Baby Bears Jokes
27 baby bears jokes and hilarious baby bears puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about baby bears that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Baby Bears Short Jokes
Short baby bears jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The baby bears humour may include short bears jokes also.
- I gave a lonely guy a baby bear as a pet. He said, "Thanks for making my life a little bearable."
- "Someone's been sleeping in MY bed!" said Papa Bear. "Someone's been sleeping in MY bed!" said Mama Bear.
"Please stop fighting," sobbed Baby Bear. "It's Christmas." - What's the difference between Donald Trump and a baby polar bear? It will be a year before the baby polar bear kills its first seal.
- Why did the mother bear ask the baby bear to wear shoes before he ran through the forest? Because he was barefooted!!!
- Hercules strangled two snakes in his crib when he was a baby.
Chuck Norris strangled a grizzly bear moments after birth with his own umbilical cord. - Our small town made national news when a baby was born here that was part animal. It had a deer face and a bear a**....
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Baby Bears One Liners
Which baby bears one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with baby bears? I can suggest the ones about brown bear and care bears.
- Where does a baby bear go to school? In an ursary.
- What do you call a baby cub before it starts teething? A gummy bear
- What was the bear's favourite pick-up line? Hey baby, what's ursine?
- When Chuck Norris was a baby he didnt have teddy bears. He had real bears.
Silly & Ridiculous Baby Bears Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter
What funny jokes about baby bears you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bears grizzly jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make baby bears pranks.
Mama and Papa Bear are getting divorced...
and the Judge is asking Baby bear who he wishes to live with. "So, is it Mama or Papa?" the Judge asks.
"Mama and Papa beat me," says Baby Bear.
"Well do you have any other relatives?" asked the Judge.
"I have an uncle in Chicago," replies Baby Bear.
"Does he beat you too?" asks the Judge.
"Naww," says Baby Bear. "The Chicago Bears don't beat anybody."
Whose point is it anyway?
A ninety-year-old man went to the doctor and said, "Doctor, my eighteen-year-old wife is expecting a baby."
The doctor said, "Let me tell you a story. A man went hunting, but instead of a rifle, he picked up an umbrella by mistake. When a bear suddenly appeared and charged at the man - he picked up the umbrella, shot the bear, and killed it."
The man said, "Impossible. Someone else must have shot that bear."
The doctor said, "My point exactly!"
A 96 year old man...
After marrying a beautiful young woman, a 96 year old man informed his doctor that he and his new wife were expecting a baby.
"Let me tell you a story," the doctor said. "An absentminded fellow went hunting, but instead of a gun, he accidentally brought his umbrella on the trip. When he was in the woods, a bear charged him unexpectedly. The man whipped out his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and shot and killed it on the spot."
"That's impossible!" the elderly man exclaimed. "Someone else shot the bear."
"My point exactly," the doctor replied.
Mama Bear and Papa bear are getting a divorce
Mama bear and Papa bear are getting a divorce. The judge asks baby bear what parent he wants to live with.
Judge: Ok baby bear, do you want to live with your Mama?
Baby Bear: No, she beats me.
Judge: Ok how about your Papa?
Baby Bear: No he beats me even more...
Judge: Then who do you want to live with?
Baby Bear: I want to live with the Chicago Bears! They don't beat anyone!
Set up by a 4 year old
True story. This morning my 4 year old granddaughter asked if I new what a baby jumper was. I told told her I didn't know. So she grinned, began jumping up and down, and told me it's a baby that jumps.
Bear with me. I didn't realize her literal answer was just a set up.
She then asked me if I knew what had brown spots and ate leaves. I followed her earlier approach and said a brown spotted leaf eater?
She then really laughed and said in a gotcha voice: No silly! A giraffe!
3 hunters were walking in a forest when they came across some tracks.
One hunter claims they were bear tracks.
The second frowns, and says "No, those are certainly badger tracks."
The third just laughs and says, "Honestly! You two crack me up! Those are *obviously* baby elephant tracks!"
And then the train hit them.
Once Papa Bear, Mama Bear and Baby Bear had upset stomachs.
They went to the doctor who gave Papa Bear a big dose, Mama Bear a medium dose, and Baby Bear a little dose, and asked them to come again the next day.
The next day, the doctor asked them about the condition of their stomach.
Papa Bear said, "Me very thankful, me did a tankful."
Mama Bear said, "Me very grateful, me did a plateful."
Baby Bear said, "Me broken hearted, me only f**...."
A little Native American boy...
...went to his father to ask how little Native American babies get their name.
"Son, when your oldest brother was born we looked out the teepee and we saw two fighting bears, so we named him Fighting Bear"
"When your other brother was born we looked out and saw a running deer, so we named him Running Deer"
"Why do you ask p**... Dog?"
At a divorce court a family of bears is waiting for the judge to grant custody of little bear.
The judge asks the baby bear, "Do you want to live with papa bear?"
The baby bear replied, "No he beats me."
The judge asked, so do you want to live with mommy bear!
The baby bear said, "No she beats me too."
The judge asked, "Then whom do you want to live with?"
The baby bear says, "The Chicago bears, they don't beat anyone!"
There's 3 bears..
Mama bear, papa bear and baby bear.
The parents get divorced and have to go to court to decide custody of the baby bear. The judge decides to let the baby decide:
"do you want to go with your momma baby?"
Baby replies : " no because she beats me!"
Judge: " How about with your papa?"
Baby:" No he beats me too!"
Judge :"then what do you want to do baby bear?"
Baby: "I want to go with the Chicago bears"
Judge:" why the Chicago bears?"
Baby "Because they don't beat anyone!"
I'm from Chicago, a homeless guy told me this one on my way home from work because I have a bears patch on my bag. Found it funny but it hurt!
Instincts
One day there was a papa bear, a mama bear and a baby bear walking down a forest path. They were happily following the path home until they came to a fork in the road. They were not sure which way to take.
The papa bear chimed in and said "My instincts tell me that we ought to follow the left path!"
The mama bear replied to this "My instincts tell me that the right path is the correct way to go".
The baby bear, listening to both his mama's and his papa's input, replied "My end stinks too, but it's not telling me anything."
A pregnant woman is standing in line at the bank...
Suddenly, the bank gets robbed. She gets shot 3 times. Quickly she's being rushed to the hospital. There she learns her unborn babies survived. A few months later she bears 3 children, 2 daughters and a son. Each one has a bullet in them. The doctor tells her they'll pee it out eventually.
13 years later one of her daughters runs over screaming to her. "Mommy mommy I went to pee and a bullet came out of me". She then proceeds to explain the whole ordeal. The same happens with her second daughter.
Then her son comes running over with a startled look on his face. "I see what happened, you pee'd and a bullet came out of you.", said the mother. "No, I was m**... and I accidentally shot the dog."
A guy calls his girlfriend on the phone..
- Boyfriend: Sweetie, do you know how much I love you?
- Girlfriend: How much baby?
- Boyfriend: I would go thru fire, swim in the ocean full of sharks, climb all the mountains, survive in the desert like Bear Grylls, fight with bears and lions, even fight with Chuck Norris and all of the expendables cast if I have to, just to see your beautiful smile..
- Girlfriend: Aawww, you're so sweet! Why don't you come over?
- Boyfriend: How about tomorrow baby, it's starting to rain..
