Babies Making Jokes
126 babies making jokes and hilarious babies making puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about babies making that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Babies Making Short Jokes
Short babies making jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The babies making humour may include short babies cry jokes also.
- Doctor: (handing me my new born baby) I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it Me: (handing baby back to him) Bring me the one my wife made
- Make fun of Kim Kardashians baby name choice for 'North West' if you want... But that child is going straight to the top...
And slightly to the left... - As a doctor, I know I should never make a joke about an unvaccinated baby. But let me give it a shot.
- My daughter came home from her first day at school and announced that she "learned how to make babies" You drop the "y" and add "ies".
- My wife said to put a baby monitor in the crib with our son... but I don't think lizards make very good pets for babies.
- TIL babies cry in accent I also learned that going around making foreign babies cry is apparently looked down upon
- I spent this past weekend baby-proofing my house... I'm not having a baby, but I hung up a bunch of anime posters to make sure that I never do.
- Did you know babies and kettles make the same sound? Except kettle stop screaming when you take em off the burner
- Babies are like the total opposite of a complicated dinner recipe It's more fun to make one than it is to eat one.
- What's the hardest thing about eating baby vegetables? Convincing the nurse that you're from the Make-a-Wish Foundation.
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Babies Making One Liners
Which babies making one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with babies making? I can suggest the ones about baby sitting and sleeping baby.
- Hey baby, are you a GPU? Cause I wanna make you mine.
- How do you make a baby cry? Drop it.
How do you make a baby stop crying?
Drop it again. - Why do babies make bad mechanics? They have poorly developed motor skills.
- What can an Elephant make that no other animal can make? Baby elephants.
- How do you make a dead baby float ? Two scoops of ice-cream and one scoop of dead baby.
- A home DNA test kit does not make a good baby shower gift.
- How do you make a dead baby float? Easy!
Just add Root beer and Ice Cream! - Put you best exiting lines here. I'll start: Gonna make like a baby, and head out.
- How do aliens make babies? They have SpaceX
- How do you make a dead baby float? You take your foot off its head.
- How do you make a baby float? A bottle of soda, a cup of water, and two scoops of baby.
- Hey baby do you build portable wienerschnitzels? Because you make my hotdog stand
- Make like a baby and Abort
- What do you call it when two people make a baby in fog? A mist conception.
- AN UGLY POSITION Q: What's the position to make ugly babies?
A: Idk, ask your parents.
Babies Making Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about babies making you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean crying baby jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make babies making pranks.
Nurse: "If youre going to give grapes to a baby make sure you cut them in half."
Me: [visibly confused]
Wife: "The grapes, not the baby."
Johnny comes home from school and asks his mom what is a "period".
His mom says that "A period is when a woman needs to realease her dead egg cells".
Johnny asks what color is it.
She says it's red.
Johnny said "I have one of those but mine is white and it makes babies."
Q: What's the idea of a blonde of natural childbirth?
A: No make-up.
Let's not mess with nature.
We are here to make babies.
So, let's get to it.
One day little Johnny asked his teacher
"So you know how most stores have 'you break it you buy it' rule?
The teacher responded "Yes why?"
Johnny said "Well do you think if you were to be looking at babies to adopt and dropped one that the orphange would make you buy it?"
Baby, you make my floppy disk turn into a hard drive
Hey baby, if I supply the voltage and you some resistance, imagine the current we can make together.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you make a dead baby float?
One glass of rootbeer and two scoops of dead baby.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's all in the position.
A father and son were standing in the front yard one day and the son notices two dogs having s**.... He asks "dad what they are doing?" The father replies "they are making puppies." A few nights later the son walks in on his mother and father having s**... and asks " dad what are y'all doing?" The father says "we're making babies." The son quickly replies " well turn her over, I want a puppy!"
Old joke about tomato's, still makes me chuckle a bit though.
Three tomato's are walking down the street, momma tomato, daddy tomato, and baby tomato. Baby tomato starts lagging behind, daddy tomato gets angry turns around and squishes baby tomato and says.......ketchup.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At a cocktail party...
an obstetrician's wife noticed that another guest, a big, oversexed blonde in a slinky red dress, was making overtures at her husband. As it was a large, informal gathering, she tried to laugh it off, until she saw the woman begin whispering into her husband's ear while her hand caressed his back.
At once she confronted the blonde b**... and screamed, "Look, lady! My husband just delivers babies, he doesn't INSTALL them!"
A Canadian in New York
A Canadian is drinking in a New York bar when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Canadian baby boy weighing 25 pounds.
Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Canuck just shrugs, "That's about average up North, folks... like I said, my boy's a typical Canadian baby boy."
Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "WOW" were heard.
Two weeks later the Canadian returns to the bar.
The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of that typical Canadian baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren't you? Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. We were gonna call you. So how much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."
The bartender is puzzled and concerned. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born."
The Canadian father takes a slow swig from his Molson beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says,
"Had him circumcised".
This party is boring.
Let's make like a baby and head out.
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I would rather have a puppy!!
A little boy and his dad are walking down the street when they see two dogs having s**.... The little boy asks his father, "Daddy, what are they doing?"
The father says, "Making a puppy. "
So they walk on and go home.
A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having s**.... The little boy says, "Daddy, what are you doing?"
The father replies, "Making a baby."
The little boy says, "Well, flip her around! I'd rather have a puppy instead ! "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Chinese couple named Mr. and Mrs. Wong went to the hospital to have a baby...
Mrs. Wong had the baby soon after they arrived, and after they got to see their child, a nurse took it away for medical examinations. When she returned, she was carrying a white baby, not an Asian one. Mr. Wong was surprised and a little annoyed at the mistake and curtly told the nurse to go back and get their actual baby. The nurse insisted that it was the correct child, but Mr. Wong was positive that a mistake had been made, because, as he put it, "Two Wongs don't make a white."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between the IRS and a baby?
It takes a lot more than a hammer to make the IRS shut up.
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What's the difference between a h**... and a dead baby?
One makes you feel sick and the other one is free!
Newborn babies are like a lump of unmolded clay.
They even make the same sound when you drop them.
Golfer Adam Scott's wife had a baby today
It was a cesarean
But he didn't make the cut.
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s**... ed
One day a little boy was at the park with his grandfather when he saw two dogs having s**.... He asked what they were doing and was told that was how they made puppies. Later that night he had a bad dream and when he went in to his parents' room he saw them having s**.... When he asked what they were doing he was told they were trying to make him a baby brother or sister. Disgusted, he demanded "Well flip her over, I'd rather have a puppy!"
Why did the momma pepper tuck in her baby?
Because he was a little chili
(Actually came up with this while making chili)
A man is taking his son for a walk...
A man takes his son for a walk in his carriage. As he pushes him along, the baby is screaming and crying.
He says "Calm down, Carl."
The baby continues to cry and make a scene.
"It's going to be okay, Carl," the father murmurs.
After a while, a woman approaches and starts speaking to him.
"You must really care about your son Carl to take him on a walk to calm him down."
"No, I'm Carl."
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Silly Grandad
Johns Grandad comes over to look after him for the day. John goes outside and plays with the neighbors kid, a bit later he comes in and asks "Grandad, whats it called when two people sleep in one room one on top of the other?" Grandad replies "I've got to be honest with you, you are 8 now, its called i**... and thats how you make babys." ten minutes later John returns "Freds mum said its called bunkbeds, and she needs a word with you"
It's time to make like a baby...
And head out.
*leaves
What is the difference between a baby and a alarm clock?
You only have to hit the alarm clock once to make it be quiet...
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I used to think my Karate instructor was very wise.
However, yesterday my pregnant neighbour Mrs. Wong and her husband rushed to hospital.
When they came back today they had the baby with them so I figured I'd go say hi.
Strangest thing! The baby is Caucasian!
I couldn't believe my eyes, this whole time my instructor had been lying to me; two Wongs DO make a white!
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Apparently, getting a vasectomy won't keep your wife from getting pregnant
It just makes the baby's skin color black
We crush olives for olive oil, we crush walnuts for walnut oil and we crush sunflower seeds for sunflower oil
So how do we make baby oil?
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What's 18 inches long, and makes a woman scream the entire night?
Her dead baby.
Never lie to kids
I make it a point never to lie to my kids. This morning one of them came up to me and asked, "Where do little babies come from?" And I gave him a straight answer: "Sheer carelessness! Sheer carelessness!"
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A Chinese man is making love to his wife...
The man is going for it m**... style, he slides up her body, kisses her softly and whispers in her ear, "Baby, I wanna 69!". Immediately, her face turns from pleasure to confusion and anger, she replies, "You want Salt and Pepper Chicken NOW?"
I just finished baby-proofing my condo.
I seriously doubt any of them are making it past the barbed wire and claymores.
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How do you make...
How do you make a dead baby float?
With a scoop of ice cream.
How do you make a dead baby shake?
Cup of milk
2 cups of fruit
A dead baby and a blender
How do you make a dead baby split?
A sharp axe and a strong swing.
If this post gets 1000 up votes me and my wife will make a baby
Just kidding I always pull out of these things
Some campers wake up in the morning and start making breakfast...
Nearby is a family of moles living in their burrow underground. Papa mole wakes up and crawls up to the hole and says, "It smells delicious up here! I can smell sausage and eggs and is that some ham frying too?" So mama mole climbs up and she's greeted with the sweet smells of breakfast. "I smell fresh toast and flap jacks and maybe a hint of cinnamon!" Baby mole tries to enjoy the smells but can't get past mama and papa through the hole and says, "All I can smell is molasses."
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A baby boy born without eyelids...
Recently at a baby boy was born prematurely without eyelids. The doctors decided to take him off to surgery and circumcise him and use the skin removed to make new eyelids.
The surgery went great except he came out a little cocked eyed...
How do you make a dead baby float?
-2 scoops vanilla icecream
-2 scoops baby
-Add rootbeer and serve
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you make a baby drink?
You stick it in a blender.
Why won't I ever make a water feature on top of a mountain where a lot of baby horses are buried?
My mom taught me to never make fountains out of foal hills
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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You know how to make a dead baby float?
2 scoops of dead baby and a coke....
A baseball pitcher is walking home...
after a long and exhausting game. Suddenly, bright lights appear in the sky directly above him, and a beautiful angel descends from above, wearing an umpire's mask and a catcher's mitt.
The pitcher looks up, gapes and thinks, "Heavens! She's so pretty."
Without skipping a beat, his shoulders slump back, his grin shines out of his mouth, he winks and says, "Hey baby. Wanna play some catch? Looking up at you makes me want to throw up."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Chinese man stumbles home late one night really drunk...
Seeing his wife at the top of the stairs he says "hey baby how about a little number 69!"
The wife replies, "you drunk s**..., make your own Mongolian Beef Stew!"
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My girlfriend looked at me with her s**... eyes and said, "I want you to make me scream with your two fingers baby"
.... so I poked her in the eyes.
The Chili's theme song from the late nineties would make a far better anthem for the 'Amber Alert'.
*sings* I want my baby back, baby back, baby back...
The wife and cat
Wife: [talking & making baby noises at cat]
Husband: You must be really bored
Wife: No I'm not
Husband: I was talking to the cat
Why did the goldsmith engrave a baby swan on the face of the king's ring?
He thought the king had ordered him to make a cygnet ring.
A blonde gives the final push while giving birth in a hospital.
The doctor tells her the gender and is about to lay the baby in her arms. The blonde says, Can you please do a DNA test before I get too attached? My boyfriend's been cheating and I want to make sure it's mine.
It makes more sense now why Kevin Spacey helped Baby in Baby Driver
He saw a little bit of himself in Baby, figuratively and literally.
I asked my parents for a baby brother or sister this Christmas
My dad said he'll see if the baby making machine in his room still works.
Mommy has been screaming 'yes' all night so I think it's working
A friend just got a brand new grand piano
I complimented him on it by saying it plays like a baby. He asked what did I mean by that? I said it's smooth, beautiful, and it makes an unbelievable racket if you kick it down a flight of stairs.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Baby, if you were a car, you'd be a Maserati…
Because you're high maintenance, spend all my money to supposedly make me look good, but really everyone couldn't care less, and you're not that great.
What is something that elephants are known to do that no other animal in the animal kingdom has been observed doing?
Make baby elephants.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An chinese dad sees his newborn child and is startled when he realises the kid is clearly white.
He runs to the doctor and asks:
"Doctor, is it even medically possible for me and my wife - both chinese - to have a caucasian-looking baby?"
The doctor, turns to him, thinks for a bit, and replies:
"No. Two Wongs don't make a white."
How do you make a baby float?
1 part ice cream, 2 parts baby. Blend well.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Kiwi and an Aussie are fishing one afternoon and have a couple of cold beers
After a while the kiwi says to the Aussie, "If I was to sneak over to your house and make wild passionate love to your wife while you were at work, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?" The Aussie after a great deal of thought, says, "I don't know about related, but it sure would make us even."
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Breast Feeding
A man is sitting next to a woman who is trying to breast feed her baby on the bus. The baby refuses to eat and the mother warns, "If you don't eat I'll give it to the man next to me." The baby refuses. After 20 mins the mother repeats the threat. The man clears his t**... and says, "Hey woman, you better make up your mind. I was supposed to get off the bus 6 stops ago!"
People from the neighborhood were complaining that their mailman was being super lazy.
He was making all the babies, but the doctor was doing all of the deliveries.
Purchased Vs. Homemade
Six year old Annie returns home from school and says she had her first family planning lesson at school.
Her mother, very interested, asks; "How did it go?" "I nearly died of shame!" she answers.
"Sam from over the road, says that the stork brings babies.
Sally next door said you can buy babies at the orphanage.
Pete in my class says you can buy babies at the hospital."
Her mother answers laughingly, "But that's no reason to be ashamed."
"No, but I can't tell them that we were so poor that you and daddy had to make me yourselves! that I was HOMEMADE."
Baby you make me wish I was good at calculus.
Cauz they ain't no limit to how much I want to define the area under your curves.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A r**... couple, both bona fide r**..., had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband 'fixed'.
The doctor started the procedure and asked them what finally made them make the decision.
The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in the United States was Mexican, and they didn't want to take a chance on having a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.
People say that having a baby makes you exhausted.
But I usually get eight solid hours of sleep every month.
I'm worried my wife is going to make our baby too materialistic.
Every time she tickles the baby, she says "Gucci Gucci Gucci!"