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Baby Born Jokes

97 baby born jokes and hilarious baby born puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about baby born that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Baby Born Short Jokes

Short baby born jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The baby born humour may include short baby birth jokes also.

  1. Doctor: (handing me my new born baby) I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it Me: (handing baby back to him) Bring me the one my wife made
  2. My daughter was born this morning, July 4th. It's the day I lost my independence.
    (This is also true, she was born around 2:30 this morning and baby and mama are doing well).
  3. Why does the population of Detroit never change? Because as soon as a baby is born, some guy leaves town.
  4. I tried to steal candy from a newborn baby, but he slapped my hand away. Turns out he wasn't born yesterday.
  5. I just got punched by my friend for trying to kiss his new baby on the forehead. Apparently, I have to wait for the baby to be born first.
  6. My mum loses it when I tickle my baby brother's feet It's something about waiting until he is born or whatever..
  7. the miracle of being a teen mom when you get pregnant young and your baby is born, hes feet are so small but even so he manages to stomp your dreams and goals.
  8. I told my pregnant wife that everything is going to change after this baby is born. Like my name, address, phone number.
  9. When born, Arnold Schwarzenegger got a job serving spaghetti for a local coffee shop. He was known as the pasta barista baby.
  10. Mr and Mrs Wong have a baby When the baby is born, Mr Wong immediately knows that Mrs Wong has cheated on him...
    Because two Wongs don't make a white.

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Baby Born One Liners

Which baby born one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with baby born? I can suggest the ones about babies born and newborn baby.

  1. Babies are born with 4 kidneys. When they grow up, 2 of them turn into adult knees.
  2. Why can't you fool an aborted baby? Because he wasn't born yesterday
  3. Did you hear about the baby that was born in a high tech. hospital? It came out cordless!
  4. A Chinese baby was born way too early.. So, his parents named him Sudden Lee.
  5. What do you call a prematurely born Chinese baby? Sudden Lee
  6. A chinese baby was born before due date His parents named him Earl Lee
  7. What do you call three disabled babies born at the same time? Cripplets
  8. what do you call a chinese baby that was born too early? sudden lee
  9. Is it safe to say that babies born in the year 2020 will be called.... ...doomers?
  10. What do you call the generation born during the coronavirus? Baby Zoomers
  11. Even a still-born baby has it better than me. It's no longer dead on the inside.
  12. Did you hear about the mother who gave birth in an airplane? The baby was air-born.
  13. "Were any famous men born on your birthday?" "No, only little babies."
  14. What is the day when most Babies are born? Well, I was always told it's Labor Day.
  15. You were a still born baby.. Mother didn't want you but you were still born.

Baby Born Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about baby born you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean newborn jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make baby born pranks.

There once was a baby born with no arms. His parents put him on the church's stairs and vanished.

The local priest took him in and raised him, eventually giving him the job of ringing the bell for evening mass. So, each day, the child lined up from across the room and ran as fast as he could to hit the bell with his head.
One day, the priest ate a banana and left the peel lying by the bell. As the child was running running running, he slipped on the banana peel and fell out the window to his death. When the cops came to investigate, the asked the priest for the child's name.
The priest said I don't know his name, but his face rings a bell.

Did you hear about that baby that was born without one of his eye-lids? they used part of his f**... to replace it.

He'll be alright, just a little c**...-eyed.

A child was born without a body...

The doctor said there was nothing they could do, but the parents cared for their child anyways.
Several years later, the parents were approached by the same doctor, saying, "I've got some good news. We now have the capability to give your child a body, would you like that?" Of course the parents were overjoyed and immediately agreed.
Another few years went by, and the parents enjoyed being able to hold their child at least, but they wanted their child to have the best life possible, so of course they accepted when the doctor offered to give their child arms.
They loved being able to play with their baby, but were sad that they couldn't teach him to walk. They prayed for the day that the doctor would come just one last time, and it finally came. The doctor asked if they would like to try a new procedure to give their child legs, and they joyfully accepted.
They enjoyed all their time running and playing with their newly whole child, until one day the child was playing in the yard and ran right in front of a cement truck and died.
I guess you could say that the moral of this story is, "stop while you're a head".

Did you hear about the baby born with no eyelids?

They used his f**... for an eyelid skin graft.

.
.
.
.
.
***Now the poor guy is c**...-eyed***

Needed: Eyelids

A baby is born with no eyelids. The doctors need a solution, and fast. The best solution, and the one they arrive at, is to use his f**... for his new eyelids. They successfully attach his f**... as eyelids, with only one complication. Now hes a little c**...-eyed.

A Native American boy goes up to his father and asks him how they are given their names...

"Father, how are our names chosen?"
"Well, when a baby is born, the father walks out of the tent, and the first thing he sees, he names his new son.
If he sees a bird flying, he names 'flying bird'. A deer jumping? 'Jumping Deer'.
So tell me, young Sheep-a-Shittin', why do you ask?"

There was a royal baby...

The royal baby was born 8 pounds, 6 ounces. With the exchange rate, that's like 12.50, American.

A child and Human Origin

A child asked his father, "How were people born?"
So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on."
The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now."
The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!"
His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

At least he won't annoy his co-workers every week.

What did the mother and father camel name their baby born without a h**...?
Humphrey!

Did you hear about that baby boy that was born with no eyelids?

The doctors actually used his f**... from circumcision to construct his eyelids. He's OK, but just a little c**...-eyed.

A baby boy was born without eyelids. After the circumcision, the doctors used the f**... to make eyelids.

Now he's cockeyed.

Did you hear about the baby that was born without eyelids?

Luckily the doctors were able to graft him a new pair from his f**.... The operation was a success, however now the baby's a little cockeyed.

A baby boy was born last week with no eyelids.

They used his f**... to graft eyelids.
The poor kid is now cockeyed.

I woman had just given birth to a baby boy...

The doctor was holding him and told the parent,"I regret to inform you that your son was born without eyelids." The mother replies," That's terrible. What are we going to do?" The doctor says," I've seen this before, don't worry. We will circumcise him and use the f**... to make him new eyelids." The father says," Won't that make him c**...-eyed." The doctor replies," No, if anything it will give him foresight"

What?

I took my neighbors, Mr. and Mrs. Wong to the Hospital for the imminent birth of their new Baby. When the Baby was born, it was Caucasian. What's wrong with that, you might ask? Two Wongs don't make a White.
(groans expected......and justified)

A baby was born this morning with no eyelids.

So the doctors used the baby boy's f**... to create functional eyelids.
Doctors say the baby is doing fine, all vitals look good, but he's a little c**...-eyed.

Did anyone else hear about the baby who was born recently, without eyelids? The doctors actually used his f**... to make a pair of lids for him.

It was an experimental procedure, and it worked great!.... except now he's all c**...-eyed.

There was a baby boy born at the hospital without eyelids.

So the doctors circumcised him and used his f**... as eyelids. He's doing fine, he is just a little cockeyed

A woman passes out while giving birth to her twins leaving her immature, witty brother to name them.

She wakes up and immediately asks her brother what he named her new born girl. He replies,"Denise". Surprised she says,"That's a beautiful name, what about my baby boy"? He responds with a grin from ear to ear, "Denephew".

Three pregnant women were knitting tops for their soon-to-be born.

One posh one says "I'm taking vitamin A, as I want my baby to have strong bones and teeth". The other posh one says "I'm taking vitamin C, as I want my baby to have a good constitution and good heart". The chavvy one says "I'm taking Thalidomide cos I can't knit arms".

A woman was 9 months pregnant...

...and she didn't wanna go to the hospital no matter what. One day she is walking up the stairs inside her home when her water breaks, she then lays down Right there and gives birth with the assistance of her husband. Once the baby is born the mother is holding her baby and says to her husband "I don't think this is yours..." He looks at her confused and asks "what do you mean?", she looks him in the eyes and says "because it's a step-child"

A man visits a village

A man visits a village and approaches the town clerk "Have any great men been born in your joke of a town?"
And the clerk responded "well no you foolish man. Only babies have been born in my town."

A baby was born with no eyes lids...

So the doctors decided to circumcise him and use the skin to craft new eyes lids.
They botched it though and he came out looking a bit c**...-eyed.

A father with three daughters

is sitting down for dinner when the first of his daughters asks, "dad why is my name Daisy?". The father replies, "because when you were born a daisy petal from the sky and landed on your head."
The second daughter asks, "dad why is my name Rose?" The father replies, "Well Rose, when you were a baby a rose petal fell from on high and landed on your head."
The third daughter asks, "bllaaarrarararraraaarg" and the father replies, "shut up, cinder-block"

A baby boy born without eyelids...

Recently at a baby boy was born prematurely without eyelids. The doctors decided to take him off to surgery and circumcise him and use the skin removed to make new eyelids.
The surgery went great except he came out a little cocked eyed...

My pregnant wife said her doctor told her no more s**... until the baby is born

I asked, "What did your dentist say?"

Three men are arguing 'when does life begin'

The first man goes, "At the time of conception."
The second man argues, "No, it is when the baby is born."
The the man tells them all, "No, no, no, no -- You have it all wrong. Life begins when the wife takes the children and they all leave for vacation."

A baby is born

And to the surprise of everybody, after a few minutes, he starts talking.
"I was born to live 3 days" he says
"my mother will die in 6 days and my father in 14 days"
After 3 days the baby dies. After 6 days it is the mother to pass away. The father becomes histerical. He knows he is next. He sells all his possessions, spends all his money.
14 days later his neighbour dies.

The nurse told the parents of a newly born child, "You have a cute baby."

The smiling husband said, "I bet you say that to all new parents."
"No," she replied, "just to those whose babies really are good-looking."
The husband again asked "So what do you say to the others?"
The nurse replied, "The baby looks just like you."

Right after the Baby was born, the Midwife asked me:

"Do you have a name yet?"
I said "Yes, it's Eli"
She said "Aww... That's a lovely name!"
"Thank you!" I said "-But what do you think we should call the baby?"

Did you hear about the baby boy born without eyelids?

Fortunately, doctors were able to use his f**... to create functional eyelids. While an overall success, the surgery did leave him a little c**...-eyed.

A baby boy was born without eyelids.

The doctors decided to circumcise him and use the f**... to create eyelids for him. It all went well except he is a little cockeyed.

A married couple goes to the hospital to have their baby delivered.

The doctor comes in and tells her, "I've got good news and bad news" Worried, the woman asks for the bad news first. He says, "I'm sorry but your baby was born a ginger." The woman responds,"That is bad news, but I suppose I can get used to it. What's the good news?"
"It's dead!"

A baby was born

A baby was born and minutes after he began to speak..."I am going to live only 4 days, my Mother will die in 6 days and my Father will die in 15 days..."
4 days later the boy died, after 6 days the Mother died. The Father was crazy coz the next one will be him. He sold everything and spent the whole money...
15 days later the neighbour died.
Do not rush in solving problems.

Wife: "Get me a coat hanger, I don't want the baby anymore."

Hubby: "Are you crazy? It's too late for that! May I remind you our child has already been born?"
Wife: "It's not too late to let it play with the wall socket."

Why is my name daisy..

A baby cow asks her mother why is my name daisy? The mother says Because when you were born a daisy landed on your head. Another baby cow asks why is my name rose? The mother than says again, because when you were born a rose fell on your head. Than you hear DURDUHUEIJWJAI. ..mother cow- shut up brick

There was a guy who was terrible at naming thing ...

His dog was named dog, his cat was named cat and so on. One day, the man's sister was having twins and in a long family tradition, the babies uncle had to chose the names. Absolutely mortified, the twin girl and boy were born and it was time;
What did you choose for the girl?
Denise
Oh man, that's not so bad. What did you choose for the boy?
Denephew

A child asked his father:

"How were people born"? So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and had babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him: "We were monkeys, then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

A father is waiting for his newborn child outside a hospital

A doctor comes out holding the child by the leg, and walks over to the man. The father asks: "Is it a girl or a boy?". But the doctor smashes the baby on the concrete wall, and the father faints. The father wakes up on a hospital bed in a room, and the doctor is staring at him with a grin. The doctor says: "Alright alright i was joking, the baby was dead before it was even born".

A doctor comes out to the maternity ward waiting room holding a newborn baby and suddenly drops him to the floor.

Seeing the father's shocked face, he laughs and says: "Haha, got you. Don't worry, he was born dead".

Did you hear about the r**... couple with 9 kids?

The dad went to the doctor to get a vasectomy and the doctor asked him why. 'Well, we read that 1 out of 10 babies born in the US now are Mexican, and we don't want to take a chance on having a Mexican baby because neither the wife nor I speak Spanish'.

A r**... couple, both bona fide r**..., had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband 'fixed'.

The doctor started the procedure and asked them what finally made them make the decision.
The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in the United States was Mexican, and they didn't want to take a chance on having a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said,

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

A baby cow walks up to a mom cow and says

"Mommy,why is my name rose",the mom says "because when you were born a rose petal fell on your head".a 2nd cow asks "why is my name lily?" the mom says "because a Lilly fell on your head when you were born".a third cow comes over and says "dur glu fo dur.".the mom then says "shut up cinder block!"

When my wife was in labor with our first child I read her jokes to pass the time, but she didn't laugh at any of them. Nevertheless I've persisted with telling the same lame Dad jokes during the births of each of our kids. Today she's in labor with our fourth and I've finally got her laughing...

...I think I've really improved the delivery!
(True Story: Today is baby number four, and this is basically the same lame joke I told/posted when our last child was born. Dad jokes 4TW!)

A jewish woman goes to the hospital to give birth to her son.

Unfortunately the baby boy is born without eyelids.
The jewish woman is hysterical and says: Doctor, doctor what am i going to do? My baby boy has no eyelids!
The doctor calmly replies: Missus Levine, don't worry your son is going to be circumcised so we can do a transplant and give him eyelids.
Missus Levine says: Doctor, doctor but I don't want a son that's gonna be cockeyed!
Doctor replies: But Missus Levine imagine what foresight he'll have!

Two robots had s**... due to a bug in their programming and soon thereafter a baby robot was born.

He was a son of a glitch.

Doctor: *handing me my new born baby* I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it.

Me‌‌: *\*handin‌‌g bab‌‌y bac‌‌k t‌‌o him‌‌\** brin‌‌g m‌‌e th‌‌e on‌‌e m‌‌y wif‌‌e made.

How were people born?

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

A joke about abortion.

Why can't you fool an aborted baby?
Because it wasn't born yesterday.

The doctor came to the waiting husband

And handed him the new born baby and said "I'm sorry Mr. Adams, your wife didn't make it."
Mr Adams handed the baby back to the doctor and said "Then bring me the one my wife made"

Sorry, mom. I hope dad would feel the same way

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

A woman just gave birth to a baby boy. Unfortunately....

The doctor was holding him and told the parent,"I regret to inform you that your son was born without eyelids." The mother replies," That's terrible. What are we going to do?" The doctor says," I've seen this before, don't worry. We will circumcise him and use the f**... to make him new eyelids." The father says," Won't that make him c**...-eyed." The doctor replies," No, if anything it will give him foresight"

An Alabama couple with 9 children went to see the doctor about getting the husband "fixed".

The doctor started the procedure and making small talk, asks them "Why, after having 9 children have you decided not to have any more?".
The husband replied, "We just read an article that said 1 in 10 American children born in the United States is Mexican".
The wife continued, "We didn't want to take the chance of having a Mexican baby, since neither of us can speak Spanish".

Just saw a fun fact that said, "Babies are more likely to be born on Tuesdays."

As opposed to what? ADULTS being born on Tuesdays?

Little Johnny goes to his dad with his girlfriend

"How was I born daddy?", Asks Johnny.
"An Angel came and delivered you to us while we were on vacations", hid dad replied.
"And my sister?", Johnny goes on
"Angel gave her to us in the bedroom", his dad replied again.
Johnny turns to his girlfriend and says, "See.. Nothing happens, babies aren't born that way! Let's do it."

Not This Time

A man is blessed with four beautiful daughters but he always wanted a son. So he and his wife get to work and they try and try and finally are able to conceive a son. When the son is born, it's one ugly baby. The husband is visibly upset and suspects his wife cheated on him and decides to confront her. "We have 4 beautiful daughters and now look at our son. He is as ugly as can be. I want you to tell me the truth, did you cheat on me." His wife looks at him and says, "No my dear, not this time!"

To sum up healthcare in America

An expectant mother was being rushed to the hospital, but didn't quite make it. She gave birth to her baby on the hospital lawn. Later, the father received a bill, listing "Delivery Room Fee: $500."
He wrote the hospital and reminded them the baby was born on the front lawn.
A week passed, and a corrected bill arrived: "Greens Fee: $200."

Why couldnt baby jesus be born in NYC?

Because they couldnt find 3 wise men or a v**...

A farmer and his wife live isolated from other people, but the wife is pregnant and now the farmer has to call the town's doctor

Unfortunately the farm has no electricity so the doctor asks the farmer to light up the room with a lantern so he could see what's he's doing. One after another, 5 children are born. The farmer tries to run away, terrified.
-Come back here, I think there's another baby, but I can't see anything in here! says the doctor.
To which the farmer says:
-No doctor I'm outta here, I think the lantern attracts them!
*Enjoy a poorly translated Romanian joke

My friend tried to make it to the hospital before his baby was born.

But he was dad on arrival.

Speaking of foreskins.....

A baby boy was born back in 2015 with a rare condition called Ablepharon-macrostomia syndrome that left him without eyelids.  This happened in my small resort town in upstate NY, it turned that there was a world-renowned plastic surgeon in town and he performed a surgery to correct the condition. Due to the lack of suitable donors for the skin the doctor used the boy's f**..., post circumcision.  I saw him the other day and other than looking a little c**...-eyed he seemed okay. 

What is the difference between Biology & Sociology ?

If a newly born baby looks like his father, it is Biology but if he looks like the neighbor that's Sociology.