Baby Boy Jokes
135 baby boy jokes and hilarious baby boy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about baby boy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Baby Boy Short Jokes
Short baby boy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The baby boy humour may include short little boy jokes also.
- When Mary had a baby boy, the wise men weren't surprised... ...but you should have seen their eyes when she had the little lamb.
- Today my wife gave birth to a baby boy. I have waited for this moment for so long.. Now I can finally post my jokes here. Thank you God.
- I asked my boss if I could have time off work because I was having a baby When I came back the boss asked So was it a boy or a girl?
I said I don't know, I'll tell you in 9 months -
Kate Middleton has said if she has a boy she will call him by the most popular British boy's name at the moment. We look forward to the arrival of baby Mohammed. - A programmer tells a coworker that his wife just had a baby "Is it a boy or a girl?"
"Yes." - A logician's wife is having a baby... She gives birth and they hand the baby to him. "Is it a boy or a girl?" she asks. "Yes" he replies.
- Two babys at the birth ward... ...one baby says to the other."i'm a boy" to with the other reply:"how do you know?". the first baby pulls the blanket to the side and says:"look i got blue socks on"
- A logician's wife is having a baby The doctor hands the newborn immediately to the Father.
His wife asks impatiently: "well, is it a boy or a girl?"
The logician replies: "yes" - A programmer's wife is having a baby. The doctor hands over the baby to the dad. The mom asks: "Is it a boy or a girl?" The programmer responds: "Yes, that's true".
- My boss let me have a day off work because my wife was having a baby The next day he asked me if it was a boy or a girl, I said i'd tell him in about 9 months
Share These Baby Boy Jokes With Friends
Baby Boy One Liners
Which baby boy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with baby boy? I can suggest the ones about baby girl and newborn son.
- Why do American hospitals circumcise baby boys? In the US, it's customary to leave a tip.
- A logician just had a baby Her friends ask her: "A boy or a girl?"
She replies: "Yes" - What would be a good backup name for a baby boy? Justin Case
- Shania Twain just had a baby boy She named him Choo Choo
- Our car delivered a baby boy, we named the baby Ben. Ben Carson.
- Why do baby boys wear blue and baby girls wear pink? They can't dress themselves…
- A Chinese couple had a baby boy before the due date They called him 'Sudden Lee'.
- If Prince Harry and meghan markle have a baby boy They should call him Terry
- Ladies, Who ever says " boys without bread are like babies to me " you can feed us
- School is like my baby boy... It hasn't worked right since I dropped it.
- Bad news... Apparently "bouncing baby boy" is just an idiom.
- What did Mario's dad exclaim when he discovered he had a baby boy? It's-a he, Mario.
- I'm hung like a baby boy. About 20 inches long, 14 inches around, weighs about 9 pounds.
- what does a guy with the last name mark named his' baby boy? Den.
- The cannibal father The cannibal father had a baby boy, he then ask for another.
Newborn Baby Boy Jokes
Here is a list of funny newborn baby boy jokes and even better newborn baby boy puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Mrs. Bigger liked telling everyone her newborn baby boy was a lot bigger than she was... But he was really just a little Bigger.
- My newborn baby boy can already juggle, speak full sentences and even ride a bike! He is infantly better than his sister...
- A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. The wife says, "Is it a boy or a girl?" The logician says... Yes.
Uproarious Baby Boy Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about baby boy you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean young boys jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make baby boy pranks.
Congratulations to Snooki who gave birth today to a baby boy...
5 NJ High School rings, 2 condoms, and 12 press on nails.
A young couple adopt a German baby.
A young couple adopt a German baby. He was perfectly normal except for the fact he never spoke, not even a word.
One day aged five while the family were having dessert he suddenly says, "This strudel is tepid."
His parents are completely amazed. "Hans you can talk! Why haven't you spoken before now?"
The boy turned to the parents and slowly replies, "Until now, everything has been satisfactory."
A couple of friends are catching up after years apart.
"So I hear you've recently had a baby boy!" Gushes Edna.
"We did!" Responds Amy.
"Have you decided on a name yet?"
"Funny story: with our first, Denise, my husband's brother wanted to name her. The name stuck, so when he asked again, we figured he'd pick another good one."
"That's adorable! What'd he pick!"
Amy sighed. "Denephew."
A little girl comes home from school...
...and approaches her mom. She asks, "Mommy, is it true where boys put their p**... is where babies come from?" The mother is visibly shocked and unprepared to have this discussion with her daughter already. She took a deep breath, and decided to just be honest. "Yes dear, that's true."
"So... does that mean when I have a baby all my teeth are going to fall out?!"
Birth
A teenager comes home from school and asks her mother "Is it true what Rita just told me? Babies come out of the same place where boys put their d**...?"
"Yes, dear" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.
"But then when I have a baby," responded the teenager "won't it knock my teeth out?"
A Canadian in New York
A Canadian is drinking in a New York bar when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Canadian baby boy weighing 25 pounds.
Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Canuck just shrugs, "That's about average up North, folks... like I said, my boy's a typical Canadian baby boy."
Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "WOW" were heard.
Two weeks later the Canadian returns to the bar.
The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of that typical Canadian baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren't you? Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. We were gonna call you. So how much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."
The bartender is puzzled and concerned. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born."
The Canadian father takes a slow swig from his Molson beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says,
"Had him circumcised".
A Native American boy goes up to his father and asks him how they are given their names...
"Father, how are our names chosen?"
"Well, when a baby is born, the father walks out of the tent, and the first thing he sees, he names his new son.
If he sees a bird flying, he names 'flying bird'. A deer jumping? 'Jumping Deer'.
So tell me, young Sheep-a-Shittin', why do you ask?"
The Duchess had a baby boy...
Kensington Palace has just reported that the Duchess of Cambridge delivered a baby boy this afternoon. The child weighs over 8 pounds or about $12.30 in United States Dollars.
Southwest
A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?"
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess.
So the boy went down the aisle and asked the stewardess. The stewardess, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said, "Did your Mom tell you to ask me?"
The boy said, "yes she did."
"Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to you."
A blond couple is in the hospital and the wife is in labor...
After a few laborious hours out pops a beautiful baby boy.
then, another!
Two beautiful twins!
however, the father is furious....
"Ok! who's the other guy you're seeing?!"
A sad story
A boy was jelous of his baby brother, so he put poison on his mother's n**.... The next day, the gardener died.
A Pregnant women gets in a car wreck....
...and fell into a coma. When she awoke a few days later, she noticed that she wasn't carrying a child, and asked the doctor, "Doctor, what happened to my baby!?"
The doctor replies, "It's all okay. You gave birth to beautiful twins, a boy and a girl. But we needed someone to name them, so your brother came in and gave them their names."
The woman is surprised. "No, not my brother! He's not the smartest guy in the world."
"Well ma'am, he named your daughter Denise," the doctor said.
"Oh, that's not too bad. What's the boy's name?"
"Denephew."
I would rather have a puppy!!
A little boy and his dad are walking down the street when they see two dogs having s**.... The little boy asks his father, "Daddy, what are they doing?"
The father says, "Making a puppy. "
So they walk on and go home.
A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having s**.... The little boy says, "Daddy, what are you doing?"
The father replies, "Making a baby."
The little boy says, "Well, flip her around! I'd rather have a puppy instead ! "
Did you hear about that baby boy that was born with no eyelids?
The doctors actually used his f**... from circumcision to construct his eyelids. He's OK, but just a little c**...-eyed.
A little boy asks his mother; why is my name Feather?
When you where a little baby a feather dropped on your head. The next day her other son walks up to her and asks: 'Mom, Why is my name Leaf?' 'That is because when you where a little baby a leaf fell on your head.' The next morning her last son walks up to his mother and asks: 'aaiaiijhhh jaijahhhuuhhghhhhhh nnggh?' 'Shut up, Fridge.'
A 3 months pregnant woman falls into a coma...
6 months later she awakes and she asks her doctor about her babies. And he replies
"Oh you had happy healthy twins. One boy, and one girl. Luckily your brother was here to name then"
"Oh god no" says the woman "my brothers an idiot. What are their names"
"The girls name is denise" says the doctor
"Oh thats not to bad, and the boy?"
"Denephew"
A baby boy was born without eyelids. After the circumcision, the doctors used the f**... to make eyelids.
Now he's cockeyed.
A baby boy was born last week with no eyelids.
They used his f**... to graft eyelids.
The poor kid is now cockeyed.
A boy asks his father what a female chicken is called.
His dad answers "A hen, son."
"And a male chicken?" asks the boy. "They're called a rooster."
"How about a baby chicken?" to which his dad answers "A chick."
"So dad, what's a chicken?"
I woman had just given birth to a baby boy...
The doctor was holding him and told the parent,"I regret to inform you that your son was born without eyelids." The mother replies," That's terrible. What are we going to do?" The doctor says," I've seen this before, don't worry. We will circumcise him and use the f**... to make him new eyelids." The father says," Won't that make him c**...-eyed." The doctor replies," No, if anything it will give him foresight"
A young boy and his father are walking through a park when they see two dogs doing the dirty.
Boy: "Daddy, what are they doing?"
Dad: "Oh...uh...they're just making a puppy."
Later that night daddy and mommy put the boy to sleep and go off to their bedroom. After a couple glasses of wine they get at it. Suddenly the door opens and their son is standing at the foot of the bed.
Boy: "Daddy, what are you and mommy doing?"
Dad: "Oh...We're just making a baby."
Boy: "Well turn mommy over because I want a puppy."
My dad's go to joke...
So there's a blonde, a brunette, and a red head who are all pregnant. A man walks up to the brunette and asks what gender she is having. She replies saying "well I was on top so I'm having a boy!' He then asks the red head what gender her baby is and she replies "well I was on the bottom so I'm having a girl!' He then asks the blonde what she is having and she says 'Oh my god! I must be having puppies!'
Coma Pregnancy
A woman is in an accident while she's pregnant. While in a coma she has twins, a boy & a girl.
When she woke up she asked the doctor where her baby was. The doctor said she had twins but her brother named them.
She replied,My brother is an idiot I wonder what names he gave them. Anyway what did he name the girl?
"Denise", replied the doctor. That's not so bad.What about the boy?, she asked. "Denephew"
A baby was born this morning with no eyelids.
So the doctors used the baby boy's f**... to create functional eyelids.
Doctors say the baby is doing fine, all vitals look good, but he's a little c**...-eyed.
Three pregnant women, a blonde, brunette, and red head are at their obstetrician to find out the s**... of their babies.
The brunette says, "I'm going to have a boy because I was on top."
The red head says, "Well that means I'm going to have a girl because I was on bottom."
Just then the blonde starts crying her eyes out. "What's wrong?" the other two say.
"I'm going to have puppies!"
s**... ed
One day a little boy was at the park with his grandfather when he saw two dogs having s**.... He asked what they were doing and was told that was how they made puppies. Later that night he had a bad dream and when he went in to his parents' room he saw them having s**.... When he asked what they were doing he was told they were trying to make him a baby brother or sister. Disgusted, he demanded "Well flip her over, I'd rather have a puppy!"
A little girl walks into the kitchen and asks her mother . . .
"Mommy, can I have a baby?"
Her mother smiles and says, "No, sweetie. You're too young."
"Are you sure?" The little girl asks.
"Yes, I'm sure."
The little girl then goes back outside and says to her playmates, "Okay boys - same game."
A boy goes up to a girl and says "hey baby what's up"...
She says "I have a boyfriend", he says "I have a math test".
The girl says "What's that got to do with anything?", he replies "I thought we were just naming things we are going to cheat on."
There was a baby boy born at the hospital without eyelids.
So the doctors circumcised him and used his f**... as eyelids. He's doing fine, he is just a little cockeyed
A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma. 6 months later, she wakes up and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a girl and a boy. Fortunately, your brother was there to name them for you.
Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Well, that isn't so bad. What did he name the boy?
Doctor: Denephew.
The carpenter walks up to his boss..
.. and asks for tomorrow off as his wife is going to have a baby.
The boss gives him the day off.
Two days later the boss asks the carpenter if it was a boy or a girl.
The carpenter replies "we'll see in 9 months"
A woman passes out while giving birth to her twins leaving her immature, witty brother to name them.
She wakes up and immediately asks her brother what he named her new born girl. He replies,"Denise". Surprised she says,"That's a beautiful name, what about my baby boy"? He responds with a grin from ear to ear, "Denephew".
A baby boy was recently born without eyelids...
The doctors, thinking quickly, circumcised the boy and fashioned eyelids from the boy's f**.... Reports are that the surgery was successful although the boy is now c**...-eyed.
Leo's First Oscar
Leonardo DiCaprio in the delivery room.
Leo: "What is it doc?!"
Doctor: "It's a bo-"
Leo: "NO! NO! LIKE WE REHEARSED!"
*Doctor sighs, handing the baby boy to Leo*
Doctor: "And the "Oscar" goes to Leonardo DiCaprio for the role of Father in Conception.
A blonde, brunette, and redhead go to the doctor...
A blonde, brunette, and redhead go to the doctor and find out that they are pregnant so they want to find out the s**... of the baby. The brunette says, well I was on the bottom so I'm having a boy. The redhead says I was on top so I'm having a girl.
The Blonde starts crying and says, well I guess I'm having puppies?!
My neighbor just just had a baby boy born with no eyelids.
When they did the circumcision they used the skin to make him some eyelids.
He's doing great, just a little cockeyed.
A woman wakes up from a coma and...
A 4-months-pregnant woman falls into a deep coma. 5 months later she wakes up and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are perfectly fine. Luckily your brother named them for you.
Woman: Oh no not my brother! He's an idiot. What did he name the my daughter?
Doctor: Denise
Woman: Oh that's not that bad. What did he name my son?
Doctor: Denephew
I'm in trouble with my wife. I totally forgot her 'special birthday' that was such a big deal apparently.
Still, everything went fine and it was a healthy baby boy!
A teenage girl come home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me?"
"What's that?" asks her mother. "That babies come out of the same place where boys put their p**...?" said her daughter.
"Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.
"But then, when I have a baby," responded the teenager, "won't it knock my teeth out?"
A boy asks the teacher...
"Can children of kindergarten age have baby if they have s**...?"
Teacher says, "No they can't."
The boy turns to girl standing next to him and says, "See, you were scared for no reason at all!"
"Where do babies come from?"
Asked the little boy...
Perplexed, his dad answers "well they come from the store, son."
Kid looks at him with disgust and goes "eww you had s**... with the store?"
A woman who has just given birth has fallen into a coma.
After 7 months the mother finally awakes and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: Good news, you had twins! a boy and a girl. They are healthy, luckily your brother named them for you.
Mother: Oh no, not my brother! he's so s**...! What did he name my daughter?
Doctor: Denise.
Mother: well that isn't so bad, and what did he name my son?
Doctor: Denephew.
my wife got mad at me after picking out baby names...
she like it for the first week then it clicked for her... i said Peter Brian Johnson for a baby boy and Veronica Jessica Johnson for a baby girl...
BLOND FATHER
A blond man and a brunette woman were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital, and she gave birth to two baby boys.
The blond man turned to his wife and yelled, "All right, who's the other father?"
A few jokes for programmers
Programmer: My wife is expecting a baby in 6 weeks!
Friend: Is it a boy or a girl?
Programmer: Yes.
There are only 10 kinds of people in the world,
Those who know binary, those who don't, and those who expected this to be in base 3
There are only 10 kinds of people in this world,
Those who know hexadecimal, and F the rest
A 5-year-old sat next to a pregnant lady.
Boy: Why is your tum-tum so huge?
Lady: Because I have a baby inside it.
Boy: Is it a nice baby?
Lady: It is a very nice healthy baby.
Boy: Then why did you eat it?
A woman gives birth to a bouncing baby boy...
(Sorry if repost, I did a search)
A woman gives birth to a bouncing baby boy and the doctor hands him to her, remarking, "That's a cute baby!"
Mom says, "Oh I bet you say that about every baby you deliver."
Doctor says, "No no, only when they're really cute."
"What do you say when they're ugly?"
"He looks just like his mother!"
A Vietnamese couple were going to have a baby.
The father was really hoping for a boy, while the mother wanted a girl.
As luck would have it, they ended up having twins -- one boy and one girl.
It was a Nguyen-Nguyen situation.
A man asks his boss for the day off...
"I must take today off sir, I am going to be a father"
The boss says sure and congratulates him
The next day the man comes back to work and meets his boss
"So do you have a baby boy or girl now?" The boss asks
The man says, "I don't know, ask me again in 9 months"
A baby boy born without eyelids...
Recently at a baby boy was born prematurely without eyelids. The doctors decided to take him off to surgery and circumcise him and use the skin removed to make new eyelids.
The surgery went great except he came out a little cocked eyed...
Overheard at the Gynecologist Office:
A blonde, a brunette & red head are waiting to be seen at the Gynecologist office. All three are pregnant. They start talking to eachother about their babies.
Brunette: I'm going to have a boy because I was on top during s**....
Redhead: Well, I was on the bottom during s**... so I'm having a girl.
Blonde: Oh my God! I'm going to have puppies!!!
Blonde father
A blonde guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby.
One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys.
The blonde guy turned to his wife and angrily said, All right, who's the other father?
Three Pregnant Ladies
Three Pregnant Ladies are discussing their unborn babies.
The Brunette says "I am having a girl because I was on the bottom when my partner and I conceived"
The Redhead says "I am having a boy as I was on top with my partner"
The Blonde starts crying and the other two ask what is wrong "I am going to be having ten puppies!"
A boy walks in on his parents
A Boy walked in on his parents having s**.... They said; "We're making you a baby brother or sister." He said; "Nono, Do it d**...-style. I'd rather have a puppy."
Boy: [kissing g**... couch] you wanna take this upstairs?
Girl: He-he, sure baby.
Boy: Awesome! Grab the other end, and try not to scuff the banister.
Dating these days
Boy: Hi
Girl: What?
Boy: How are you?
Girl: Do I know you?
Boy: I'm Rich..
Girl: Oh! Hi. My name is Mary but you can call me "Baby" I'm 19 & I am very submissive. I love short men, especially like you & I'm glad to meet you. So, when are we going out?
Boy: No, no, no "Rich" is my name
Girl: Sorry I don't talk to strangers
Did you hear about the baby boy born without eyelids?
Fortunately, doctors were able to use his f**... to create functional eyelids. While an overall success, the surgery did leave him a little c**...-eyed.
A Boy and a Pregnant woman
A 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman.
Boy: Why do you look so fat?
Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me.
Boy: Is it a good baby?
Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby.
Boy: Then why did you eat it?!
A baby boy was born without eyelids.
The doctors decided to circumcise him and use the f**... to create eyelids for him. It all went well except he is a little cockeyed.
Blonde Joke
Three pregnant women were having brunch together, discussing pregnancy matter, and the subject of the baby's gender came up.
Brunette: My baby's going to be a boy because when my husband and I conceived, I was on top.
Redhead: My baby is going to be a girl because I was on the bottom.
Blonde (bursting into tears): "My baby's going to be a puppy."
A baby was born
A baby was born and minutes after he began to speak..."I am going to live only 4 days, my Mother will die in 6 days and my Father will die in 15 days..."
4 days later the boy died, after 6 days the Mother died. The Father was crazy coz the next one will be him. He sold everything and spent the whole money...
15 days later the neighbour died.
Do not rush in solving problems.
A boy at school
A boy was at school and his teacher asked him to learn 3 new words over the weekend. His father is a pilot and taught him the word "takeoff." His mother is a zoo keeper and taught him the word "zebra." His big sister was going to have a baby and taught him the word "baby." He went to school the next day and his teacher asked, ''What are your three words?'' The boy said, ''Takeoff zebra baby.''
Hey Boss, can I take the day off work? I am going to be a father.
Boss: Of course
*Next day
Boss: so is the baby a boy or a girl?
Me: I'll let you know in 9 months!
Did u hear about the baby boy born with no eye lids?
Did you hear about the baby boy born with no eye lids?
When they circumcised him they were successfully able to attach his f**... as eyelids.
He is just a little cockeyed now.
There was once two trees who fell in love. One day they decided to have a baby. The mother wanted a boy whilst the father wanted a girl. They waited until the last day to find out the gender of the gender. They was told it was a boy. The father looked down and said in disappointment...
It's tree son then.
There was a guy who was terrible at naming thing ...
His dog was named dog, his cat was named cat and so on. One day, the man's sister was having twins and in a long family tradition, the babies uncle had to chose the names. Absolutely mortified, the twin girl and boy were born and it was time;
What did you choose for the girl?
Denise
Oh man, that's not so bad. What did you choose for the boy?
Denephew
A boy asks his mom where babies come from. She said "A stork."
Then the boy said: "Okay, who f*cks the stork?
Did you guys hear about the baby that was born without eyelids?
He's a boy, and the were gonna circumcise him anyway, so the surgeon used the f**... to make new eyelids.
Don't worry, the baby's doing great. He's just a little cockeyed.
A father is waiting for his newborn child outside a hospital
A doctor comes out holding the child by the leg, and walks over to the man. The father asks: "Is it a girl or a boy?". But the doctor smashes the baby on the concrete wall, and the father faints. The father wakes up on a hospital bed in a room, and the doctor is staring at him with a grin. The doctor says: "Alright alright i was joking, the baby was dead before it was even born".
An eighty year old man is in the hospital waiting room about to be a first time father.
The nurse comes out of the opperating room as say "Good news sir your wife just gave birth to twins. You have two healthy baby boys. "
The old man stands up excitedly takes off his hat and says to the nurse "It just goes to show you even if you have snow on the roof you can still have a fire in the furnace!"
The nurse replied: "Well you better change your filter because the babies are black"
My wife and I are expecting a baby, and we want to give it a unique name that no one would ever think to use.
We're leaning towards "Bixby" if it's a boy, and "Cortana" if it's a girl
