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Baby Girl Jokes

121 baby girl jokes and hilarious baby girl puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about baby girl that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Baby Girl Short Jokes

Short baby girl jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The baby girl humour may include short little girl jokes also.

  1. I just hired a beautiful 21 year old girl to look after my 1 year old baby. Now I have two issues: 1. How to tell this to my wife
    2. Where to find a 1 year old baby
  2. One of the girls in the office where I work is going to be having a baby. I just haven't decided which one yet.
  3. TIL that at age 13 Jewish girls have a bat Mitzvah and at age 15 Latina girls have a... Baby shower.
  4. I asked my boss if I could have time off work because I was having a baby When I came back the boss asked So was it a boy or a girl?
    I said I don't know, I'll tell you in 9 months
  5. A programmer tells a coworker that his wife just had a baby "Is it a boy or a girl?"
    "Yes."
  6. A logician's wife is having a baby... She gives birth and they hand the baby to him. "Is it a boy or a girl?" she asks. "Yes" he replies.
  7. [nsfw] I knew a girl who had a miscarriage while taking a shower It was the worst baby shower ever
  8. My girl asked me what I thought about babies Apparently "depends on how they're cooked" was not any acceptable answer
  9. I really counted on my vasectomy to keep my girl from getting pregnant... but apparently it only changes the baby's skin color...
  10. Best pickup line ever Girl are you a gorilla exhibit because I'm about to drop a baby in you?

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Baby Girl One Liners

Which baby girl one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with baby girl? I can suggest the ones about young girl and pregnant girl.

  1. Hey girl, are you a parked car in July? Because I want to leave a baby in you.
  2. Hey girl, are you Harambes enclosure? Because i want to drop babies in you.
  3. A girl at my work is going to be having a baby. I haven't decided which one yet though.
  4. Hey girl, are you a gorilla enclosure.. Because I wanna drop a baby in you
  5. Hey girl Are you the new gorilla exhibit? Because I want to throw a baby in you.
  6. What do you call a Jewish baby who isn't circumcised? A girl.
  7. A logician just had a baby Her friends ask her: "A boy or a girl?"
    She replies: "Yes"
  8. A girl and a csgo map Baby, if you were a CS:GO map you would be de_stroyed.
  9. A cantaloupe and a honeydew got married and had a baby girl. They named her Melanie.
  10. Why do baby boys wear blue and baby girls wear pink? They can't dress themselves…
  11. How do you describe a thick girl who codes Java and Ruby? "baby got back-end"
  12. What do you call a baby girl in China? Euthanasia
  13. Santa Baby Will you take my virginity
    For free
    I've been an awful good girl
    etc..
  14. I hope the new Royal baby girl doesn't follow in her grandmother's tire tracks .
  15. What do you call a girl who wants to get an abortion? Baby killer

Uproarious Baby Girl Jokes to Share with Friends

What funny jokes about baby girl you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean baby boy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make baby girl pranks.

Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "If I have 5 cookies, and I give you 2, how many cookies do I have left?"
Little Johnny replies, "Zero, you're giving me more than just 3 cookies. I'm taking all 5 baby!"
The teacher just facepalms herself. "I can strongly suggest that you work on your math skills Johnny." the teacher suggests.
"Oh I know math, one man plus one girl, subtract a c**..., equals a baby!" Little Johnny says.

Q: How do you know if a girl is pregnant?
A: Shove a t**... and see if all of the cotton is picked.

A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, "Excuthe me, but do you thell baby bunnieth?".

The pet store owner smiles and says, "Why, yes, sweetheart! We sell all kinds of baby bunnies. Now... what kind of baby bunny would you like? Would you like a baby grey bunny? Or a baby white bunny? Or would you prefer a pretty brown bunny?"
The little girl replies, "I don't think my python weally gives a thit."

Can little girls have babies?

Little Johnny asks his mom "Can little girls have babies?"
Little Johnny's mom looks puzzled and replies "Of course not."
Little Johnny excitedly runs back to the window and yells to little Sally "It's OK! we can play that game again!"

So there is a mother and her daughter sitting on the plane.

They haven't taken off yet and are still on the runway. The daughter, who is pretty young, say four or five, looks out the window and gets to thinking....
"Mommy. If big dogs have puppies and big cats have kittens, then shouldn't big airplanes have little baby airplanes?"
And the mom, she's hungover and jet lagged.
"aw, baby, just go ask the stewardess"
So the daughter gets up to ask the flight attendant.
"Hey stewardess lady, if big dogs have puppies and big cats have kittens then shouldn't big airplanes have little baby airplanes?"
And the stewardss says "did your mother tell you to come ask me this?" The girl nods.
"well, you see, sweetheart, this is JetBlue. And we always pull out on time. That's why there's no baby airplanes. Go ask your mom about that."

A black knight moves into a new village with only white people...

...after a year, a white girl in the village gives birth to a black child. A shepherd goes up to the knight and says: "I think you had s**... with that girl, since you're the only black person in this entire village." The knight responds: "Well, sometimes weird things just happen, like your single white sheep among your heard of black sheep." The shepherd says: "Hey! You say nothing bout the sheep, I say nothing bout the baby."

Hot woman with baby carriages

Isn't it just so dissapointing to see a beautiful girl with a baby carriage, the only consolation is when you notice that the baby is half black. Because then at least you know she's single.

A little girl comes home from school...

...and approaches her mom. She asks, "Mommy, is it true where boys put their p**... is where babies come from?" The mother is visibly shocked and unprepared to have this discussion with her daughter already. She took a deep breath, and decided to just be honest. "Yes dear, that's true."
"So... does that mean when I have a baby all my teeth are going to fall out?!"

The McDonalds

When I was 8 I brought in my tomogatchi (**ignore spelling**) to a McDonald's. my family sat down to eat and I saw this girl with a tomogatchi too. She stares at me then goes into the bathroom. I wait a minute then follow her in. She was waiting for me. We linked our games and had tomogatchi babies together.
Still to this day, the most s**... thing I have ever done.

A Pregnant women gets in a car wreck....

...and fell into a coma. When she awoke a few days later, she noticed that she wasn't carrying a child, and asked the doctor, "Doctor, what happened to my baby!?"
The doctor replies, "It's all okay. You gave birth to beautiful twins, a boy and a girl. But we needed someone to name them, so your brother came in and gave them their names."
The woman is surprised. "No, not my brother! He's not the smartest guy in the world."
"Well ma'am, he named your daughter Denise," the doctor said.
"Oh, that's not too bad. What's the boy's name?"
"Denephew."

A 3 months pregnant woman falls into a coma...

6 months later she awakes and she asks her doctor about her babies. And he replies
"Oh you had happy healthy twins. One boy, and one girl. Luckily your brother was here to name then"
"Oh god no" says the woman "my brothers an idiot. What are their names"
"The girls name is denise" says the doctor
"Oh thats not to bad, and the boy?"
"Denephew"

But my baby boy

My wife and I recently had a baby. We named him Butter. We take our little baby boy back home and realize it's actually a girl named Margarine. We were both shocked... I can't believe it's not Butter.

A Transformer Baby!

Few Kids and a pregnant lady was standing at Bus stop..
kid: "What are you expecting?"
The girl says, "A bus."
The kid turns to his friend and says: "Wow! I am 100% sure this chick got s**... by a Transformer

Two Amish women are walking down the street.

Two Amish woman are walking down the street when they come across a momma skunk and a baby skunk. A h**... comes driving by at 60 mph and runs over the momma skunk and kills it. The first Amish girl says oh my we can't let that baby skunk by itself. So she picks it up and puts it under her dress to safely take it home. The second Amish girl says what about the smell. First one responds I don't think it will mind

My dad's go to joke...

So there's a blonde, a brunette, and a red head who are all pregnant. A man walks up to the brunette and asks what gender she is having. She replies saying "well I was on top so I'm having a boy!' He then asks the red head what gender her baby is and she replies "well I was on the bottom so I'm having a girl!' He then asks the blonde what she is having and she says 'Oh my god! I must be having puppies!'

Coma Pregnancy

A woman is in an accident while she's pregnant. While in a coma she has twins, a boy & a girl.
When she woke up she asked the doctor where her baby was. The doctor said she had twins but her brother named them.
She replied,My brother is an idiot I wonder what names he gave them. Anyway what did he name the girl?
"Denise", replied the doctor. That's not so bad.What about the boy?, she asked. "Denephew"

Three pregnant women, a blonde, brunette, and red head are at their obstetrician to find out the s**... of their babies.

The brunette says, "I'm going to have a boy because I was on top."
The red head says, "Well that means I'm going to have a girl because I was on bottom."
Just then the blonde starts crying her eyes out. "What's wrong?" the other two say.
"I'm going to have puppies!"

A little girl walks into the kitchen and asks her mother . . .

"Mommy, can I have a baby?"
Her mother smiles and says, "No, sweetie. You're too young."
"Are you sure?" The little girl asks.
"Yes, I'm sure."
The little girl then goes back outside and says to her playmates, "Okay boys - same game."

A boy goes up to a girl and says "hey baby what's up"...

She says "I have a boyfriend", he says "I have a math test".
The girl says "What's that got to do with anything?", he replies "I thought we were just naming things we are going to cheat on."

A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma. 6 months later, she wakes up and asks the doctor about her baby.

Doctor: You had twins, a girl and a boy. Fortunately, your brother was there to name them for you.
Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Well, that isn't so bad. What did he name the boy?
Doctor: Denephew.

The carpenter walks up to his boss..

.. and asks for tomorrow off as his wife is going to have a baby.
The boss gives him the day off.
Two days later the boss asks the carpenter if it was a boy or a girl.
The carpenter replies "we'll see in 9 months"

A girl takes a black guy home.

At the end of a night out on the town, a girl takes a black guy back to her house.
They're kissing and moving towards her bedroom when she looks at him with the most flirtatious eyes she can muster and says: "Is it true what they say about black guys? ;)"
To which the man responded "Of course it is baby.", stabbed her, stole her wallet and left.

A woman passes out while giving birth to her twins leaving her immature, witty brother to name them.

She wakes up and immediately asks her brother what he named her new born girl. He replies,"Denise". Surprised she says,"That's a beautiful name, what about my baby boy"? He responds with a grin from ear to ear, "Denephew".

A girl asks her father...

A girl asks her father, "Why was I called violet?" And the dad replies, "Because when you were a baby a violet landed on your head."
Another girl asks her father, "Why was I called Rose?" And the dad replies, "Because when you were a baby a rose landed on your head."
Another girl asks her dad, "Heyasdeasuadwxosj" And the dad replies, "Shut up fridge."

You know what the problem is with dating a white girl with a mixed baby?

The kid never spends the weekend at their dad's house.
**I'll just see myself out**

A blonde, brunette, and redhead go to the doctor...

A blonde, brunette, and redhead go to the doctor and find out that they are pregnant so they want to find out the s**... of the baby. The brunette says, well I was on the bottom so I'm having a boy. The redhead says I was on top so I'm having a girl.
The Blonde starts crying and says, well I guess I'm having puppies?!

A woman wakes up from a coma and...

A 4-months-pregnant woman falls into a deep coma. 5 months later she wakes up and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are perfectly fine. Luckily your brother named them for you.
Woman: Oh no not my brother! He's an idiot. What did he name the my daughter?
Doctor: Denise
Woman: Oh that's not that bad. What did he name my son?
Doctor: Denephew

Little Johnny's Game

Little Johnny comes running into the house and asks, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?" "No," says his mom, "of course not." Little Johnny runs back outside yelling to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

A teenage girl come home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me?"

"What's that?" asks her mother. "That babies come out of the same place where boys put their p**...?" said her daughter.
"Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.
"But then, when I have a baby," responded the teenager, "won't it knock my teeth out?"

The eldest of three siblings comes up to his mother and asks: "Mommy, mommy, why is my name Leaf?"

"Well, honey," the mother says, "it's because when you were a little baby, a leaf landed on your head."
Satisfied, the child goes away.
Later, the middle child tugs at her mother's hand. "Mommy, mommy, why is my name Feather?"
"Well, darling," the mother says, "it's because when you were a little baby, a feather floated down and landed on your head."
The little girl smiles and goes on her way.
A few moments later the youngest child runs into the room and says: "WARGLBARGLAAHRGLB?"
The mother says: "Shut up, Refrigerator."

A boy asks the teacher...

"Can children of kindergarten age have baby if they have s**...?"
Teacher says, "No they can't."
The boy turns to girl standing next to him and says, "See, you were scared for no reason at all!"

A woman who has just given birth has fallen into a coma.

After 7 months the mother finally awakes and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: Good news, you had twins! a boy and a girl. They are healthy, luckily your brother named them for you.
Mother: Oh no, not my brother! he's so s**...! What did he name my daughter?
Doctor: Denise.
Mother: well that isn't so bad, and what did he name my son?
Doctor: Denephew.

my wife got mad at me after picking out baby names...

she like it for the first week then it clicked for her... i said Peter Brian Johnson for a baby boy and Veronica Jessica Johnson for a baby girl...

Guy: Hey baby, do you wanna 68?

Girl: You mean 69?
Guy: No, 68.
Girl: What's 68?!
Guy: You go down on me and I'll owe you one.

A few jokes for programmers

Programmer: My wife is expecting a baby in 6 weeks!
Friend: Is it a boy or a girl?
Programmer: Yes.
There are only 10 kinds of people in the world,
Those who know binary, those who don't, and those who expected this to be in base 3
There are only 10 kinds of people in this world,
Those who know hexadecimal, and F the rest

My boss let me have a day off work because my wife was having a baby

The next day he asked me if it was a boy or a girl, I said i'd tell him in about 9 months

Between the legs

"What you hiding there?" asks the boy. "Nothing much, just a baby house" the girl continues "btw, what are you hiding?" "Nothing much, just some homeless babies"

A logician's wife is having a baby

The doctor hands the newborn immediately to the Father.
His wife asks impatiently: "well, is it a boy or a girl?"
The logician replies: "yes"

What did the doctor say to the parents of an ugly baby?

"I charge five dollars if it's a boy and five dollars if it's a girl. Let's just say this one's on the house.

A girl asked her mom if it's true that babies come out of where men put there p**....

Mom said yes that's true.
The girl said but mom wouldn't that break my Jaw?

A Vietnamese couple were going to have a baby.

The father was really hoping for a boy, while the mother wanted a girl.

As luck would have it, they ended up having twins -- one boy and one girl.

It was a Nguyen-Nguyen situation.

A man asks his boss for the day off...

"I must take today off sir, I am going to be a father"
The boss says sure and congratulates him
The next day the man comes back to work and meets his boss
"So do you have a baby boy or girl now?" The boss asks
The man says, "I don't know, ask me again in 9 months"

I walked up to a girl and said, "Skittles, Starburst, Jelly Babies, Haribo, Wine Gums."

"Erm...what?" she asked.
I said, "I'm trying to sweet-talk you into dating me."

Overheard at the Gynecologist Office:

A blonde, a brunette & red head are waiting to be seen at the Gynecologist office. All three are pregnant. They start talking to eachother about their babies.
Brunette: I'm going to have a boy because I was on top during s**....
Redhead: Well, I was on the bottom during s**... so I'm having a girl.
Blonde: Oh my God! I'm going to have puppies!!!

Blonde father

A blonde guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby.
One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys.
The blonde guy turned to his wife and angrily said, All right, who's the other father?

A little girl asks her father where people came from.

He explained about Adam and Eve and they were our original ancestors and they had babies and that's where we came from.
Later that day the girl asked her Mom who explained that their ancestors were monkeys and apes and humans evolved from the monkeys. "So, our relatives are monkeys?" "That's right, dear"
Now the little girl was angry and stomped into the living room to see her Dad and told him what her Mom said. "You lied to me!" the little girl shouted at him.
No I didn't honey. Your Mom was talking about her side of the family

Three Pregnant Ladies

Three Pregnant Ladies are discussing their unborn babies.
The Brunette says "I am having a girl because I was on the bottom when my partner and I conceived"
The Redhead says "I am having a boy as I was on top with my partner"
The Blonde starts crying and the other two ask what is wrong "I am going to be having ten puppies!"

Two pregnant women are talking about their future babies

"I feel like my girl will be an athlete, she kicks so much in there it's unbelieavable!"
"Oh, I'm sure mine will be a comedian."
"How can you be so sure?"
"You wouldn't get it. It's an inside joke."

Boy: [kissing g**... couch] you wanna take this upstairs?

Girl: He-he, sure baby.
Boy: Awesome! Grab the other end, and try not to scuff the banister.

Dating these days

Boy: Hi
Girl: What?
Boy: How are you?
Girl: Do I know you?
Boy: I'm Rich..
Girl: Oh! Hi. My name is Mary but you can call me "Baby" I'm 19 & I am very submissive. I love short men, especially like you & I'm glad to meet you. So, when are we going out?
Boy: No, no, no "Rich" is my name
Girl: Sorry I don't talk to strangers

Blonde Joke

Three pregnant women were having brunch together, discussing pregnancy matter, and the subject of the baby's gender came up.
Brunette: My baby's going to be a boy because when my husband and I conceived, I was on top.
Redhead: My baby is going to be a girl because I was on the bottom.
Blonde (bursting into tears): "My baby's going to be a puppy."

Having a baby girl? You should name her Artica.

It's awesome because all her nieces and nephews will have an Aunt Artica.

A girl asked her dad "Why is my name Rose?"

Her dad said "Because when you were a baby, a rose petal fell to your forehead"
The girl's sister asked the same. "Daddy, why is my name Lily?"
"As a baby, the petal of a lily flower fell on your head."
The youngest daughter then approached.
"AUUGHMMGRNMMM"
"Shut up, Cinderblock." The dad said.

Hey Boss, can I take the day off work? I am going to be a father.

Boss: Of course
*Next day
Boss: so is the baby a boy or a girl?
Me: I'll let you know in 9 months!

Two Melons Fall In Love

The guy says, I love you so much, my sweet little honey dew. I don't want to wait. Let's run away to Vegas together.
The girl replies, No, baby. I cantaloupe.

If the baby is a girl we're naming her Mary...

If the baby is a black I'm killing my wife.

There was once two trees who fell in love. One day they decided to have a baby. The mother wanted a boy whilst the father wanted a girl. They waited until the last day to find out the gender of the gender. They was told it was a boy. The father looked down and said in disappointment...

It's tree son then.

There was a guy who was terrible at naming thing ...

His dog was named dog, his cat was named cat and so on. One day, the man's sister was having twins and in a long family tradition, the babies uncle had to chose the names. Absolutely mortified, the twin girl and boy were born and it was time;
What did you choose for the girl?
Denise
Oh man, that's not so bad. What did you choose for the boy?
Denephew

A father is waiting for his newborn child outside a hospital

A doctor comes out holding the child by the leg, and walks over to the man. The father asks: "Is it a girl or a boy?". But the doctor smashes the baby on the concrete wall, and the father faints. The father wakes up on a hospital bed in a room, and the doctor is staring at him with a grin. The doctor says: "Alright alright i was joking, the baby was dead before it was even born".

My wife gave birth the other day.

Turns out birth control doesn't stop a girl from getting pregnant, it just changes the color of the baby.

A little girl asked her dad where babies come from.

Dad: "The daddy plants a seed in the mommy."
Little girl: "Does she s**... the seed?"
Dad: "Only if she wants a new dress."

My wife and I are expecting a baby, and we want to give it a unique name that no one would ever think to use.

We're leaning towards "Bixby" if it's a boy, and "Cortana" if it's a girl

:Me - No baby I didn't get cheesey with any other girls

:Her - Oh, Oh, you think I'm Hallouminating

If boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider...

and girls go to college to get more knowledge... does that mean that ladies go to hades when they have babies?... this would explain a lot about pregnancy

jokes about baby girl