-cream and one scoop of dead baby.
- A home DNA test kit does not make a good baby shower gift.
- Project manager Is a person that thinks nine women can make a baby in a month.
- You know how to make a dead baby float? 2 scoops of dead baby and a coke....
- How do you make a dead baby float? One glass of rootbeer and two scoops of dead baby.
Witty Baby Making Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about baby making you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean baby delivery jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make baby making pranks.
It's all in the position.
A father and son were standing in the front yard one day and the son notices two dogs having s**.... He asks "dad what they are doing?" The father replies "they are making puppies." A few nights later the son walks in on his mother and father having s**... and asks " dad what are y'all doing?" The father says "we're making babies." The son quickly replies " well turn her over, I want a puppy!"
What s**... position makes an ugly baby?
Go ask your mom
At a cocktail party...
an obstetrician's wife noticed that another guest, a big, oversexed blonde in a slinky red dress, was making overtures at her husband. As it was a large, informal gathering, she tried to laugh it off, until she saw the woman begin whispering into her husband's ear while her hand caressed his back.
At once she confronted the blonde b**... and screamed, "Look, lady! My husband just delivers babies, he doesn't INSTALL them!"
Little Timmy and his father are walking in the park
Little Timmy and his father are walking in the park. Timmy sees two dogs h**..., and says, "Dad, what are they doing?" His father looks and says, "Oh, they're making a puppy."
Later that night, Timmy walks into his parents' room and sees mom and dad going at it, and says "Dad, what are you doing??" His Dad says, "Oh, we're making you a baby brother." Timmy says, "Well flip her over, I'd rather have a puppy"
Why can't ghosts make babies?
They have hollow weenies!
.... And I'll just see myself out.
I would rather have a puppy!!
A little boy and his dad are walking down the street when they see two dogs having s**.... The little boy asks his father, "Daddy, what are they doing?"
The father says, "Making a puppy. "
So they walk on and go home.
A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having s**.... The little boy says, "Daddy, what are you doing?"
The father replies, "Making a baby."
The little boy says, "Well, flip her around! I'd rather have a puppy instead ! "
A Chinese couple named Mr. and Mrs. Wong went to the hospital to have a baby...
Mrs. Wong had the baby soon after they arrived, and after they got to see their child, a nurse took it away for medical examinations. When she returned, she was carrying a white baby, not an Asian one. Mr. Wong was surprised and a little annoyed at the mistake and curtly told the nurse to go back and get their actual baby. The nurse insisted that it was the correct child, but Mr. Wong was positive that a mistake had been made, because, as he put it, "Two Wongs don't make a white."
What's the hardest thing about eating baby vegetables?
Convincing the nurse that you're from the Make-a-Wish Foundation.
A baby boy was born without eyelids. After the circumcision, the doctors used the f**... to make eyelids.
Now he's cockeyed.
I woman had just given birth to a baby boy...
The doctor was holding him and told the parent,"I regret to inform you that your son was born without eyelids." The mother replies," That's terrible. What are we going to do?" The doctor says," I've seen this before, don't worry. We will circumcise him and use the f**... to make him new eyelids." The father says," Won't that make him c**...-eyed." The doctor replies," No, if anything it will give him foresight"
A young boy and his father are walking through a park when they see two dogs doing the dirty.
Boy: "Daddy, what are they doing?"
Dad: "Oh...uh...they're just making a puppy."
Later that night daddy and mommy put the boy to sleep and go off to their bedroom. After a couple glasses of wine they get at it. Suddenly the door opens and their son is standing at the foot of the bed.
Boy: "Daddy, what are you and mommy doing?"
Dad: "Oh...We're just making a baby."
Boy: "Well turn mommy over because I want a puppy."
What s**... position makes the ugliest babies?
Ask your mom.
s**... ed
One day a little boy was at the park with his grandfather when he saw two dogs having s**.... He asked what they were doing and was told that was how they made puppies. Later that night he had a bad dream and when he went in to his parents' room he saw them having s**.... When he asked what they were doing he was told they were trying to make him a baby brother or sister. Disgusted, he demanded "Well flip her over, I'd rather have a puppy!"
What s**... position makes ugly babies?
Ask your parents
Did anyone else hear about the baby who was born recently, without eyelids? The doctors actually used his f**... to make a pair of lids for him.
It was an experimental procedure, and it worked great!.... except now he's all c**...-eyed.
A chinese couple had a baby
The baby turned out to be white. The father looked sternly at the mother and said: "Two Wongs don't make a white."
A man is taking his son for a walk...
A man takes his son for a walk in his carriage. As he pushes him along, the baby is screaming and crying.
He says "Calm down, Carl."
The baby continues to cry and make a scene.
"It's going to be okay, Carl," the father murmurs.
After a while, a woman approaches and starts speaking to him.
"You must really care about your son Carl to take him on a walk to calm him down."
"No, I'm Carl."
If a stork makes white babies, and a crow makes black babies, what makes no babies?
A s**...
A woman goes to the dentist....
and the dentist says "Looks like you need to have a tooth pulled." The woman says "I'd rather have a baby."
The dentist looks at her and says "Make up your mind, I'll have to adjust the chair."
Did you know babies and kettles make the same sound?
Except kettle stop screaming when you take em off the burner
Silly Grandad
Johns Grandad comes over to look after him for the day. John goes outside and plays with the neighbors kid, a bit later he comes in and asks "Grandad, whats it called when two people sleep in one room one on top of the other?" Grandad replies "I've got to be honest with you, you are 8 now, its called i**... and thats how you make babys." ten minutes later John returns "Freds mum said its called bunkbeds, and she needs a word with you"
What is the difference between a baby and a alarm clock?
You only have to hit the alarm clock once to make it be quiet...
What kind of bird does not make babies?
A s**...
Mr. Wong and Ms. Chin get married and have a baby.
The baby comes out white. Being a little confused, Mr. Wong asks the doctor about this. Doctor says, "Two wongs make a white".
I spent this past weekend baby-proofing my house...
I'm not having a baby, but I hung up a bunch of anime posters to make sure that I never do.
Never lie to kids
I make it a point never to lie to my kids. This morning one of them came up to me and asked, "Where do little babies come from?" And I gave him a straight answer: "Sheer carelessness! Sheer carelessness!"
A Chinese man is making love to his wife...
The man is going for it m**... style, he slides up her body, kisses her softly and whispers in her ear, "Baby, I wanna 69!". Immediately, her face turns from pleasure to confusion and anger, she replies, "You want Salt and Pepper Chicken NOW?"
How do you make...
How do you make a dead baby float?
With a scoop of ice cream.
How do you make a dead baby shake?
Cup of milk
2 cups of fruit
A dead baby and a blender
How do you make a dead baby split?
A sharp axe and a strong swing.
How do you make a dead baby float?
Easy!
Just add Root beer and Ice Cream!
Some campers wake up in the morning and start making breakfast...
Nearby is a family of moles living in their burrow underground. Papa mole wakes up and crawls up to the hole and says, "It smells delicious up here! I can smell sausage and eggs and is that some ham frying too?" So mama mole climbs up and she's greeted with the sweet smells of breakfast. "I smell fresh toast and flap jacks and maybe a hint of cinnamon!" Baby mole tries to enjoy the smells but can't get past mama and papa through the hole and says, "All I can smell is molasses."
A baby boy born without eyelids...
Recently at a baby boy was born prematurely without eyelids. The doctors decided to take him off to surgery and circumcise him and use the skin removed to make new eyelids.
The surgery went great except he came out a little cocked eyed...
How do you make a dead baby float?
-2 scoops vanilla icecream
-2 scoops baby
-Add rootbeer and serve
Why won't I ever make a water feature on top of a mountain where a lot of baby horses are buried?
My mom taught me to never make fountains out of foal hills
TIL babies cry in accent
I also learned that going around making foreign babies cry is apparently looked down upon
How do you make a dead baby float?
You take your foot off its head.
A boy walks in on his parents
A Boy walked in on his parents having s**.... They said; "We're making you a baby brother or sister." He said; "Nono, Do it d**...-style. I'd rather have a puppy."
A Chinese man stumbles home late one night really drunk...
Seeing his wife at the top of the stairs he says "hey baby how about a little number 69!"
The wife replies, "you drunk s**..., make your own Mongolian Beef Stew!"
My girlfriend looked at me with her s**... eyes and said, "I want you to make me scream with your two fingers baby"
.... so I poked her in the eyes.
What did the Asian man say to his wife when the hospital nursery tried to send them home with a blonde hair, blue-eye baby?
Hmmm... two Wongs don't make a white.
A blonde gives the final push while giving birth in a hospital.
The doctor tells her the gender and is about to lay the baby in her arms. The blonde says, Can you please do a DNA test before I get too attached? My boyfriend's been cheating and I want to make sure it's mine.
It makes more sense now why Kevin Spacey helped Baby in Baby Driver
He saw a little bit of himself in Baby, figuratively and literally.
A man and his young son are walking through a park
where they see two dogs having s**.... The son asks, "What are they doing?" The man says with some embarrassment, "Those dogs are making puppies."
The next week the son enters his parents room while they are having s**.... The son says, "Dad, what are you doing to mom?" He e**... responds, "We're making babies." The son replies, "Flip her over, I want puppies instead."
The doctor brings the newborn baby to the father and says sorry but your wife didn't make it
The new dad replies well then bring me the one she made then!
A friend just got a brand new grand piano
I complimented him on it by saying it plays like a baby. He asked what did I mean by that? I said it's smooth, beautiful, and it makes an unbelievable racket if you kick it down a flight of stairs.
A Chinese couple have a baby.
After the birth, the nurse brings the baby around so that the proud mom and dad can see it for the first time. When the nurse passes the baby to the mother, the parents notice that the baby is Caucasian. "Not our baby!" the father protests. The nurse says, "Of course this is your baby, your wife just gave birth." The father says, "No not our baby. Two Wongs don't make a white."
An chinese dad sees his newborn child and is startled when he realises the kid is clearly white.
He runs to the doctor and asks:
"Doctor, is it even medically possible for me and my wife - both chinese - to have a caucasian-looking baby?"
The doctor, turns to him, thinks for a bit, and replies:
"No. Two Wongs don't make a white."
A man is sitting next to woman on a bus
The woman is trying to breastfeed, but the baby refuses to s**... on her breast. She warns her child, if you don't start s**..., I'm going to give it to the man next to me , but the baby still refuses.
After 20 minutes, the woman repeats the threat several times to no avail. The man finally clears his t**... and says, look here lady, you need to make up your mind, I was supposed to get off 6 bus stops ago!
Two s**... were traveling side by side when one of them yells "Oh yeah! We're off to make a baby!"
The other s**... says "Take it easy man, it's a long trip. We only just passed the tonsils."
A Chinese couple adopt a white baby...
A Chinese couple adopt a white baby.
Although it's obvious, everywhere they go, someone inevitably asks them if they adopted their child.
What? Of course we did! They'd say... Don't you know two Wongs don't make a white?
Babies are like the total opposite of a complicated dinner recipe
It's more fun to make one than it is to eat one.
A Kiwi and an Aussie are fishing one afternoon and have a couple of cold beers
After a while the kiwi says to the Aussie, "If I was to sneak over to your house and make wild passionate love to your wife while you were at work, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?" The Aussie after a great deal of thought, says, "I don't know about related, but it sure would make us even."
Breast Feeding
A man is sitting next to a woman who is trying to breast feed her baby on the bus. The baby refuses to eat and the mother warns, "If you don't eat I'll give it to the man next to me." The baby refuses. After 20 mins the mother repeats the threat. The man clears his t**... and says, "Hey woman, you better make up your mind. I was supposed to get off the bus 6 stops ago!"
A little boy walks in on his parents having s**....
The dad later explained to the boy that they were making a baby. The boy thought for a moment and said, Can you do d**...? I want a puppy instead.
Purchased Vs. Homemade
Six year old Annie returns home from school and says she had her first family planning lesson at school.
Her mother, very interested, asks; "How did it go?" "I nearly died of shame!" she answers.
"Sam from over the road, says that the stork brings babies.
Sally next door said you can buy babies at the orphanage.
Pete in my class says you can buy babies at the hospital."
Her mother answers laughingly, "But that's no reason to be ashamed."
"No, but I can't tell them that we were so poor that you and daddy had to make me yourselves! that I was HOMEMADE."
A r**... couple, both bona fide r**..., had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband 'fixed'.
The doctor started the procedure and asked them what finally made them make the decision.
The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in the United States was Mexican, and they didn't want to take a chance on having a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.
I'm worried my wife is going to make our baby too materialistic.
Every time she tickles the baby, she says "Gucci Gucci Gucci!"
How do you make a dead baby float?
Half a can of rootbeer. 2 scoops of dead baby.
A nurse walks towards a man informing him his wife didn't make it while giving him the baby.
He gives the baby back to the nurse and said Give me the one me and my wife made .
Doctor: *handing me my new born baby* I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it.
Me: *\*handing baby back to him\** bring me the one my wife made.
I gave a lonely guy a baby bear as a pet.
He said, "Thanks for making my life a little bearable."
Why does it take 250,000 s**... but only one egg to make a baby?
Because they just refuse to stop and ask for directions.
The doctor came to the waiting husband
And handed him the new born baby and said "I'm sorry Mr. Adams, your wife didn't make it."
Mr Adams handed the baby back to the doctor and said "Then bring me the one my wife made"
